Season 2: (Episode 6) Therapy and the Church

Welcome to Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I am your host, Shakeeta Torres, where I share mental health education, biblical teachings, and tips to help you to heal on purpose so you can walk boldly in your God-given purpose. This podcast is sponsored by Empowered Purpose Academy, a certified online Christian academy where where we provide services such as certification for Christian life coaches, mentorship for master's level aspiring and existing Christian therapists, mentorship for Christians, and continued education courses for the body of Christ. You can visit www.empoweredpurposeacademy.com to learn more and to download your free guide. If you like today's episode, please subscribe and leave us a raving review so that others can tap into the knowledge and wisdom that will be shared on this podcast. Thank you so much for being here.

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Welcome to Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I am your host, Shakeeta Torres, where I share mental health education, biblical teachings, and tips to help you to heal on purpose so you can walk boldly in your God-given purpose. This podcast is sponsored by Empowered Purpose Academy, a certified online Christian academy where we provide services such as certification for Christian life coaches, mentorship for master's level aspiring and existing Christian therapists, mentorship for Christians, and continued education courses for the body of Christ. You can visit www.empoweredpurposeacademy.com to learn more and to download your free guide. If you like today's episode, please subscribe and leave us a raving review so that others can tap into the knowledge and wisdom that will be shared on this podcast. Thank you so much for being here.

Welcome to Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I am your host, Shakeeta Torres. Thank you so much for being here. Today's My guest is Ms. Nakiyah Byrd. Welcome, Nakiyah. Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be joining you today.

Yes, thank you so much. Me too. Before we begin, we'll go ahead and talk about your bio and a little bit more about who you are and what you do. So Nakiyah Byrd is a licensed clinical therapist and mental wellness advocate. She earned both her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and her Master of Social Work degree from Winthrop University in South Carolina. Since 2011, Nakeia has been providing compassionate and effective care service and clinical counseling to many people groups with a variety of mental and emotional needs. Additionally, Nakeia is a dynamic speaker and educator with a mission and passion to provide mental health solutions to communities and to share her knowledge, skills, and resources to promote mental and emotional wellness. Nakia is the founder and lead facilitator of her ministry training center, Therapy for Church, where she serves as a speaker, instructor, therapist, and podcaster. The mission of Therapy for Church is to empower the body of Christ to overcome challenges and maintain healthy minds by eliminating stress and burnout so that we can effectively carry out our mandate of advancing the kingdom of Christ.

I absolutely love it.

I love, love, love it.

Yes.

Yes.

So yeah, thank you for reading that, the formal bio, but I'll definitely talk some more if you want me to move forward with that about kind of my background.

Yeah.

