How to Overcome Church Hurt

Facebook and YouTube as well. So hello, welcome to everyone, good afternoon. Thank you so much for being here. Uh, if you're not able to stay, I will leave up the replay as well for those of you who want to come back and watch this, um, teaching later. Okay, thanks again so much for being here. I will start in about 15 seconds. Okay, all righty, show the books. Let me know where you guys are from in the comments if you would like to so I can shout some of you guys out. Um, let me see, Crystal still on. Hello, Crystal. All right, so let's go ahead and get started. So welcome everyone back to the replay. Welcome to those who are up here live. Thank you so much for being here today. My name is Shakeeta Torres. I am a licensed therapist. I'm also a minister. I'm God's prophet. Um, thank you so much. And I'm also, um, a life coach. And you guys, I wear so many different hats, but guess what? I thrive in the fact in knowing that I'm a daughter of the Most High God. And so my identity is not in my titles, it is not in what I do, but my identity is solely in Christ Jesus, okay? And so the same thing should be for you. Thank you guys again so much for being here. Thank you for your comments, I really appreciate it. Thank you. And so as you guys can see today, um, the title is called How to Overcome Church Hurt, okay? Um, and so today I'm going to teach this today in 3 different parts because as you know, this is a very huge topic. All right, so the first part, I want to go over some like education, like educating you guys on what is church hurt. Part 2, I will go more into scripture. And then part 3, I'll go more into, um, strategy. Okay, into strategy today. And so what I'll do is I'll look at your comments, um, in between each section and try to answer you guys, um, as we go along throughout today's teaching. All right. So I'm super excited about today's teaching. Um, also, um, you guys, to be honest with you all, the Lord gave me this topic maybe about 3, 2 or 3 weeks ago, and he told me just to write it down. He'll let me know when to actually teach it. And so, um, over the past like 2 weeks, I've had such a burden to teach this message, you guys, because I realized that many people have been, um, have experienced church hurt. Uh, many people are still healing from church hurt. And also uh, what God is doing now, he's going to be uncovering a lot of ministries that are not, um, healthy. And so with that, that also is going to come, you know, more church hurt. So, so today's, um, live today is about those who are still healing, and those are for you who are actually going to be wounded, um, in the future as God continue to, um, uncover things when it comes to toxic ministries, okay? And so I'mma try my best to give you guys what God has given me, uh, whatever he gives me to say today. In addition to that, I'll say that, um, also, um, just keep in mind that I will not be able to cover everything. This can definitely be like a 3, 4, 5, 6-part teaching because there's so many layers to church hurt. And to be honest, um, I think most people who've been in church have experienced some kind of church hurt somewhere, okay, whether it's disappointment whether you were offended by something, um, and it's also very layered. I myself have been through a lot of church hurt, okay? But I am a living and walking, um, testimony that God can heal you from, from that as well. So I've been healed. I'm good. I'm in a great place. I'm not angry with anybody. I'm not mad with anybody. I forgive them. Um, I take it now as lessons, okay? Without that, I would not be able to teach you guys, um, this teaching today effectively the way I need to if I had not experienced my own church hurt. As a therapist as well, I've counseled many people over the years who have experienced church hurt and disappointment in a variety of different ways. Okay, so before I get into it today, I want to go ahead and say a quick prayer and we'll get started. And so, Father, I just thank you right now today for this teaching. Holy Spirit, I invite you into this message today. I ask you, Holy Spirit, to speak through me, Lord God. I ask you, Holy Spirit, to reach your people's hearts, for those who are on now, for those who will come and watch the replay. Father, I pray that, God, you will heal them, God, from the inside out. Father, we love you. Father, we need you. And we ask you, Holy Spirit, to be with us and to lead us, oh Lord God, as we continue to heal from church hurt. In Jesus' name I pray, amen and amen. So quick little prayer. And so you guys, I'm a big person on research and study and the words and all that good stuff, right? And so I saw an article, um, actually it was a research that was done that says this. It was done in 2017. I couldn't find anything that was like recent to like 2022 or this year, but this one says this here: every year about 2.7 million church members drop from church membership. One of the main reasons is attributed to church members leaving as hurt and wounded. Okay, so that's 2.7 million church members drop out from church every single year. Okay. That's a lot of people. And I will say this too, okay, so there is a difference between having church hurt and then having like disappointment and offense, okay. Um, do it all fall under the same category? Yes, it does. But today I'm focusing more so on those who have been hurt spiritually, um, mentally, even sexually, um, and things of that nature. So what is church hurt? Okay, all right. Traitor. It occurs when people are emotionally, mentally, spiritually, or even physically damaged by those whom they thought they could trust. If the pain felt by those affected is ignored or simply overlooked, it can lead to a very dark place with, with some unhealthy conclusions. So in a nutshell, um, it is when people are being hurt emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, or even physically, also sexually, by those whom they thought they could trust. Us. This could be from leadership, this can be from lay members, this could be from people who are just within the congregation who, you know, who are there visiting or there, um, serving, and they end up hurting God's sheep. Okay, and I would say this for sure, most of the time it is done to those who are new to the faith, but those who are babies