JERICHO WALLS — VERONICA'S STORY

She said it to me like it was normal, like it was just a fact of life. She said, I don't like the person he is making me become. The happiest person she knows and drowning. Not in water, not in her own marriage. Her name is Veronica. She's 44. And she came to me with one question. Am I the problem? And what I found was a woman who'd been so thoroughly conditioned by narcissistic abuse That she was questioning her own sanity while describing textbook emotional terrorism. This is her story.

First they want to see me fall, see me break, see me crawl. Never want to see me hold truth untold. But now I speak, so you gon feel it all. I'm the presence in the room. I don't just speak. I command your presence to blend excellence. Breathe fire with reckless reverence. Plant it in the best soil, deep like ancestral truth. Try to form a plan, but you could never reroute me. I'm still here. Congratulate me. Survived it all. Wore it like a suit and walked through hell with a heaven-bound boot. That's the same path you gonna walk. From broken to unbreakable. From loss to legacy. Talk intact life. We meant the journey. Seven loops, five modes, five pillars. No attorney break your loop, build your love. This is how we rise above. Shamsuddin Hakim. In Tag Life Podcast. Welcome to the session. Let's go. In Tag Life.

Welcome back. I'm Shamsuddin. This is episode eight. of the Intact Life Podcast and day 2 of the Held Hostage miniseries. Monday, I taught you what narcissistic conditioning looks like— the 3 stages, the 12 signs, the triple pattern activation. Today, we go inside the session, Veronica's session. Let me tell you who Veronica was before her marriage. She was the woman everybody loved. Warm, open. If she chose to deal with you, she was all in. No walls, no games. She loved through music, through writing, through prayer. She was the person her friends called when they needed light, when they needed hope. Her alignment score before marriage, I'd estimate out maybe about 8 out of 10. She had strong faith. She had healthy relationships. She had An amazing amount of creative energy. The woman was thriving. By the time she sat in front of me, her alignment score was 4 out of 10, and it was still dropping. Her weakest pillar? Every pillar that touched him. So let me walk you through what Roxy found step by step, the way I coached her through it. The first step in the INTACT process is identify. This is where you have to find self-awareness and truth and get in touch with it and live there for a moment. And the first thing Veronica said, the very first thing, told me everything I needed to know. She said, I don't go into situations with walls up because if I choose to deal with you, that means I choose to deal with you. But he's made me feel like the walls of Jericho. Listen to that language. I don't go into situations with walls up. That's her default. That's who she is. She's open, trusting, leading with her heart first. But then he's made me feel like the walls of Jericho. Listen to that again. He made her— she didn't choose walls. She didn't build them because she wanted to. He forced her into a survival strategy that goes against her entire identity. And here's what I told her. Veronica, you're not the problem. You're the target. You walked into this marriage as a woman who loves without walls, and he weaponized that openness. The fact that you're questioning whether you're the issue while describing textbook narcissistic abuse tells me he successfully convinced you that your light is the problem when it's actually his darkness that can't coexist with it. And then I told her something that changed the whole conversation. I said, he's pretty good with everybody else except you, right? And she went quiet because that's the narcissistic signature move. They charm the world and torture their primary supply because you're the one who sees behind the mask, and that makes you dangerous to them. So they break you not with fists, with conditioning. Slowly until you ask the question she asked me. Am I the problem? I do. That's the war between her intuition and her conditioning. Her gut says no. His programming says maybe. And she's been living in that maybe for years. Step 2 is nurture, healing, and growth. And Veronica told me what she needs in a relationship. Listen to this. I need that security blanket. I need reassurance. When I'm in your presence, I feel like you want me in your presence. I don't want to feel like I'm bothering you just because I'm in the same space with you. Let that sink in for a moment. She's not asking for the moon. She's not asking for diamonds. She's asking to be wanted, to not feel like a burden just for existing. In the same room as her husband. That's not high maintenance. That's