Don't Be A Boring Speaker

Feeling like a boring speaker? If that has ever occurred to you, then you are in the right place because today we have Tina Bakehouse with us. She is a very seasoned storytelling expert. She's a speaker herself. She does all kinds of wonderful, amazing things with people to help them break out of this pattern of being boring. So Tina, so great to have you here on Cash In On Camera today to talk about this conversation because A lot of people just don't find that what they do is interesting. And I think they often feel like that's translating into the videos they make, the content they create, and how they are putting themselves out into the world. What do you think is the cause of that mentality of thinking that they're boring?

Well, I've actually worked with some high-level CEOs and leaders that have actually said that very thing. The biggest fear is I'm boring. And they're leading teams of people to do transformational, amazing things in their companies. And it was one particular individual, she was— I was coaching her to do a TEDx Talk. And she says, Tina, what if I'm boring? And I think a lot of it, it comes, stems from that deep-seated mindset of that I'm not a storyteller, I, I don't have something that's worth sharing, my experiences are my experiences and everybody's had those kinds of experiences. But really, when we think of the who that we are when we are engaging an audience, stories are like a gold mine. You want to mine through them and it's going back to The stories of our youth and our young adult lives, personally, professionally, and that the power that they have is illustrating ideas. And when I think of this idea of being boring, it's really going into communication strategist John Capacci. He says we're all natural orators of our own lives. And so if we can own that and shift that mindset and say, lean into the passion for what it is that we care about, then we show that not only in how we express and talk about it, but then we— the, the audience feels that energy. So it's letting go of the word boring. It's, it's recognizing that, yes, I have something worth sharing, and yes, I'm knowledgeable about it. I've researched it, I've read about it, I've talked about it, I've lived it. And whether it's the broad term of leadership or the world of business, your specific experience with it, your way of doing. People want to know your angle. And what they love is when you're open to sharing it and open to that vulnerability.

A lot of people are very close to what they do. And in many cases, for entrepreneurs, for example, they have been working at this business likely for years. And so, they're so close to what they do that they no longer see how interesting that topic is. And you made a good point about storytelling in that the key is to find illustrative stories from your past or from your childhood that could help to make a point for whatever it is that you're looking to communicate. I love the idea of going back in time and looking at stories, but how do we identify which stories can illustrate a point that we're trying to make?

I think it's first starting with What with starting at the end, what is the outcome that you desire? What is the— what do you want your audience to feel? It was interesting yesterday, my son came back from school and he had witnessed this keynote speaker at an assembly and he just sparkled and he's like, Mom, you'll never guess. And he went from story to story to story to story. And then he handed me this ticket and and said, will you please go with me tonight? He's speaking one more time and I want your opinion. Is he truly what you would say to be an engaging speaker? And I thought, well, this little 12-year-old, this is hilarious in terms of he's curious of if, if he goes, does he need your help, right? And so what I have found with this particular— just yesterday I, I witnessed an actual presenter where it's that building of the rapport with the audience and asking. He asked himself, you know, what What does this teen audience, it was primarily preteen and teenagers, what do they need? And he shared a story that was so powerful about him being a young man and having two older brothers and from a divorced family and having his dad, you know, he was excited to see his dad. He only gets to see him once a month, very infrequently. And his dad looks at the mom and says, I don't want this guy, I just want the two older boys. And that just broke his heart. And it was that story that shared, that the speaker shared to illustrate the anger that was, that was within him, that, that feeling unloved. And so it's thinking through what is the theme for what you want to share and what is it you want your audience to feel. And so if you can go in the emotion and the outward, like outcome, then you can get that concrete story to transport the audience's heads to their hearts.

What you just explained is also— it's very meta because what you just described is telling a story about a story that helped illustrate the point you're trying to make here.

That's right.

And so if people can see that, that is the power of storytelling. That if you can reach back into your own experiences and make the connection between this thing that happened and a point you're trying to make, you can really effectively use storytelling in that capacity. Now, having said that, not all stories are the same, not told the same. I've seen a lot of people who think that storytelling is just a laundry list of a chronological set of events that happened. This happened, then this happened. We often see children doing this, right? So, they're explaining something that happened at school. And say, "Then this happened, and then she said this, and then this happened." There is a real art to telling a great story. I wonder if you could give us a Colesnook version of what is the right strategy in terms of structure, rather, for a good story.