in Christ typically are the ones that are targeted the most. People who are seasoned can also be, um, targeted as well and experience church hurt too. Okay, yeah, I seen so much. Even now my mind is just like going with just so many things I've seen over the years in churches, and I myself have experienced too when it comes to, um, church hurt and church disappointment. Okay, so here are some examples here of what church hurt can look like. Okay, so I'm going to go over 8 different ones here, but there are also more If I don't mention one, just know that it doesn't mean that it's not church hurt for you or anybody else. But keep in mind, um, it's very layered and there's so many different types of church hurt, okay? Um, the first one here is judgment and exclusion, okay? Feeling judged or excluded by members of the church due to personal beliefs, lifestyle choices, or circumstances. For example, maybe someone had a baby out of wedlock or a baby at a young age, and the ministry literally just judged them and excluded them from the congregation, okay? I've Seen that too, for sure, from people who have experienced that. Number 2, spiritual abuse. This is very, very, very common, okay? Encountering manipulative or controlling behavior from leaders or members, such as using religion to exert power or manipulate others. This also includes emotional, emotional manipulation, experiencing attempts to control or manipulate emotions through guilt fear or shame. Okay, this is very, very, very, very common. Number 3, lack of support in times of need. Feeling unsupported or abandoned by the church community during personal crisis or struggles. So I've seen this too, where people are experiencing, um, grief is a big one, or they're going through a hard and difficult time, um, with losing a family member or being a caregiver. But it's almost like they still expect that person to operate at the full capacity and push past all their stuff in order to serve the ministry. That is so unhealthy. And yes, are there times when God will require you to keep pushing? For sure, absolutely. But it has to be lead by the leading of the Holy Spirit, because God will grace you to be able to do that, y'all. Trust me, I know. I, I, I have had hard things happen in my life where I still had to push past that to serve other people. But God graced me for it, okay? He graced me for it, okay? You should not be, um, feel manipulated or controlled by other people to keep pushing if you experiencing a hardship in your life during a certain season, okay? Number 3, lack of support in times of need. I'm feeling unsupported or abandoned. Um, I went over that, it's all right. Part 4, sorry, gossip and backbiting. This is a big one too. Being the subject of gossip, rumors, or negative talk within the church community, sometimes across the pulpit. I cannot stand this. Okay, so have you ever seen where someone is ministering from the pulpit, right? Like, let's say you and that person had a conversation or something happened and they became upset with you, and they're in the pulpit preaching about your conversation, um, preaching about the things, you know, that you have done wrong. Like, that is so immature to me. And like, you have to make sure you keep your heart before the Lord so that way you're not doing that from across the pool pit. Even on social media, I can tell sometimes people are posting like these blanket statements against people, and I'm like, hey, like, talk to that person, right? Or take it to God first and foremost, right, to see what he has to say about that and what you should do. But you should not, you know, be experiencing this in a ministry. It's very unhealthy, and it's not— it's not fair, and it's not right. It's not of God. Okay, number 5 is a big one here: sexual abuse. I'm enduring any form of sexual harassment, abuse, or misconduct within the church environment. It is highly recommended that you start therapy to heal from this. So sexual abuse, y'all, this is a big one. And it's also— I know over the years I've seen different, um, churches other denominations who— they have members who experience sexual abuse from their pastor, from their leader, or someone in the church, whether it was, you know, sexual intercourse, they molested, rape, you know, different types, right? Harassment, like, you know, comments, things they say, that is all under the category of sexual abuse, and it is not right. And so I highly recommend that anyone who's experienced, um, sexual abuse in the church, they need to go to counseling. You need to go, need to go, please go. Okay, um, number 6, financial exploitation. Feeling pressured or manipulated into giving excessive amounts of money or, or things to the church. This could lead to, to having the lack in your own life. And so yes, the word of God says sow, it says give, it says do these different things um, in the ministry, right? But not at the cost of you going without. I have seen this too. And later on in the story, in my teaching today, I'll share some of my own stories as well, my own testimony, um, to kind of really give you guys an idea. And, um, just to give you guys an idea, it's like, you know, let you know that you're not by yourself. I've been through it. I've been there. And so a lot of times people would take scripture and they will manipulate scripture and the word of God to get you to give into soul and, um, in hopes of trying to get you to like give to the ministry so they can continue to build their empire, pretty much. Okay, build their ministry, right? Um, number 7, racial or cultural, cultural, um, abuse, right? Experiencing racism, discrimination, or culture, or cultural, um, uh, let me see, a cultural division within the church community. So oftentimes too, you can see this too, you know, you might be in a church where it's like majority white or majority Black or majority one race, and you might have a person or two who's not, and they could feel, um, that racial racism as well. Okay, but make sure it's not just you, but really test the spirit by the spirit to make sure that, okay, is it me having insecurity or is it actually the church, right? Um, and the last one here I'm going to mention is called legalism, religion, and religion. I'm feeling oppressed or controlled by rigid rules, legalistic interpretations of