Season 2 (Episode 10): What Trauma Stole From Me!

Welcome to Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I'm your host, Shakeeta Torres, where we share mental health education, biblical teachings, and ways to grow spiritually and build a stronger relationship with God so you can walk boldly in your God-given purpose. This podcast is sponsored by Empowered Purpose Academy, a certified online Christian school where where we provide certification for Christian life coaches, mentorship for aspiring and existing Christian therapists, and mentorship for Christian women and men who desire to grow spiritually and discover their purpose. If you like today's episode, please subscribe and leave a raving review. Thank you so much for being here.

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Hello everyone.

Welcome back to Pain, Passion and Purpose. And so on today's episode, Here's an interview that I had with Dr. Veronica Hardy on her YouTube channel and on her podcast. So she asked me to come on to her show and to be interviewed by her. And she also gave me the clip to be able to share with my audience so you guys can hear more about my story, hear more about the new book I co-authored this year called Just Say No. My chapter is called What Trauma Stole from Me. And it became the number one international bestseller. And so many people have texted me, have emailed me about how much it has blessed them. I've heard of other therapists and coaches using it in, um, their therapy and coaching clients to help them to learn how to set healthy boundaries God's way, whether it's in business, your personal life, relationships, and all of the above. So the book is amazing. I'm so honored to be able to just share a piece of my story with you all. So you can always purchase the book from my website at www.shakeetatorres.com, or you could also purchase the audio version. So the audio version is me actually reading my chapter to you all, and you also get access to the chapter to be able to read it, and you get a boundaries workbook created by me Okay, as you know, some of you guys know I have this whole boundaries course that I've been working on. It's already done, but what I want to do is I want to kind of break it down into segments for purchase because this course talks about areas when it comes to ministry, when it comes to friendships, when it comes to family, when it comes to your job, and so much more. It's so meaty, it's so meaty. And I want to be able to offer it to you guys to be able to purchase it for, um, each individual segment. And I also, um, as I was saying before in my last episode, I have my certified coaching program opening up in October. I'm so excited about that, you guys. God has really been putting it on my heart to truly put this course or this program out because So many people have been asking me about, you know, becoming a Certified Christian Life Coach. And if you go to the website— oh gosh, you guys, it's, it's so meaty. And I know I'm going to be adding more and more and more information in it to be able to help you to be equipped. So if God's been putting it on your heart to become a Certified Christian Life Coach, if you feel like, okay, God, I have more in me that I want to pour out into the world, this program is for you. It's for you because we're going to talk about the difference between life coaching, mentorship, and coaching. We're going to talk about different strategies to be able to help your clients. We're going to go over how to hear God's voice for your clients, how to incorporate Holy Spirit. We're going over the gifts of the Spirit.

You guys, it is very meaty.

If I go over each detail now, oh gosh, it would be probably, um, a very long episode. But I do have everything on the website. If you go to www.empoweredpurposeacademy.com and click on the link where it says Certified Christian Life Coach, you'll be able to read more in detail about the program. So if you have any questions, please feel free to shoot me an email. Um, shoot me an email, I have no problem with that, at coaching@shakeetatorres.com. And so with that being said, let's get into it. Let's get into, um, this interview with Dr. Hardy, and I'll talk to you guys soon.

Hi everyone, my name is Dr. Veronica Hardy and welcome to another episode of There Is Power in Your Story podcast. I enjoy hearing the stories of others and the impact that those stories have had on their lives. In other words, I believe that there is power in story. So today I have another amazing guest, also a fellow social worker. Her name is Shakeeta Torres and we have so much to talk about today. Shakeeta, Welcome to this podcast, and would you mind sharing a little bit about yourself with our audience today, or even something fun about you?

Yes, absolutely. So hello everyone, my name is Shakeeta Torres. I am a licensed therapist and a life coach among many other things, um, but I always say at the end of the day, my biggest, greatest hat to me is being a woman of God, God's daughter. And so everything that I do, I do it from a place of love, a place of ministry, in a place up helping others' lives to be changed. A fun fact about me is that I have 2 daughters. They are absolutely hilarious. They are amazing. They're so much fun to be around, and they really do sharpen me, and they really do just give me— I had like fulfill my heart so much over the years.

