Season 1 (Episode 7): Healing While Leading

Welcome to Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I am your host, Shakeeta Torres, where I share mental health education, biblical teachings, and tips to help you to heal on purpose so you can walk boldly in your God-given purpose. This podcast is sponsored by Empowered Purpose Academy, a certified online Christian academy where where we provide services such as certification for Christian life coaches, mentorship for master's level aspiring and existing Christian therapists, mentorship for Christians, and continued education courses for the body of Christ. You can visit www.empoweredpurposeacademy.com to learn more and to download your free guide. If you like today's episode, please subscribe and leave us a raving review so that others can tap into the knowledge and wisdom that will be shared on this podcast.

Thank you so much for being here.

Hey, so before I get started on today's episode, if you have not subscribed to the paid membership of my podcast community, please do. It is going to bless your life. Listen, my episodes are already like therapy slash coaching sessions where I give you strategy and insight and all that good stuff. But the community, you're going to get a lot more. You're going to get more resources, more tools, and be able to ask more questions where I can create episodes around your questions. And you will be able to get discounts on some of my, my products and my events. So what are you waiting for? The price is very affordable. This is for those who are not quite ready to invest in one-on-one coaching with me or into the Pain, Passion, and Purpose mentorship program, which is also low, by the way, but that one is a lot more in-depth. You get access to courses, you get access to the Facebook community and all that good stuff. But this is for those who just need to just listen and just gain some tools along the way. So what are you waiting for? Go ahead, subscribe. You won't regret it. It'll bless your life. We'll have topics around mental health and faith, biblical teachings, prayer, um, boundaries, communication, anxiety, depression, purpose, and so much more. I have had experience in mental health since actually about 2008 when I first finished my bachelor's program, and then from that point all the way up today and moving forward, I have gained so much so much experience, so much wisdom, and I am anointed for it. So go ahead, hit that button, and I hope to see you in the community.

Hey, you guys, welcome back to my podcast. Thank you all so much for your patience. I haven't did a podcast in maybe about 3 weeks, maybe a little bit more than that, but No, no fear. I'm still here. I'm not going anywhere, for one. Um, and for two, I have been busy working on trying to prepare my new school to launch, and it should be launching in a couple of days, you guys. Maybe, maybe 3 or 4 days, because me and my tech person are working out the tech. The course is done. The course is ready to be showcased to the world, okay? It's just getting the tech stuff in order so that when people are going and signing up and registering, that it's a smooth process for you all, okay? And so I'm super excited about it. This is definitely another extension of a vision that God has given me when it comes to helping people to heal, helping people to understand mental health, spiritual development, all that good stuff. And so my very first course that I would be— I will be releasing is Grief and Faith. Grief and faith is so dear to my heart because I lived it. I lived it, okay? I've had to heal from you know, grief and the trauma of grief too is real. And so I have done a grief and faith workshop so many times, okay? And I counsel clients who come to me for grief specifically. And I find that, you know, especially now with the pandemic and with everything that's happened in the world, people need the language, people need the tools to heal, and they don't always have the income or the time to really, you know, really get into therapy, the way, the way, you know, they want to. And so this course is for clients, um, people in the public, um, it's for other therapists, social workers, life coaches, spiritual leaders. It will definitely give you the tools you need to help you to heal. I was posting about it a little bit about, you know, my school coming in, um, soon on Instagram, and people have been inboxing me and DMing me about the course and could they get it to help them to be a better coach for other people. I'm like, definitely yes, the course will have a full toolkit of over— honestly, it's over 100 strategies, you guys, over 100, because, um, I, I put about 2 or 3 manuals in there as well that I have, along with a whole bunch of other tools you can use for not only adults but also for children. And of course, you know, if you have any questions about the content in there, you have the, um, you know, you're able to email, you know, my team, my admin team, to ask questions as well. Um, so I'm super excited about that, and you'll have access access to the course forever. If I add anything to it, if I update anything, you will be the first person to know because you purchased the course. And it's going to be very inexpensive. You're going to get a lot of content for what you pay.

A lot.

