Season 2 (Episode 9): Building Resiliency

Welcome to Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I am your host, Shakeeta Torres, where I share mental health education, biblical teachings, and tips to help you to heal on purpose so you can walk boldly in your God-given purpose. This podcast is sponsored by Empowered Purpose Academy, a certified online Christian academy where where we provide services such as certification for Christian life coaches, mentorship for master's level aspiring and existing Christian therapists, mentorship for Christians, and continued education courses for the body of Christ. You can visit www.empoweredpurposeacademy.com to learn more and to download your free guide. If you like today's episode, please subscribe and leave us a raving review so that others can tap into the knowledge and wisdom that will be shared on this podcast.

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Welcome everyone to Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I have a special guest today. Her name is Miss Paula Lorraine. Miss Paula Lorraine is a licensed minister and the chief creative officer of Stellar Creative LLC, a boutique brand created to provide print web and publishing services to busy entrepreneurs, ministry professionals, and nonprofit organizations. Nicknamed the Idea Mogul because of her creative genius, she is the editor-in-chief of Brilliant Awakening Magazine and the creative director of the Brilliant Awakening Anthology series, a collection of stories from women sharing their experiences of overcoming trauma And Other Life Challenges. I love it. The first in the series was nominated Anthology of the Year by the Indie Author Legacy Award Committee. As an international speaker, author, and creative entrepreneur, Paula inspires women to shake off the limits of their past while breaking through the walls of doubt and fear by sharing her personal testimony. She recently became the founder and visionary of a new nonprofit social venture called Resilience Refinery. The mission of the organization is to be a resource for trauma-informed training, mentorship programs, and advocacy for women who have experienced any type of trauma, both during and beyond the scope of the pandemic. She envisions a world where women who have experienced trauma are seen, heard, and supported in the journey towards healing. Miss Paula's work is currently published on YouVersion, also known as the Bible app, an international digital platform reaching millions of readers daily. She has been featured on TBN, Leadership Cast, Connected Women Magazine, as well as multiple radio shows and podcasts. What an honor to have this awesome and phenomenal woman of God, Miss Paula Lorraine, be a part of Pain, Passion, and Purpose today. Welcome, Miss Paula.

Thank you so much, Miss Shakeeta Torres. It's an honor to be on your show. I'm so excited about this interview.

Yes, me too. Yeah, you're just reading your bio, it's just like so inspiring. I just thought, oh my God, I know she's going to share some really great nuggets with us today. So I look forward to hearing more in detail about your story and how it's going to be able to help so many listeners today.

Awesome. Can't wait. Yes.

So I'm going to go ahead and give you the floor. So please share one particular pain point in your life that changed you forever.

Oh wow. Which one do I choose? Um, one particular pain point. So I'm going to go back to an early part of my life in my 20s. It was my late 20s, but my 20s nonetheless. Um, I was the single mother of now 6 children. I had all my kids, believe it or not, um, by the age of 30. So I started motherhood extremely early in life at the age of 16, and by 30 I had wrapped that thing up. I already had all 6 of my children, and I had just had my youngest child, and her father and I, um, we, we split up. We broke up. Um, the relationship just could not withstand the dysfunction and the drama that we both brought to the relationship. And as a result, um, she was a toddler, so I'm gonna say she's about 2 or 3 years old. We, we split up, and it was a God thing. God had told me that this man was not my husband, even though I was trying to make him into a husband. But God clearly let me know, this is not your husband. You're not going to marry him. And you need to leave the relationship. And so I did. I did. I was on Section 8. I had just received my voucher to move into my home. I found a really nice 3-bedroom home for me and my children. And I moved, and we had split up. And it was a dark, dark period of time in my life. He had been my first— he'd been my high school sweetheart and the first man that I had really fallen in love with. And, and we had these children together, but now God was asking me to release him and let him go. And in spite of me not wanting to do that, I obeyed God, but it was very, very painful. And I can remember just going to work every day and just crying because I was in a grieving process. So I would sit in my little cubicle and I would just cry. I would, you know, off and on all day just cry. And I remember I was reaching out for some help because I really didn't know who to turn to. So there was this online group of Christian people that I didn't know. But somehow, I had become a part of this group online. And they exchanged emails back and forth. This was before chat. This was before Facebook and all of those types of platforms. And so they would exchange emails to encourage each other. And so I remember posting in this email about what I was going through. And this random stranger, this woman from the group, reached out to me personally. And she sent me an email just encouraging me that this was just it was just a season, that God was going to bring me out on the other side. He said some other really powerful prophetic things, but that was years ago, so I don't remember exactly what she said. But this is what I do remember: at the end of that email, she put Jeremiah 29:11, where, I know the plans that I have for you, the, uh, the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. And that, and that Scripture ministered to me so strongly that day at work, sitting at my desk in my cubicle. And I said, Lord, this is my scripture. I have to— because I needed something to hang on to. I had felt really hopeless at this point. And that scripture was pivotal in turning me around. It ministered to me so deeply because I felt like God heard my cry. I felt like he personally heard me. And her just sharing that scripture, You know, she could have said, oh well, you know, that's not really important, and you know, I'm just going to give her a few words of encouragement and send the email. But no, she, she thought that through and she sent that scripture with it. And from that day forth, I just, I felt like God saw me, I felt like he heard me, and I felt like that he had something in mind for my future. And so I began to heal from the heartbreak that I was dealing with that day, and that was a very pivotal moment in my young life.

