Dr. Shiny Unsal breaks down three reasons you get hurt: not understanding what's driving someone else's behavior, taking it personally when you shouldn't, and turning one bad thing into a rule about everything. She offers a fix for each one.
Chapters
3 reasons why you get hurt.
Come on, let's go!
Come on, it's time to believe in you!
Put your hands together!
Hi everyone, my name is Shiny Unsal. I am the proud creator of Neuroshine Technology, an ICF-certified NLP and coach trainer, ICF-certified coach, and a leadership professor at UCLA Extension. Today I want to talk to you about getting hurt, why you really truly get hurt. And this topic, I know it may sound very basic, but I do want you to understand some of the things that you may not think about. As part of my trainings and coaching programs, I have had the privilege of serving thousands of people and explaining them human psychology. And today I would love to tell you just 3 reasons you might be missing and you you might be letting yourself experience more negative emotions than you deserve. And with your permission, I am going to be a little bit direct with you, and I am going to start right now if you're ready. Number 1: You simply don't get it. When people do something to you, when people have a certain behavior and you just don't get the psychology behind their behaviors. You don't get the context or the emotions or the needs that they have for that specific behavior to happen at that specific time. It might be because they need that certain emotion. It might be because they have a very clear reason why They need to say that at that certain time when they do a certain behavior, they're doing it because they have an underlying need. They say something very blunt and you go ahead and judge them. Don't do it because you're not getting it. You are not the reason why they are doing it, or you are not the person who is triggering it. It's totally in their own mindset and it's it's totally about them. Number 2 is very similar to the first one because you take it personal. Now that you understand that there is a positive intention, that intention is the need that they have for that specific behavior. I do want to remind you that it's not about you. Don't take it personal. If it wasn't you who was in front of them when that behavior happened, Well, there would have been somebody else, you know, they might have done the same thing to somebody else. So that makes you in the equation zero, like you have no effect in that behavior. Do you get it? So it's not about you. Do not take it personal. So you get hurt because you take it personal. Number 3 is you generalize. Now that we talked about your lack of knowledge. So you don't get them. We also talked about you take it personal, and now we're talking about you generalizing. So that's the third reason why you get hurt, because you look at one pattern and you look at another pattern, and just two patterns are enough for you to generalize something and put a label on it. And when you put a label on something, you are absolutely deleting the context behind it. You're deleting the reasons and explanations and logic behind it, and you're literally limiting and creating that limiting belief inside of you, especially if you don't bring up the subject and have a decent adult and advanced conversation around it. So there you have it, my 3 reasons why you get hurt. So I hope from now on you're going to be more aware about what's going on. You're not going to take things personal. You're going to gather more information before you snap into judgments. And of course, If you like this video, please like it and share it with your friends. And of course, subscribe to my channel for more videos like this so that you can maximize your potential and you and I, we can create a better world with more love and shiny minds.
Her love and give you her time. She's the shiny one, shiny one, shiny one. You know she's lots of fun, lots of fun, lots of fun. She's the shiny one, shiny one, shiny one. And you have lots of fun, lots of fun, lots of fun. Change with fun.
You got this.
Bring your sorrows and your sadness. Bring them to me.