And so stay tuned for that. I'll definitely do another podcast, um, you know, talking about the launch date and all that good stuff. And also follow me on Instagram. Instagram is the place where I do most of my content. But I also do, you know, blogs, my podcast. I do, you know, emails, send out, you know, encouraging emails to my audience as well. And so also be sure to join my email list. Okay. So today I really want to kind of continue on the conversation with mental health and healing and killing the stigma. And so the first part of this year, January 2021, I was in the shower and I heard the Lord. He told me, he said, daughter, in 2021, this year I'm going to use you to help my people to heal more, right? His leaders. And so when I'm talking about leaders, for one, people automatically think that, okay, it's a pastor or a prophet or evangelist or someone who has like a ministerial role in the church. But no, a leader is a person in any capacity on your job, wherever you are, whether you're a doctor, you're a dentist, you're a janitor, you a teacher, you a social worker, wherever you work and you are a leader, you're a leader. You, I mean, you have influence over people. And so God said that he want his people to heal because this past year has been very difficult for so many of you guys due to, you know, the pandemic. And whenever you're not taking out time to heal you can become bitter. You can start having no unforgiveness, depression, sadness, anxiety, um, unprocessed trauma, grief— all these things that come up that causes us to get so full. So let me tell you the reason why a leader should heal. The number one reason why is because if you don't, you will start to throw up on other people. Okay, and let me explain myself. So for example, let's say, you know, okay, you a leader and you lost your baby. You're, you know, you had a miscarriage or, you know, your baby passed away. Now God, that's very, that's very tragic and very horrible. It really is. It's a very— oh God, I don't wish that on anybody, but it happens. And let's say that you have, you know, um a friend or a family member who had a child, and it triggers you. But it's triggering you in a way to make you angry, to make you depressed, to make you, you know, feel some kind of way to the point where it is like debilitating you, whether in public, in private, or both. And so God wants you to take out time to process some of that stuff so that way you're not, you know, reacting to other people out of your own pain, right? You know, I think about myself, okay, okay, let me use me for example. I'm a therapist, okay? So as a therapist, I have to make sure that I am mentally and emotionally stable, okay? Thank God. That's why I'm so glad that I did my work. I'm so glad that I healed before I became a therapist, before I went out into my own practice. And when I'm saying healed, I mean talking about my trauma from my past, you know, grief, you know, my anxiety and all that. Of course, we all have little things here and there that we definitely need to keep before the Lord and definitely be mindful of. But me healing also made me more— made me mindful of my own actions, my own thoughts, um, how, you know, I respond to certain things. And so one time I remember I had a session, I was going through a season in my life where I was becoming— I was hurt because certain people wasn't there for me while my husband was overseas, okay? And so over time, I became so angry that I started to become a little— I started to become bitter. And it kind of snuck up on me, to be honest. And, um, at this time I was doing therapy, but I was like part-time maybe, and I wasn't operating in my own practice. I was working somewhere else, but really I wasn't doing a lot of therapy. I was doing more so assessments and community work, like case management, okay? And so, um, one day I was in therapy session with someone and they started talking about, you know, their family and how they were— they weren't there for them. And I was triggered and I began to get upset. Because like, I was like, I know exactly what you mean. And when I said that, I said, oh no, no ma'am, no ma'am, and no sir. Honey, that next week I called and found me a therapist because I knew at that point that I was starting to have what they call like transference in therapy. You have countertransference and you have transference, right? One means whenever the client is looking at you and you remind them of like a parent or a loved one or someone that they, you know, that was close to them. And for the therapist, it can mean the client can remind you of someone, or something they say or they do, it can trigger you. And so when that happens, you know, ethically we're supposed to seek out counsel. And I try my best to do that. If I feel like something's going on that's triggering me because something in my heart is not resolved, I need to seek counsel, and I do. And so I did, and I went to see the therapist and was talking to her about what I was going through, and she just really just let me have my space. She was wonderful. And then, um, you know, I had to— I had to go before the Lord. I had one of my friends call me, Shakeeta Torres, the Lord said that you operating unforgiveness. And I'm like, what? Well, I'm upset and I'm hurt and I'm disappointed, and you know, all these things, y'all. But I had to make a choice. I had to make a choice to give it up, give it to the Lord, allow God to heal my heart so I can move on and continue to be effective and not throw up on other people, okay? Whether it's my clients, my family members. It was to the point where my husband, like, I'll talk to him about it, he would look at me like I was crazy because he was like— I don't think he really knew what to say because he knew how I feel and what I was saying was valid, you know. But at the same time, you know, I'm pretty sure he was thinking, this girl, she needs to go see somebody. And my husband is very patient. He's not quick to respond but quick to listen to me and validate my feelings. So thank God for him, for his patience, okay. Like, that's an example of what can happen if you don't take out time to heal. It will show up. It will show up in other areas. It will show up in your relationships. It will show up, you know, in whatever you're doing, right? You know, anger, all that, right? So healing while leading is what God gave me for 2021, okay? And so with that being said, I have— I've counseled, you know, before in the past, leaders who were in church. I've counseled, you know, people who are, you know, looking and seeking to walk in their purpose, and they need to heal But it is very highly recommended that you heal before you step out into your purpose, okay? So that you will be whole. Because I'm telling you, wherever you operating in purpose and God is calling to a different level, um, you have to deal with rejection. You're gonna have to deal with disappointment. You're gonna have to deal with so many things. Like, am I— when I started to step out and open up Empowered to Shear my mental health practice, yeah, I was scared to I was scared.