scripture, or authoritarian leadership. So here, um, last year God had me do a teaching on, um, a topic I taught on called Relationship Versus Religion with God. So in, in that, I shared a dream that God had given me about religion, and also I had shared my own testimony, and I talked about religious trauma syndrome. And so what happens is you can be in a ministry that is so legalistic, and they have all these rules and checkboxes— you can't do this, you can't do that, right? Instead of allowing that person to walk out their own salvation with fear and trembling with the Holy Spirit. Each and every single one of us has our own personal journey with God, and we are on all different levels. And so to have all these rules for everybody to follow it is very restrictive, it is very religious, um, and it can be very traumatic for a person who would just trying to live their life, trying to like really figure out who they are in Christ, okay? And so the same standards that God has for us who are more— who are supposed to be like more mature believers are not going to be the same thing he has for a baby in Christ, you know? And so to me already, that just leaves like the door open for religion to come in, for shame to come in, for different things to come in within that person's life to make them think that if they don't check everything off right and do things a certain way, that God does not love them. And that is so not true. That is not true. So if you get a chance, you can go back to my YouTube channel and watch that whole teach— it's almost an hour long where I teach and I'm share what God put on my heart. But it's a very, very good teaching. And I also received so much feedback from that video because people have experienced, um, you know church heard and religious, um, activities within universities, colleges. Oh my God, I was just like shocked at the different arena, you know, different areas where we can experience, you know, legalism and like that religious, um, spirit, what we would call it in church, right? Okay, look at your comments. So do you guys have anything before I go to the next section? Okay, so the next section here is how do people become victims of church hurt? That is the number one question that I know that some of you guys may have. Um, and so what happens is, okay, most of the time, right, whenever we come to a church and we come to find community, to find support, we already come with our own past pains and rejections and trauma. And so many of us see the church as a hospital. And it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be a place where you can go and feel safe and have love and have support, right? But what happens is, you know, the word of God says clearly over and over and over and over again, the New Testament, be careful of wolves in sheep's clothing. And many times people don't really study that, especially babies in Christ. We don't— we did— I didn't know, you know, I didn't know, right? They don't know. So they go in with their, you know, with blinders on. They go in with a broken heart. They go in with expectations, and they're vulnerable, and they're desperate to have someone that they can trust instead of taking their time and getting to know people, um, getting to know the leadership, right? They just don't know. They don't know, right? They're babies in Christ. And many of us still who are also mature in the faith, we can see people who we think should be mature, who we think, you know, are, you know, great, you know, great leaders of God and we can do the same thing and expect all these things from them, and they can't uphold that because they're human, right? So there again, you can experience church hurt from that as well. Okay, my God. And so as I was studying, like, y'all, when I say the past two, like, two weeks, I just keep hearing, like, God just been, like, putting this on my heart to, like, really, like, get in this word and study this for y'all, because, like, it is such a, such a huge topic, and it's so needed, especially in this hour. And one of the things, um, that God showed me the other night in my dream was talk about, you know, for sure, you know, wolves in sheep's clothing. And so let's look at, uh, Matthew chapter 7, um, 15 through 20. Okay, so it says here, watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. Okay, by their fruit you will recognize them. Okay, and so let's go back to the word wolf, right? So the other night I had this dream about a person that I know who on the outside he is cool, he's, he's, he's a nice person. And, um, my God, y'all, this is crazy. Like, okay, I'mma tell y'all. So the person that I know, it was a guy I went to high school with, his name was Adolfo. Okay, how God show me things, y'all, it's like so many different layers to it. And so in the dream, right, he was like attached to me, right? It wasn't anything sexual, anything like that of that nature, right? And I'm like, God, why is— why is he so attached to me? What's going on here, right? In my dream, I haven't seen this guy in like almost— y'all, almost like 15, maybe 20 years now. So God told me, go and look up his name, okay? And so I'm like, okay. So I look up the word Adolfo, y'all. It meant— it meant wolf. It meant a majestic wolf, right? Go look it up if you want to. It meant a majestic wolf. And I'm like, wow, God. I'm like, okay, so what does it, you know, mean about me, right? And so what God was showing me— my— even now he's like, tell them, tell them, tell them. Um, even now what God has shown me is that, right, so many of us who are also seasoned believers like myself— I know I'm a mature believer is that we too can be deceived by wolves, right? And this guy that I went to high school with, he's very handsome, very bubbly, very nice, very charismatic, right? Um, everybody loved him. He was a girl— he was a— on the outside, a good person, but his name literally meant wolf. And so it also said that majestic wolf, right? And I'm like, wow, oh my God, this is like so, so layered. And so the Lord was like We— it's like we can be the seeker. We think that because someone looks good, they're nice, they talk right, they say all the right things, they know scripture, they're like, they're safe. But verse 16 says this: But by their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thorn