How To Make Decisions When You Feel Stuck!

Welcome to From Fog to Focus. This is a special follow-up workshop on the Decision Triangle workshop that we did, I think, just last month. Sandra very generously volunteered to help take this conceptual, psychological, somewhat spiritual approach to making decisions better and provide some assistance and also embodying it, meaning putting it into our physical body to help facilitate your ability to make decisions a little bit more intuitively and instinctually, which I think is something that we all would like to be doing more of. The way that this is going to go today is I'm going to give a very short recap of, of what I presented in the Decision Triangle. So I'm going to give you the 3-step approach to making decisions better. I'm going to provide a little bit of the philosophical historical context because I did not do that in the original workshop and gives me a chance to talk about one of my favorite people, Marcus Aurelius, and one of my favorite things, Stoic philosophy. And then I'm gonna show you how I reframed some, a quote from Marcus Aurelius that illustrates the 3 Stoic disciplines and reframed it into a 3-question framework that will help you make decisions better. And then I'm gonna turn it over to Sandra, and Sandra is going to walk us through some exercises or an exercise to help us embody this practice. Before I jump in and share my screen, Sandra, is there anything you want to say hello and introduce yourself quickly and share anything you want to share?

Thanks, Scott. Hello everyone, welcome. And really it's just bringing another approach or another angle to the presentation that Scott Perry brought us through a few weeks ago when he first brought the Decision-Making Triangle to us. And Yeah, just, I'll be bringing in some very basic, easy skills that you can apply every day, any moment, will only take a few seconds. And so hopefully you'll find that helpful.