Oh, I love it. That is so beautiful. What we're gonna do, we're gonna jump right into it. I'm excited about this. The other week I received this in the mail, and it is an amazing book called Just Say No. And right now it is a number one international best-selling book, Just Say No. And guess who one of the authors is? Shakeeta Torres. So congratulations, Shakeeta, on this. Um, I think it's really a great accomplishment that you have here. So what I want to do, I want to read one of the reviews that's written in the book, and this review says, Shakeeta Torres' story is raw and real, the type of story that should be featured on the big screen. I saw through the eyes of a young child, a teen, and a young woman the reality of growing up with trauma. She has emerged as a beautiful woman, wife, Mother, entrepreneur, humanitarian, and now author. What a comeback story. And that was written by Paula Lorraine, editor-in-chief, Brilliant Awakening Magazine. So I, I love that, that review that was provided to you. And the name of your chapter is What Trauma Stole from Me. I want to give the audience a little teaser and read the first couple sentences from your chapter. It says, growing up in a household as the oldest of 4 children to a single parent, saying no was never an option. Yelling, screaming, and fighting were the norm in my home. Hearing my mother being abused physically, mentally, and emotionally by men was the norm. And I'll just tell our audience just to read more about this chapter. Please purchase your copy of Just Say No today. All right, Shakeeta Torres, can you tell us a little bit more about your writing, your co-authorship with this book?

Yes. So number one, I love to write. Like, I was so happy to have the opportunity to be able to write this chapter. Writing this chapter was so easy for me because it did come from a place of transparency and being authentic. Okay, um, I'm definitely not ashamed of my story at all because I know it will help somebody else. And so in my chapter, I share a little bit more about my childhood trauma, um, mainly the trauma from being abused sexually by my mother's boyfriend. And I share in great detail, you know, what happened and the things that led up to that. And then, um, as I grew older, I didn't realize that I didn't have any boundaries. I didn't realize that I had a hard time saying no to people. I didn't realize that I was a people pleaser. That I will feel guilty if I said no. I would have all this anxiety because I wanted to be— to feel and be accepted by other people.

Yes.

And, um, I like how you brought up that word boundaries, right? Because to my understanding, you have a boundaries program as well to teach others about boundaries. Could you tell us a little bit about that, kind of, of how boundaries affect our lives, how people may struggle with it? Overall, just why is boundaries so important?

Yes, it's so important. Over the years, I've counseled so many men and women who come to therapy and they're like, I'm so tired, I'm burnt out, you know, my mom or my dad or my sibling or friend don't respect me, um, they're always trying to be in my business, or I feel rejected. And they have all these different things. Now, boundary— where boundaries never comes up. Because all we see as a person, the client, we're just seeing, you know, the effects of not having boundaries. And so I told her, I said, you don't have any boundaries. And she's like, sit there, you know, that, that's a true statement. I don't have any boundaries. And so we kind of navigate that. Okay, why don't you have boundaries? And majority of the time it's because of unresolved trauma, is because of not wanting to be rejected. It's because of not being taught that it's okay to say no, that it's okay to put yourself first. And so I spend a great deal of time with my clients trying to uncover some of the root of why they don't have boundaries and help them to set and implement those boundaries. It has been a great success for them. And so, you know, before I wrote the book, I already had a program or a course called How to Set Boundaries God's Way. Because last year all I kept hearing on social media is boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. But most of the time people are not talking about it from a biblical standpoint. All right. And so in my journey to healing and my journey to understanding how to set boundaries, God himself, Holy Spirit, along with therapy and my support system really helped me to learn how to set boundaries. And so I find that a lot of my clients don't have the support they need in their circle to help them to set boundaries effectively. And they don't have strategy, they don't have the tools, the resources, the words to say, the skills. And so my program consists of all that. We're going to go and uncover some stuff together, figure out what's the root of why you don't have boundaries, and then we're going to go into strategy, implementing those strategies. And then you have that support and a group for you to come together. Hey, today this happened, or yesterday this happened. And you're going to fail. I failed so many times. And I will feel so bad. But you have to keep trying. Setting boundaries is a lifelong journey, to be honest. It takes time for you to cultivate that and cultivate how you want to set your own personal boundaries.