Wow, you said so much. So as you were speaking, I can hear, as you said before, the grieving process of the breakup in the relationship. Oftentimes people think grief just means that someone passed away, but also whenever you're going through a divorce or a breakup, it can feel like it's a death because you had 6 children with him, right? And you have built this life with him.

So technically all 6 weren't his children. We had 2 children together, but still, still he was part of life. Exactly, exactly.

And so I think that is just, um, powerful. And I see that also in some of the work that you do as far as dealing with trauma and helping other women. I'm sure your story is so pivotal, especially now in today's time. Like you said, with social media, it's more prevalent now than it was then, so you have more access and able to do more things to help. Because as you were saying, back then there wasn't a lot of resources for you to really tap into, right?

We didn't have Facebook groups back then, you know. Uh, so there were forums, there were what they call forums, and you had to, you had to create an account and sign up for this forum, but all of the posts were, uh, like leaving a message basically. It was the equivalent of leaving a message on a wall. And then somebody had to go through and read your message on that wall and then respond back to your message. And they could either do it on the wall or they could send you an email.

Wow, time has changed significantly.

Wow.

So what, what would, um, you tell the younger version of yourself today?

Oh child, tell it, let us know. Um, you are valued beyond your body. You are valued beyond what you can do for someone or what you can give someone. You're valued beyond, um, your ability to give birth to children. That's not your— the totality of who you are. You are a fully functioning, amazing, brilliant, uh, talented, beautiful person who has worth and value just because you are God's daughter, period. And there is literally nothing that you have experienced in your life or gone through that will cause him to not love you, not accept you, not embrace you. So take a deep breath and relax. Everything that has happened to you or that you've done up to this point it's going to work for your good, and it's all going to work out for God's glory.

I thought about Romans 8:28, where everything will work out for our good, for our good. And so looking back over your life, like, are you like amazed at all everything that God has done for you?

Yes, uh, there's not a day that goes by when I'm not just going, God, is this my life?

Really?

Um, because I've been in a season of where he is taking me out of the spotlight and put me in the— in a hiding place so that he could relaunch me. And that gave me an opportunity to look back over my life and see all of the things that God has done, all of the ways that he's used me, all of the accomplishments he allowed me to, uh, achieve, you know. And I'm just amazed. I— every single day, this little little girl from Oklahoma, preacher's kid, who was the epitome of what they say a preacher's daughter is. You know, they say that they're the worst, they're, they're fast, they're, you know, troublemakers, they're— they get in trouble, um, all of the stereotypes. That was me. And to look back and see where she has come from and be able to appreciate just from a bird's eye view now As an adult, as a woman who has, you know, achieved middle— the middle season of my age, you know, now I can appreciate all that God has done for me. Um, it's, it's still a journey. I'm not done by any means. I'm just getting started. Um, and God has also assured me that the latter is going to be greater, so I can't wait to see what he's about to do.

That is so beautiful. Listen, when you said PK kids, first of all, I had no idea you were a PK kid, Miss Lorraine, okay? So that, to me, that's a true testimony because I couldn't hear what fake about Sarah Jakes, right? And I follow her journey over the years, and you're so right. Like, people put so much pressure on the children of a pastor, of a minister, and they forget that you're still a young woman and you're growing and you're figuring yourself out, figuring out what you like and what you don't like. And people automatically assume because you are a preacher's kid or a minister's kid that you have to fit this, like, this particular box.