Awesome. Yeah, wisdom comes from multiple perspectives, I've heard. So this is, uh, what you're going to get today. What I'm going to do is I'm going to pull up my screen share. I've got a couple of notes. You're welcome to take screenshots. I'm also happy to share these presentation notes when I share the replay as an additional resource for you. And, uh, just to clarify, after my presentation, Sandra will walk us through her piece, and then we should have about 30 minutes or so for some Q&A for anybody that has questions or would like some implementation help for how they can put this into practice. So with that, gonna share my screen. Everybody can see my screen? Fantastic. So Here's the thing about decisions that we get really confused by. We think that decisions are outcomes. I was just literally on a call with a client, uh, about an hour ago that was trying to figure out how she could make the right decisions in the right sequence at the right time so she could get the right result that she felt like she needs. To move her business forward. And I had to break the bad news that there is no such thing as right decisions. There's no such thing as right outcomes, that there is no way to make better decisions because of this thing that I call the decision matrix. This is something I learned from my friend and mentor Nick Peterson. And it's the idea that you can make a great decision and get a great outcome, and that makes complete sense. You can make a bad decision and get a bad outcome, and of course that makes complete sense. But things get a little more confusing and difficult to unpack when you make the best decision possible and yet you still get a bad outcome, or you make a really bad decision but somehow get a good outcome. Things get really confusing and complicated real fast. This also brings in the idea of the Dunning-Kruger effect. And the Dunning-Kruger effect basically is this kind of early bell-shaped hump followed by a long decline into what I call the valley of despair before you climb your way out into mastery. Oftentimes at the very beginning, we learn a few things and we get a few results, and we think that we must have mastered something and we must be geniuses, and we climb to the top of what we affectionately call Mount Stupid. Or we see someone else that has climbed to the summit of Mount Stupid and we say, that person is a genius, they must know what they're talking about, they're getting great results. And there you are clearly more talented, clearly more intelligent, clearly more compassionate and caring, and yet you're not getting those kind of results. So you're sitting there in the valley of despair, looking at the summit of Mount Stupid, saying, well, I guess I'm doing it wrong. I should do it the way that online guru is doing it, or the way that digital marketer tells me it has to be done. And you try to win a game that you can't possibly win because you can't play your game if you're playing someone else's, and you definitely can't play a game you don't want to win. So if you're chasing after guru solutions or digital marketing tools and tactics that don't align with your core values and guiding principles and the way you want to comport yourself in the marketplace, you're, you're not winning anything. You may succeed in terms of revenue goals or lead generation goals or what have you. But if it's not playing your game on your terms without compromise, the question is, are you actually winning? And so the reframe that I'm offering today through this review of the Decision Triangle is that knowing that you can't make better decisions, you can instead learn how to make decisions better. If you commit to a diligent, disciplined practice of making decisions better over and over and over again, the compounding effect of making good decisions will eventually lead to more good results, less bad results, and your ability to recognize bad decisions, even when they get good results, as bad decisions that shouldn't be. Repeated will, uh, will also help you. The, the really dangerous thing, and the, the Dunning-Kruger effect basically, is you make some bad decisions, you get some good results, so you keep making bad decisions. And over time, those bad decisions compound into bad results, and you think that you must be lacking, that there must be something wrong or broken with you. And then you start chasing after everybody else's solution to and technical solutions to the very adaptive problem of becoming the kind of person that can get the kind of results that you want to get. So the Decision Triangle was originally, came to me at the beginning of the pandemic when I was trying to help people that I cared about. I was a coach in Akimbo Workshops at this time and kind of responsible for hundreds, if not thousands of students that were in the workshops that I was coaching.. And, you know, wanted to take care of my coaching teams and take care of my friends and neighbors, all of whom were really struggling, spinning out, burning out over what was going on in the world during the pandemic when we were all in lockdown. And so I started to, to present these ideas that I had been learning since I was in the 7th grade through the teaching of Marcus Aurelius that come from what are called the 5— I'm sorry, the 3 Stoic disciplines. So For those of you that do not know who Marcus Aurelius is, he was the last of what are called the, the Five Good Emperors of Rome. If you've seen the movie Gladiator, it begins with Marcus Aurelius on in battle on the, on the borders of the Roman Empire fighting the barbarians. Um, during his reign, Marcus Aurelius navigated famine, plague, natural disaster, and endless war.. And he did this with remarkable equanimity, gratitude, and generosity. How did he do this? He did this by following what are called the 3 Stoic disciplines, which were first put forward by his favorite Stoic philosopher, Epictetus. And it's all summed up in this quote: objective judgment now at this very moment, unselfish action now at this very moment. Willing acceptance now, at this very moment, of all external events. That's all you need. So the first discipline is this: objective judgment. It's called the discipline of perception. How do you see and frame yourself other people and the situation that you're in. The goal here is to cultivate objectivity and not fall prey to our assumptions, our value judgments, uh, our narrative fallacies, and to acknowledge what is happening as it actually is, so that we can then frame the actual choices that we have instead of getting dragged around by our emotional reactions or attachments. The second of the disciplines is unselfish action. This is called the Discipline of Action. This is tapping into our ability as human beings to tap into our ability for reason and rational decision-making, um, and to tap into our values and guiding principles, our higher nature, our better angels. So while we are born with the capacity for reason and rational thought, we have to recognize that oftentimes we try to rationalize our, our bad behavior. And what we want to do is, through objective framing of our situation, bring in that capacity for reason and rational thought to see things as they actually are, to frame what's actually possible for our next step, and then decide and do the next right thing that will move us closer to what it is that we actually want. And that brings us to the third discipline, this idea of willing acceptance. And it's called the discipline of will, but I want to be sure to make it clear that we're not talking about willpower here. We're talking about willing acceptance, accepting things as they are, not as we expect them or desire them to be. That if we can accept the fated moment that we're in for what it is, without all the adjectives and adverbs, without all the value judgments, we have a much better chance of framing it as a problem that can be solved, as a— in terms, or rather than a problem that is working on us. So the whole point here with the Decision Triangle is let's frame the situation as a problem we can work on and not as a problem that is working on us. And