bushes or figs from thistles? Verse 17: Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. In verse 19, every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Verse 20, thus by their fruit you will recognize them. All right, and so what does that mean? If we go to, um, Galatians— I can't quote the scripture right now— where it talks about the fruits of the Spirit, which is the love, which is patience, which is kind, which is long-suffering, right? All these different fruits that we should be possessing to show that we truly are believers of Christ Jesus. Now, I also understand this: sometimes people can have these fruits, right, a little bit of it, and they can still have, like, you know, be a wolf. To be honest, I say that because I lived it, because I've been there. I've been a part of a ministry before where there was somebody with— well, my family, we thought they were a good person because they was givers. They— I mean, oh my God, like you know, they seem to be patient, right? And so it took God himself, it took the Holy Spirit to really like show us that this person, um, did not have our best interest at heart. And also what happens too is that God can be trying to show us things, you guys, but like we think that we're crazy. Well, no, well, in the natural it seems this way, but God is showing me or telling me this, right? And so it takes definitely discernment for you to really see people who seem to be okay in their heart intentions, okay? So I'll get into to that a little bit later, but right now I want to go over the scripture a little bit more. And so what does it mean by, um, you can expect to pick, um, fruit from a thorn— pick a grape from a thorn bush? So think about a relationship, right, or friendship you may have, and that person, you know, you love them, you have, you know, you love them so much, and it's like they begin to show these different signs of just being impatient, just being like a person who really isn't a good person. And so we keep giving them chance after chance after chance, expecting to pick grapes from their thorn bush. And so, my God, even now, God is like, some of you guys are under leaders, under leadership who are wolves in sheep's clothing, and you are seeing the signs of it, but because of your love and your loyalty to them, you would not walk away. My God. My God, she— but Holy Spirit is saying that I am going to cause you to walk away because it is not healthy for you, in his own way. My God, even now God is like, I allow people to get hurt sometimes because they're not listening to me. You're not listening. I'm guilty of that too, okay? I'm guilty of that too in the past. Like, oh my God, I love them, I care about them, I want the best for them. When God is showing me and telling me exactly who they are, and then I end up getting hurt because I'm not being obedient to what God's telling me to do, right? And then when you get hurt, you be upset with God, like, God, I don't understand. God, I love them. God, I did all I could for them. God, I served them. God— I mean, y'all, it's so many different things. Oh my gosh, y'all, this is, uh, so good. And so the Lord is like, I'm, I'm gonna— I'm causing a divide. It's still, it's still happening now, and we're going to continue to see you know, more of these things, um, manifest here on Earth. We're going to see it, okay? We're going to see it. My God. Verse 17, likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. So stop expecting a bad tree to bear good fruit. It's not going to happen unless that person is willing to go to God and allow God to do a new work in their heart, a new work in their mind, a new work in their spirit. My God. Who— they're not going to change, okay? And so even for me, like, over the years, God would show me certain people, their heart, right? On the outside, they seem to be cool, they seem to be nice, right? And I'm like in close proximity with them, and because they're so nice, sometimes I can get comfortable. And the Lord said, don't forget what I showed you. Don't forget you can't trust them. Don't forget the fruit I show you that they actually bear in the spirit. My God. And so you guys, don't forget, don't get comfortable, don't allow yourself to be deceived by people. Allow God to lead you and to show you a person's heart. And also check your own heart, shake your own fruit, make sure that you are, you know, where you need to be when it comes to your salvation and walking it out with God. My God, I am planning to share all that, but listen, Holy Spirit put it on my heart to share with you guys. Okay, look at you guys comment. Yes, amen. All right, the next scripture here is 2 Corinthians chapter 11, verse 13 through 15. For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan comes as an angel of light, so it is no surprise if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds. Okay. So let's go back here a little bit, okay? Satan does appear to us, you guys, as an angel of light. He looks good. Satan, from my understanding, picture he, he was beautiful. He was a handsome man, y'all. So we can't look at the outside of a person and assume that they are healthy or assume that they are great leaders, right? We see it all over social media, or people are, you know, up here, and I see it all the time. I see it every single week. Where these people like have like, you know, 250K followers and they look good, they're beautiful, they have nice clothes, whatever, right? And people gravitate to them because they're— because like they're looking with their eye and not their spirit. My God, you got— in this hour, we have got to stop doing that. We have got to stop looking at people's outward appearance and ask God to show you their hearts, okay? I do it all the time. Even me, like, ask God to show you my heart. Ask God to show you my heart. He will show you. He will show you, okay? By faith, he will show you, okay? 1 John, um, chapter 4:1 says this: Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world, right? This right here is a strategy for you to test those that you are— that are among you. First, you ask God, and the more you get in your word and the more time you spend with him it will increase your discernment. Let me give you my own personal example. So many years ago, um, God's been my God over 10 years now, y'all, showing