Right, right, absolutely. And I mean, that was my life all growing up, even as a young adult, even when I surpassed the age of 18, I was still under that expectation. It never— it didn't go away just because I became— achieved adult status, quote unquote. Um, it didn't go away because I had children, multiple children. It didn't even go away when I got married. I was still under that stigma of being a preacher's kid. Because once they associate you with that, they kind of keep you in that box. It's like, I want to keep you in that box. And so, um, I've had to work really hard to get out of that box. I really have.

And you know what, I believe you. That is so true. And so one thing I want to say is that, you know, me and my husband are both— we're both licensed ministers. We have two daughters. And one of the things I always tell them both now, I'm like, listen, I don't care what you do, I don't care where you go, I don't care What mistake you made, I don't care. My love for you would never, ever, ever, ever change. Because I realized that where God is taking my family, how it can affect them as children. Because the world puts so much expectation on the kids. And I could definitely see, definitely, even with Sarah Jakes, how she felt so much pressure to be a certain way. And it's not— really, it's not fair, to be honest.

We're not superhuman. We are not.

No, no.

That also helps me know that pastors and ministers and prophets and apostles and evangelists are human as well. Yes, any, any fivefold ministry gift, anyone that is, you know, up front, anybody that has the spotlight, anybody that's on the pulpit, anybody that's on the stage, these people are not superhuman. They are— they have feelings, emotions, they get angry, you know, sometimes they say things that, that, you know, may not be so nice, you know. Um, you know, they argue with their spouses. You know, we're human. We're normal people just like everybody else. We just happen to have a call on our lives. And we just happen to have people— more people's eyes on us, you know, as a form of leadership.

I agree. I remember— had a memory that kind of triggered— probably about 3 or 4 years ago, I had— me and my friends, we had went to a conference for Heather Lindsey. And one of the girls that came with us, she was a new convert. She was new., and we were in the, um, service, and I was like, I'm praying for Heather, and I'm just really praying, praying, praying for her and her family, even, even while, you know, we were all there. And she kept saying, well, I don't understand, like, why you, why you praying? I'm like, because she human, because she's gonna make mistakes too. And she had put her on like this pedestal, the thing that she was just, you know, perfect or something. I'm like, no, ma'am, like, anything, it can be harder at times because of the pressure. And so fast forward to today, you know, years later, she sees that now. And I always tell her, don't put any of us on a pedestal. Nobody. I don't care how much we prophesy, how much we speak into your life, no matter what we do, do not do that because we are human. And then you're gonna, you know, have this high expectation, and then when you get disappointed, you're just extremely hurt. So oftentimes that's why I love transparency and I love vulnerability so much, because it really helps people to really see that this person is human, this person has a story like I have a story.

That's right, right. We have a responsibility. We really do have a responsibility to tell people the truth. Um, when you look at the apostles and prophets and the disciples even in the Bible, you know, these were human beings that had issues, you know. Um, bad tempers, uh, lust issues. Talk about David. You know, um, we talk about Paul, you know, he, he was, uh, very, very dogmatic, very stern about his, you know, his religion. He was persecuting Christians and thought he was so righteous. And, you know, and so when you look at these people in the Bible and you see that they, they had issues just like any other human being, that is for us to take away a lesson. And know and understand that you can still be used by God even with all these types of issues, because God is not limited by your issues. He's not limited by your hang-ups, your issues, your trauma, what you've gone through, what you've done. He's not limited by that. He's God, so he can transcend all of that and bring you into a place in the position. Now, this is one thing that God brought to my attention today, just today. Wow. He said, you know, whenever you find yourself being broken down to the lowest possible— God stripping you of things, God removing things from your life, God placing you in a position of humility and isolation, or, you know, you losing something of value that's really, you know, high value to you at that time, but you're losing it— that's God stripping you down so he can elevate you. He, you know, just like the thorn in the flesh when Paul had that thorn in the flesh, and, you know, he was like, you know what, I really don't want this thorn in the flesh, God, but nonetheless, you know, I'm going to serve you anyway because I know I'm called. See, God works, he works in, in our weakness, he works within our weakness. We want to be strong so that we can do things in our own strength. But that's not how God works. God works through our weakness. So anytime he's stripping us, he's doing that so he can then elevate us, because it's got to be about him. Can't be about ego, can't be about a platform, it can't be about making a name for yourself, can't be about money. It strictly has to be about him and giving him glory and honor through your life and through your gift.