And where I came from. And so I am a native of Charleston, South Carolina, right on the coast of South Carolina. When I was— my story kind of starts Of course, as we get older and we learn about God's presence and hand in our lives very early on, it was before this. But my story kind of starts when I was 16 years old. My mom, she gave me this envelope, a brown envelope, and my aunt was picking me up from school. She said, you know, give this to her when she picks you up. So I'm like, okay, you know, and I put it in my book bag. And so, you know, I didn't look in it because she said not to, and We didn't do that. Listen to our parents. Now my child probably would look at it and just be like nosy, but I didn't. So I gave it to my aunt after school, and when she opened it, it had like money, it had all this cash, it had her wedding rings and just jewelry. Anything that was of value was in this brown envelope. And so we get to— my aunt goes to take me to Home, and we get to the house. I go to my mom's room, and she is in the bed. She has attempted suicide. And so she is unconscious at this point. We call the ambulance, and they get her to safety and was able to revive. So that kind of started my journey in terms of mental health. I was the only one in the house at the time. My sister's 3 years older. She had already gone off to college. So it was just me and my mom. My dad was there, and he was there and not there. Physically there, maybe not so much emotionally there, but had always been in the home. And so then I almost became the parent. I was monitoring my mom. She would go for a little while doing very well, and then she would go back and kind of deal in these different emotional states. Of depression, and even some what we would call— we know as mania in the therapy and psychology world. And so she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder too. And so I go to college, and even in college, I traveled about 3 hours away, maybe a little less, to go to college. And she would have an episode, and then I would run back and go home. And so I noticed this pattern. And then in college, I joined a ministry. Close to where I was going to school. I joined their campus ministry, started going to church, got some opportunities to do some mission work in Africa. So I traveled to Africa. My professors allowed me to go. It was during my undergraduate degree, but I was like, this is an opportunity. And, and so they allowed me to go and miss that class time and come back and make it up. And so I experienced mission fields in the villages of Malawi, Africa, and Kenya, and traveled to different nations. Spent the most time there in Malawi and also in Kenya and just ministering the gospel, the gospel to people in these nations. And they were hungry and they were thirsty for God. And so I saw that and I was like, I don't want to go back, I'm going to be a full-time missionary. Did not happen. So when I get back, I'm getting my degree in psychology and, you know, it's going to get closer to time for me to graduate. I don't know what I'm trying to do. I know I love this mission work. And so I need to find something that closely aligns with missions but is a career choice. And so I started working as an undergrad in the social work department as a researcher, doing research, you know, going in rural areas, interviewing people that were diagnosed with HIV or AIDS and talking to them about their, their struggles, their barriers to healthcare and those things. And so I'm like, this is like missions, right? So then I go, I graduate, and then I go right back And I applied for the Master's of Social Work program because I'm like, this is really what it is that I feel lead to— led to do. And even though I had a relationship with God at that time, you know, I was young. It wasn't as strong. I wasn't really looking at him to direct my life or asking God, what do you want me to do? I was really just being led by him and unaware. And so I started that. I graduated and started working in the field of social work. I did my internship at, in the inpatient unit, psychiatric unit at a hospital, at a local hospital. And so they hired me. And then, so I spent time there. And so there you are exposed to a lot of different disorders and mental issues and concerns from depression and anxiety to psychosis and schizophrenia. Seeing that, working with these people, but I understood that these people were somebody's family. When you start to get into these systems, you become a number, you become patient number, you become patient last name. I think about my mother that this is my family member. This is not just patient X. I really could empathize with them and their needs, even though some people have become desensitized. And it's just like, do this process, do this regimen, that'll get them on their way. They need to be discharged. But I understand how complicated it was to have a family member, a loved one that needed some help, and you did not know what to do. And so that really kind of drove me into mental health, mental health awareness, and then in education and sharing and promoting an understanding. And so at this point in my life, I now have, over the past few years, allowed God to show me how this translates in the spirit. And so I think that that is an important view to have, but I also understand that not everybody is there. And so one of the important things for me, even working within church and working within ministries, is to meet people where they are and carry the love of Christ. I may not always push, push, push, but I'm carrying that. I'm being that light and carrying that light so that God can do what he wants to do in those people's lives. So that's kind of a long story, but background to where I started as a junior in high school to where I am now.

Yeah, well, first of all, your story was not long at all. I think it is absolutely beautiful. As you were speaking, I just kept seeing grace, grace, grace. Grace. I can just— how much grace God has placed over your life, even with going through everything with your mom. Like, I am definitely aware of how difficult it is to have a parent who is battling with mental health issues. I know my mom was an alcoholic pretty much all my life until she died. And so, you know, coming home from school, never knowing what to expect—

is she drunk?

Is she sober? Right? Is she going to be mad with us today? So, you know, having that unpredictability, you know, in childhood like that is very traumatic. It's very traumatic. And I know for sure, as you, you know, you know, you being a therapist and I'm, I'm a therapist, I'm sure we both have counseled clients who had similar situations and similar circumstances, right, outside of our control, right? So what would you say to the person who's listening now, saying, oh my God, I can relate to her story so much? What advice would you give to them as a, as a woman of God, as a therapist, as a person who's been through this yourself?