the bare minimum of human love. And she hasn't had it in years. So what does she do? She self-nurtures in isolation. Music at all hours, writing at 2 AM, prayer. She's keeping herself alive through art while the relationship is killing her. I gave her an assignment called the Daily Reclamation Ritual. Every morning before he wakes up, she puts on headphones, picks one song that makes her feel like the Veronica everybody loves, and she writes for 10 minutes in first person, present tense. I am the woman who— not who she was, not who she'll be after divorce, who she is right now underneath the drowning. This isn't journaling. This is identity resurrection. Step 3 is transform. This is where you got to let go of old beliefs and start building new ones. Veronica's old story, the one he installed in her, sounds like this: Maybe I'm too open, too happy, too much. Maybe if I change, he'll stop punishing me. But her new story, the one she's building, sounds like this: My openness isn't the problem. His emptiness is. I am not too much for the right person. I am simply with the wrong one. My light didn't dim. It's being eclipsed. And I'm about to step back into the sun. And I need every person listening to hear this. If someone makes you feel like you are the problem for being yourself, they are telling on themselves. Your openness is not a flaw. Your joy is not a liability. Your love is not too much. You are simply pouring into a vessel that was already cracked. when you met it. The transformation isn't becoming someone new. It's remembering who you were before they convinced you that who you are wasn't enough. Step 4 is action. This is where you have to have communication and vulnerability. Veronica's growth edge was this: she stopped speaking and started writing. Not because she's a writer— she is a writer— but because talking to him was like talking to Things that don't talk back, even when they come in a human form. That's one of the most devastating things I've ever heard in a coaching session. She's saying my husband is physically present but emotionally absent. He's a body in the room, not a partner. So I gave her the ceasefire declaration. I told her to say this to him out loud, not written. Here's what it is: I spent our marriage trying to prove I'm worth your presence. I'm done. I'm no longer available for relationships where I have to convince someone to want me. You've made it clear through your actions that I'm a burden, not a blessing. I'm choosing to believe you. I'll be moving forward accordingly. No explanation, no defense, no negotiation. This isn't— this isn't about changing him. It's about exiting the stage where she's been Performing for an audience of one who refuses to clap. The goal isn't his response. The goal is her liberation. Step 5 is connection. This is where we do the relationship quality check, and this is where I ran her through the 5C filter. For those who are new, the 5C filter is how we assess whether a relationship is building you or breaking you. 5 elements we measure. Chemistry, character, compatibility, capacity, and clean. You need at least 3 out of 5 to have a foundation. Below that, it's not a relationship, it's a situation. Veronica scored 0 out of 5. Let me walk you through it. Chemistry? No, she's not vibing with him. She's surviving. Passion has been replaced with performance management. Character? That was nonexistent. Also, he's weaponizing her openness, isolating her socially, and gaslighting her into thinking she's the problem. That's not low character. That's abuse. Compatibility. That was absent also, because the thing is, is that he lives for today with no vision. She's a writer, a dreamer, a woman who will ask, where are we going? He doesn't want to Go anywhere with her. Capacity? No, he has capacity for everyone else but punishes her for existing. That's not low capacity. That's selective cruelty. Clean? That was zero also. He had what we call financial separation, emotional withholding, and punishment cycles. Pretty much he was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in his behavior. He would treat her in these oppressive ways while presenting himself differently to everyone else. She had 0 out of 5. And when I wrote my assessment, I wrote this. This isn't a relationship. It's a hostage situation. That wasn't dramatic. That was diagnostic. When you score 0 out of 5, the most fundamental elements of a healthy connection— you are not in a partnership. You are in captivity. Steps 6 and 7 are trust and intact. This is where faith, consistency, and wholeness come into play. Veronica is a woman of deep faith. Music and prayer are what's keeping her alive. But here's what I told her, and this is for every person listening who stays in a toxic situation because