And that is— I mean, it's so critical. It's so needed. You mentioned that this is some of the work that you do with your clients. You do have a, um, a counseling business at the same time, a private practice as we call it. So it's good to hear what, what your clients would receive when you are discussing boundaries, as well as what can be gained from this Boundaries program. And like you said, this was in place before you had even written the book, so I appreciate that you have that discussion about boundaries through the program, through your counseling services. And now we have Just Say No, your chapter, What Trauma Stole from Me. And people are able to see it even more of why boundaries are important and reasons that they may struggle with that in their lives. So with Just Say No, where could people get copies of this amazing book? I know I have my copy. I'm thoroughly enjoying you as well as the multiple authors who who have contributed to this international bestseller. So where could they find this?

Yes, go to my website, www.shakeetatorres.com, and go to my shopping, um, section, and there you'll see the book. And I've been able to mail it off to different people, and they're getting it like within a day, 2 days, 3 days, or even 4 days depending on your area. So I actually ship directly from my home, and it makes the shipping a lot faster. And you also get a free little gift from me in your order.

With that, you have so many activities, um, your hand in so many entrepreneurial roles. So what I learned recently is that you have a life coach certification program coming soon.

Yeah, yeah.

Could you tell us about that?

Absolutely. Well, last year, um, I will go back a little bit, in the fall, um, the Lord placed it on my heart to create a mentorship program for aspiring and existing Christian therapists, for those who want to learn how to combine their spiritual beliefs in theology along with clinical work as a therapist.

Oftentimes people are afraid or they don't have the skills or tools to do that.

So we're going to address the spiritual part and the clinical part. And so I worked on that. It's already launched. People are showing interest in it, you know, left and right. And so recently, about almost about a week ago, You know, people have been asking me for many months, hey, do you provide life coaching certification? And I kept saying no, no, I don't. I have courses, but I don't have a program set up just for certification as a life coach, Christian life coach. And, um, I said okay. So I feel kind of bad because I am a coach as well. I do have certification in life coaching, and I also have my license as a therapist. I've been there doing that counseling for now Oh gosh, since 2013. Okay. And so last week, you know, I was talking to my husband and I lunch— I lunch together, and I saw this lady on Instagram.

I said, oh wow, she has a coaching program coming out for life coaches.

And clearly I heard the Lord say, you can do the same exact thing. And I was like, oh wow, like they're waiting on you to put it together and offer it to them. And so I was so, so, so, so excited. And so I went and I did a survey to my audience, to people, and like, the response was amazing. People kept saying, oh my God, yes, I want to learn from you. Yes, I want to be able to help people. When can I start? Do you have a link to this? I'm like, wait a minute. I said, I'm putting out feelers to see who's interested, but I do want to do things in excellence, and I do want to make sure everything is set up correctly. So let me go back to the drawing board and look at everything. Fill the survey out so I can see what your needs are, so I can make sure that I'm creating something that's going to be a great investment for you. And so that launches in July. I do have a free webinar, um, like an interest meeting in a sense, um, on June 16th at 7 PM. And that will also be in the links that Dr. Hardy will have in the description box. And so I'm excited, I'm ready to pour out. I, I had to really sit with myself and say, Shakeeta, you do have a lot of knowledge and experience and wisdom that needs to be poured out into other people so they can go out and help more people too.

So, and that's wisdom too. Like you said, you're sending out this interest survey so you can make sure it's also catered to what people want, what people are looking for. So you're including their voices in this too. Um, and just like Shakeeta Torres said, a free webinar kind of discussing this, sharing more about it, is coming up in June, and we will have a link including that too. Um, so hopefully you can be a part of it. And not only is there a life coaching certification program about to be launched, but there's also what is referred to as Empowered Purpose Academy. Now, what is that? Could you tell us what that means?

