Season 1 (Episode 25): 10 Ways to Cope with Grief During the Holiday Season

Welcome to Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I am your host, Shakeeta Torres, where I share mental health education, biblical teachings, and tips to help you to heal on purpose so you can walk boldly in your God-given purpose. This podcast is sponsored by Empowered Purpose Academy, a certified online Christian academy where where we provide services such as certification for Christian life coaches, mentorship for master's level aspiring and existing Christian therapists, mentorship for Christians, and continued education courses for the body of Christ. You can visit www.empoweredpurposeacademy.com to learn more and to download your free guide. If you like today's episode, please subscribe and leave us a raving review so that others can tap into the knowledge and wisdom that will be shared on this podcast. Thank you so much for being here.

Hey, so before I get started on today's episode, if you have not subscribed to the paid membership of my podcast community, please do. It is going to bless your life. Listen, my episodes are already like therapy slash coaching sessions where I give you strategy and insight and all that good stuff. But the community, you're going to get a lot more. You're going to get more resources, more tools, and be able to ask more questions where I can create episodes around your questions. And you will be able to get discounts on some of my, my products and my events. So what are you waiting for? The price is very affordable. This is for those who are not quite ready to invest in one-on-one coaching with me or into the Pain, Passion, and Purpose mentorship program, which is also low, by the way, but that one is a lot more in-depth. You get access to courses, you get access to the Facebook community, and all that good stuff. But this is for those who just need to just listen and just gain some tools along the way. So what are you waiting for? Go ahead, subscribe. You won't regret it. It'll bless your life. We'll have topics around mental health and faith, biblical teachings, prayer, um, boundaries, communication, anxiety, depression, purpose, and so much more. I have had experience in mental health since actually about 2008 when I first finished my bachelor's program, and then from that point all the way up today and moving forward, I have gained so much knowledge, so much experience, so much wisdom, and I am anointed for it. So go ahead, hit that button, and I hope to see you in the community.