my age. About 10 years ago, um, my husband and I, my, my little girl, my little baby, but older, she's older now, she's 12 now, and we were at a ministry and I was in a place of like transition. We, we all were, my family was. And so I can look back now and see that I hadn't fully healed from a lot of my past trauma, things I had been through, uh, previously, other ministries as well. And so when I came back to this area where I live now, like, we were like trying to find a church home. And honestly, I was like a little too desperate, to be honest, okay? And so I end up going to this particular ministry. We actually got invited by somebody else, by this Pastor, and like, it was like Looking back now, I can definitely see how he preyed on me and my family, okay? But during that moment, during that time, I was so hurt, and I was just like looking for a place of refuge and a place for me to be able to just like— just to be healed and have community. That I— that, you know, that we all were exposed to this particular wolf. He was a wolf, period. He was a wolf. And so in that, right, while I was there, God would show me dreams and visions about different things at the church, but I didn't understand what I was seeing. And not only that, I was reading my word but at a baby level still, okay? I wasn't in it like I should have been during that time, right? And so because of that, we experienced so much hurt, um, disappointment and things like that, because he was trying to like do everything I just told you about the different type of church hurt. He was doing that to people. He was doing it to people, okay? And for us, it was mainly financial. It was mainly trying to, um, use us spiritually, because he could see that we were spiritually gifted, my family. So he wanted to use that for his church to, um, actually draw in more people. So it's so many different layers to it, you guys. Um, and so the Lord told me this too. He said wolves are so cunning, they're smart, they're patient, they're majestic, okay? Um, they are very arrogant and overly confident. And whenever you are, you know, looking at people from a lens of hurt, from a lens of, um, desperation, from a lens of Okay, God, I need community, right? I, I've been broken, I've been hurt from childhood, from whatever it is. You do not see it. You don't see it. This is why I always say on my platforms is to heal on purpose. Allow God to do a work in your heart. If he say go to— I'm going to counseling, go to counseling. If you have someone who was wise, who was discipling you, you know, go to them, seek support, right? Because when you are hurt and broken, wolves love that. Wolves love ignorant people. Wolves love people who are broken and seeking for support and seeking, you know, refuge, because they are, um, easy targets. Okay, easy targets. All right, next scripture here, 2 Timothy, um, chapter 4, verse 3. For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching but have itching ears. They will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions. Okay, so I put here, listen, we cannot be so desperate to hear from man that we do not hear from God. When we do this, it puts us at risk of being deceived and possibly experiencing more church hurt and, and disappointment because we put a person on a pedestal. We put them on a pedestal, you guys. So in order to really decrease likelihood of us being hurt by people in the church We have to stop putting people on a pedestal. Now, respecting a person and putting them on a pedestal is not the same thing. You can respect them and honor them without putting them on a pedestal because they are not God. We are all vessels for the Lord. That's it. Okay, for me, I try my best to check myself constantly. Shakeeta Torres, okay, where's your heart at, right? To make sure that I'm operating from a humble place with humility before the Lord. And to understand that we are all dust, okay? And the same breath in my lung is in your lungs too, from the Holy Spirit, all right? So I'm no better than you, you're no better than me, you know. Yes, God pours out his measure upon each and every single one of us according to our call and to our purpose, okay? That's it, that's it. No one is supposed to be put on a pedestal like they're God. They're not God, they're not. All right, one more scripture here. Um, 2 Peter chapter 2, verse 1. But false prophets also arose among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you, who will secretly bring in destructive heresies, even deny the Master who bought them, bringing upon themselves swift destruction. So you got— there are so many scriptures that talks about wolves in sheep's clothing. If you go to openbible.info and put in the search, um, search box 'wolves in sheep's clothing,' you will see so many, um, words, you know, pop up from, from the Bible about wolves in sheep's clothing. So I encourage you to go do a deep dive study to make sure that you are equipped in this area, whether you're a baby in Christ, whether you are seasoned in Christ, right? Go continue to study the word of God when it comes to this, you guys. Um, and even now, this is what, this is what I hear God saying to me now. He said, tell them the story about, you know, the old prophet and the young prophet. And so I think, I believe I want to say it's like 2 Kings, I can't remember the actual chapter, but look it up. Look up the young prophet and the old prophet. And so the Lord has sent the young prophet, um, to go give a word, um, to a particular, um, city. And the Lord told him, okay, when you go, come back, come back, right? Don't come back the way you came. Don't stop, don't get no water, don't get no food, just keep on pushing, right? Go give the word and keep— come right on back, right? And so he has stumbled across an old prophet, okay? And this old prophet said, hey, come with me and eat with me, come sup with me. He was like, no, the Lord told me to keep going this way. Well, hey, I'm a prophet, like, I hear from God too, right? I'm more seasoned than you. But it's like what he was saying to him, right? My God. And he said, okay then, well, I'll go, I'll go with you then, because I believe you. After all, you are a prophet, right? So he goes and eat with this man of God, and guess what? When he comes back, he gets eaten by a lion, okay? By