My advice to that person would be to be patient and trust God. One of the things I think that I did, I just took on too much. I made it my responsibility, right, to be this caregiver and to be this, you know, end-all be-all to her health, and that was not my responsibility. And even my sister took that on as she got older, and we kind of shared in that responsibility. But that was not my role. And so I needed to be there but still be able to, to receive the grace of God to be able to do what I could do, what was in the realm of my controls. I would encourage you to, yes, be present, and yes, support, but you also want to give it to God to to own the responsibility. And sometimes we do his job, we try to, and we're just really bad at it. And it gets us frustrated and makes us overwhelmed because it's like, I can't handle this. Well, I wasn't really supposed to. And I didn't know that. I was doing what I thought I should have done or what appeared to be right. And when you have a family member, it looks like the right thing to do. I'm supposed to be taking care. I'm supposed to be chauffeuring. I'm supposed to be giving all and putting all into this. But really, we are supposed to— give it back to God. And so the question is, well, how do I do that? They're sitting right here in my living room. I'm the one that is dealing with this, because that is the hard part. It's like, well, I know conceptually, I know that's what I should do, but I don't really know how to do it. And so I think, you know, one of the things that you teach that I love is about, you know, being able to set boundaries. Being able to take on only what we are graced to carry and giving the rest to God, or asking for help, making sure that we set some boundaries around our time, our access, and, you know, our emotions. Because you cannot help that person if you are not doing well yourself. And so a lot of times we experience so much burnout trying to do so much for other people, and we don't have that— we don't have the capacity to do And so that would be my feedback and encouragement for that person in that situation. It is not all on you. It is not your responsibility to take on all of it. You may not be able to do it. So be okay with the fact that, hey, I can't do this. And then you can't because it is a lot. And sometimes it's very, very daunting as a caregiver to, and to figure out what is my responsibility and what's not.

Yeah, yeah, I love that. It is so true. And so also, I love what you were saying earlier. You said how God was ordering your steps, but you didn't really fully, you know, was aware of that. And it's almost like God had to pull you away from that whole entire environment for a season when you went to Kenya, you went to all these places to do missionary work, to really discover what was on the inside of you, right? And so can you now look back and see like all these different events that happened that God you know, ordered your steps and all of these things.

Oh, absolutely. I can definitely see it. I can see his hand being present from day one. And I— when I be— Holy Spirit will bring to my remembrance things that I did or think, places that I went, people that I met, connections that I made, places. I mean, and I can see him being present. But yes, you are so right, being able to have to be pulled away and it's like, well, I'm in another country, you know, I can't take that on. And then God is able to allow me to focus and draw me closer to him in this other area so that when I get back, I have a better understanding of my purpose.

Yes, I love it. I know I've counseled people over the years who struggle with that, who said, well, I don't want to leave home because my sister need me, you know, my parents need me. And these are people who are are, you know, grown, and some of them are leaders in ministry. And I'm like, I hear what you're saying. I know your mom and dad want you to be close, but I said, but what is God asking you to do? And so they had to make a decision, saying, hey, look, Mom and Dad, or, you know, for the caregivers, God is telling me to go to this school or go to this particular area. And they didn't like it, but they, you know, they honored it because they know that God has spoken to that, you know, to that person about it. So I think that is so powerful. Listen, of course As you were speaking, I was thinking about ACEs and trauma and all these different things that, you know, that come up that a lot of people aren't fully aware of. I love providing education to people because it gives them the language to what they have experienced. And so, do you have a history of going to counseling yourself? And if it's a question that's too personal, please just let me know, no, I don't want to go into that, into that area.

I have not been to counseling on my own. I do recommend it for a lot of people. And I will be honest, I kind of maybe started here and there, but never really engaged in counseling on my own. One thing that you were able to really see that God showed you as we were speaking was just his grace. And I thank him so often for his grace because I really could have been overwhelmed with a lot of the circumstances that I have experienced. And I have not been that way. You know, I really could identify so much with the people that I've worked with, but God has allowed me to be on the outside of that, to be able to, to help them through it without having that experience on my own. And so it really was the grace of God that carried me and allowed me to, to go through and to endure and to overcome and to face these challenges and to learn and to grow. And so I did not have that counseling with some— with someone else, but God was counseling me when I didn't even realize that was happening. And then I also have really good, strong believers in my corner and people, networks, and a good village to really help and support when I needed help and support. I have one of my very close friends that we were roommates We weren't— yeah, we were roommates in college, but she was one of the very first people that I met when I went to college, and that was the start of a destiny relationship. And so her being there, we, you know, we prayed for our moms together, we did things together, and that helped to guide that process.

