Season 1 (Episode 8) Grief & Faith: Where Have I Been

Welcome to Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I am your host, Shakeeta Torres, where I share mental health education, biblical teachings, and tips to help you to heal on purpose so you can walk boldly in your God-given purpose. This podcast is sponsored by Empowered Purpose Academy, a certified online Christian academy where we provide services such as certification for Christian life coaches, mentorship for master's level aspiring and existing Christian therapists, mentorship for Christians, and continued education courses for the body of Christ. You can visit www.empoweredpurposeacademy.com to learn more and to download your free guide. If you like today's episode, please subscribe and leave us a raving review so that others can tap into the knowledge and wisdom that will be shared on this podcast.

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Hello everybody, welcome back to my podcast. I know many of you guys are probably wondering, where is Shakeeta? What happened to her? We haven't heard anything from her on her podcast. But I have a great reason why I have not been on my podcast. That is because, um, the day before Father's Day, my husband's oldest brother was actually murdered. Um, and so my family and I have really been dealing with that and just taking out time to heal. And of course, around the same time, I was getting ready to release my new course, Grief and Faith, right? How ironic is that? And let me tell you something, as you guys know, I'm very familiar with grief. I'm very familiar with the process. You know, I'm a therapist, I'm a life coach. I know the language. I know, I know how this grief thing works. But let me tell you, every grief situation is different. When I say situation, I mean the experience of the person that passed away is different. Right? Um, this is my husband's first time dealing with grief in this capacity. Um, his grandmother passed away maybe about 4 or 5 years ago. He had an aunt that passed away a few years ago, but it's different. This is his sibling, his oldest brother. Um, he is the— my husband is the youngest of 3 boys, and his other brother is not really in the picture for different reasons. I won't share because of my husband's privacy, but as far as his brother He and his brother had gotten really close over the past maybe about 2 to 3 years. And so I'm so thankful for that. But how he died was very, um, it was very tragic. And so, um, the day of Father's Day, we were definitely grieving and just, you know, trying to just take it easy. And I really just been trying to be an anchor for my own family. I have 2 daughters. My youngest daughter Shakeeta Torres, who will be 6, um, in a couple days. She had a really hard time because she was very close to her uncle, and they actually had spoken over video chat on Facebook the day before. And, you know, I explained to her that he had passed away, and of course she cried. But, you know, little kids, for the most part, they need that evidence. They need to be able to see. And so my husband and I were just discussing, okay, should the girls go to the funeral? Should we just, you know, wait? And of course, my Grief and Faith e-course addresses everything that I just experienced, you guys. No lie, no lie. Um, one of the parts I put in, um, this e-course is grief in children, and it's very different than adults, very different. And That particular module has been highly requested from me whenever I would do live webinars, but I never had enough time to really dig deep into it. And so that is a section that I really put a lot of time into, is finding resources and really helping people to understand whether they should tell their child, how they should tell their child, um, how they, how they respond, what's normal, what's not normal, and all that good stuff. So she's only 5, she'll be 6 like I said, in a few days. And we kind of struggled a little bit with taking her to the funeral, but we both decided, okay, let's go ahead and take them because if they're going to experience a loss and really go through that grieving process too as their parents, we wanted to be there for them and help anchor them and help to explain things to them so they'll understand. And we did not want to lie about anything that happened either. And so when we, you know, got to the funeral, you know, the body was an open casket. And I didn't go up to the body, you know, I didn't want to do that. That's not my thing. I don't like sitting and staring at, staring at people's bodies. That's just not me. Even, even whenever my mom passed away, I didn't really