That was amazing. I felt the spirit on that, Miss Paula. Listen, so I wanted to ask you this too, right? And so because you have children who are grown— which, by the way, you guys, she looks amazing, she looks extremely young, okay? She looks great to have her own children. And so because of your history of trauma and things you've experienced, have you been able to share with your children parts of your life to help them in their life as they grow? Because I've noticed that Women I've counseled over the years who have children, and like I say, I'm counseling, you know, um, you know, the young adult, they don't know anything about their family, their mom's history. And I'm like, what? I don't understand that. Like, that should be the first person to teach you about life lessons, the things they've been through to help you, to prevent you from going through the same thing. Like, my daughter's 11 years old and I have a 7-year-old, and I tell my 11-year-old so much about my past and about my story and about things I failed at, things succeed. She knows my— she knows my life. And so for me to hear that, and these people are grown women, that baffles me. Yeah, so I'll give you the floor on that one. Absolutely.

Um, my, my life has been an open book, literally. When I say book, I mean I've written my story multiple times. I've shared it on speaking platforms multiple times, both virtual and in person. My children have gotten a chance to hear my testimony multiple, multiple times, and I've also shared some with them personally. Um, I believe that God cannot heal what you're not willing to reveal. God cannot heal what you are not willing to reveal. So if you— if there is a generational curse in your family of illegitimate children, you know, having children out of wedlock, that cycle is going to continue to go on until you break it. And you have to be very intentional about that. You have to do that by sharing things with your children, being open, honest, and transparent. This is not a time to hide. First of all, the incident is over. It's done. It's history. So you've had years to deal with it. You've had years to sit with it. Now it's time to reveal it because you don't want your children to continue that cycle. And even if, like my children, they have started to perpetuate that cycle. You can stop it midstream. You can stop it. Maybe you have a child, had one child out of wedlock or two children out of wedlock. At that point, you can cut it off. Hey, listen, let me share something with you. I went down the same path. I was a single mom. I was a teenage mom. I did this. I did that. And see, that's the way that we break cycles. We don't break cycles by keeping secrets. And in communities of color, secrets have been allowed to fester for years, for generations, for decades, through entire family systems and households. And that's because there was a precedent set in slavery of keeping secrets. So when the slave owner came to the slave quarters and pulled Missy out and took her into the shed and had sex with her and she got pregnant, with his child that was a secret, although the child came out very light-skinned. This is a hypothetical situation, but child came out very light-skinned, very fair-skinned, with blue eyes. You know a Black man did not father Missy's child. You know the truth. You know what happened, but nobody talked about it. Nobody talked about it. But that child was treated special. That child was given special favors, that child was allowed to go into the slave owner's home at times, which is unheard of with slaves, even with children. So see, these are how secrets have been perpetuated over cycles, over generations, over years. And we were taught that behavior in slavery, and now we have continued it into the modern time that we live in. But because I have a breaker's anointing on my life, I'm here to give you notice. You can be the curse breaker in your family if you will open your mouth and share your story. Because stories— because secrets perpetuate cycles. But when you share, we overcome by the blood of the Lamb. So when we accept Jesus Christ, that's the blood being applied to our life. But we also overcome by the word of our testimony. And so you have to understand, when you uncover the devil and you, and you take the sheet off of his little secrecy, now you're exposing him so that he can be dealt with. Okay, so, um, yeah, that was— I didn't intend to preach, but here we go. But, but yeah, that's what I feel. That is exactly my thought on sharing with your children. And even if they're not your children, maybe you have nieces and nephews, you know, that are close to you. Maybe they look up to you, you know. Auntie, share your story. They might need to hear your story as well, you know, because at the end of the day, we're responsible, um, for those that are— that God has put in our inner circle. We're responsible, and I take that very seriously. I don't, I don't take it lightly. I feel like there's a responsibility on our lives when we have people in our inner circle. When we talk, share. Don't just talk about surface things— news, weather, and sports. Talk about real stuff. Talk about what's going on within the family system, what's going on in the family circle, what's not going on in the family circle. But why don't we talk? Why don't we hang out together? Why don't we spend time with each other? Why are you mad at, um, you know, so your sister? Why you mad at Uncle Bob? We don't talk about that stuff. We keep it inside. And then what's— what also happens too is the enemy latches on to those secrets and it causes physical illness. So people that have heart attacks, it's because they— at some point their heart has been broken. Their hearts have been grieved. Cancer is just your cells turning on themselves and eating themselves alive. And so that's those secrets perpetuating throughout your body. I could go on and on. I have lots of, lots of wisdom that God has shared with me over the years about different things, but I'm gonna leave it at that.

