SHAMSUDIN HAKIMI help you break the Love Pattern that keeps choosing the wrong person.

Busy isn't healing. It's distraction.

17 Sept 2026 · 1 min

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In this reflective monologue, SHAMSUDIN HAKIM narrates the story of Tonya, a woman who, after a two‑year courtship and an anticipated marriage, avoids confronting the loss of the partnership she envisioned. Instead of grieving, Tonya fills her life with constant activity—attending church, joining groups, working, spending time with family and friends, and traveling—keeping her calendar completely full. While she appears productive and socially engaged, she never sits with the emotional pain of losing the man she expected to marry, nor the broader loss of the future she imagined. The speaker highlights the distinction between genuine healing, which requires sitting with loss, and mere distraction, which merely masks it. The monologue underscores how pre‑marital expectations, discussed over two years, set the stage for a deeper sense of loss when the relationship ends.

Chapters

She never grieved. She left. She stayed busy. She went to church. She joined groups. She worked. She spent time with her family, spent time with her girlfriends, went on trips. She filled her calendar to the brim, but she never sat with the loss—not the loss of him, the loss of what she thought she'd have—the marriage she envisioned, the partnership she was promised, the man. She thought he'd become. See, Tonya talked to this man for 2 years before marriage about expectations.