In this live‑replay, licensed therapist and certified life coach Shakeeta Torres shares a recent family tragedy—her husband’s brother was murdered—and describes how her family, especially her two young daughters, navigated the grieving process. She draws on her extensive background in hospice care, grief counseling, and coaching to explain the emotional challenges faced by adults and children, emphasizing honest, age‑appropriate communication. Torres then introduces her newly created "Grief and Faith" e‑course, outlining its five modules (what is grief, types of grief, grief theories and stages, grief in children, and interventions/tools) and highlighting over 50 practical tools, including demonstrations of ten of them. The course is positioned for grieving individuals, therapists, life coaches, social workers, and spiritual leaders, integrating Christian scripture while remaining accessible to non‑Christian audiences. Throughout, she addresses common myths about grief, the role of faith in processing loss, and offers resources such as her ebook "Pain, Passion, and Purpose" and future live sessions, inviting viewers to purchase the course and engage with her online platforms.
Chapters
Hello everybody, welcome back to the replay. My name is Shakeeta Torres. I am a licensed therapist, I'm a certified life, life coach, and my mission is to empower Christians to unpack pain, discover their passions, and, and to walk boldly in their God-given purpose. So as promised, I wanted to go live today at 12:30 to just talk with you all more about my Grief and Faith e-course and to share with you all my most recent experience with the grief Okay, first of all, thank everyone so much for all of your prayers, all of your, you know, checking on me, your DMs on my Instagram page, on my Facebook page. Thank you guys so much. Um, as many of you know, my husband's brother was actually murdered Saturday before Father's Day. Um, totally unexpected, of course, and it really did hit us like a ton of bricks, especially my husband and his mom and My daughters and everybody in the family was just in a disarray because of how it happened. I'm not going to go into great details as to what happened. Um, it is in, um, the news and on an article. Um, he was in Tennessee and he was murdered there. So I won't go into detail about what happened today for my family's privacy, but I do want to share with you all, um, things that happened and how I handled it, and you know, how my husband handled it. And I want to go into detail about, you know, how my children were affected and all that good stuff. Um, and so it's been 2 weeks now, um, and we had the funeral not this past Saturday but the Saturday before last. And I was so exhausted. My plan was to do this live, uh, actually, uh, the week that, um, he had passed away. But you know, life hit me, so I had to readjust and I had to, you know, come up here later, which is fine. Um, so as I was saying before, my husband's brother was murdered, and this is my husband's very, very first time dealing with grief this close. His grandma passed away, um, his aunt passed away maybe about 3 or 4 years ago, but my daughters, it was their first time really dealing with grief this close. As far as me, I am very familiar with grief. As some of you guys know, my mom passed away when I was 11 years old, and it was very tragic for us. She died in a house fire. And so my family, um, you know, on my mom's side, we are very familiar with grief. I have an uncle that passed away about 3 years ago. I had an uncle that passed away about 5 years ago, and these are all people that have been close to me, um, for many years. And so I'm very familiar with grief. I'm also a grief counselor, um, uh, providing counseling for grief survivors is is actually one of my niches too. I do many other things, but today I want to focus on the grief portion. And so I used to work in hospice for about almost 2 and a half years. I love, love hospice. People think I'm crazy, but it really does give me joy to be there for a person during their time of need whenever they are grieving. And so I have my own private practice. I'm a therapist, and also I have my coaching business now. So I do coach clients from all over the world, from different parts of the States of USA. And so with that being said, hello everyone, thank y'all for joining. And so with that being said, last year, you know, the pandemic hit and I was super busy. Oh gosh, you guys, I had never been so busy in my life providing counseling. It was, it was, I was busy. But in the midst of that, the Lord had led me to do workshops for Grief and Faith. Save. And so I did one by myself and I did two with my, um, my professor and my mentor, uh, Dr. Hardy, and the response was phenomenal. I also presented the workshop at, um, Fayetteville State University and UNC Pembroke, my alma mater, so shout out to them. And it was amazing. I have a lot of good feedback from it. And so I said, you know what, I want to give people access to this information because, you know, I couldn't do a workshop every single month. I was just too busy. And so I went ahead and created the course. It's my very, very first e-course I've created, and I will be creating other courses in the future as well. And so back to what I was saying about my family and us grieving and everything. So my daughter's you know, we told them, hey, you know, your uncle passed away, you know, um, the funeral is on Saturday, you know, they cried and everything. My oldest one is 10, my little one is 5, she'll be 6 on this Friday. And so, um, yes, hello, Dr. Hardy, hi, hey. And so, uh, with that, um, being said, you know, we— my husband, I was like really trying to figure out if we should like let the girls go to the funeral. We wasn't really sure how they would like respond, but at the same time with them being so young, we wanted them to, you know, be a part of that with their family so they can have the support they need for us to be able to explain to them what's going on, explain to them, you know, what happened. Um, it's their first time attending a funeral