Listen, that was good to me. People need to hear that, okay, from someone who has lived it, who has gone through it, who has healed from it, and so much more. And you're so right. And in therapy, we call it, you know, somatic complaint. Where how we feel on the inside emotionally and mentally comes out physically. Have a high blood pressure, you know, hair falling out. All the different things can happen to your body physically because like you're holding on to so much stuff on the inside. But that is so true, Miss Paula. That is so true. Um, one of the things you mentioned too before was, you know, breaking the generational cycles. And it's amazing because over the years I have counseled so many women and men too who, when they came to me, they were in a season where God was using them to break family cycles, and they didn't realize it. And so it was extremely hard. So speaking of breaking generational cycles, the warfare of that is very great.

It's really great.

Yes, extremely. I know, I lived it too. So it's really, really difficult, but it's possible with God. It's possible with the right support and the right people behind you in your corner praying for you and pushing you and encouraging you to keep going. And so I think it's an honor and privilege, you know, for both of us to be able to have the opportunity to help people to, to get to the other side.

That's right.

Um, also you had said too, you know, about, you know, making sure that if you're an aunt or uncle, whoever, share your story with your nieces, nephews, and your children. And I thought about when I was younger, Ms. Paula, my mom never talked to me about sexual abuse, never talked to me about any of that. And so I truly believe that if she would have told me and educated me about my body, you know, what's appropriate, what's inappropriate, that I would have told her a lot sooner what was happening versus 3 years, 4 years later, you know. And this is why I encourage my daughters, hey, if someone touch you here, this is, you know, let mommy know. I tell them the proper names of what body parts are called, so something was to happen, they'll be— they're able to articulate what that is. And so I'm always, you know, finding a teaching moment to share with them about life lessons, so that way they'll be equipped. Because you can't read it in a book, and if you do read a book, it might not be accurate.

That's right, absolutely. And you can't ask a book a question either.

True, so, so true. Oh my God. So you guys, we're going to take a quick break, and when we come back, we're going to talk about her purpose and her passion. She has so much to uncover here as well, so stay tuned. Hey, hey, hey!

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Welcome back to Pain, Passion, and Purpose. I have Ms. Paula Lorraine here sharing her story about generational trauma, breaking generational curses. Talking about everything she's been through as a single mom, as a divorcee. She has went from, you know, being in, you know, poverty to being prosperous. She has overcame so much from, you know, being a single mom and from just being a PK's kid. I mean, so much to uncover here. So you guys be sure to go and look her up and find out more about what she has to offer to be able to help you as well. So Ms. Paula, now we're shifting into passion and purpose. So share with us some of the things that you're passionate about.

Oh, wow. I'm passionate about seeing women heal. That's one of the things I'm really passionate about. And I've— listen, I've been doing this work with women and girls for over a decade, probably over two decades. I started young as a PK, as a kid growing up in church. There was always a role for you to, you know, you— there was always work to be done in the church. So I've taught Sunday school, I've done praise dance team, drill team, I sang in the choir, all the choirs, you know. Uh, I was a Sunday school junior superintendent at one point. So I played a lot of different roles, um, working within the youth department, um, and just mentoring those girls that were younger than me. So at teenage age and young adult age, I was mentoring the younger girls, the preteens and the, you know, younger girls. Um, and for me, just the rewarding thing of knowing that God has used my testimony in these young women's lives— not, not so much for them to look up to me, that's, that's great, but I think more so just in order for me to make an impact, a positive impact in their lives. For them to recognize and realize that if she can make it, maybe I can too, you know. And of the things that she's gone through, but she's still here, she's still smiling, she's still, you know, functional. Um, that brings me joy. And so, um, you know, I probably in a different life would have gone to college and gotten a degree in counseling, but that was not my path. That's not, you know, where God took me. But he did— what he did do was he gave me enough life experience that I probably have a PhD at this point in life experience that I can share with someone. And sometimes, um, lived experience is much better than theoretical experience because you can't teach what I've learned in a textbook. And, um, you know, I'm not against college education and degrees by any means, But again, that was not my path. But yet, God has still been able to allow me to impact the lives of hundreds of women and girls. And so for that, that is truly my passion. My other passion is teaching. I really enjoy teaching and instructing and facilitating the learning process. That is something that I think came very natural to me. Like I said, I was a Sunday school teacher and a Vacation Bible School teacher at the age of 12, the young age of 12. I was already doing those things. Things because I just had a natural gift for, you know, sharing information, teaching information, imparting knowledge, even doing my own little handouts and my own little visual aids at that age, you know. So I've always enjoyed the teaching process.

