In this solo episode of the "Pain, Passion, and Purpose" podcast, host Shakeea Torres opens with a brief promotion of her paid podcast community and the Empowered Purpose Academy sponsor. She then shares a heartfelt Mother’s Day reflection, recounting the loss of her mother in a house fire when she was 11, the mixed emotions she experiences each year, and how her faith and family have supported her healing. She describes her youngest daughter’s intuitive connection to her late mother and offers insight into how children process parental loss. Torres discusses the stages of grief, emphasizing the importance of expressing emotions rather than denying them, and introduces a therapeutic exercise called "Grief in Six Words" that she used with a client. She announces an upcoming e‑course titled "Grief and Faith," outlining its content (grief education, biblical integration, coping tools, and resources for families) and its accessibility to both Christian and non‑Christian audiences. Throughout, she weaves faith‑based guidance on forgiveness, setting healthy boundaries, and relying on God’s comfort for the broken‑hearted. The episode concludes with a music cue, a personal anecdote about a song she played at her wedding in memory of her mother, and multiple calls to action for subscriptions, reviews, donations, and course enrollment.
Chapters
Welcome to Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I am your host, Shakeeta Torres, where I share mental health education, biblical teachings, and tips to help you to heal on purpose so you can walk boldly in your God-given purpose. This podcast is sponsored by Empowered Purpose Academy, a certified online Christian academy where where we provide services such as certification for Christian life coaches, mentorship for master's level aspiring and existing Christian therapists, mentorship for Christians, and continued education courses for the body of Christ. You can visit www.empoweredpurposeacademy.com to learn more and to download your free guide. If you like today's episode, please subscribe and leave us a raving review so that others can tap into the knowledge and wisdom that will be shared on this podcast.
Thank you so much for being here.
Hey, so before I get started on today's episode, if you have not subscribed to the paid membership of my podcast community, please do. It is going to bless your life. Listen, my episodes are already like therapy slash coaching sessions where I give you strategy and insight and all that good stuff. But the community, you're going to get a lot more. You're going to get more resources, more tools, and be able to ask more questions where I can create episodes around your questions. And you will be able to get discounts on some of my, my products and my events. So what are you waiting for? The price is very affordable. This is for those who are not quite ready to invest in one-on-one coaching with me or into the Pain, Passion, and Purpose mentorship program, which is also low, by the way, but that one is a lot more in-depth. You get access to courses, you get access to the Facebook community, and all that good stuff. But this is for those who just need to just listen and just gain some tools along the way. So what are you waiting for? Go ahead, subscribe. You won't regret it. It'll bless your life. We'll have topics around mental health and faith, biblical teachings, prayer, um, boundaries, communication, anxiety, depression, purpose, and so much more. I have had experience in mental health since actually about 2008 when I first finished my bachelor's program, and then from that point all the way up today and moving forward, I have gained so much knowledge, so much experience, so much wisdom, and I am anointed for it. So go ahead, hit that button, and I hope to see you in the community.