I love that you said, "And then, and then." I always say there is a big difference. I remember in kindergarten, I was that "and then" child. On the first day of school, my mom never asked, "How did school go?" She always would say, Did you go to math today? You know, very closed-ended questions. The difference is in the then versus the because. Because is what your audience wants to know. The and then is the listening, the listing of events, the telling. So you want to show versus tell with your messaging. So when you are structured, think of it in terms of beats. Every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. And what your audience wants to know You do that first piece of really understanding what do I want the story to do for me. Whether you're in business or you're doing a signature talk, it has different strategies. So you want to ask yourself that. Who's my target audience and what point of view? That's the first 3 questions that you should ask is what do I want it to do for me in this moment? Who's my audience and what point of view? Is it my story or someone else's story? And from there you structure it thinking in very simply 3 acts. The first act is the setup. How do you start story? And that is giving us the background, the back history, and moment in time. If we go back to that example I was sharing, the speaker, he was talking about a moment when he was 8 years old, and he took us there. He took us back to when he was 8, what he— he loved his Nintendo, he loved all the gifts his dad donned with him, and that he was so excited to see his dad. And then all— and that's the setup, right? We know he's from a divorced family, so we want to know that moment in time. Act 2 is building from that into the, what is called the conflict or the inciting incident. What was that moment that required action? Was it internal where you're wondering, do I go to grad school or not? Do I work for myself or not? That's an internal conflict that requires you to do action, whereas the external could be some form of natural disaster. Here in, in the Midwest, we had terrible devastating floods of 2019 that required action. Some businesses thrived and figured out and, and did different others had to close. And same with the pandemic, another example of extrinsic conflict. That's Act 2, is that inciting incident that requires action. Then Act 3 is, okay, this action, I have to do something because of that. What happens? So I do something and then I get into transformation. So you start out as one person and then you evolve into something else. And what I found that too many times, that a lot of storytellers don't think of that last act of transformation We as the listener want to hear about the lessons learned and we absolutely want story with struggle. There is nothing worse than nobody watches the movie of Wade, you know, two people meet each other, they live in the perfect house with the perfect car, perfect picket fence and perfect dog, etc., etc. It's so perfect it makes you sick. You have to have conflict and you need transformation in order for it to be a poignant, beautiful, story.

Donald Miller talks about that concept in the realm of marketing as the stakes. So, meaning that the stakes have to be there. You have to identify the stakes or what's at risk, the conflict. Otherwise, the story doesn't really have the proper arc as you've been describing. I love what you've just shared. I think that's a really important thing and everyone can do that. Everyone can structure a story that way. Yes. And I have—

sorry, quickly, just a question. Yeah. Is that I got to meet Alan Alda and what he said when it was a beautiful keynote and he was asking for someone to come on stage and he did this really cool activity and he ends with saying that the power in story is having high stakes. It's a shared experience and it connects us. So just like you were saying with Donald Miller in his book about marketing and story, that you need those stakes. And that's what makes story powerful.

One of the things I've often heard is people will say, start with the end. So in other words, start your story with the end of the transformation as the hook and then go into the details and filling in, or really, I guess, creating a loop and then creating and filling in those gaps as you go. Do you subscribe to that structure? And in which cases would you recommend using that?

I would say every storyteller is a little bit different in terms of how you come to story. I think it definitely is one workable strategy. Again, I always recommend when I'm working with clients, whether it's for their TED Talk or keynote or for their business story, is starting with— I do like the starting with the end in mind. And overall, okay, I have— we have so many, we have a myriad of stories, so it can get super overwhelming. And I worked with an artist whom he was like, I don't even know where to begin. Well, let's start at the very beginning, as you know, a very good place to start, as we would hear in Sound of Music. And he— it starts with that business story, that origin story of when was that first time that you knew you loved art. And that's where we started. And then we were mining through other examples of where art made an impact. So when you think of starting at the end to go to the beginning, there is, there are some stories that, that works really well where you have a mirrored beginning and end. But there are some stories— I have one client that is working on a keynote that she wants to kind of reveal a surprise, you know, so if you don't want to give too much at the beginning. And so it doesn't work all the time, and that's what makes stories so powerfully interesting. The goal is that you've met the expectation of what you want the story to do, that the audience resonates and they connect and you've piqued their curiosity. So it's truly know the structure, know that you need that arc, and know how you're going to start, know how you're going to end, and do so in a very poignant way where you have a strong hook. That first line is really important. And also, I like to say, have an advocacy line at the end where it's You know, what is that last line that we know you're done, that you are either calling us to think differently or do different?

Almost like a statement, a conclusion, a summary statement.

More than thank you, because the audience should be thanking you, right? And so it's really tuning into what is that bumper sticker line for you want us to walk away, because there's this idea of the forgetting curve. The moment the audience gets up out of their seats, 75% or so is forgotten, which breaks my heart as a presenter and speaker. But you want that last line to be just as strong as the first.

It's a good point that you made about the audience should be thanking you for sharing what you've shared. And often I think people speaking on stages of any description, they feel like they're the ones who have to thank others for watching them. That's a real mindset shift. That's an interesting point.

Yeah. And I've had a lot of individuals say, well, this is hard for me. And I said, well, because they just feel like it's not complete. I said, well, then you don't have a strong enough advocacy statement. Your last line is not complete enough. So let's work it again. And I feel like that last line is almost the hardest, more so than the hook.

Agreed. In terms of not being boring, I think some people might think that, gee, if I'm just more expressive with my hands, if I speak louder, that those things will make up for what they deem in their minds as being boring.