It takes Holy Spirit to be able to show you.

Yeah, we have to do that, we have to do that. And sometimes that has not been people's experiences within the church. So I think it's just as important to really talk to and speak to and educate these leaders that are within ministries to have an open opportunity for people to share. Because if they are, you know, say, well, I'm depressed, and they receive prayer and they're still depressed, they can't say that because it's like, oh, well, I didn't believe enough, or, you know, the prayer didn't work, or, you know, all of these things, these other dynamics. When we don't really understand the person and what they need, and that it may be a process and not just a one-and-done thing. And so it definitely is a tougher conversation for some leaders and for some ministries, um, and even for some believers that are saying, hey, I believe the Bible, I believe what it says, I have faith, you know, why am I experiencing this? And so that we, we do have to understand that there will be things that we experience, like you said, the human experience. We, we to be able to speak to people's humanity as well. You know, we have this soul, and so we have our mind that we have battles in, we have our will, we have our emotions that we have battles in. And so we have to be able to speak to that as well and speak to people's spirits.

I love it. I love the fact that I know when I first launched out to my private practice, listening, trying to like penetrate some of the churches here in my area was difficult because they did not— most of them did not want to hear it. Oh, don't speak that on me. I don't have, you know, ADHD. I don't have depression. I don't have anxiety. I don't have these different things. So did you face any of that in your area when you first launched out to be a therapist?

I cannot say that I have had those types of responses. I think what most of the responses that I've had is silence. It's like, "Mm, no, but no, don't bother." So it's not that I got a negative response, it was just no response, or it was just like, "No, we're good, we don't need any of that." And so that is really almost rejecting having a more— an understanding of what it is that we want to share, that, you know, because they're speaking for everybody. And so sometimes when you talk to leadership, they're like, "Oh no, we're good here at this church," And it's kind of like, everybody okay? Or is it just you feel like it's okay, we don't deal with that here. And that's one of those misconceptions that there's some of us that we're just untouchable. You know, I think that that's a dangerous understanding that you cannot be affected, that anybody cannot be affected or impacted in some way, you know, because then we disregard what, you know, what can potentially happen in our human experience. And so when we— when people, for example, deal with grief, you know, when people lose loved ones, they didn't know what that would bring and what that would open up and how that experience would be for them until they experienced it. And so you can't be so closed off to think, I'm untouchable, I have this, I have that. And maybe some people are stronger in a lot of these areas, but there are some people that are not and some people that need some extra help. There are some people that have a more difficult time getting over guilt, getting over shame, unlearning patterns. Sometimes it may just be that, you know, even after that deliverance— and I've seen this happen— that there's still patterns to unlearn because you learn how to function in a dysfunctional state and in a crisis state and under the influence of whatever was happening. And so now that, that you're delivered from that experience, you still got to do a lot of unlearning because you adapted to that. And so that part, a lot of times people have not been able to go through. And I think counseling really helps with going through that part. Like, OK, now you're functioning as a person that's dealing with abandonment and dealing with rejection. So we need to unlearn some of those patterns that you learned to survive.

I love it. That is so, so true, Nakiyah. I see this a lot, too. I went to the altar.

I prayed.

I got deliverance.

Yeah.

