Shamsudin Hakim identifies two relationship patterns: performers who use niceness as armor to avoid showing their wounds, and settlers who accept anyone willing to say yes. Marcus performs for approval; Veronica performed to survive a narcissist. Recognizing which pattern you embody changes how you relate.
Marcus is running 2 love patterns. The performer, he's auditioning to be liked, performing nice to earn approval. But unlike Veronica's performer who performed to survive a narcissist, Marcus performs because he doesn't know he is outside of nice. Nice is his armor, his identity. It's the version of himself that keeps people close enough to like him, but far enough to never see the wound. The settler. Ready to settle down in a couple months is settler language, willing to take whoever says yes.