a lion. And so God is even saying this— some of you guys, right? And I've been here myself too. God could be telling you to go this way, go, go, go, go, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, right? And you come across your leader, or you come across a prophet, whoever it is, telling you to go this way, right? And God is saying, don't listen to them, listen to what I'm telling you to do, what he's telling you to do, because that will be, you know, that that can cause you to stumble. Um, it can be an assignment God's giving you to do. God can be saying, hey, I want you to go start this ministry, right? But over here saying, no, God didn't say that. Or I— okay, prime example for me, I did a church, um, at a ministry before, many years ago, and the Lord was showing me, it's time for you to go. And so, um, I said, hey, the Lord told me it's time for us to go. And I knew why, but I was trying my best, you guys, to leave in peace. I was trying my best to leave, you guys, without any ruckus. But she was not listening to me, and she was like, well, I know that you and your family are very, um, you know, y'all, you guys can't eat anywhere. And so during this time, my husband's overseas, so it's just me and my girls here. So he's overseas, right, for almost a year for the military. So it's just me, you know. And so like, she took that as a way to try to like, oh, well, you need support or you need help. I'm like, God's my helper. God got me, okay? And so she was like, well, also, you know, you can't eat from anybody's table because you're so gifted and anointed. I'm like, um, God, God got me. So if I had listened to her and stayed there, you guys, ain't gonna tell you what would have happened. Well, I actually, I do know, because when I left, a lot of things kind of came up that was just crazy and chaotic, and it was just so much going on. And so listen to what God is saying. It might look good, it might feel good, I'm telling you, but when God say do something, no matter what anybody else says you need to do it. All right, once again, this Holy Spirit speaking right now. This is a rhema word right now, okay? Rhema word, okay? I even remember a time, um, I was in a different ministry and we were in Georgia, and I was a part of the dance ministry there, and I loved it. I love dance, you guys. I love— I can choreograph, I can do all that. I can— I love it, okay? And so the Lord begins to like, um, show me, okay, it's time for you to actually like leave this ministry. It's time for you to kind of we got to leave again. So I'm like, hey, I'm ready to go. My husband ready to go. He being ready to go. But because I'm on an assignment, you know, at the, um, on the assignment there, the Lord had me stay for a season to complete my assignment, okay? And so the Lord began to tell me, it's time for you to go. And so, uh, I remember saying, well, God, I'm not really ready, right? So I remember one Sunday I went there and I said, y'all, I cannot sit still to save my life. I can— yeah, I was jittery. It was like the Holy Spirit kept convicting me, so I got up and walked out and didn't go back ever again. So I sent the pastor a letter saying, hey, you know, you know, I'm no longer, you know, gonna be a part of the ministry anymore, the dance team. I can't lead it anymore, right? And so he said, okay, thank you, let me know. It was almost like too easy, but the Lord showed me he knows that you see him. He knows what you see, so he does not want you to be there anyway. Right? And so God was trying to save us from, you know, experiencing, you know, the destruction that was going to happen at that ministry. And it did. Like, after we had left, so much had came out about him, you know, folk being abused financially, people were leaving left and right. It was just so much going on. So you got— when I say that I lived this, baby, I lived it. I lived it. I got the hat and the t-shirt, okay? And so you guys, listen to what God is is telling you to do. My God, once again, that's Holy Spirit right now. It's not on my notes for today. Okay, so once again, let's go into strategy, right? So if you have experienced, um, have experienced any kind of church hurt, I'm gonna go into part 3 of what you can do to heal from it. So let me go see you guys' comments before I keep going. All right, thank you guys for getting on. Okay, you guys are just up here just waiting. Alrighty, okie dokie. So part 3 is how do you heal from church hurt? So if you are just getting on now, um, be sure to come back and watch on the beginning of this, um, teaching today. Part 1, um, is about, you know, me talking about what church hurt is. Um, part 2 is about scripture. God released some Rhema word to share with you all who will come up here later. And then part 3, we're going to go into how to overcome church hurt, okay? And trust me, it is possible. And so number one, know this: God desires to heal you. So a lot of times what happens is whenever, whenever, you know, we get hurt at church, we tend to want to turn our back on God and also the church. Okay, I was— so for me, I will say this for sure, I at this point, when I kept getting hurt, you know, hurt a lot, I always knew that it was not God himself hurting me. So I never really turned my back on God. But I did want to be done with ministry and be done with church for sure. Absolutely. Because it's like, God, I'm here trying my best to like love people, I'm trying my best to do the right thing, but I keep experiencing these church hurt and church disappointments, right? But know that God desires to heal you. Because what happens is like you can, you know, fall into this, you know, to this thing of paranoia where you feel like everywhere you go, um, no matter what church you go to everybody is bad, you don't want nothing to do with church, like you just want to be done with all that, right? That's not good at all because not everybody is bad in church. Everyone is, um, out to get you, to harm you, or things of that nature. I know for one I'm not that person, okay? I'm not that person. And there are other folk that I know who are not this way. They honestly have a heart for God's people and for God's sheep, um, and so not everyone is out to get you. Okay, so remember this too, that hurt people hurt people, and you do not want to operate out of your