I was scared.

Not scared to death, but I was scared. But oh my God, who gonna come see me? Like, okay, like, what if it don't work? What if I invest all this time, energy, and money and it don't go through? So literally every single time the Lord has called me to step out into something new, I go through that same process. Okay, what if this happened? What if that happened? And I talked to the Lord, and the Lord began to minister to me, and I seek wise counsel, and talk to my husband, and I talked to my best friend, and I talked to my spiritual father who was, you know, of me and my husband, who, you know, who, you know, pastors us and shepherds us and pray for us. And to, to really work out that whole process, right? Even especially with the nonprofit, I talked about this before, you guys, like, that's a lot of work, you know. And I'm like, Lord, what if the people you put in place leave me? What if, you know, I'm sitting here trying to lead this nonprofit and people just bounce on me? And guess what? What if they do? What if they do? God is still just. God is still faithful enough to give me exactly what I need to keep walking in my purpose. And so today, that's it. I encourage you that if you are a leader and you know you have some unresolved stuff going on from your past, pay attention to how you respond. Pay attention to how you react to people. If people are telling you something about yourself that they see, listen to them. Listen to them, especially if they love you and they have your best interest at heart. That's what happened to me when I was operating in unforgiveness and I was becoming bitter. It took one of my friends who I trusted and loved saying, Shakeeta Torres, you have become bitter. And I was like, what?

Not me. Not me.

I didn't—

I'm not—

am I bitter? I'm like, oh, I am, because I'm angry. I'm really angry. And in that moment, I had to release that thing. I had to release it. And so just think about people who have deeper rooted issues that haven't dealt with. Just today, just today alone, I had a session with one of my clients. And you know, she works in a professional realm. I'm not going to say what her, her job title is, um, to protect her privacy, but she works in a professional realm. And she said, Shakeeta, I have a coach who's my mentor who's helping me with my business stuff. And she has not healed. Like, she's smart, she's intelligent, but she treat us like crap. You know, you can tell she's looking for validation. You can tell she's looking for us to like, you know, need her and to like coddle her. And when we don't do that for her, she just throw us away. Or I'm just like, wow, wow, that is so sad. That is so sad because you're going to be rejected. You're going to be— you're going to go through all these different things. And so in the future, one of the courses I am going to teach about is dealing with rejection, cuz rejection, that is— oh my gosh, I've been studying about that more lately and it's deep. Like, there's all types of rejection, okay? There's different levels of rejection, and I want to help some of y'all to heal from rejection, okay? So that's it, that's all I have, y'all, for tonight. So until next time, um, I will talk to you and I will share whenever my course launches. Talk to you soon. Bye. Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode.

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