Hey you guys, let's get into it. And so today we're going to review 10 ways to cope with grief during the holiday season. That's for Thanksgiving, that's for Christmas, and whatever holiday you celebrate, this is for you. Okay, so the number one thing that is so important that has anchored me over the years spiritually is the word of God. The word of God anchors you. It really does. In that moment, sometimes you don't feel it, but whenever you engage in— I'm reading powerful devotionals and feeding your spirit, it does help with the grief symptoms. Will they go away completely? No, because we're human and we're going to have emotions. And so one of my favorite scriptures is Psalm 34:18, says, he is close to the brokenhearted and he saves those who are crushed in spirit. Okay, let me say that again, all right? Psalm 34:18, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. And I pray that this word comes alive for you in your heart, in your life, and whatever you're going through right now that is emotionally draining you and hurting you. So let me break this down a little bit more, you guys. I can honestly say that through all my past traumas and all my grief and everything I've been through, I know that God was close to me. I know he was close. And so maybe about 3 months ago, me and my best friend was having a conversation and we were talking about this particular scripture. And she had been going through a lot, you know, her mom had been sick, you know, going— just going through a whole lot and just in her life in this season. And she's— she told me, Shakeeta, she said, this scripture has came alive for me. She said, because even though my heart is broken, even though I'm going through you know, so many different things right now, God is right there beside me because every time I ask him a question or I try to talk to him, he always respond to me quickly, quickly. And I can feel his presence there, right there beside me, even in my pain. And I'm like, wow, that's powerful. That's powerful. And then also during the pandemic, you know, a lot was going on. People were depressed, anxious, grieving. Oh gosh, the list goes on, right? And I felt it. I felt the pain of other people and the things they were going through. Um, during that time, my husband and I had a Bible study line for almost a year, and every Tuesday night we had prayer and Bible study. It was, it was phenomenal. And, um, our spiritual father had told us, he says, you know, God ears close to us right now. Whenever we are in a crisis, whenever the world's in a crisis, people think, you know, God is not close, but he is ready to respond to us. He's ready to give us an answer. That is so true, because during the pandemic, I can say the same thing. Whenever I ask God a question, it was like he answered me immediately. It was no delay. It was no like wait for a whole week. I felt like he responded quick because the world was in a crisis and people needed answers. People needed direction. They needed comfort to know, to know that God has not forgotten about them. And trust me, I know it feels that away, but he has not forgotten about us. Okay, so spend time in your word. There are lots of devotionals— whoo, I feel God right now! Whoo, thank you, Jesus! Thank you, God! You can go and you can read on the Bible app. So that's one way to kind of keep your spirit encouraged, is to read the word of God about, about being brokenhearted, about grief, and ask God to comfort you, um, during this time. And the second one is, you know, spend time with people. Who fills your cup. Not those who are going to rob you of your peace, but those who fill your cup, those who understand that you're going through a tough time right now. And set boundaries. If you are around people that keep triggering you and you're able to just like stop communication with them for— during this time, it's okay. You have permission to do that. The word of God says to protect your heart, to guard your heart. And so don't make your grief symptoms worse by engaging with people who rob you of your peace or make you feel less than or invalidate your feelings. And I understand that grief shows up in different ways, okay? And so in the Grief and Faith, uh, workshop we'll be doing on December 18th, we'll go more into that. All right, number 3 is do not push down your feelings. If you need time to cry, if you need space to really express how you feel in your private time or with someone, you need to cry, baby, cry, cry. I know I have cried so many times in the past. Like, even my mom's birthday was October 26th, man. I posted about it on Instagram, and you know, I was doing it to encourage people, to let them see, hey, your girl be having emotions too. Your girl has lost too. But I cried. I cried on Instagram Live. I didn't mean to, but all of the emotions came up. And I'm not going to apologize for that because I'm human, okay? So don't try to act like you have it all together because none of us do. It's okay. It's okay to cry. Number 4, reminisce with loved ones if you can. So me and my siblings, what we do sometimes, like, we get together and talk about our mom and the things we did together, and we laugh and pick on each other and all that good stuff. I understand everybody's situation is different. So if you don't have loved ones who are willing and open to talk about the, the loss that you guys experience, create a memory box. Um, you can create you like a little shoebox with the COVID put a slit at the top of the COVID Um, you can put pictures in there, you can put little notes in there, um, you can put cards in there, anything you want to put in there, like a memory box for you to be able to go through and just have your space to grieve and reminisce, that is powerful. That is so important to do that because I feel like some people try to ignore and act like it never happened. And sometimes I understand our brain and our body don't want to like collaborate with each other. And when I say that, you know, our brain can try to protect ourselves from feeling the emotions, but feeling the emotions is very, um, healthy and very necessary. Um, number 5, light a candle in remembrance of that person. Try to honor that person, try to honor your loved one, um, and create a new tradition as well. All right, so we gonna stop right there, take a quick break, because I know there's a lot of information I'm giving you right now and probably causing you to feel a little emotional, and I get it. So let's take a quick break, and then I will go over the last 5 coping skills you can use during this season while you grieve. Hey you guys, I have one final announcement before we officially end today's episode, and that is I have a new e-course coming out called How to Set Boundaries God's Way. It's going to be Amazing. I do have a free quiz for you to take that'll be in the description box called Are Your Boundaries Healthy? I noticed that over the years I've counseled so many people who have had a hard time with setting boundaries, okay? And a lot of times people show up and come to therapy because they're stressed, because they're burnt out, because they're overwhelmed, um, because they, you know, lack self-care. And that's because they may have poor boundaries. So I'm here to help. But also, in addition to the course, if you decide to, um, engage with that, is I have a platform very similar to Facebook through Mighty Networks that is amazing, that you will be able to go in and receive support from me and people who are struggling with the same thing that you're struggling with, which is setting healthy boundaries. And I'm super excited because Facebook is great. Facebook has its place in my life, but I feel like whenever you're dealing with the issues of the heart and you're dealing with, you know, trying to change habits and make healthier habits, Facebook can be very distracting. And so that's why I created a platform or community, um, somewhere else. And it is super easy. You can download the app on your iPhone or your Android phone. We'll be able to do live chat, live Q&A, Q&A and all that good stuff and support one another. I'm super excited about it, you guys. I'm so excited. So I will put the link in the description box for you to take the quiz to kind of see where you are, and you'll have the opportunity to purchase it. The pre-sale is going on right now. Right now it is at a really low price. Like, when I look at what I'm giving and what I'm offering and the value I'll be adding to your life First is the price. The price is so low, um, but after December 1st, it will go up. The price of the course and the community will go up. So go ahead now, take advantage of that. Invest in yourself, invest in your mental health, um, and I will talk to you guys on next time. Talk to you soon. Bye! Hey, hey, hey! I hope you are enjoying this episode so far. Don't forget to subscribe and leave us a raving review. I also want to share with you more about Little Warriors in a Bottle. This is healing anointing oil that God instructed me to prepare back in 2015. I have received so many testimonies since 2015 about this oil. It is powerful. It has changed my life and others. So be sure to go visit www.empoweredpurposeacademy/shop to learn more about the oil. And while you're there, you can check out the new book that I co-authored called Just Say No, a number one international bestseller, where I share my story called What Trauma Stole from Me. It is amazing. It will inspire you and encourage you. And there are also 13 other authors who share their story about setting healthy boundaries. So that's it for our little break. Let's get back into part 2 of this episode. All right, you guys, let's get into the last 5 coping skills that I recommend for you to be able to use while you grieve over the holidays. So the sixth one is create a music playlist. I love music. I love worship music. I love music that reminds me of my loved ones. Um, for example, my mom, she love old school music, and one of the songs she always play a thousand times a week was, um, Practice What You Preach. And I believe this song I can't remember who sang this song.