Not only does this promote the idea of acceptance, but also this idea of trusting the process, joy in the journey, the process becoming the shortcut, and it cultivates this attitude of gratitude and growth, which becomes its own reward. Whether we get the result that we want, if we approach the situation, the problem with clear-headedness, clear-mindedness, with the clarity of purpose and clarity of who we are and who we are becoming, and frame our choices, um, so that they align with our values and our virtue and our guiding principles and our talents and our desire to cause no harm to others around us, that we will be cultivating the content of our character, which for the Stokes was all that's required to live a good life. The only thing that required to live a good life is to be a good person in pursuit of becoming a better person. The other thing I want to highlight in this quote is Marcus repeats "now" over and over again in this quote, and he repeats variations of this quote several times. Now is the only time that you have. The past is done. The past is just a story we tell ourselves about what's happened, and the future is unknown, uncertain. It's just a story we tell ourselves about what we want to happen, what we desire. But the only place that we have to decide and do what needs to be done to help us potentially move forward into where we want to be next is right here, right now. So presence is a really important part of this. Presence, clarity, objective thinking, being complete about framing our choices for what we do next, and making rational decisions about which of those things we decide and do next. So what I have done is I framed these 3 disciplines as 3 questions. The discipline of perception becomes, what's now? Get clear on what's actually happened. Reframe the situation without any adjectives, any adverbs, any value judgments, or any expectations or desires for what we want from this situation. That allows us to answer the question, what's next? Which is, can we be complete about all the choices available and clear about deciding which of the ones, based on the information we have right here, right now, will move us the furthest, furthest and the fastest into what we want next without compromising our integrity or causing harm to others. And then what matters is this idea of making sure that we are acting like a good person in pursuit of becoming a better person. Your values, your virtue, maintaining your guiding principles. These are the things that matter. Cultivating this attitude of gratitude, acceptance. This is the path to equanimity, to not getting upset when things don't go our way or becoming too exuberant when things do go our way. This is the path to wisdom. And so to wrap up my piece, I'll just walk you through this framework with a situation that's pretty typical for the kind of people that are attracted, to my community and to my work, which are purpose-driven freelancers, creatives, um, people that are doing work that matters with people that they care about to try to make the world a better place. Many of us are what I call solopreneurs. We are independent entrepreneurs. We basically run solo businesses, uh, where we wear all the hats. We're the, not just the, the, the person that does, creates the product or delivers the service. But we're also the person that markets that service, we're the person that sells that service, we're the person that cleans the office at the end of the day, we're the person that pays all the bills, we're the person that fulfills on the service, and so forth. When you are a solo business owner, we often find ourselves in situations where we're kind of working hand to mouth especially in the early days. And at any given moment, we can look at our calendar and say, holy shit, I don't have enough gigs on my calendar to pay the bills this month. And our human default programming is to cave into our amygdala, the fear, flight, or freeze reflex. And we craft this narrative around, oh my God, I'm not going to be able to pay my bills. I'm going to have to go bankrupt. My kids are going to hate me. My wife is going to leave me. My pets are going to run away, and I'm going to end up homeless and become an addict living under underpass in a box. And I'm going to die a slow, agonizing, and early painful death. That's what happens. So the first step, the discipline of perception, that answering what's now is what's actually happening. If I strip away all the adjectives and adverbs, all the narrative fallacies, all the value judgments, the fact of the matter is the problem that I have right now is I don't have enough gigs on my calendar to pay my bills. That's it. That's a problem I can solve. Because if I now go to the next step and say, well, what's next? Well, what could be next? I could— I, for years, I was a working musician. I was a professional musician. So oftentimes gigs was a literal thing. Like there's not enough places for me to perform this I don't have enough performances booked to earn the revenue I need to pay the bills. Well, I could quit and get a real job. I could try to get a part-time job and to augment my gig income I have. I could sell a bunch of instruments and hope that I make up enough, make enough to cover the shortfall in my revenue this month. I could claim bankruptcy. I could reach out to venues I haven't played in a while and see if they're, they're looking for any last-minute replacements. I could ask for referrals from all the places that I do play that are really happy. Like, there's all these things I could do. I want to list them all out. I want to go through and I want to cross off any of those that don't align with who I am and who I want to be. Like, I'm not going to claim bankruptcy because that's just not the kind of person I am. I'm not going to I'm not going to quit and become, uh, and get a job where I sit in a cubicle because that won't fuel and fund my long-term happiness. I'm in a moment of crisis. I'm not in a situation of crisis. Maybe I'll get a part-time job. Maybe I'll sell some instruments. But the best thing I could do as a first step would be let's see if any of the places I played in the past are looking for someone to fill in for something that's on the calendar this month. Go to the places that I'm already playing that are happy and say, hey, is there anybody else that, um, that, that you know that's looking for an act like mine to put in their venue? And so I can prioritize and waterfall, like, what are the simplest things I could do that give me the biggest return on investment that help me get closer to what I want with greater ease and velocity? And then I make the decision, I take the action, I do the thing, I'm in a new place, and I can reassess the situation and I can go through the process again. What's my situation now? What's the gap that I have to close? What are my options for closing it? And what do I do next to continue to close that gap with greater ease and velocity while maintaining my intention and integrity to be the kind of person that self-identifies as a musician playing music and living a life on their terms without compromise. And that is how I maintain my integrity as a person, remaining true to my values and my guiding principles while maintaining my equanimity and my gratitude for being able to do what it is that I do. Um, and, uh, and, and There you go. That's the whole process. It's a process that's really easy to rinse and repeat. It's a process that gets easier by practicing it every day with, uh, starting with the small decisions, um, and eventually leading to the big decisions. I'll just close by saying this approach is exactly what is taught in cognitive behavioral therapy, rational emotive behavioral therapy, Logos therapy. It's something that is not just time-tested by ancient philosophical and spiritual tradition, but it's also scientifically vetted by psychological study and execution. So it is something that works. It works for the little stuff. It can work for the big stuff. Start with the little stuff and you'll find that it works for you. All right, that's my spiel. Sandra, what do you got?