and all that good stuff. And so we went to the funeral and my little one was looking, she was like, Mommy, she was like, is that Is that Uncle Tim? And I was like, yes, baby. And she got extremely quiet. And after about a minute or two, she just— she broke. She broke. I have never seen her cry so hard in my life. So as a mother, that was very, very hard. Um, in my Grief and Faith e-course, I have a module specifically for children and how they grieve, and for children and coping skills for them as well. And so It was amazing that I had to use that portion of the e-course for my own self, for my own children. And so it was very hard as a mom to see her. She cried all day, all day, all day. During the funeral, I had to take her out to the bathroom just to hold her and just let her cry. And she had so many questions about what happened. And in my e-course, I share not to lie to your children. Don't lie to kids about what happened. Share with them what's age-appropriate in the age-appropriate way. But I definitely don't recommend lying because as they grow older, that is what they're going to grow up with knowing, okay? So-and-so died because of this, you know. And so I didn't want to tell her, oh, he died because of, you know, he got sick. No, that's not true. I said he was hurt. Someone hurt him. And she said, but why? Why would they hurt him? I said, baby, I don't know. I don't have all the answers about what happened. So I was very honest with her at age-appropriate level. Um, she kept asking about the obituary. Mommy, can you read this to me? What does it say? And she kept holding it, and she kept hugging it, hugging his picture, you know, kept wanting to see his body. And, you know, every culture is different, every family is different of how they do the funeral as well. So for my family and my husband's family, at the very end, you know, they take the body and put it up front. So whenever the family is coming out and exiting out the building they could see the body one last time. And so she was the only person really that was like lingering for a long period of time because she was just in like disbelief that he actually died, and she just kept looking. And so whenever they placed his body inside of the vehicle to take him, um, to the gravesite, she kept asking Mommy where they taking him, you know, why they putting him in the dark, why is he by himself. And so, you know, that was, that was difficult difficult, um, and very emotional for us. But I had to hold it together for my baby. My oldest one, she cried too, but she understood a little bit more. But she asked questions about Mama's obituary, you know, where are we going next, you know. They had lots of questions. And so we got to the gravesite, and again, my little one was the last one there. People were leaving, but she kept asking, okay, now what, you know. His body's going to be in the grave. And I'm like, yes, baby, you know, he's not there in spirit. His spirit is not in the body anymore, but his body is just there. And so she just, you know, has so many questions. And just watching her experience the grief for the first time was just like in awe. So our little people is what, you know, um, grief counselors call them sometimes. They grieve just like we grieve. Um, oftentimes we think that sometimes children are not in tune with what's going on, but they are. And so since she's seen the body, I mean, every day she's asking questions about him and she wants to talk about him and reminisce about him. And, um, kept asking her daddy like, what happened to him? Because she really wants to know the details. But we just keep telling her, baby, we don't want to tell you every single thing because I feel like, you know, it will hurt her even the more right now. But it's letting her know that he was— that he was hurt by somebody. And so, um, definitely my husband had his moments. He kept asking me, like, wow, like, you know, is this normal, you know, to have, like, you know, you know, to cry one day, be happy the next day, be angry the next day? I'm like, yes, absolutely, that's very normal. And I told him, you know, you're gonna go through this, like, pendulum where one day you can be, you know, upset and everything, and then the next day you could be sad and, you know, mourning. And you're gonna have moments. And so he really did not know what to expect, and, um, this really helping him to normalize his grief. And, um, he kept saying, thank you so much, like, you're such an anchor for, you know, me and for my family. And, um, yeah, that's what I had to do. So I was off work the whole week, um, definitely, you know, grieving myself but also being a support to my husband. Of course, my husband's mom took it extremely hard. Is her oldest son. She also dealt with what we call cumulative grief, and that's whenever people, um, have experiences of grief back to back to back. And she definitely has. Her best friend died maybe a month ago. Um, she— I think her pastor died last year, I believe, maybe about 2 years ago now. And I think her sister passed away. So she's dealt with a lot of death over the past just year, and it's not just from COVID but just from other, you know, life experiences that these people was going through. They were sick. And so this is why I created this course, because I really want to normalize grief. I really want people to have the language to understand what grief is. This course is for life coaches, it's for other therapists, social workers, for grievers, for spiritual leaders in the community. And, um, yes, it's Grief and Faith. It is laced in scripture because that's my— that's who I am. I'm a Christian. But people who aren't Christians have watched this course and they, they loved it. They got a lot of information from it. And so, um, I definitely don't push my faith on people, uh, when it comes to my services or when it comes to anything that I create, um, but I am very vocal about who I am. And so with that being said, I do want to kind of go over today with you all a little bit about what is in the course. So it's 5 modules and it's about a