Shakeeta Torres, a former therapist and minister, explains how to set healthy boundaries in church and Christian life. She points to Jesus taking regular rest as a model for self-care, warns against enabling behavior and controlling leaders, and offers concrete steps like setting clear expectations and addressing conflicts directly.
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to help someone, for example, who may be sick and they have no family here in the area. Okay, I get that to a certain extent, but even with that, helping them to tap into, um, the community resources— and they might not all necessarily be church per se, but it can be other, other things, you know. So don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid to lose a member because if, you know, God intended them to be there and they're obedient, they'll be there. They might not like it at first, um, but they'll, they'll get over it. I promise you they will. They'll probably thank you for it later, okay? Especially the ones who come to you with the same problem over and over and over and over again. And you have to come to a place where you say, when you're gonna be obedient to God? When are you gonna be obedient to what the word of God is telling you? When you're gonna be obedient to what God is telling me to tell you? So holding people accountable, I see for sure, helps to set boundaries. When I started being a therapist, I used to try to pull, pull, pull on people and push them and push them and push them. And God told me, he was like, you're trying to make them eat. You're trying to, um, make them do something that they don't want to do. The work is not on me, you know, to make sure that they succeed and move forward and heal. There's a part they have to do as well. I do my part, they they do their part. But what passionate leaders fail to see or realize is that you're enabling your flock, okay? And then you're neglecting your health, your finances, your livelihood, your family. So think about that. That's so important. Um, I thought— I think about a lot about Christ and the four gospels, how he stole away from the crowd so many times to take a break, to breathe, to hear God, to be refreshed, to be renewed. Um, because without that, he would be running on— probably running on E and running off of fumes, um, of trying to help so many people, because they pulled on him so much, so much. He was always teaching and pouring and teaching and discipling the, um, the disciples. So look at him for your example. On how to lead your flock and how to guide people. All right, also, for if you are a member of a church or any ministry, whether it's, you know, you're traveling, evangelism, all those good things, the same thing goes for you. Like, when are you going to grow up? When are you going to grow up and mature in Christ and the things of God? You know, people are here and they're seasonal, and they're here to help us grow, to sow seeds. Like, one man plants a seed, another man waters, God gets the increase. Oftentimes we get upset when people are in our lives for a season and then they are removed. Maybe it's because you became dependent on them. God said, enough, enough, grow up. Maybe God wants to put you in a, you know, a new place where you can grow and mature in the things of him. Walking with God, it is a process. It is a walking and living process to where God want to take you, whether it's with your healing, within your ministry, um, in any area of your life, it's a process. Remember that. And people are human, they're going to fail you. God won't fail you, but people, we will. We're human. I often find that if our relationship wants up with someone and I feel disappointed and vice versa, I'm like, well, God, am I putting too much on them? Do I have like high, you know, am I expecting too much from them as a friend? And majority of the time, yeah, you probably, you probably are, but they're human, they have a life too. So that is my tips for today as far as ministry and setting boundaries with people. Now I do want to go a little bit deeper into, um, being at churches or leaders being under someone who are controlling you and manipulating you. That is a boundary that needs to be set. I often find people say that they're burned out from church because their leaders always calling on them to do certain things, and if they say no, you know, you know, the word of God says that obey your leaders. Yes, it does say that when it comes to your spiritual health and when it comes to like making sure that you're, you know, not leading into an area where you're going to fall or area where you'll be hurt or mistreated, but they are not to control and manipulate everything that you do. That's religious, and that is manipulation and control, and that goes deeper into, you know, other areas that I will discuss later. And I find people say, I was so hurt by my pastor or my leader because XYZ. And I was— we dig a little bit deeper about that, and I'm like, well, what was— what did you expect from them? Are you reading your word? What does God say about it? The word of God says, watch out for those who are in sheep's clothing. Okay, meaning there are leaders, prophets, pastors, people in general in your workplace, whoever, wherever, who appear and present to you like they have your best interest at heart, but really they just want to control you and manipulate you. The word of God says be sober and be vigilant, be watchful, be prayerful. You can do all that without being paranoid or not, without being skittish, but just be careful. You know, I'm always alert. I try to be anyway. I'm not perfect. I try to be, but not to the point where I'm like, oh God, I can't be her friend or communicate with her. But just being mindful and reading my word— the word of God will train you, the word of God will correct you, the word of God will rebuke you. It will show you areas in your life that you need to have improvement on. I was just telling my husband the other day that, you know, the word of God is truly uh, your life. Like, you can apply so many situations in the word of God to your present state today. There's a word for you for that. It's so, so much. Um, I will add a link below to areas you can go to and read more about what I'm discussing today because I want you to get it. I want people to be free. I want you to be aware and to be alert of yourself first of all and others as well. So I encourage ministers and leaders, lay members, set appropriate boundaries. You know, if you and a leader or a member of church have an altercation or something comes up, hash it out, talk about it. The word of God addresses that too, on how to treat one another in the body of Christ when something goes wrong. But love, love your neighbor as you love thyself. I can go on and on about this topic, but this is the area that I really had to grow in over the years, um, as I walk with Christ. So with that being said, I want to end there about that topic. But I'm so excited because next week I'll be going out of town to Atlanta, and I'll be going to the Pinky Promise conference with Heather Lindsey. Uh, me and my girlfriend from Arkansas, she is, um, meeting me there with her sister, her twin sister Maya. Hey Maya! And one of the other friends from Arkansas as well. I haven't met her before before, but I'm excited to meet her and I'm excited about what God's going to do in this conference. And her husband is also having a men's conference called Man Cave, um, during the same exact weekend. So I'm actually going to be doing, um, pictures there, videos. I'm gonna do, uh, some vlogs on that to share with you all my experience. It's my first time going to her conference. She's an awesome woman of God. They'll have, um, Sarah Jakes Roberts there. I'm excited to hear her minister through the word of God as well because she's, she's off the chain. I like her. Um, but with that being said, I hope you guys have a blessed day, have a blessed weekend. Stay encouraged. Um, check out my website www.empoweredtoshare for about my services and more about me. But as I said, I have so much to share. Um, my next stop is going to be Boundaries and Marriage. Boundaries and Marriage. I'm excited about it because just today I was thinking about what my next vlog is going to be about, um, when it comes to boundaries. And marriage came to mind to me before, but I was a little, a little stuck. Not stuck, but I was just wondering, okay, what can I really say? Because really, you know, your marriage, you share everything with your spouse. At least I do. But it's other areas where we have to draw boundaries at. And I will discuss that on my next vlog, um, based on the word of God and based on my experiences. Okay, I'll see you guys later. Bye-bye.
