SHAMSUDIN HAKIMI help you break the Love Pattern that keeps choosing the wrong person.

Your parents' divorce is not your curse

15 Sept 2026 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

0:41

In this segment of his YouTube video, SHAMSUDIN HAKIM examines the case of a woman named Tonya to illustrate how a childhood vow formed in response to her parents' divorce can shape adult relationship choices. He explains that Tonya, having witnessed her parents' separation, promised herself at a young age that she would never become like her mother. Decades later, that promise—made before she truly understood marriage, love, or abuse—drives her to remain legally married to a partner who does not meet her emotional needs, simply to avoid the stigma of being a divorcee like her mother. Hakim frames this as a generational story masquerading as personal identity, highlighting how unresolved childhood narratives can dictate adult behavior.

Chapters

Lock number 3, the generational story disguised as identity. When I heard that, I said, there it is. Tonya wasn't just fighting for her own marriage ending. She was fighting for her parents' story. She watched them divorce. She felt that pain. And she made a vow as a child. She said, that will never be me. And now at 40-something years old, she's keeping a vow she made when she was 10. A promise she made before she understood what marriage was and what love requires and what abuse looks like. She'd rather stay legally married to a man who won't meet her needs than become a divorcee like her mother.