Thanks, Scott. Um, what I love about, uh, sessions with Scott and the information that he shares is when we break it down back to the spiritual fundamentals and foundations, it overlaps with everything, um, that we do, everything that we live through our day-to-day, and it particularly overlaps quite nicely with everything that I do. And so for almost 25 years now, I've been helping people manage their way through aches, pains, challenges, whether they be physical or mental and emotional challenges, and using the principles of the ancient practices of Tai Chi and Qi Gong combined with different modalities and healing approaches that I've come across in my own studies and my own personal experience, I lead people and guide people to come into pain-free and joyful living because after all, that is our birthright. So when we break it down to the decision triangle, decision-making triangle, what overlapped perfectly was a triangle that I use, which is ask, align and allow. So we're going to be applying that a little bit in a different way, but let's visit the first question, which is the what's now. And when you bring in that, we want to tap into our perception and bring in that objectivity and bring in that acknowledgement of our situation and actually where we are now. That, as Scott Perry mentioned, is actually coming to presence. So we'll be going through a very simple skill that can just bring us right back into the moment where we are right now at this time. When we look at what's next and you're trying to decide, well, what is the next decision? You know, what is my next action? What am I going to making rational decision. So you have your options, you're trying to make that decision so that you can decide what that next step for you is. That's coming into alignment with your intuition. And then when we visit the third question, what matters? That really comes down to, as Scott Perry mentioned also, the coming into acceptance. So once you make that decision and once you make that step, accepting whatever happens as a consequence of that, not judging it because there's no right, there's no wrong, there's just a choice that we make. And then what happens as a, as a result of that choice that we made, and that helps feed the information and the seeds for the next decision that we then need to make. And then on we go through the cycle in the triangle again. And so when we look at what matters, that is tapping into our inner wisdom and really just allowing our connection to our inner wisdom be. So when we bring that physically into the body to come into presence, we can ask our body to ground, to get in touch with the body again, move from the mind into the body and get in touch with what energies can support us. And the Earth is always with us. So grounding physically helps us ground emotionally, helps us ground mentally as well. When we look at what's next and wanting to be in line with our intuition as we make those decisions and consider the options that are in front of us. That comes into aligning, which we're going to go through something very simple that can help us align through the body. And then when we touch into coming into that acceptance, because we trust that inner wisdom that we're connecting to through that intuition, we're going to be bringing in the breath to relax through the body so that we can just let go Just let all those cells expand and relax into what is. Now, why do we want to go through these steps? So that's— sorry, the breathing and tapping into your inner wisdom, that's where the allow in the triangle comes. So when we bring these steps in, we want to come away from the mind and come back into the body. You know, the chaos that can feed the mind and the brain ticks over and the thoughts, the analyzing, the wondering, all that chaotic energy up here needs to move back into the body so that we can— because the stress that comes from overthinking and overworrying and trying to analyze is really just mismanaged. Energy. Stress is mismanaged energy. So when we can bring in some simple tools to transform that chaotic energy up here, come back into the body, that's where we're better able to access our intuition and that inner wisdom. And why is that? It's because when we speak energetically— I'm just going to stand to show you here— our energetic centers of intuition and wisdom are actually here in the body. So if you were to place two fingers just above your belly button and a flat hand just above, that is where your energy center for intuition resides. Then we're gonna go just above. You're gonna follow the line of your rib cage, and in that little V, just inside there is housed the energy center of your inner wisdom. And even though energy is formless, those energy centers are formless, they do reside and exist in the physical body, and those two places are where they are. And so that is why after grounding and coming into presence, we want to align And when we align through the body, we're actually allowing ourselves to align to those energy centers. If you think of those two energy centers being in the body, if we're hunched over or if there's a lot of tension there, that is blocking our access to those centers. And so when we are busy thinking up here, trying to figure out the decisions that we want to make, with solely the mind, then we are not allowing ourselves the benefit and the support of accessing our intuition and our wisdom down in the body. And what was really fun is the last time we were talking about this, what came in was Maslow's hierarchy of needs. And when you bring that in the first base of the needs to set up our foundation of moving into the next steps of moving up that hierarchy is the physical and physiological. So if we tap into the body, that can enhance the next step, whether you're thinking through a decision, trying to decide that can enhance the mental, the emotional, the spiritual of the next move that you're going to make. Okay, so physically, let's bring in our Ask, Align, Allow. And these skills you can bring in again, it would only take a few seconds and that'll get you to a place. And we're going to play because I'm going to ask for someone to bravely volunteer and come forward and play with me. But first, for ask, we're gonna place our feet flat on the floor, and if you can, allow a hip width or a shoulder width between them. And we're gonna ask the body to ground. We're going to ask the body to connect back to the earth simply by feeling all the parts at the bottoms of our feet that connect with the ground. Just feel all those parts at the bottoms of your feet that make some connection to the floor, make some connection to the ground. Just feel the ground beneath your feet. So what we're doing here is we're acknowledging the presence of that ground and remembering that it's there. To align. We're also going to feel into— since we're all seated— the bum bones that are resting into the seat of your chair. So anything that you touch becomes an extension of you, and you can ground through those points as well. Whether you're lying down in bed, you can feel into all the parts of your body that are making contact with the mattress, with couch. And so feeling into those bum bones that are resting into the seat of your chair, feeling into the ground at the bottoms of your feet, we're going to allow those grounding points to help us extend nice and tall through the spine, aligning. So through this alignment, when we bring that into the energy body. We also have these energy pathways that run through the body. We have that intuition center just above the belly button, the energy center for inner wisdom just above that. We're opening up through the body to allow flow, to access all of that. Just imagine if you're crouched over, if you're all twisted, tense in the back, tense in the tummy, All of that tension impedes that access. And to allow physically— for allowing, we breathe. So we're going to draw a nice breath in through the nose. Allow the mouth and the jaw to relax open and just allow your exhalation to flow out of the body. Breathing in through the nose. The mouth and the jaw relax open, and as those exhalations flow with ease out of the body, imagine that they carry with them whatever stresses, tensions, or holdings the body is able to let go of at this time. Now register how the body feels, because when we ground, when we align physically, then energetically we're also grounded and aligned. So the physical body is grounded, the mental and the emotional body is grounded. When we align, we open up that energy flow and the access to those energy centers, our intuition, our inner wisdom. And when we breathe, we relax through the body, we open up the cells to allow the acceptance of what is, to allow the acceptance of what comes. And when we have all of that physically and energetically, that allows us— however you want to term it— to bring forth our intuition, our spirit, our essence, or what is true to you, or how Scott Perry terms it, playing your game. This is how you can access what your game is, your essence, and what's true to you. So just a couple of quick points before I ask for that volunteer. When there is unclarity, that's not the time to make your decision because you're trying to make it through all this fog and all this mud that your mind is trudging you through. So when there's clarity, that's the time to then decide when the next move is for you. And then the other point is, when there's unclarity, we tend to be really hard on ourselves. We tend to think this should be easier. I just attended that great session with Scott Perry, was totally fired up, and now I go to do my own thing and blah. So we tend to come down on ourselves and, and criticize ourselves. And one thing I would really like to come through with is that it is not your fault, because when we take it into an energetic translation, your mind and your body are actually accustomed to a certain energy state. And if that is of confusion, overthinking and overanalyzing or worrying, that's the energy that your body and your mind are actually used to. And so that worrying, that indecision, that fog, that mud actually is like a warm, cozy blanket for your mind and your body. And it's one that it doesn't particularly want to shed because it's been comfortable there. Even though the next move might be healthier, the next decision might be more prosperous, might be more beneficial for you, the mind and the body are stepping into a new space that it's not comfortable with because you're asking it either to switch blankets or drop that cozy blanket altogether.