they think God wants them to. God did not give you discernment so you could ignore it. God did not give you clarity so you could override it. And God did not put you on this earth so someone could erase you in his name. Staying in a marriage or relationship where you're being destroyed is not faithfulness. It's fear wearing a religious outfit. And I need to be clear, I'm not anti-marriage. I'm not pro-divorce. I'm pro-you. And if you is disappearing inside of a marriage, then the marriage is not serving its divine purpose. Period. So here's what I told Veronica, and here's what I'll tell you if you hear yourself in her story. You didn't lose yourself in this marriage. You stored yourself in your music, your writing, your prayers, your friendships. And when you leave, you're not starting over. You're returning to the woman who doesn't need walls because she's no longer with someone who requires them. You're returning to the woman everybody loves because she loves openly. You're returning to the woman who knows she's not the problem. She's the prize someone else was too dim to see. Veronica, if you're listening, your next chapter isn't about finding someone who deserves you. It's about becoming someone who refuses anyone who doesn't. And to everyone else, if Veronica's story is your story, if you're drowning in a relationship that's supposed to be your safe place, Hear me. You are not too much. You are not the problem, and you are not stuck. You are a hostage who just found the key. On Friday's episode, episode 9, Am I the Problem? The Narcissism Test, I'm giving you a practical framework you can use tonight to assess whether your relationship is a partnership or a prison. It's not therapy. It's not diagnosis. It's clarity. Because the hardest part of being in a hostage situation is this: you don't know you're a hostage. The conditioning is so thorough that the prison feels like home. Friday, I'm giving you the blueprint to see through the walls. And if you want to go deeper on this miniseries, remember, the Intact Life blog is up. And every single one of these episodes over the next 3 weeks is going to have its own deep dive post where we go deeper into the key concepts of that particular episode. And in today's episode, We went through each one of the 7 intact life steps and in the blog post, we're going to go just a little bit deeper. Also, if you want to go ahead and discover exactly what your alignment score is like, Veronica discovered that her alignment score was 4 out of 10 and her relationship pillar, it couldn't even be scored because she's in a hostage situation and not a relationship. Then go ahead and take the Intact Life Assessment and find out what your score is. Go to theintactlife.com. It's $20 for your full assessment. The free assessment gives you a portion, a glimpse at exactly where you are. It takes about 10 minutes, and I promise you'll never look at your love life the same way again. And join me on TikTok Live every night, 8 PM Pacific time. Where I give out live assessments, and if you want your coaching session, your love pattern reveal, your 5C score, your emotional DNA map, join me on TikTok tonight. This is free, and all you have to do is show up and be honest. And also, you can catch me on Facebook as well, where I go through and give relationship advice the same as here on my podcast and on TikTok. And for anybody that's wanting Private coaching, just like what Veronica got. I am opening up the application soon for you to have private coaching. It's going to be limited spots for this private coaching. So look out for when I announce that the application is open and go ahead and share this episode and like this. And if you know someone you know needs to hear Veronica's story, not because they need to feel sad, but because they need to feel seen, go ahead and send them a link to this episode. I'm Shamsuddin. This is Intact Life, and we're bringing Jericho's walls down.

Intact Life. First they want to see me fall, see me break, see me crawl. Never want to see me hold truth untold, but now. I speak, so you gonna feel it all. I'm the presence in the room. I don't just speak, I command your presence. Demand excellence. Breathe fire with reckless reverence. Plant it in the best soil, deep like ancestral truth. Try to form a plan, but you could never reroute me. I'm still here. Congratulate me, survived it all. Wore it like a suit and walked through hell. With a heaven-bound boot. That's the same path you gonna walk. From broken to unbreakable, from loss to legacy. Talk intact life. We map the journey. Seven loops, five modes, five pillars. No attorney. Break your loop. Build your love. This is how we rise above. Shamsuddin Hakim. Intact life. Podcast. Welcome to the session. Let's go. Intag light.