But your, you know, your way you're thinking is not, you know, need to change as well. I remember probably like 3 or 4 years ago, I had this client who was struggling with addiction to alcohol. And so I wasn't licensed in the area to be able to treat her, but she and I was working on her depression and her anxiety. And I never forget, the Lord told me, he said, I want you to fast with her tomorrow. So I told her, she did, she fasted, she went to the altar at church the next day, did revival.. And she, uh, pretty much received deliverance. But then the Lord told me to tell her, okay, now she needs to go to addiction counseling. And so she did. I sent her to the other department next door where I worked at that time, and she went there. She was there for a whole entire year, and she dealt with her mindset, and she dealt with her patterns, and she dealt with the things that triggered her to want to have a drink, right? And it was interesting because she told me, Shakeeta Torres, my pastor, I told him I was in counseling. I told him about you, how God used for me and how I'm in, you know, counseling with you and substance abuse treatment. And he told me that he was like, he was disappointed in her. And I'm like, what? Disappointed? I'm like, oh my God. I'm like, I feel so bad. But I thank God that she was in a better place to be able to say, you know what, I see it's working for me, so I'm going to keep going. I don't care what he has to say. So I've had clients tell me that before. They will be at church and the leaders or someone in the congregation will like put down mental health and make them feel bad. Like, well, am I not supposed to be going to counseling? I'm like, no, stay in, you're doing so well. So that's why I asked you earlier if you had experiences with clients who, who have had that, because I've seen it a lot over the years and it's very sad. So I just thank God for your ministries. It's so beautiful, so beautiful.

Thank you.

And so going into your purpose, like, how have you been able to through God's grace to turn your story, to turn your passion into purpose?

I have been able to do that through sharing, through teaching, through helping people to navigate through this process for themselves. And so God used my story and my experience because I've sat on the side of a family member. I sat on the side of watching this occur. I understand what some of the dynamics are. And then God trained me to hear him and to really, really be able to guide and show and instruct and teach. And so even though that was a painful experience, and I won't— I can't even say that that is even over. I still have family members that struggle with mental health concerns and still have to be for them, be there for them where they are in that. And so, and not feel like, okay, I'm personally responsible for making sure that they are completely healed and delivered, because again, that's not my job. But this experience has allowed God to move through me in this way and to give me that passion for this purpose. And so when you talk about passion and purpose, a lot of times God will give us such a heart for something that we have to go after it and we have to pursue it. And so with that, I've allowed God to use me to, to impact other people. People, to show them that, you know, God still hears you, God still loves you. And even for those people that are unbelievers, God still hears them, God still loves them. They're still— he still created them. And so I will go into a session with somebody that's not a believer. They will let— they will say that up front. And, you know, I will still pray beforehand and say, God, this is still your child, and you still something for them. You still want better for them. You still want them to be free. You still want them to be okay. So regardless of whether they know that and want that for themselves, still lead me and guide me and instruct me to, to help this person to navigate through as you would want them to do. And so it's not my job all the time to dictate what somebody will do or feel or receive. And so that's something that I've had to learn but I think that God has given me this passion and, and that experience so I could fully be driven into this purpose.

Yeah, I love that. So speaking of what you're just saying, you know, season 2 is about, uh, what God gave me was, your words carry weight, speak life. And so that's exactly what you do. You speak life into your family, you're speaking life into your, your clients and everything that you do because because as you were saying, people tend to throw people away based off of their circumstances. They're just a number. They just— oh girl, this is just like flowing so beautifully. So do you want to speak on any more about Speak Life and how that has been such a passion and burden for you to do?

Yes, because it's so vital and it's so essential. And I will be honest with you, I remember one time thinking, you know, years ago, like, this is where— thinking about even, you know, people that I know personally, like, this is how that person will always be, and this is how— and I remember saying those things, and I had to come out of agreement with those thoughts and those words because they were not true. And so words are so vital and so important. I tell that to people to make sure that they are affirming what God says when we talk about affirmations or declarations or however we— it's not just what we think about ourselves, it's what God says about us, it's what God says in his words. And so we want to pronounce those things and declare those things and make them statement. And so even if I might see, or that a person is struggling, I will speak directly to them, and I believe that that is allowing God to speak to their spirit too. So that they can understand, yeah, I know that this is difficult and I know you're going through a challenge and a struggle, but you will make it. You are strong, you know, you, you are equipped and you are able to continue on and you will have long life. You know, I will speak these things to people because they don't think sometimes that they will make it, and they may not believe the word of God but you know, I do. Yeah, and I can, and I can say that and state that and declare that over them and allow the Holy Spirit to do the work that he wants to do and he has the power to do.