Oops.

Alarm going off here. Did you hear that? Did you? No? Okay, so I guess the Zoom background noise suppression really does work, everyone, because that was pretty sharp and piercing.

All right.

So what I'd like to do is ask for someone to come forward with any decision. It can be really simple, just something that you're grappling with and you're not sure whether you're going to go with A or B. Does anyone have anything like that that they're ruminating over, thinking through? Can be anything, switching brands of peanut butter, Does anyone have anything? And we'll bring someone right through and we can do it all together. Wow, this is unlike our crowd. Usually someone has something.

Go ahead, MJ.

I'm just thinking, no, it's so not like our crowd. I'm so like, want to be that person. And I'm just thinking, I feel so clear for the first time because I'm doing this.

Wow.

Great.

Yeah.

I mean, I could throw something forward because it can't hurt. And it's really to you about today, Scott. So here you have it, Sandra.

Yes.

I'm in the midst of trying to balance two comp— I'll just call them competing priorities because it's kind of me, right? One is my communications brand building business called True to You, and the other is this opportunity to restart a startup that I ran several years ago. And I now have this young team of software developers helping me do it. When I started with Scott a year ago, I wanted to optimize to work less and have more time for my creative practice. So now I have like potentially two full-time things and I still have my creative practice ruminating out there, which I do find time for. I try to every day. So I'm constantly— my mind and my body are in constant daily struggle. Where do I put my time? Do I put it on the startup? Because I could literally sit here for 8 hours and do that. Do I try and find new prospect clients for my brand building business? Because I'm, I'm really liking that and I'm just getting into a good groove. So there, there's my dilemma.