little over 2 hours long. I personally do not like extremely long information that's being dragged out. So each module is like straight to the point. There's not a whole bunch of fluff in there. So it's got lots and lots of great content. Um, the first module is, you know, what is grief? I go over the different types of grief. Symptoms of grief, what it looks like, you know, in children, what it looks like in adults. I think Module 2 is the different types of grief, and I put the top 10 down there. Over, I think, 20 different types of grief, but I put the top 10, you know, 10 that's the most common. Then I did grief theory and stages. There are actually almost 100 different grief stages and theories.. But a lot of them that I found in my, in my research and study is that they kind of overlap a lot. So I went over the top 4 in, in great detail and what that looks like. Um, and then Module 4 is Grief in Children, and I go over each like age range, like ages 0 to 18. And then the last one is Interventions and Tools. It has a toolkit, it has over 50 tools in there. It's a lot more than that. And then I have one section where I go over in detail and record myself going over how to use at least 10 of the tools. So it is a great resource, it's a great toolkit, uh, for those who, um, need— I got people in my DM asking me, hey, you know, I'm a, you know, I am a spiritual leader, can I get it for me to be able to be more equipped to be able to help people who are coming to me for counsel when it comes to I'm like, absolutely. So I also want to talk about, you know, the myths about grief. I do know that just in the world, periods, and also in the faith community, you know, we're taught that, you know, don't question God, don't ask God what happened, you can't be, you know, upset. That is so not true. That is the one thing I tell my clients is that if you're upset with God, oh baby, he can handle it. Okay, he is not upset because you're upset with him. He understands your pain, he understands your feelings, he understands your emotions. And grief is like one of the largest pain points in the world. Loss is not easy, loss is difficult. I definitely remember, um, when I was younger, my mom died when I was 11 years old. I'm grown, okay? I'm extra grown now, okay? I'm married with a family, you know, I'm an entrepreneur. I'm grown. Okay, so I definitely have moments now where I'm emotional and I cry because I miss her, especially when I hit, you know, major milestones in my life, whether it's good or not so good. And so grief does not have a timeline. Um, God does not expect for you to just like bounce back and be able to just be this whole new person and overnight. And it's an adjustment depending on the grief, depending on how the person passed away and everything. And as I was saying before, you know, with my mom passing away and then even with my husband's brother being murdered, that was unexpected. And so the response to the grief was definitely different. Even my little girl asked me, how did he die? Through, uh, you know, a car accident? I'm like, no, baby, it wasn't a car accident. It was someone intentionally hurt him. So that's different. That hits different because you're like, oh my God, this person did not have to die, or this person's life was taken from them, you know. Um, yes, and everyone, um, is in different stages of their grief as well. So that's why I really go in detail about the different stages of grief. And whoo, you guys, it's a lot. Grief is a huge topic. Most of the clients I see right now are adults right now. I did see kids in the, in the past for grief counseling, but I kind of had to stop only because I do virtual right now. And doing virtual counseling with kids is difficult, and it's not fair to them. I feel like it's not as effective because they definitely need like their one-on-one time. And kids, they do better with like play therapy. They do better with, you know, incorporating activities. And it's kind of difficult to do that through the computer, but I definitely have had clients who have dealt with grief, um, this past year. Oh gosh, it's been— whoo! I just thank God for grace because this is the first, um, death we had in our family this close to me and my husband, but it wasn't through COVID. It was through, you know, my husband's brother being murdered. So I definitely am counting my blessings. I'm so thankful that, you know, that God allowed me to be an anchor for so many people last year into this year, especially when it comes to, um, grief. Yes, so thank you guys for joining. Um, so if anyone have any questions, um, feel free. I'll be available till about 1 o'clock. Um, so feel free to ask any questions. If you watch the replay after this, you can feel free to comment on this video and ask questions as well. So I wanted to just hit the main, um, points today. Uh, people desire for me to go live about it, and again, in the future I definitely will. I definitely don't mind. So let's see if I have any other things I want to hit on. Yes. Oh, you're welcome, Sherry. Absolutely. Thank you for watching. I appreciate it. Thank you. Dr. Hardy. So please make sure that you share this content with other people who will benefit from this as well. I would greatly appreciate it. Alrighty, you're welcome. Thank you so much, right, Lucy? Thank you. Awesome. So thank you guys for watching again. I really appreciate it, and I will see you next time. I would definitely love to go live again about this particular topic. And again, um, the link is in my bio, by the way, on my Instagram page. I did forget to mention that, where you can actually, um, purchase the course. Um, and I have other content up there as well, my blog post. I also have my ebook Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I'm very passionate about that, about really helping believers to really heal so that way they can really walk in their God-given purpose. And so I will share more about that too in the future, um, as far as Pain, Passion, and Purpose. Alrighty, well, thank you guys for watching, and I will see you next time. Bye!