I'm—

that's one of my spiritual gifts is teaching. Graphic design, I've always been an artistic person. Even as a child, I could freehand draw just about anything and it would look just like that object. I've always been artistic, but I didn't get into the computer side until I became a young adult. And then I saw you can manipulate images on a computer, and I'm like, okay, this is, this is cool, you know. Um, and I really made a career out of it late in my life, in my, in my 40s. I was like, wow, I'm finding out I have a whole different career path here, you know. And so that's how I started my company, Stellar Creative. And then just— and really, I didn't start that company. God started my company. Just real quickly, um, I was in a prayer session. I went to a healing room for prayer because I thought I had a physical ailment that I need healing from. And so I go to this prayer room and there's a man and a woman there and they are praying for me. And as they're praying, the Holy Spirit fell and the woman just— her hand began to just shake violently. And I mean, she was like, oh my gosh, she was like— she said, I Listen, she said, I know we're praying for physical healing, she said, but I do not sense that there's anything physically wrong with you, she said. But what I do sense is the Spirit of God is telling me that you have a multitude of creative gifts on your life, and he is going to use those creative gifts for the kingdom, and he's going to use you to— I mean, she just went on, she just prophesied, and I'm like, I said, like, what in the world, you know? And when I left that prayer session, honestly I was so confused. I'm like, well, God, what just happened? Because I didn't go there for this. But, but obviously this is what you had for me. And so about a year and a half later, I met someone who had their own graphic design company. She hired me on the spot to become her junior designer, taught me everything she knew, sent me to school, sent me to vocational class to learn more about the craft. And that's how I began my career in graphic design. A few months later, I started my own company. So God started my business. I always say that because I don't want to take credit where, you know, what, for anything that he's done. Um, so graphic design, uh, publishing then later on became another part of the business that I found I was equally as passionate about. So helping people tell their story, helping them share their testimonies in book format. Um, I probably publish now, self-published hundreds of titles um, designed hundreds of book covers, launched many authors into their authorship of, you know, writing books and telling stories. So that's something else that I'm passionate about. Equally as passionate about— and this will be the last category— about family. God is passionate about families. He started this world with a family, with Adam and Eve. Um, I love, love I'm going to get it right one day. I'm going to be happily married. And, uh, you know, but until then, I'm going to continue to walk in the calling that God has for my life. So I'm very passionate about my family, my children and grandchildren. So just for the record, I do have 3 sons, 3 daughters, all young adults. And of those children, they have given me 11 beautiful grandchildren. So, uh, yeah, and some days I don't believe it. Some days I'm looking like, wow, did you really? But yeah, God has really blessed. He has really blessed. Um, no, I don't look like what I've been through, but it's— he gets all the glory. He gets all the glory because trust me, I tried to self-destruct on many occasions and he just wouldn't allow it because he knew what he placed on the inside of me had to come forth. So I give him the glory for that.

Listen, Miss Paula, okay, you said a lot of things that I want to address, but the number one thing I want to say is that you have 11 grandchildren. You guys, I'm telling y'all, go check her out. She is gorgeous, okay? She does not look like she has 6 kids and 11 grandchildren, okay? Also, as you was, um, you were speaking earlier, I want to ask you about, you know, passion I just kept like, wow, God, this is amazing, because I see such a huge gap in the different, like, generations where you have, of course, the Gen Zs and the millennials, and you have the older generation. And what I see about you is so beautiful that you're able to reach back and touch every single generation. Everybody can't do that because of their religious mindsets, because of them being judgmental against the younger generation. And I can clearly see that the younger generation gravitates towards you. They value what you have to say because you show them nothing but love. And, you know, even myself as a woman of God, I mean, I'll be 38 next month, and people think I'm like, like in my 20s. And so sometimes they address me as such, and I'm like, listen, you don't know me. How you gonna address me in a certain way to think that I don't know anything, right? But me just talking to you, I don't feel that way. I don't feel like, oh, Shakeeta just she's just, you know, younger than me.

I don't—

I've never felt that way from you, period, in my time of knowing you and working with you. Oh, I never felt that way. And so I just know that God just has so much, so much more work for you to do because it's such a need in bridging those gaps.

I agree, I agree.

And so back to your purpose, and I love the fact too— so here's the thing about you know, um, to me about passion and purpose is that— and I struggle with this too in the very beginning when I first launched out into ministry and different things— is that I was— I'm passionate about so much, but I had to learn I can't do it all at one time. And so I feel like it's so important to really be in tune with God, as you have been yourself, into knowing when seasons change. So we could kind of hear the different things that you're doing as far as your purpose. So for one, what is your purpose now, and how have you navigated knowing when to transition from one thing to another?