own pain and hurt others intentionally or unintentionally. So let me give you an example of this, okay? So let's say you go to a church, right, or, you know, you have experienced your own trauma from the past, right? You can, um, develop unhealthy attachments with other people because you guys are bonding over your trauma. Okay, it's called trauma bonding when it comes to therapy. Okay, so you can experience trauma bonding with people wherever you have not healed from your own stuff. I've seen this happen as well, trauma bonding. And when you do that, right, you, um, continue to kind of stay stuck in that place. And then for two, you can also hurt other people unintentionally because like you want to save them so bad, you want to help them so bad that you come you know, become consumed with that, and you cannot operate from that place. You have to operate from a healed and solid place and have a solid foundation in the word of God, okay? Um, number 2 is this: grieve. My God, you have to grieve that pain. And what I mean by that— so, um, anytime I've experienced some type of hurt, disappointment on different level, that if someone died or friendship has ended for whatever reasons, right? I allow myself to grieve, okay? When you try to bypass that grief process, okay, you will end up hurting other people even the more unintentionally. So what I mean by grieve, okay, acknowledge the pain, saying this hurt, I'm hurt, I'm frustrated, I'm upset. Like, you need to cry, cry it out. If you need to like journal, journal, do it. Go to therapy, go to therapy, right? Do those things, you guys, to grieve it. God understands, right? Take out time to look at, you know, the whole situation. Go back and feel, okay, how did this happen, right? What are some red flags that I actually ignored, okay? What are some things that I need to take, you know, accountability for? Yeah, that's right. Yeah. So for me, looking back, I can say, Shakeeta, you did not take out time to heal from some of these things you experienced before going to this church, right? And so because of that, I already had wounds that were kind of like backed up that I hadn't dealt with, and I went somewhere else expecting it to be different with the same result. My God. So you cannot— it's like, it's like, you know, putting on a Band-Aid, right? But like, under is still like deep wounded, but it needs more. Like that wound needs more, um, like, you know, more care. It needs more, um, uh, with antibiotics, right? But you're not doing that. You just putting the Band-Aid on it and keep on going, right? So you got wounds leaking, you got all your different things, you know, happening to you. And a healthy church will recognize that. Like, I have a coaching client right now who's going through healing right now in a ministry that she's a part of. It's a very healthy church, and her leader able to say, say, hey, you have not healed, so we're going to give you the space to heal, the space to really let God do a work in your heart, because we understand what you're going through. So they recognize that, thank God, because she don't want to be there because it's like she's afraid of being hurt again, but she heard God tell her to be here in this season, okay? And so like, that's why it's so important to take out time to heal and take out time to grieve the things you have been through, okay? Grieve it. Grieve it so you can heal. Um, number 3, you have to remember that the church is not responsible for your whole life. They are not, you guys. The church is supposed to be a hospital. Yes, it is. But we are not responsible for you to be healthy financially, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and so much more, right? We can give you the tools some church— and for me, what I see is that every church is different, okay? They have different assignments, they have different calls. Uh, the very first assignment they have is to like disciple you, but some are really good at teaching spiritual warfare, some are really good at teaching about, you know, mental health. Like, we all have— they all have different areas where they're really good at. For me, mine is mental health, for sure. Mental health and spiritual warfare too. Yeah, for sure. So just understand and know that when God sends you somewhere to a particular ministry, it's for a reason, and that he wants you to get something from this church, okay? And so stop expecting the church to be all like— to be your end-all be-all fix-all. That's impossible. We cannot— we cannot do that. We can't. Number 3— number 4, actually— get into the word of God for yourself. You must allow God to renew your mind through his word, okay? I recommend going to to— I recommend reading the Book of John first and read the four gospels because there you're able to see Christ's ministry in action, and you're able to see how he dealt with people, how he dealt with naysayers, how he dealt with his disciples, and so much more. And the word of God will sharpen your discernment. If I had been in my word the way I should have been as a baby in Christ, I would have been able to avoid a bunch of hurt I experienced in church over the years. Now I know for sure, um, thank God allows certain things to happen, um, so that way it can grow me, it can refine me, it can mature me to be where I am today for sure. But some of that stuff I, I won't do because of my own ignorance, you guys. We perish because of lack of knowledge, okay? Even now, sometimes like God will conceal things from me so I don't see it because I don't deal with foolery, I don't deal with drama, I don't deal with a whole bunch of crap. I don't. I have a very low tolerance for that, okay? Gossip, I don't to do with all this stuff. And so sometimes God will allow me to encounter relationships and people, and I'm praying, my God, show me their heart. God, show me their intentions towards me, right? And he don't always show me, y'all. And so I'm all right, God, by faith I'm trying to move forward. I don't want to be operating in paranoia or operating in, you know, fear, anxiety of people, um, because of my own past experiences, right? And so I'm not gonna lie, recently it happened to me, recently family, okay? And I'm like— and as time went on, I began to see things with this person. I'm like, God, okay, now I know I ain't crazy. I