want to stare too much either. I know that that's their body, their spirit is not in their body anymore. And so my, um, my kids did the same thing. They didn't go look at the body either. We actually, you know, went inside and we just sat down. And we had a very small intimate, um, funeral, so By the time we got there, everyone was already sitting down, and it was maybe only about 30 people there, maybe a little bit more than that, as far as family and close friends. So we didn't have to actually, you know, walk in together and like walk in front of the body. We didn't go to view the body beforehand because my husband didn't want to. So whatever my husband wanted to do, I try to support whatever he wanted to do. Um, while at the same time helping him to rationalize, okay, why you not gonna do XYZ? Okay, if you don't do it, will you regret it? You know, if you do do it, will you be— so helping him to kind of anchor his thoughts and his emotions because he was very emotional and very angry, you know, rightfully so. And so my daughter, my 5-year-old, was like sitting in my lap, but she said, Mommy, she was like, who is that? Is that Uncle, you know, Uncle Tim? And I said, yes, baby, it is. And she got really, really quiet. And she looked at me and she looked at the body, and then she just broke down crying. And it was a wrap from there. Oh my gosh, y'all, as a mom, to see my baby cry like that was very difficult. She cried. I mean, her heart, her little heart was so broken. She has so many questions. Like, Mommy, what happened to him? Did he get hit by a car? I'm like, no, baby, someone hurt him. And she's like, what? Who would hurt my Uncle Tim? And Oh God, we had an obituary. Mama, can you read this to me? What does this say? She kept holding the obituary tight. She kept looking at his picture. She kept looking and looking and going through the, you know, going through the pages. I mean, she has so many questions. Um, my oldest daughter, she's more on the quiet side, so she was crying too, but not as loud. But my 5-year-old was crying so, so intensely that we had to get up and go to the bathroom and kind of like help her to regroup. But she was crying. Oh my gosh. So, you know, everybody's family is different, you know, but typically in, you know, my family, our culture, even my husband's family, we'll walk out of the sanctuary from where the funeral was being held and the body is placed, you know, up front. So when you walk out, you can see the body one last time. And so she lingered, she just kept staring like in disbelief, like, this is his body, I can't believe it. But of course I'm telling her that his spirit is not in the body. But his body, his body is here. So all she know is that this is my Uncle Tim and he's about to be put into this car in the dark and he can't see. So she's like, no, no, he cannot take his body. I mean, she's hysterical. I'm like, baby, it's okay, take a deep breath, it's okay. So where is he taking him? Where is he going? Okay, we're going to the, um, to the cemetery. Okay, what's the cemetery? I had to explain all that to her. Um, we get to the, you know, cemetery and she's like, okay, What's going on now, Mommy? Like, what are they doing this body now? And, you know, of course she was like watching every single— she's a very detail-oriented person and she's very intuitive and she's, um, very, um, curious about a lot of things. And she's very smart for her age. She really is. She's really, really, really hilarious. And so, um, if they was like getting ready to drop his body down into the ground, um, she was the last one standing there at the gravesite. Everyone else had left and I kind of like let her linger and let her look and ask be cautious. But she was like, who— she said, Mommy, who's gonna be here with him while he's in the dark? I said, well, baby, his body is not— you know, his body is here, but his spirit is not here. And so, you know, she kept, you know, asking questions about that. So she said, well, can we come back and see him? I said, sure, we can come and bring him flowers, we can come check on them. Because that was her way of grieving, that was her way of, you know, feeling like she was getting some kind of closure, the understanding of what happened. And so The funeral was, um, this past Saturday. So the day for me is like July 6th. So this was about, um, almost— it's been almost a week. Yeah, a little over a week now. And she cried the whole day after the funeral. She cried all day. But we tried our best to, you know, help her and to, you know, look at pictures and reminiscing and showing her videos of him dancing. He was really, really silly.