Oh, you know, it, it just like anything else, when there's a transition, there's always some— in our humanness, we want to hold back. Like, wait a minute, you know, but I was doing this, God, but, you know, I was kind of liking this path. And what I found is that, um, God is gracious in that he will often allow us to utilize a little bit of what we were doing before in this new dispensation and when a new thing that he's doing. So, um, when it comes to my creativity, that's not going away. That's something that will always be with me. I still get to use my creativity in the story— storytelling arena. I just now get to do it with women who have been through or going through trauma. Because story is very powerful. One, it validates your experience. It lets you know that what you went through was real. That wasn't just you being crazy or you, you know, imagining something. That was a real lived experience, and it has validation. And your voice deserves to be heard. You deserve— because this is the thing, anytime you are victimized typically the person who is victimizing you will tell you to keep your mouth shut. Don't tell anybody, you know, don't, don't share this with anybody. But, um, again, we overcome by the word of our testimony. So when you're allowing people to share their stories, whether it's in a book, whether it's in my magazine, whether it's on one of my, um, online, uh, platforms, my lives, or anything that I do, that's still sharing a story. And so now with the Resilience Refinery, which is what this new venture is called, it's an initiative, it's a nonprofit initiative created to give women a place to receive that support and validation that they so desperately need. One of the things that we can always sit back and criticize, and many people have done this, is Well, she just trying to get attention on Facebook. Well, she just on Instagram stunt because she just want, you know, those likes. She just want people to follow her. She just wants people to comment on her pictures or, you know, say how pretty she is or how nice her shape is. Well, guess what? We all have that little child on the inside of us that's screaming, look at me, look at me, look at, you know, recognize me, pick me. That's That's what we do as children. We all want validation. And yes, sometimes we do seek it from the wrong places. We seek it in relationships with the opposite sex. We seek it from our parents. Do you know, at 40-something years old, I was still seeking validation from my mother, still seeking her approval, still wanted her to accept me. And finally, one day I just got tired of being angry at my mother, and I said, Lord, I don't want to do this anymore. And he was like, okay, well then you're ready to be healed. And he walked me through my healing process of being angry with my mother. So when we seeking all this validation— there is nothing wrong with wanting to be validated, we just need to go to the right place to get the validation. And guess where the right place is? The one who created us. He gives us that ultimate validation. This is why women who are single constantly running after the wrong relationship constantly seeking out the wrong types of men because they're seeking that father validation they didn't get when they were growing up from their dad. Daddy issues are real. Mommy issues are real. And if you don't get those healed, what you're going to do is you're going to continue to repeat the cycle of looking for your love and validation in the wrong people, in the wrong places. So, um, back to my passion. Resilience Refinery is a place not only to receive support but also resources. Where can I go? I, I need a counselor, I need a life coach, I need a, you know, mental health therapist. I need somebody that I can go to and get the help, the healing that I'm looking for. I need deliverance ministry. You know, all of these tools can work together, but you have to know where to go to receive the help, you know. And some people just are clueless. They don't know where to turn to. They don't know any therapist. They don't know any counselors. They don't know any deliverance ministry. They don't have that in their church. So our role is to provide them with a referral to these different organizations and individuals that can assist them in their healing process. And then also talk about advocacy, you know, someone to stand up and say, hey, look guys, this is a real issue. This issue matters. This— just all these other movements out here this matters, that matters. Well, guess what? Trauma survivors matter. People who have been victimized with trauma, they matter. Okay? And so we need someone to stand up and sound the alarm that these individuals matter. They have worth and value. It doesn't matter if they have PTSD. It doesn't matter if they've gone through it as a child or as an adult. They still matter. And we are standing up on the front lines saying so. So that's the— that's the vision. We want a world where women feel heard, seen, validated, where they can get the support and resources that they need so they can continue their healing journey. That's what Resilience Refinery is about. So it is— it is— we have not got our formal nonprofit 501 yet. We are in the process. We're assembling our board of directors. I'm excited. I cannot wait to hit the ground running. We're going to do some outreach things to get visibility just even before we do the formal 501 because I don't feel like you should procrastinate on that. I want to get started as soon as yesterday letting people know we exist because when it comes time to raise funds for these different initiatives, I want people to know our name.

Listen, I love it. I love that name, Resilience Recovery. Refinery. I love that. That is so— I could tell it's Holy Spirit given, for sure. And so, Miss Paula, what— so this season is all about, um, your words carry weight, speak life. That is the vision that God gave me for this, for this particular, um, podcast season. And it has blessed me so much. It has blessed even my guests so much. And so what would you, you know, want to contribute or say about that particular statement?