Hello everybody, happy Mother's Day! Welcome back to my podcast. Thank you so much for being here. Um, I definitely look forward to today's episode. Um, this episode is definitely near and dear to my heart. I definitely wanted to record this before Mother's Day, but it was so much going on. I'm trying to enjoy my family, trying to enjoy my Mother's Day, um, and just really be intentional about being present in the moment. That was my main goal for, um, Saturday and Sunday, and so I did. I had an awesome weekend. But some of you guys, you know, may know I'm very transparent about the loss of my mom and how tragic it was and how It really, you know, broke my heart. It really did. And so for me, every year Mother's Day is— I have different emotions. Of course, you know, I'm sad because I miss my mom. I'm happy because I can see the things that God has done in my life, and I can see his hand over my heart, and I can see how he has healed me from that broken little girl to now a strong woman of faith who, you know, he uses to help other people to heal and help other people to get through their traumas and their losses. And so I'm just so grateful. And so my Mother's Day started off really, really great. It was great all day. I woke up Sunday morning and, you know, I was feeling good. And then one of my closest friends, my sister in Christ, you know, one of my best friends, has sent me a Marco Polo. And I can tell that she had been in worship. And she's a Shakeeta Torres. She said, I just want to let you know that I love you, I'm proud of you, and and, um, you're a great mom, you're a great friend, you're great, you're just a great woman of God. And I broke down crying because for one, um, it wasn't necessarily just what she said, but it was like I can feel God's heart, I can feel her heart whenever she said that. It was just a, a 2-minute video, but it just really touched the very core of my heart. And, um, I, I know God knew that I needed that in that moment, um, and God used her in that moment to really just speak into my heart. And, um, yeah, and so I just— I did— I cried and I was like, God, thank you. And I just went into worship mode myself because I'm like, God, just thank you for, you know, how far you have brought me. You brought me out of so much and you healed my heart from so much, you know. And so, um, and then as the day went on, me and my family and our neighbors We went, um, to the, to the zoo. It was amazing. It was awesome. Um, and it's interesting, uh, my youngest daughter, who is 5 now, you know, when she was about 3, she began to ask me, you know, Mom, like, where's your mom at? I'm like, you know, my mom died. So of course, you know, at their age, they don't really comprehend the fact that, you know, you know, death means like gone forever in the physical. And so she, even to this day, she'll ask me, Mom, You know, your mom died, right? I'm like, yes, baby, she died. And she's like, well, how she died? Because like, she's like, she don't forget, but she just want to keep checking in to see if anything has changed. And that's normal. So if you have any young children or around young adolescents, understand that it's normal for them to, you know, ask you over and over again if someone has passed away. Um, and so what was so beautiful though was, um, they were like, Mommy, show me a picture of your mom again. And so my youngest one hadn't seen a picture of her in a while. Um, I do have pictures of my mom. I have a whole album of her pictures, and honestly, I didn't get a whole bunch because, um, she had died in a house fire, so everything that was in there we lost. So the album that I do have actually came from my uncle, which is her brother, and so, um, he gave that to me. Well, actually, no, he didn't give it to me. His daughter did because the house that he was living in had actually burnt down too. So a lot of things that we had has been— have as far as memories and pictures are lost, you guys. They're literally like been in the fire, um, they had to be thrown out by, you know, the police department, the ambulance, and things like that. So what I was, um, saying was my, um, youngest daughter, you know, she, um, was telling me, Mommy, she said, I seen your mom before. And I'm like, you seen my mom before? I'm like, you know, when? Like, where? And she's like, I seen your mom, um, in my dream. She said, me— she said, your mom is an angel in my dream. And she said she and I, we play hide and go seek, we play tag, we go to the store, we get candy. She played with me. And I was just like in awe because she's never told me that before. But she, you know, probably wasn't able to articulate, "Mom, I saw your mom," because I don't really have any pictures up in my house of her. I mean, no reason in particular, like, you know, I love my mom, I just don't have pictures hanging up like that. Honestly, I don't have that many at all. I have a few of my family, but that's about it. Um, but she said, yeah, Mommy, I see her. She said, Mommy, I just love you so much. And like, when she was saying that, she was talking to me, my heart was just so mushy because again, I can feel, you know, my mama's spirit, and I can feel my daughter's heart, and I can feel God's heart towards me on Mother's Day. And so throughout the day, you know, she kept checking on me. Mama, you okay? You all right? I'm like, yeah, baby, I'm great. And I just think it's just for her age, she's so intuitive and she's so observant and she's so smart and she really is a mama's girl. So if she see her mom in any kind of distress, she has like something to say. Or someone bothers me, you know, she, she goes hard for her mama. So with, um, that being said, you know, Mother's Day for me every year is