know what I see. I'm like, God, why didn't you tell me these things before, you know, me communicating with the person on a consistent level? And he told me, he said, daughter, I concealed it from you because I know you. He said, you would not deal with her if you had known those things about her. I'm like, you right, you right, God, you right. He said, but I wanted you to see it so that way you can pray for her. I want you to intercede for her because I desire to heal her and to set her free in those areas too. I'm just like, okay, okay, God. So that takes a level of maturity and to be, you know, really be, you know, mature in some areas, right, for God to be able to do that. But, you know, for the most part, God isn't requiring you to deal with foolery, right, if you're a baby in Christ for sure. What I'm saying is allow God to lead you. Always constantly be in prayer and asking God about a person's heart, even your own heart. Check your heart and your motives too, okay? Okay, um, the fifth thing is here: take your time in new settings, okay? It's okay to visit a ministry that God leads you to, um, to visit, but you know, don't be so quick to just jump in, you know, a ministry and join and do the different things. Like, take your time. Allow God, like, to lead you, right? Um, if you are being triggered or, um, offended easily by something that someone does or says to you, then make sure that you go to God. Say, okay, God, why am I triggered? I do it all the time. God, why am I triggered? Like, why am I offended, right? I have to go back and I have to ask God, and I kind of like go down my own little thing that I do for myself, um, in order to make sure that my heart is in the right place, okay? So I encourage you to do that as well. Okay, and the last thing here is, um, for me, God gave me a whole bunch of dreams and visions about certain things, situations, and people, right? If God does that for you, right, make sure that you are going to God and you asking, asking him about what that means. I can look back now and say God was trying to warn me and show me things about different places I had been to before in the past, but because I didn't have the language for my dreams to really understand what I was seeing, I missed it. So that mean I dealt with some church hurt and church and things too of that nature. Okay, and so that's all I have, um, for you today. Um, let me see you guys' comments, and I'm gonna say a prayer before we end, okay, for my, um, time on Instagram. So you attention? Yes, sister. Hey Bridget, how you doing? How you doing? Mhm. Amen, amen. Look on Instagram real quick. You guys have any comments or questions? Okay. If you guys have any comments or questions, please let me know and I'll try my best to answer them. But in a nutshell, you guys, God— you can't— God desires for you to heal from church hurt, okay? Experiencing church hurt is almost like inevitable, like it's gonna happen to some degree. But there are some things that, um, there we go, there are some things that, that we can avoid if we listen to God and we get in our word and we heal. If you don't get anything else from today's teaching, remember these 3 things, right? Heal on purpose. Let God do a work in you. Um, number 2, get in your word. Allow, um, the word of God to get in your heart in your own personal time. And number 3, um, you know, it's like allow Holy Spirit to, to show you and like to like discern, to help you with your discernment. Okay, okay, that's fine, Tanisha. Yes. Okay, you're welcome, Crystal. Thank you so much. Yeah, it'll be up— it'll be up here on Instagram, on YouTube, Facebook, and also it'll be, um, on my podcast too on Sunday if you want to hear it there. Okay, so yay, you're so welcome. Amen. Yes, thank you for being transparent. Absolutely. I believe transparency heals people so much, for sure, right? And we all go through our own things in life and ministry and Um, to me it's important for people to know that one, I'm human too, and that I know that what I've overcome will be able to help other people. Yes, absolutely. Okay, so I'll go into a prayer and then we'll be done. Okay. And so, Father, I just thank you right now, God, for, um, your word on today. Uh, Father, I pray, God, that, that this word has, um, has, um, reached your people's hearts. For those who are healing from church hurt, who have gone through church hurt, hurt, or who will experience church hurt. Father, I pray that God, you will go before them, that God, you will heal them, that God, you will minister to them. Father, send your ministering angels, God, to cover them, God, to just reach the depth of their souls, to let them know that God, you love them, and that God is not— God is hurting them, but it's people, that people are flawed. No one is perfect, um, we're all walking out our own salvation with fear and trembling. Um, Father, help us, God, to not be deceived by wolves and sheep's clothing. Help us, Holy Spirit, God, to have discernment, to be wise, God, but also to be very loving and patient with other people. Father, help us, God, to be able to work out, um, hard, um, work out hard things with people when it comes to, uh, decisions and conversations about how we feel about what they've done or not done for us. Holy Spirit, help us, God, to be, um, on one accord, to be united. Holy Spirit, um, I pray, God, that wisdom, God, will be our portion, especially in this this hour. Holy Spirit, I pray, God, that you would just continue to do a new work, God, in the body of Christ as a whole. We thank you, Lord God, for what you're doing even now. Yeah, God, it may not look good, it might not feel good, God, but it's necessary, God, for us to have a healthy church. And so, God, I thank you, God, again for every single listener. For those who will come on later, um, I pray for them as well. In Christ's name I pray, amen and amen. Yes, all I have. Thank you guys again so much for coming on. Once again, I have the replay up on, um, all platforms. And I want to go ahead and get off on Instagram because I have 5 minutes up here left on my timer. All right, so I'll get timed out in just a moment. So I will see you guys on next week. And again, you guys have an awesome and amazing, um, rest of your day. All right, bye. All righty, see you guys later. Thanks again for coming.