Um, so repeat it back to me one more time.

It's called Your Words Carry Weight, Speak Life.

Oh wow, yeah, the importance of words. We know that God was a creator and he created with his words. He created us, he created the world and everything in it with his words. So therefore we know that words have creative power. So whatever we say about ourselves, whatever we say about our lives, our children or anything attached to us, it's going to produce life, whether it be, um, something negative or something positive. So my encouragement would be to always speak about your future with positivity, with life. I always speak— and this is the thing— everything that your heart's desire, your prayers, your desires in line with God, they're going to manifest. They're already done. They're already completed in the spirit. It's just they haven't fully manifested in the natural world yet. So we are literally— every time we speak life into a situation— so I told you just a few minutes ago that, um, you know, my desire was to get married again. So this is my confession: I am a whole wife. I am fully equipped in spirit, soul, and body to be a suitable helpmeet to my God-ordained spouse, and I bear a beautiful, stunning symbol of our love and eternal commitment on this finger. So guess what? One day I'm gonna look at this finger and go, wow, this is exactly what I said. I'm gonna look at our marriage and I'm gonna say, wow, this is exactly what I— what I spoke, you know. Um, if that's your expectation, you can't be walking around saying, well, you know, I guess, I guess it's not any good men out there. I guess, you know, I'm probably never going to get married. Oh well, you know, I've never had success with relationships, so why would I think it could happen for me? You can't speak that. You got to speak life into your situation. So that's my— that literally has always been my philosophy, is just the words you say carry a lot of weight. So no matter what area of your life, whether it's your work, your business your career, your family, your children, your marriage, whatever it is. Always speak what God says. The word of God is full of promises. You can flip to any page and find something in there that speaks about what he has for you. Grab a hold to that scripture, grab a hold to that word. If there's been prophetic words that God has given you over the years through the prophet, grab a hold to those words. There's no shortage of good things to say about you and your situation. You just have to speak them, believe them, and know that they are coming to pass even if you don't see it right now.

I love that, Miss Paula. You guys hear that? She shares some wisdom with us about speaking life, and she is a living example of that. Okay, so Miss Paula, share with us where we can find you at on social media, your website, and all that good stuff.

Absolutely. So you can So I'm going to give an invitation to the women watching, and men, there'll be something for you at some point. But right now we're focusing on the women. And this is for any woman that, whether you've been through a heavy traumatic experience, or maybe you just experienced something that maybe wasn't so violent or deep, go to resiliencerefinery.org. That's R-E-F— R-E-S-I-L-I-E-N-C-E Refinery, R-E-F-I-N-E-R-Y dot org, resiliencerefinery.org. There is a survey, a questionnaire on there regarding childhood trauma or protective factors that you had in your life. And that was initiated by a group out of Tulsa, Oklahoma. At Tulsa, Oklahoma University. They wanted to find out the experiences that women have had with regard to trauma and how it impacted their lives. So I took their survey and I created an online platform where you can answer all the questions online and submit anonymously. So we're not asking for your email, your name, your phone number, any of that. We simply want the statistical information so that we can know how women's lives have been impacted by trauma. But if you go to resiliencerefinery.org, you can find out all the information about the questionnaire, learn a little bit about me, my bio is on there, and information about what we are trying to do as an initiative. That would be my invitation. If you want to email us, it's hello@resiliencerefinery.org. If you have questions about our initiative, what we're doing, how you can get involved, um, that's going to be my spiel. I'm not going to give them all the multiple websites that they can find me. Connect with me at Resilience Refinery because that's where God is moving right now.

Yes, I love it. You guys hear that? That's where God is moving in her life right now. Okay, so seasons change, things change, but all for God's glory. So Miss Paula, thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you so much for just being transparent and honest and open about what you have experienced. I know that it's going to help so many women out there, and men as well, about their trauma and their story.

Yes, awesome, awesome. Thank you for the invitation. I have really enjoyed myself, Shakeeta, and blessings to you and your family and your business and ministry. I know it is thriving because I see the evidence of what God is doing in your life.

Thank you so much. I appreciate all your prayers and all your support. It means a lot to me. Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. Our prayer is that this podcast episode has blessed you. Don't forget to go and subscribe and leave us a raving review. If you would like to sow into this ministry or to this podcast, Pain, Passion, and Purpose, you can do so at anchor.fm/painpassionandpurpose or Cash App $shakeetatorres. Thank you so much, and I will talk to you next time.