Was it Barry White?

Yes, Barry White. She loved some Barry White. And it's interesting because my husband also loves old school music, and I often tell him, listen, my mom will love you because you guys will both be in there jamming to all these old school songs. And I, for one, I don't know a lot of old school music as far as like the who sings it, every word. Like, my husband can tell you quickly what a song came from, what year it was created, and who sung it. And my mom could too, and my husband's mom can too as well. So I think that's pretty cool. So create you a music playlist, right? You can do that on YouTube if you want to do YouTube instead and create you a music playlist. Of course, if you, um, do not have it where you don't get any ads, the ads can disrupt the flow. Um, so if you don't have it, you can purchase it on YouTube. Now I'm not trying to market YouTube I'm not getting anything for saying that, but I do that, and it helps me to have a smooth, you know, view of videos that I watch on YouTube or music. You can also do it on your, you know, um, music apps as well. If you have Amazon Music or if you have Apple Music, whatever works for you, you can create you a beautiful playlist of songs. All right, number 7: adopt a person or family if you can during this time. What do I mean by that? You can go to an Angel Tree, um, at any— at the mall, I believe, at some stores— and adopt a person, get them, you know, Christmas gifts. You can donate to Goodwill, you can donate to, you know, the Salvation Army. I know every year we definitely adopt, uh, a boy and a girl, me and my family, and try to get some items for them for Christmas. That really helps us to, you know, give back to people who don't have, and that makes you feel so, so good. Number 8, send out holiday cards. Okay, I'm not saying you have to if you don't feel like it, but spreading joy, giving people encouragement through your handwritten cards or a card that you buy is so beautiful. So this is what I do. The past 2 years I haven't really sent out too many Christmas cards, but what I like to do is during Mother's Day, because I lost my mother, I would give people in my circle, people that I love, and I would give them a Mother's Day card. And honestly, it hadn't just been people I love, but people at my jobs in the past who maybe didn't have children, but they were caregivers for maybe a niece or nephew. To me, a mother is more than a person that gives birth. It is a person who provides support to you, who loves you unconditionally, and pretty much treat you like they're your child. So even though that person didn't give birth to someone, and I knew that they were a person that provide support to people, I gave them a Mother's Day card anyway. And they was so grateful, and it gave me so much joy to see them happy and see them be so thankful that I thought about them. So try that for Christmas for those, you know, who have lost someone, or if you know someone that just need encouragement, send them out a Christmas card. All right, number 9 is do not overdo it. Grieving is exhausting at times because your emotions are high. You're still probably working, caring for people, and it is exhausting. So do not feel the pressure. Do not get caught up in trying to do all this extra stuff for people like going Christmas shopping, buying all these gifts. If you do that and that's your thing and that works for you, go ahead. But if it's draining you and you are finding yourself feel like you have to do it just because, then maybe you should kind of take a seat, right? And then say, hey, this year I can't do it. Or let people know that you usually buy gifts for, hey, you know, I'm not buying the gifts this year, but you know, here's a card and I'm thinking about you. You know, gifts is not the only way you can express yourself to people about how you care about them. Just a card, a text message, anything like that. And hopefully and prayerfully someone is doing that to you too while you are grieving. And so don't feel like you have to do and carry all these things. Rest. All right. And the final thing that I want to say is seek support if you find that you are stuck and that you are feeling depressed. And it's okay to have sad days, but if you having a lot more sad days than you are good days, it is time to seek professional help. It is. Facebook has lots, lots of groups where you can go in and receive support. Some of them have like live, uh, support groups online. If you go to Google right now and do your research Online grief support groups, so many things will pop up. Some are free, some cost money. And of course, I also provide, um, counseling and coaching services. So I will post the link, um, in the description box as well. I provide coaching to anyone across the world. I also do grief coaching, and I also do grief counseling in my therapy practice that is in North Carolina. So seek support. Do not feel like you have to go through this alone or by yourself. So that's it for today. Thank you so much for listening, and I will talk to you guys the next time. Thank you so much for being here today. If you like today's episode, please take out time to rate my podcast and subscribe and share with your family and your friends. Thanks again, and I will talk to you soon.

Shakeeta Torres.