Does that work?

Do you suggest that? When might you not suggest that?

Right. True magnetism— and I feel like everybody, every soul has the ability to be a magnetic speaker— comes from within. You know, poise is a verb. You do the work with your voice and your body. And presence is a noun. It's a state of being. And I've worked with scientists that if I said to you, more gestures, get bigger, flavor, be more robust, they would panic and it would freak them out. It just would not feel natural. I've really got this mantra of how you start and how you share your story, not only from a content perspective, but a delivery style needs to be in full alignment of what your goal is, but also your speaker style, because you cannot anchor in your confidence if you're trying to be someone you're not. So it's being in a state of being Knowing that what you have to say has value, knowing that you are enough, be fully present and audience-centered. But if you've done the work in terms of prepared, practiced, and practiced, and practiced, and then you passionately believe in what it is you're sharing, that will come and shine through. So letting the passion lead the communication is essential. If you don't believe in it, your audience is going to know it. And if you're trying to be someone you're not, your audience is also going to know it. So you want to absolutely be who you are, show up as you are, and you have a voice and a body, and you want the orchestra together to be in harmony with each other. So if you're talking really loudly and your face is very stoic, that does not work, nor does it if you're I'm talking like this. You have to work with what you've got. And I know, think of it on a spectrum. I know that I was a Disney cast member and I am a 10 when it comes to animation, big body gestures, loud voice. That's my style. But I adapt it for different audiences depending on, you know, if I'm presenting for a bank, I would not give the 10. I'd soften it a little bit. Some people, my husband who is a farmer and scientist in this field all about soil health, he is more of a 5, maybe a 4. Very deliberative, soft-spoken, but can really get people to linger on his every word. And he can be just as engaging as the person who's huge, big, boisterous, and flamboyant. So again, it's know yourself, know your message, know your audience, and show up as the who that you are.

And one of the things that I think is interesting about that too is that just showing up as yourself— it could be someone like, I'm thinking of Deepak Chopra, for example. This is a person who's not really a boisterous, gregarious, out-there type of person. He's just a little bit more quiet and reserved, yet I want to hang on everything he's saying. And, and we see examples of those types of people in media or on stages, and they can command an entire room. They can just walk in quietly 1,000 people in front of them and they are just soft-spoken, but yet everyone's listening. And I think you're right, it's just, is that authentic to him? Absolutely. Because if we saw him flailing around, it would make no sense. Well, that is not aligned to who he is, and we see examples of that, yeah, often. So point well taken.

Yeah, well, and I think it's that point of owning it. Owning your energy and owning the space.

Yes. I know that you pride yourself on being a person who is protecting people from boring speeches, which I love. I would love to be able to send people to your website. Tell us where they can reach out and learn more about the work of Tina B.

Absolutely. Thank you so much. It's tinabakehouse.com. That's T-I-N-A, B as in boy, bake as in baking cookies, house.com. So tinabakehouse.com. You can check out my blog. Other different events and courses that I offer, as well as my services, which I have a Magnetic Speaker Blueprint certification where you can do a 3 or 6, 6-month signature program with me to uplevel and be the communicator you're called to be, whether if it's being on stage or in front of the boardroom.

I love that. Last thing I want to ask you, what is a tip, a tool, a tactic or technique that's really helping you, Tina, to market yourself for the year that we live in? Do you have anything that you'd like to share with the audience?

Absolutely. Well, it's so important, obviously, to be visible, and to be, you know, that speaks to you with Cashin' on Camera, is getting out there. But the biggest marketing tip I would say is I recently read Cal Newport's book Deep Work, and as a solo entrepreneur, having this idea of time blocking for marketing your business is essential because there's deep work and shallow work. So the shallow work is the, the emails and the management of that, as well as your social media posts. And so I'm working on really just being more intentional, that creative space, that 1 to 4 hours every day of deep work to work on my book, to work on different blogs, but then say, okay, I'm only going to be online during this little block of time, set a timer and do it, because then you're putting in that positive energy and you're not feeling disjointed. Checking it off and on. So I would recommend time blocking to best manage who you and your marketing.

Great advice. I love the idea of deep work versus shallow work, which I've never heard it spoken about that way before, but that makes sense. Some of the— we're in the weeds a lot of the times, and then we have to take a step back and look at how are we actually blocking those time blocks in our calendar.

Great advice. It's huge in terms of our brain, in terms of neurological, philosophically, and you know, just socially as well.

Tina, thank you so much for coming on. I think the tips and the advice and insights that you've shared today will help our audience to not be boring speakers. I really appreciate you coming on the show today. Thanks for your time.

Well, I certainly appreciate it and would love to have people join my webinar, which is coming up this Wednesday, October 5th. It's a week from, well, yesterday, October 5th, 11 to noon Central Time, and I believe that the actual link for that will be in the chat.

Sounds great. Thank you so much, Tina, for being here.

Yeah, thank you. Have a great, wonderful day.