SHAMSUDIN HAKIMI help you break the Love Pattern that keeps choosing the wrong person.

Desperation: The root of his dating issues

15 Sept 2026 · 1 min

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In this brief counseling case review, therapist Shamsudin Hakim examines a client named Marcus who claims he lacks patience and wants to settle down within a few months. Hakim argues that Marcus's expressed urgency is not genuine readiness for a committed relationship but rather desperation. He explains that desperation typically stems from unresolved emotional wounds. After conducting an assessment, Hakim discovers that Marcus experienced repeated sexual contact from an older male figure during childhood, which he never processed. This revelation leads Hakim to reframe Marcus's entire relational profile, suggesting that the unprocessed trauma is the hidden driver behind his rushed desire to settle down.

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And then he said the line that unlocked everything. I don't have patience. I'm ready to settle down in a couple months. A man who can't articulate what he wants emotionally, but is ready to settle down in a couple months, that's not readiness, that's desperation. And desperation has a source. After the assessment, I learned something that reframed his entire profile. As a child, Marcus was touched by an older male figure on multiple occasions, and he never processed it.