Dr Shiny Unsal shows three ways to express frustration without damaging relationships. Speak as an observer, not a judge. Link complaints to your core values like respect or accuracy. Invite the other person to solve it with you instead of blaming them.
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3 ideas to express your negative emotions positively. Combines the power of the mind with the wisdom of your heart, and it just helps you to unlock your potential. Hey everyone, welcome to my Shiny Minds Show. Hello everyone, my name is Shiny Unsal. I am the proud creator of Neuroshine Technology, an ICF certified coach trainer, a licensed NLP trainer, and also an ICF certified Nourish Coach. Today we're talking about your negative emotions and how you can language them positively. Why is it important? When you are feeling negative and when you're also talking negative, guess what you create? Negative stuff, negative energy, and negative situations. We don't want that, do we? So most of the times why we have relationship problems is because we don't really have the skills or the tools to express ourselves in a better way, in a more efficient, meaningful, and positive way. As you know, NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. So linguistic and the language is a big part of what I do every day. And in my trainings, I get that question a lot, like, Shiny, how do I express myself a little bit more positive? Because I am realizing that the consequences of my language is creating negative results for me. So for that reason, I have some ideas to share with you. Let's go. Number 1, speak as an observer. What does that mean? This is coming from quantum physics. When you are an observer in quantum physics, you become the witness of the particle that becomes a particle rather than a wave. In our subatomic particles, we both have a function of wave and a function of particle. What does that mean? When the subatomic particles have the wave function, they have all the uncertainty. They can be anywhere doing anything. It's all uncertain. Whereas when they are in the particle function, now they have determination, now they have certainty. And when there is an observer, that particle function is going to happen for sure. That's what I'm referring when I'm saying speak as an observer. Speak from this observer place where you just share the reflection of what you hear, what you see, so that person has the freedom and the choice to do what they want to do next time. Don't tell them what to do. Instead, say something like this: I have been observing this type of patterns in your language. They hurt me, so I just wanted you to become aware. So when you talk as an observer, you're just sharing your observations and you're just putting it out there. Your intention is not to control them, is not to tell them something negative. Oh, you did this to me and you suck. No, you're just sharing your observations and you are totally objective about it and you're just holding the space for them to become aware the consequences of their own behaviors so that they can determine what to do. Number 2, link them to your values. What do I mean? Let me give you an example. Let's say that you have a team member that you're going to give feedback, which in my language is feed forward, right? So you can basically link what you're going to say to the value that you are going to talk about. Here's an example. When you send me emails before you read, it violates my value of accuracy, and it feels like you do not value my time. It just also feels like you do not care. It feels like It's insignificant for you. So now you're all talking about value language. It's not about what they do, it's about what kind of value they are violating and why that value is important for you. Number 3, this is a good one, offer your support. When you have negative emotions, they are going to feel real inside. And still, with your cognitive abilities, with your advanced brain functions, you can stop those real negative emotions and you can blend your resilience and empathy, and you can also put it into an opportunity of growth. Let me give you an example. I've noticed you may not be aware of how your behaviors are making me feel. So would you like my support? Would you like me to tell you how it makes me feel next time you do it? Is that okay? Shall we do this together? So now it's still a negative emotion. It's still something that bothers you and it is still important to you. And still yet you're not going like, oh my God, you are a jerk. You never look at your words. You suck. You're not doing that. Instead, you are inviting them to become more aware and willing to take that action and turn that behavior into a more positive one. And you're also telling them that you are here for support. You are going to help them to become more aware and more willing. Does that make sense? So I hope it served you because these 3 ideas to express your negative emotions positively are absolutely going to make a difference in the quality of your relationships. So I hope this video helped you. I hope you liked it. If you like it, please put a like on it and share it with your friends. And of course, subscribe to my channel for more videos like this so that together, you and I, we can make this world a much better place with more love and shiny minds.
