Shakeeta Torres teaches how to set healthy boundaries in parent-child relationships using biblical guidance. She explains how children can honor parents while refusing abuse, and shows parents how to balance firm discipline with love, sharing her own experience managing a strong-willed toddler.
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Hello, my name is Shakeeta Torres and welcome back to my YouTube channel. Today I'm going to continue my series about boundaries. As you can see my previous videos, I've been discussing boundaries in different areas of our life, and I find that boundaries once again is an issue that many people have a hard time setting. So today I'm going to discuss boundaries and parenting. I love this topic because It really is going to bring more clarity to you and hopefully give you some more insight and clarification on how to handle parenting and boundaries related to how parents treat their children, how children should treat their parents. Okay, so first off, the number one thing I always hear from people is, but that's my mom and that's my dad, and I have to pretty much cater to them or just take it or accept the fact that they're being abused possibly. Now I'm not talking about parents who are healthy parents and they make mistakes and they might fall short. I'm talking about parents who deliberately abuse their children, who deliberately make their children feel less than or beneath them. So I'm actually going to go back and I'm going to read from— I'll read to you, um, the word and what it says about parents, and honor your mother and their father. So it actually comes— the scripture actually comes from Ephesians chapter 6, verse 1, and I'll read it to you. And it says, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and you may enjoy a long life on the earth. Wow, that's an awesome promise. It says pretty much just saying that if you honor your mother and your father, then you're promised to have a long life. And, um, that's your first commandment with a promise. But then it goes on to read in verse, um, 4, it says, fathers, do not exasperate your children. Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. And when I was going back and I was studying this scripture even more in detail, I now, verse 4, it says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children." Now, many of you may go over that and skip that word, but that word holds so much power and so much clarity. So I actually went back and I researched the word exasperate, and that means to make someone very annoyed, um, violence, frustrate, roughen, provoke, repeatedly provoking someone while whining and yelling at them. And vexing them. So pretty much it's saying that verbal abuse, whether it's verbal, emotional, mental, physical— so there's an instruction here for children but also for parents as well, you know. So I hope that helps someone out, um, children who feel like they can't set boundaries with their family. And so I hope you take that and you read it and you look more in detail and apply it to your life and pray and ask God to show you how to go about setting boundaries with your family to protect yourself. Because it's spiritual abuse, it's mental abuse, and you don't deserve that. You don't have to go through that. Now, on the flip side of that, it's not saying that because your parents, you know, do these things to you that you should sit here and, you know, be mean to them or talk about them or run their name in the street. You can still honor your parents without actually taking the abuse. You can honor them by praying for them. You can honor them by, you know, setting boundaries to protect you from being— from breaking that, from breaking that, that scripture in the Bible. And it says, um, in Proverbs verse 13:24, it says, whoever— I'm sorry, Let me go back, I apologize. Um, Proverbs 20:20, don't cause or disrespect your parents, don't do it tit for tat. I actually add that in. So if you go back and read Proverbs 20:20, it'll tell you to not disrespect your parents. So I hope that helps someone out. Also, parents, when it comes to parenting your children, for so many different reasons, parents have a hard time disciplining their children. One, it could be because when they were younger, they might have had their parents discipline them in a harsh manner. So parents try to not repeat the pattern, but then they end up not effectively disciplining their children the way they should. Okay, and then on the flip side of that, you may see a parent who, um, you know, they coddle their children, and their children do whatever they want to do, however they want to do it. They have no boundaries, they have no rules, they have no way to govern themselves. They haven't been taught the right way to go. And scripture says in Proverbs 13:24— this is for my parents out here— whoever spares the rod hates their children. That's a very, very strong statement. But the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. Careful, careful, meaning that you are looking at the actions, their behaviors, and you're punishing them according to what they done. I'm not saying beat them or, you know, make them feel like, um, that making a mistake is the worst thing ever. No, but you have to set appropriate boundaries in place so they'll grow, because one day they're going to be out in the real world, and the real world does not operate like that. They don't. When they go to work, there's boundaries. When they go out with their friends and other people There's boundaries everywhere. There's limits everywhere here on this earth. So if you let your children, little Johnny, you know, 2, 3, 4, 5 years on up, do whatever they want to do, and guess what? They're going to expect that from people, and they're liable to get hurt or hurt somebody else. And parents, I'm sure you don't want that for your children. And then, um, also says, uh, Proverbs, um 29:17. Discipline your children and they will give you peace. They will bring you the delights you desire. They will bring you peace. In that moment, it's not peaceful because you trying to teach them and raise them the way that they should go, but the word of God says that it will bring you peace eventually, which is so true. I have a toddler, she's soon to be 3 years old, and And she's a very strong-willed child. She's a leader by nature. She has stubborn ways. And so with that, I had to really put my foot down with her and say no be no and yes be yes and set boundaries because she didn't have any. She was very, very toddler. She the toddler. She has a very intense temperament, I will say. And so over the past year, I've seen her kind of soften up. Often, a lot, because I love her through it. But at the same time, you know, I set boundaries in place, say no, no, no, we're not, we're not doing that. So when I go out in public, she's not embarrassing me. Does she try sometimes? Absolutely. By nature, we don't want to follow rules. By nature, we don't. But rules are necessary for our children and for ourselves. So set boundaries with your children. Don't let your children bring to you the guilt trip. That you're just a worst parent of the— in the world because you said no or you disciplined them. So I hope this helps, um, someone out today. Um, so again, I hope you guys have an awesome week. Thank you for taking out the time to look at my video. Please like and subscribe to my channel. Make a comment if you would like to. My next topic is going to be parenting— I'm sorry, boundaries and ministry. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.