Okay, so if you think of your startup, MJ, what would be one physical step that you would be doing if you were to make a step towards the startup?

I would be today, for example, spending time finding a creative partner to try our beta on. We're getting to an MVP and we're gonna run a beta in June, and I need that social impact artisan brand, of which there are millions, and I know many, but I need to figure that out. And it's okay. Confounding.

So it would, it would be finding a creative partner.

Correct.

For the startup.

Okay.

And then if you were to touch on the brand building part of the business and you were to make a step towards that, what would it be?

It would probably be— the first thing would be rearview mirror. Like, get into that list, start figuring out ways to ping or provoke or find new prospects.

So reaching out through your list.

Correct.

Okay, good. Reaching out through an existing list already.

Yep. Mm-hmm.

Okay, perfect. Okay, so all of you that are with us now, if you would like to for yourself pick something on a decision that you are trying to make, um, probably easiest if it's an A or B situation, so you have two positive— two possible results or scenarios that you want to go with. So it's either, you know, I walk or I drive my car or whichever, right? Or like I said, brands of peanut butter. Am I going with Jif or am I going with Kraft? One, two things, two options. And for yourself, we're going to go through this together and I'll guide you through and then see what you come up with. All right, so first, MJ, we're going to— and you can close your eyes if you like. It's probably easier. So then I'm not distracting you and The vision of me is not there. So we're gonna place our feet flat on the ground with that hip width or that shoulder width between them, feeling into all the parts at the bottoms of our feet that are making contact with the ground. And seeing as that we're seated, we're also feeling into the bones that are resting into the seat of the chair. Remembering that the bottoms of the feet and the bum bones in the chair are also our grounding points. And feeling into the bottoms of our feet, into the bum bones, we're going to allow those grounding points to help us align through the spine, extending nice and tall and drawing a breath in through the nose. Relax the jaw and the mouth open and just allow that exhalation to flow out of the body. We'll do that a few more times. Breathing in through the nose, allow the jaw and the mouth to relax open. And as those exhalations flow with ease out of the body, imagine that they carry with them whatever stresses, tensions, or holdings the body is able to let go of at this time. So now, feeling a little bit more relaxation in all the cells of your body, I'm gonna come to MJ. For those of you, you're doing the same thing with the decision that you have specifically for yourself that you're trying to make. And so in this space, MJ, I would like you to bring your startup to mind. And I would like you to imagine that you are going through the motions of finding that creative partner if you are to make the next steps with your startup. So whatever emotions that you would be going through, just bring yourself through them. And as you breathe and relax into the body, keeping that same sense of grounding, just register in how you feel in the body, in that area of your intuition, your inner wisdom. Just how does it feel? And now we're going to step into your brand building business. And I would like you to imagine that you are moving through the motions of reaching out to that list, that existing list, all the people that you'd be contacting, what you'd be sharing with them. How you would be appealing to them. And feeling the ground, that same relaxation in the body. How does it feel in the center of your body where the intuition and the inner wisdom reside? I think you got your answer.

Wow.

There's no other way we should be making decisions. None.

So we— for those of you, um, that were stepping through that, wherever you feel the lightness wherever you feel the ease. Just take yourself through those two situations of the decision that you're trying to make, and what feels better? What feels truer to you? What feels closer to your essence? What feels like it's fun in your game? Now, just because I was watching MJ as she was going through that, because all of you were doing your own journey through that, one of them, MJ's face broke out into this huge smile right away. Yeah. So now when you bring in ask, align, allow, when you're trying to tap into what's now What's next? What matters? If we ground, align, and breathe, then you are accessing your tuition— intuition. You're accessing your essence. You're accessing what's true to you. And that's the space to make your decision from, not just up here. From up here We're not accessing anything else, and we are just stuck in that whirling chaos up here. You can make the decisions from there. It's perfectly fine. You might get to the same decision. It might just take you longer because you're making your way through fog and mud, or you might make different decisions, which again, we're not saying that there's right decisions, there's wrong decisions, but they might take you on just a longer meandering path. And if you can bring these 3 principles in, only takes you a few seconds. It didn't take very long for us to guide through, right, that with MJ. Then you have that clarity, and that's a wrap.