Yeah, so that— those are courses that consist of mental health education and spiritual development. And so, um, the first part of last year, that's the first instruction the Lord gave me, was to go ahead and start creating courses. Like, looking back, I'm like, God, you're so strategic. I've always had a desire to do more group coaching, to work with more people across the world, not just in my state. So that's why I became a life coach too, so it could expand my reach to be able to help more people. But I realized, oh my God, I want to be able to help more people at the same time, because I found I was repeating the same information over and over and over again to my, to my clients. And so he said, go ahead and create your courses. So I didn't know that it was going to lead up to this.

So I started working on my courses.

I have one about forgiveness, one about grief and faith right now, one about anxiety, um, and another one about the boundaries. I have the boundaries course along too. So I have at least 6 or 7 courses that I'm going to create, more courses I'm going to create. Um, Kwama, uh, how to hear the voice of God, how to, um, interpret your dreams and visions. Um, I have a dream of visions a lot, like every day, and so I've had to learn how to interpret some of my own dreams. And so it's going to be a very robust academy, very robust.

And that's, that's what it sounds like, courses that are very relevant especially from, from that Christian perspective, influence, and experience. And it's important for what we do, whether it's a life coach, whether it's providing counseling, to understand how to integrate spirituality of the people who we provide services to into the sessions, into the courses, the, the work that we do, um, being inclusive in that area. So I'm thankful that you are doing this. Right? And that you continue to build courses around this. I said earlier, you are such an entrepreneur. You have a lot taking place, and it seems like you have a great handle on it. Um, just like that review I read at the beginning of our talk, also a wife, a mother. So I mean, you're doing it all. Um, as we draw to a close, we have a few minutes left. Are there any other words that you would like to share with our audience? Any takeaways from the information you shared today?

Absolutely. Um, when I think about the audience as a whole, I would say start now. Start now. If there's something in your heart that you want to do as far as, you know, your business, work, ministry, school, education, whatever it is, do it now.

Do it scared.

Don't wait. Don't keep delaying what it is that you want to do because none of us know it all. None of us have it all together. And a lot of people see me now and say, oh my God, I want to be like you. I'm like, no, don't be like me. Be like yourself. Like, what is it that you want to do, right? It was— it has been a journey for me, and I've been an entrepreneur now since 2017, and I've made lots of mistakes. I've wasted lots of money trying to figure stuff out. And so you're going to make mistakes and that's okay. That's okay. It has been worth it. It has been worth it for me.

I wrote down a couple of notes. I have do it now and do it scared.

Yes.

Do it scared. Yes.

So before we go, I want to kind of remind the audience of a few things. Could you just say again where they could obtain copies of the book, Just Say No?

Yes, you can go to my website, www.shakeetatorres.com. It's my first and last name. And I also have everything else that we discussed today as well on my website.

Awesome.

And how about the date again for the webinar for the life coaching certification?

Yes, that will be Thursday, June 16th at 7:00 PM Eastern Standard Time. And it is open to anybody across the world. Don't have to be in particular state. It can be any state.

Shakeeta Torres, I just want to say thank you for being a part of this conversation today, sharing everything that you are doing. And I know you're doing so much more, and our audience will be able to learn about that as they read more about you through your book, visit your sites. Thank you for this work, and thank you for pouring into the lives of others.

And thank you for all your help and for being my mentor all these years.

Absolutely. And just to our audience, thank you so much for tuning in. And until next time, everyone, take care. Thanks.

Bye.

Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. Our prayer is that this podcast episode has blessed you. Don't forget to go and subscribe and leave us a raving review. If you would like to sow into this ministry or to this podcast, Pain, Passion, and Purpose, you can do so at anchor.fm/painpassionandpurpose or Cash App, dollar sign, Shakeeta Torres.

Thank you so much, and I will talk to you next time.