Silly?

Is she living without him? Um, but she has so many questions, you guys. So my husband was just like, wow, like he was just in like awe to see her and how she responded. And my, you know, the oldest one responded to death. And he was just so thankful that, you know, even in my grief, even in, you know, the time I was having emotionally as well, because how he died was just— it was just horrific. Um, it was nothing but God, to be honest. Nothing but God. And so I was off work, you know, the whole week. I did see maybe 2 clients, but I realized quickly that my energy was depleted. I was tired. And so I really had to take out time, rest, take out time, you know, let the Lord just fill me back up. And, um, in the midst of that, I did go ahead and release my course because I didn't want to delay. It was already ready. So I went ahead and released the course. I did, you know, I shared it on my email list. I shared it on, you know, Instagram and Facebook. But other than that, I haven't really did too much with it. But nevertheless, I will be doing an Instagram Live this Wednesday, um, July the 8th. Yes, July— oh, July 7th at 12:30 PM EST on my Instagram page. But the live will stay up, so if you're not able to see it live then you'll be able to watch the replay. So what is inside the course? Of course, you know, what is grief? You know, I'll go over the different types of losses, grief symptoms, and reasons why we— and reasons why we all grieve differently. I go over the different types of grief. There are actually about 20, but I go over the top 10, and this really helps people to have a language to the different types of losses that they have experienced. In Module 3, I go over grief theory and stages. There are at least 100 different ones, but I chose the top 4, and I talk about them in great detail because, um, it's the most common thing that people experience, of clients that I've seen over the years, when it comes to grief theory and stages. Okay. And then in Module 4, I go over grief in children, um, and it's really, really great. Like I said before, it's highly requested. And then Module 5, I go over interventions and tools, and I record myself going over some tools that you can use right now and tools that you can use with your, you know, clients, your family. If you are a spiritual leader, if you're a life coach, this course is for you. This course is— it meets the need of so many different people, and it's called Grief and Faith, and it is laced in scripture because I am a Christian and believe of Christ Jesus. And so it is laced in scripture, but it is still good for those who aren't Christians, to be honest. Um, like I said before, I presented this course before, um, to two universities, Fayetteville State University and UNC Pembroke. I presented it before, um, at my office with people, and I did 3 different webinars this year, and they all of them pretty much— who was like full capacity, like 50 people or more— and the people loved it. And I know everyone that was, you know, on these lives and, you know, watching it were not Christians, so— and they loved it, okay? Um, it's not, um, a course that's gonna offend anybody. It's just a part of how I operate and how I treat my clients who are Christians and who, or grieving. So yeah, so check it out. I will put the link in the description of this podcast. It will bless your life. It will bless you. It will bless you. It will bless you. I know it will bless you. Um, and let me see what else that I want to say. Oh yeah, so the tools is over about 50 tools that you can choose from, um, to help children and adults. And it has a little mini workbook that you can use along with the course. You don't have to because I put pretty much everything within, um, the modules. And all together, the course is a little over 2 hours. So I made the material very digestible. It's not too long and it's not too short, but it's very meaty. I get straight to the point. Um, you guys already know my podcast, how I operate. I do not like extremely long courses. I do not like extremely long podcasts. It's not necessary to me. I like to get to the point, um, say what I have to say and keep it moving. So yes, and also if you're interested in, um, joining my email list, please do. I will be releasing even more courses that the Lord himself has given me for his people, and I'm excited about it. It is work on my end for sure, um, taking time, but I love it because it's causing me to go back and restudy a lot of things that I have studied over the years. And so my next course is going to be fire. Okay, it's gonna be so great. I'm not going to tell you guys what it is yet, but as soon as I begin working on it, I'll let you know. And I also have some other things coming up, um, that's going to be great for people as well, so I would release that soon too. So nonetheless, I still have work to do. I still am called to guide people, and I'm equipped for it. So I just thank God for, um, his continual— his continuous grace. And I thank God for my clients because they very, very, very supportive. And some of them that knew, you know, email me, checked on me, see how I was doing, praying for my family. And I appreciate it. Instagram was the same thing. I posted, you guys, please keep my family in prayers. And the feedback was phenomenal. The response was phenomenal. It really blessed my heart to see so many people responding more to that post than any other post I posted. But I wanted to show people that I'm human. I'm very transparent about my experience. And I would like to say that right now, transparency versus vulnerability isn't the same thing. Transparency is telling a story of something that you've been through that you've healed from. But being vulnerable reveals where you are right now. And right now, this is a vulnerable podcast episode. In this episode, I'm being vulnerable. And let you guys know, absolutely, you know, my husband has had good days, not so good days.

Same here.

I have moments where I'm like, wow, God, I just can't believe he is not here anymore. And you think about that, okay, what was he thinking? Okay, what happened? Like, what led to it, right? We have all those what-if questions. Um, as I said before, I might share a little bit on my live about, um, what happened. What happened is definitely, definitely the enemy. So that's all for this particular episode, and I will talk to you guys soon. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for listening to my podcast. I really, really appreciate it, and I hope and pray that you have a very, very blessed week. Talk to you soon.

Bye.

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Thank you so much, and I will talk to you next time.