Yeah, I love that. As someone that often spends all day in my head, I am always struck by how it makes me feel to follow Sandra Sage advice and let it drop into my body. And I am always reminded that— I'm instantly reminded of all the times I didn't listen to my gut and rationalize my way into something that I ended up regretting longer term.

So no matter how many times, right, trying to reason everything from up here, even though that doesn't feel good and my gut's telling me this. Yeah, but if I do this, this and this and this could happen. And when there's doubt, there's uncertainty, there's the questioning. That's the mind working away. Because your intuition, your inner wisdom will never bring you to doubt, second guess, or, you know, none of that is there in your intuition. Your intuition and inner wisdom is for your good. It's your true essence. So it can never be wrong.

Well, it's just a beautiful reminder of, like, this idea, it's not so much of balance but integration. Like, we have to integrate our psychological, physical, and spiritual beings in order to live our true purpose, play our game, etc. And I'm, I'm always reminded of that quote, you know, follow your heart but bring your head. Well, it's also, it works the other way around, like, you know, follow your head but don't ignore your heart type of thing. So I really appreciate that. I want to leave some time for you all to ask any questions or share any reflections or ask for any implementation advice. Before I do that, I'm dropping some links in the chat. Sandra's site, if you want to learn more about Sandra and what she does, and I highly recommend joining her list and getting some of her actionable tips that she puts out. Um, the link to my Substack includes an extended preview of the Decision Triangle training that we referencing throughout this discussion. And for anybody that would like to join us this Saturday, if you are struggling to identify the constraints, obstacles, limitations that are impeding your ability to live the life you want to live or build the kind of business that you want to build, we're having a free workshop this weekend for anyone that attends live that will give you some processes and some exercises and ideas for how you can identify constraints, not just identify them, but navigate them with greater ease, equanimity, and speed. With that, happy to field any questions, reflections, or if anybody else has something that they want to work through. Go ahead, Carol.

Well, mine's just, you know, I think I have a— this isn't the magic coin, but I do have a— I think I activate when I use my magic coin, which is upstairs, um, that, that, um, that this dear friend gave to me a long time ago. And, uh, but I ask it the question. It's only got two sides, so it's always down to one or the other, and I flip it I see what the result is, and then as soon as— but then I was wondering, maybe 2 out of 3, but then I'm like, well, that's the answer, right? It's not about the coin, it's about like— I'm like, well, maybe 5 times. Oh, okay, you know what? So I'm kind of listening to the same centers in a way, but using this coin toss to activate it. What gets me to change your focus, put it down to the one or the other. And then like the check-in, like, how many times I'm going to flip this coin? Because that's the, you know, listen to that part.

So thank you, Sandra, because for this, it's a perfect illustration of our ability to rationalize as opposed to actually use our reason.

Or just trust. Just trust. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, the trusting part, you really have to get still though, you know, you have to allow yourself to get still. And the palpable energy when you're paying attention is so, which is really what that was for me. So that was a real gift. Thank you so much. It was really—

Yeah, thank you, MJ. That was one point was that when we're trying to do that exercise of feeling into the two scenarios of the decision that you're trying to make without bringing the grounding, aligning, and breathing in first, you're trying to do that from the fog.

Completely.

So yeah, it's clearing the fog, getting out of the mud first, and then feel into the two scenarios.

And if you're attuned to feeling what it feels like in the body to feel energy and to feel, wow, it's just so strong and so powerful. Also, as solopreneurs— and Scott, you brought this up— but for those of us who are like working in our offices all by ourselves all the time, we not only have these conversations with ourselves, but we don't often have someone to bounce it off. You know, some of us have spouses we can bounce things off, but you, you know, the, the saying of— I remember when I used to be in an office and some of my team or staff would say, wow, your body language is like all animated. You must be excited about this. That's one way of trusting that intuition, right? Like the things that you really are leaning into. But when we're like ruminating on these decisions in our mind all day long, we— I have literally been like Well, but I could do this, but I could do that. It was— I've been literally doing this for days, Sandra.

Days.

So short.

So grateful.

Thank you for coming.