great, you know. Um, starting off when I was younger, you know, I said she— I was 11 years old when she died. It was definitely difficult. It was definitely hard because I'm 11 years old, my heart felt like it had been ripped out of my chest. And so then not only that, I think about people who have lost their mom, especially now, especially around this time with the pandemic and, you know, COVID and just— oh, and I have some clients that I'm seeing now who their mom have died recently, like last year. And so that was, um, very difficult for them. So trying to help them to get through that And so I had to be really intentional about being present and about allowing myself the space and grace to like, you know, enjoy my family but also think about my mom, um, but not always be engaged with helping other people. So that's just a form of self-care. And so I actually had a session today with a client, and you know, she was saying her Mother's Day was not extremely difficult. She went to the gravesite, but what she realized is that she was you know, avoiding her feelings and trying to like be, you know, she's like pretty much like in denial still, in denial still. And if you guys are familiar with the, um, with the grief stages, there are so many of them. There's no way— there's no correct way to grieve, but one of them is denial. You go through the denial, you go through anger, you go through bargaining, you go through depression, you go through, you know, you can accept it, and then you can kind of go back and forth like a pendulum between the different on the different stages. And so today with her, I was being very intentional about her, you know, expressing her emotions and tapping into how she's feeling, because avoiding those emotions are not healthy, because eventually it will catch up with you and you will— you'll explode. You have like a mental breakdown. You, you will, okay? Because your body can only hold but so much, okay? Your heart can only hold but so much. And so what I did with her today was an activity from this website called, um, um, Grief in Six Words. And what you do is you, um, choose six words to express the death or express how you feel in the moment or express, you know, hope. I've expressed, um, how the person passed away, um, express a memory you guys engaged in together. So it's not all bad things, but the goal is to help you to express yourself both in how you feel in the, the pain and how you feel when it comes to, you know, the hope in the past and things like that. And so she, she loved it. She said, oh my God, this is so amazing, I love it. And you can actually submit your 6 words on the website. And so I did one with her, and, um, she's going to do one, she said, when she gets off work today. So I did one, and my words were, she died in a house fire alone, and she did. Those are my 6 words that I chose., and, um, I posted it. So you might see my name up there, Shakeeta Torres, uh, if you go to the website. But it's so powerful, and it really, um, helps others to see your pain but also see the good moments and see the good memories. Um, another one I could have put, which I haven't did it yet, you know, was, "My mom loved to sing songs." That's 6 words. My mom loved to sing. My mom— oh my God, like, our house was always full of music. My mom loved to dance. My aunt loved to dance, which is her sister. They look a lot alike. Um, and so, um, it's amazing. So with that being said, I am creating an e-course called Grief and Faith, and I'm almost done with it. I will announce the launch date really soon, but I've done, um, like 6 or 7, if not more, grief and faith workshops. And I've also, you know, have been doing um, grief counseling since 2013. And so I'm very familiar with grief in my personal life and in my career. And so in my course, I want to really talk about grief, really, um, give you guys education and knowledge about grief, about what's normal, what's not normal, and give you the language. A lot of times I have clients who do not have the language to, to express how they feel or to express where they are right now. And there's so much research and literature out there to help to, um, to help you to understand that. And especially in the faith community, you know, we're always taught to pray about it, to shout about it, to read scripture. And that's great, you know, God wants you to do that, but he also wants you to understand and know that what you're going through is normal. Um, and the word of God says that his people perish due to a lack of knowledge. And so my goal is to share knowledge with you all, and it's going to help so many people every time I do this workshop. I did it at Fayetteville State, I did it at UNC Pembroke, I did it with one of my mentors and colleagues who I love dearly, Dr. Hardy. She— every time I do it, like, I never get any negative feedback. They always want me to do more. They always want me to do a more intensive workshop because typically they're about 2 hours long. But so this course, I'm going to like put as much in there as I possibly can that I think will be relevant for people to know, and also tools and techniques to help, you know, to help you to cope, not only you, but your children and your family. And it's not just geared toward people who are Christians, but it's geared really to anybody. I have scriptures in there. It'll be laced with scripture and laced with hope and encouragement. But the literature and knowledge of grief doesn't change. It's still the same. And people who are not Christians, you know, who, you know, attended the workshop, loved it. I think at the USC Pembroke, we had over 70 participants. To attend. And then it went for February's day, about, I think, about the same