Yes, uh, Darkia, that is so powerful and so true. I tell people all the time, whether your clients are Christian or not, no matter where they come from, you can— we can always speak life into them because we have authority, because we are in Christ, and God honors that. He really does.

Yeah, absolutely. And so, and we— if we think, well, if they don't agree, if they don't come into agree, you know, we just have to do our part. And that's a big, you know, that's something that I have had to learn over time. I was always like, I don't know about this person, I don't know about that person, but it's not for me to know because God sees them, he knows their heart. I just have to do my part. So whatever it is on this end that God is leading me and instructing me to do, then I do that. And so yes, we have the authority to speak whether they are receiving or not. And so those words are so powerful. They do make a difference. They do matter. And so I encourage people all the time, speak that life over yourself. Write down some scriptures, write down what God says. Read it out loud, you know. It's not hard. Record yourself reading it, listen to it, you know, so that even when you don't feel that, you're still making that declaration into your spirit.

So tell us a little bit more about your ministry, your career, everything that you're doing through, through Christ, which is Therapy for Church.

Yes, so Therapy for Church is a ministry training center And so I have a podcast as well. It's not been launched yet. I've been in the prep work for it, but it is a training center. And so I will go to different churches or ministries and share and train on mental health, kind of the awareness and the clinical perspective, which I think is really important for people to have an understanding of that clinical perspective, and then tie that in with biblical principles. And so I do do individual individual counseling, but also some group counseling and consulting and teaching. I also teach at a, a college in the area called Central Piedmont Community College in Charlotte. And so also do instruction in that way as well. So, okay.

So can you tell the audience how we can find you on social media, your websites and all that good stuff?

Yes. So I am on Instagram as @nakeabirds. On Facebook as Nakiyah Byrd LCSW, on, um, pretty much everywhere. YouTube is Nakiyah Byrd. And then my website is www.therapyforchurch.com, and you can find out more about, um, booking a session or an appointment or a speaking engagement or, um, some instruction through that website and find out a little bit more about me and what I share as well. I'm on Instagram a lot. I post there the most, and so definitely follow me there. I do give nuggets and words of wisdom and things that God shares with me, sometimes some clinical advice or strategies I like to share on there with reels. So Um, you'll see me there probably more than anywhere else.

Yeah, I love your Instagram page. Like, while I look at your page, like, Narkia, I just see so much light. Yo, I mean, your light is so bright. I hope you know that. It's so bright.

I see it.

Thank you so much for joining us on the episode today.

Thank you so much for inviting me. I have truly enjoyed us talking together.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. I hope that you loved it. I really enjoyed interviewing Nakiyah. I love the fact that she and I are definitely passionate about the body of Christ and seeing them healed through therapy. Listen, therapists, we are just a vessel. God is the source. We are just a vessel to hear, um, to be able to provide you with education, to give you language to your pain, and to help you to heal on purpose. And so speaking of that, don't forget to subscribe to my newsletter about the Faith and Mental Health Summit so that way you'll know when tickets go on sale and to be able to receive, um, some discounts for the early bird special. If you're interested in becoming a speaker, you can also submit a proposal for that as well. Also, I put in the show notes a guide that I have called 10 Ways to Set Boundaries God's Way. It is a very popular guide that has been downloaded over 200 times. I've also placed in the show notes a link to the suicide hotline and an article that explains to you the different warning signs of suicide. There are so many we need to take into consideration because oftentimes people around us every day are having thoughts of suicide and we do not even know it. Also, I put a, um, guide in there about bipolar that you can click on and you can learn more about bipolar and what that is as well. And so again, thank you for listening and I'll talk to you guys on next week.