We often in the Solopreneur Success Circle, we often talk about trusting the process. And we say the process is a shortcut. And in order to trust the process, you first have to trust yourself. My favorite— one of my favorite quotes of all time comes from Goethe: "As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." And it sounds good and it sounds true because it is good and it is true. And it is also extremely hard to do. It's simple to understand, not easy to implement because we are not conditioned or programmed for knowing ourselves. We actually prefer to look out the window and look for validation and direction from other people or other people's expectations. And so, you know, to MJ's point, the— and something Seth Godin talks about all the time, do the hard part first. The hard part is actually take a little time to look in the mirror, do a little introspective discovery of who you actually are. What do you actually believe? What are your core values? What are your guiding principles? What are your talents? Where do you belong? Which is with people who share your values and need your talents to enhance their lives. And if you really have to— but the thing that's also really interesting to me, Sandra, and I would love your comment on this, is when I go through this exercise with you, I am reminded that I have, I have been a master of this. Because as a child, I didn't live in my head, and I didn't ruminate and rationalize and overthink. I saw things that I wanted to do. And I said, I want to do that. And I don't care if I fall off the bike 200 times, I'm going to learn how to ride that thing, because that bike can get me from where I am to where I want to be. And I'll just do whatever it takes. And so this idea that we're, we're born completely sufficient and whole, possessing everything we need, if we just remember that we're born sufficient and whole, possessing everything we need, and all we have to do is return to that self-aware but not self-conscious, curious, playful being that was willing to become the thing by doing the thing.

There are a lot of Scottisms in that statement.

Go figure.

Every one, every single one.

I have to jump off.

Thank you so much.

I really appreciate you playing along, MJ. That was beautiful.

Thank you, everyone. Bye.

Thank you. Well, and one thing I'd like to point out, Sandra, too, is some of— I don't know if any of you write from this place where Sandra got us, where you do the thing where you— but this is a common thing in learning to write and tap into, or learning if you're drawing, but also acting, like, because you have to come, you have to just empty it out first to come to zero. So all of this thing with the feet, all the breathing, all of this kind of, well, these are these acting exercises I learned ages ago. And but also with the writing things to prepare to write,— in order to empty, in order to tap into— you've got your ideas, you've got your notes around you, but then you put both feet on the ground, feel the ground, think about what's above, what's below, what's to your side, what is it like, and then move into that character space that you're trying to go into. But it's one of those things about being in touch, to get in touch with the things that aren't just in your head and the thoughts, like, because you want to make people feel things. So, so This reminded me a lot of that too. So thank you very much, Sandra.

Yeah, yeah. But, and that's why I said, like, I love going through sessions with Scott, like, in all our chats and sessions. And then when you break everything down to the spiritual fundamentals and principles, I mean, everything overlaps. It doesn't have to be the Tai Chi, Qigong principles. It doesn't have to be the philosophy or the you know, studying Stoicism. Like, the spiritual base is universal, and so you can bring anything in. So these principles can come into acting, can come into writing, into painting, into doing the dishes, into walking the dogs, you know. Like, these— and that's why I like bringing these things into everyday life, because that's— it could just make life so much easier for us day to day if we touch on the basics. Yeah, just touching the principles.

And where I've seen the, the, the principles of the relaxation grounding is that you, you have to work through it at first to get the basics down. But then once you've done that, you can be in the middle of a crowd and something's going on, and yet it's, it's what, you know, take a deep breath, take a deep breath, ground, and then, and then let your mind calm down enough to tap in. And that's, you know, um, I, I've never expressed it with the words that you were, but it, it's— I've seen it and used it, that kind of technique. It's good reminder. Of. And, you know, like, like a lot of things, the process, it's good to deconstruct it because there's times when you can't get there. So you have to go back to the basics and, you know, okay, feet flat, straight, breathe in, you know, out, you know, kind of get, get to the um, know how to get there when it's difficult so that you can tap it when you need to and you don't have the time to go through it. Anyway, I'm probably redundantly redundant.

No, no, it's beautiful. It reminds me that the very first name for the workshop was called Stillness in the Storm because that's literally what I was trying to help people with, is like, yeah, The world has gone all upside down, topsy-turvy, and sideways, and yet you can still experience this sense of equanimity, stillness, joy, even as everything seems to be careening into utter chaos. The other thing, and then I'm going to ask you to wrap it up, Sandra, is Alan's point reminds me of the idea of sweeping the floor. Like, none of this is one and done. You can't learn this once and I'm good. You have to come back to it over and over again. It's a— yeah, the floor does not remain swept. You have to continuously sweep the floor. And that idea of returning to these fundamental foundational ideas, concepts, practices, disciplines is how you do the impossible things that we all do. It all starts with mastering the fundamentals and reminding yourself and revisiting those fundamentals over and over. Take us home, Sandra.

What's now? What's next? What matters? Ask, align, allow, ground, align, breathe.

Perfect. Thank you for the gift of your time and attention, everyone. What a privilege to spend this time with you. Thank you, Sandra, for bringing your wisdom into the room and giving us this. Fresh perspective that always enriches the way that I think about these things. And we'll look forward to seeing everybody, uh, where we are, wherever we see you next. Have a great rest of your day.

Thank you.