amount attended there too as well. And they always want me to do more, you know. So this, this course is going to be very inexpensive and you have access to it for life. And I'll also be doing other courses about mental health and spiritual development and personal development. So I wanted to announce that real quickly. Um, so with that being said, um, you might hear in the background, you might hear this beat, this music. Um, it's a song, um, by Jamie Foxx called I Wish That You Were Here. Well, I Wish You Were Here. And that song came out in '09, um, right before I got married. And I played this song at my wedding in honor of my mom. And my siblings and I love this song so very much. Every time I hear this song, I do get teary-eyed, I do get mushy in my heart because it's a beautiful song and it, it really does explain how I feel at times, you know, wishing that she was here, wishing she was here during the times when I have great success, or the times whenever I feel, you know, lost or discouraged, you know, I wish she was here. Um, my mom died when I was 11, and we definitely have a lot of good time. We have some not so good times too, because I shared before, she was an alcoholic, you know, she was in domestic violence relationships. So every memory I have of her is not good. But I do forgive my mom. I'm in a place where I can, I can talk about her and I forgive her, but I can still, I still love her because you only have one mom. I understand that a lot of people have mothers that are still here and they might have like an estranged relationship, and I'm not telling you to go back into that relationship. I'm not telling you to put up with any crap from your mom or any crap for anybody for that matter. Set your boundaries, like make sure that you're healthy, make sure that you're mentally, you know, um, in a good place But, you know, just pray for your mom. Just pray for her. Just pray. All you can do is pray for her. You can't save her. There's nothing you can do to make her love you, love you no more. But, you know, one thing I, I had to learn, and one thing that God helped me with, was, you know, the word of God says that, you know, he is close to the brokenhearted for one, which is very true. Another thing that for me was, you know, God was always telling me that I can be your mother, I can be your father. That scripture, and he can, y'all. Like, the Lord over the years has shown me so much love, and he has done so much for me. Like, I have an awesome husband who loves me unconditionally. I have two beautiful daughters who adore me, um, who I get to, you know, love them, um, love them unconditionally, give them the things that my mom wasn't able to give to me due to her addictions and due to her struggles and her pain, she couldn't give me the unconditional love that, you know, she was capable of doing. Because whenever she was sober, she was great. She was a great, great mom. And so I understand that everybody's situation is different. And I'm not gonna sit here and act like you should just go and just like fall back into a trap of being in a situation, a relationship that's toxic. So because the word of God does say that, you know, yeah, you hear the scripture all the time, honor thy mother and thy father, but after that it says, you know, mothers and fathers, like, do not exasperate your children. That means to not, to, you know, hurt them, not to beat them down. So no, God does not expect for you to stay in a toxic relationship. Most importantly, hear God, hear what he wants you to do about your specific situation. He'll give you instructions. But the word clearly does say you don't have to put up with that stuff, okay? Um, and so I just want you guys to be encouraged today. Um, you know, if you— you know, mothers always mean a person that gave birth to you. It can be someone that's just been, you know, a constant support in your life. I have mine. I have my aunt. My aunt is my uncle's wife, and she definitely has been a jewel in my life, and she has poured so much into me. And, you know, she, um, she can't replace my mom. She know that, I know that. But God has used her to mother me whenever I needed, needed it, you know. And so I'm thankful for that. And so, oh my God, I have so many stories, so many. Oh my God, so much I could share about just my mom and with her passing and things I had to heal from just from that, you know, dealing with rejection and dealing with, you know, the grief and the trauma and the abuse, and, uh, it's so much. But God is a healer. But I just want to get on today, um, to say happy belated Mother's Day. I'm thinking about you, I'm praying for you, my heart is really with you. And just stay tuned for my, my Grief and Faith, um, course. You know, go to my website and just, uh, register, and I will definitely send out emails letting you guys know whenever this course is released. I'm super excited about it. I was supposed to have had it done maybe about a couple of weeks ago, but I was under the weather with my allergies. And so to this week, I'm going to start recording it. So I'm ready to get it done because it's just been sitting here looking at me. I'm looking at it. So I'm ready to get it done and get it out to the people. So again, thank you so much for listening. Um, and until next time, have a great day. Bye-bye.
Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. Our prayer is that this podcast episode has blessed you. Don't forget to go and subscribe and leave us a raving review. If you would like to sow into this ministry or to this podcast, Pain, Passion, and Purpose, you can do so at anchor.fm/painpassionandpurpose or Cash App, dollar sign Shakeeta Torres. Thank you so much, and I will talk to you next time.
