Dr Shiny Unsal AI breaks down four communication mistakes that damage relationships: not validating others' feelings, failing to listen actively, giving advice nobody asked for, and forgetting to thank people. Each has a simple fix, from asking permission before advising to practicing real listening instead of waiting for your turn to talk.
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Hello, my dear shiny minds. I am Shiny and you are here to create your own shiny mind.
Are you ready to shine? Come on, it's the shiny one.
You got this.
If you wanna go, connect.
And we are talking about communication mistakes today. 4 communication mistakes you don't even know you make. The ones that you may not be aware that you are making. How does that feel? Doesn't feel good, does it?
Mm-mm.
We want to be aware of the problems and the mistakes that we make so that we can solve them, so that we can correct them. Is that right? That's why we are going to talk about those ones, and I am going to give you incredible tips, so simple and so effective that you can apply right after this video. You can apply right away after this video, and then you can create magic. If you're ready, let's begin. Number 1, lack of validation. I gotta tell you, this one is big. This one goes somewhere deep to your core, all the way to your childhood. Think about your mom and dad, your caregivers, and how they were relating to you, how they were communicating with you, and how you were communicating with them. If you grew up in in an environment where validation did not exist, maybe you are okay with that. But if you grew up with a lot of validation, with a lot of love and appreciation, when there is this lack of it, now your nervous system is craving for it. And the minute you don't have enough of it, guess what happens? You know that emoji, you know, where the head goes like, oof, like blown away. You become like that. You literally crave for it. And when you don't have enough of it, you go bananas. And that's why lack of validation is a huge one. And most of us, we don't even understand, like we are not even aware that this is a big deal. And here's the thing. If you go back and ask yourself, like, what am I missing? What am I missing in my relationships, in my communication with others? You're gonna realize that validation plays a huge role. Validation sounds like this. I understand why you might be thinking that way. And at the same time, I'm wondering if we can just like look at it from another perspective. What did I just do here? What I did is I validated, I said, I understand, right? That is validation. When you dismiss people's perspective, perspectives. That is a huge trigger to my dear friend amygdala here. All right, so you gotta remember, watch previous videos if you haven't already heard anything about amygdala. This is a big one. Amygdala is going to be triggered when you don't validate people, when you dismiss their perspective, when you avoid validating their ideas and their beliefs, what they say. It such a no-no. That's why you want to start by saying, I understand what you're saying, I hear what you're saying, I see what you're saying. Those type of things, they are going to create a sense of validation, and that's why you want to become aware of this lack of validation mistake that you might be making, my dear Shiny Mind. 2. Lack of listening. This one is an obvious one, but as I always say, we don't pay enough attention and we don't really appreciate the importance of listening as much as we appreciate talking, right? So when you think of communication, maybe you are thinking about the words that you use, the selection of the words that come together to create your own everyday relationship with others. But think about it, there is also this part where you receive communication, where you gather information from others, and that's called listening. And if you make this mistake, and if you don't listen to people actively, that is what we have in the world of coaching. There, it, there There is a skill, it's called active listening. And if you lack active listening, you might be lost in your own thinking. I'll give you an example. My dear mommy, my mom actually keeps receiving coaching and training from me every single day. And she is now, I can tell you that after like 7, 8 years, now she is learning. Before she was aware. She was listening to me and the moment she would hear my story, it would totally become about her. Like I would tell her, mom, I want to go to a vacation. Mom, I want to travel. Mom, I have a project. Mom, I'm going to do this. So whenever I share something with her, she would take it and then it would be about her. And then she would start telling me, what she feels about it and how she would do it. Oh my God, don't pack a lot of things. You know, it's going to be heavy. Just get a little, you know, carry-on with you. Don't carry those like big suitcases. They are heavy. It's not good for your back. I'm like, Mom, it doesn't make sense. You know, what about me? So that's why this is a good example. If you're doing it, if you lack active listening. That is a huge problem. Stop doing that. Stop making things about you, my dear shiny mind. If you want to be a shiny mind, that's where it begins. You got to start listening to people from their perspective. It's not about you. It's not about what you think. It's not about how you want to do things, and it's not about how you would actually see it from your own perspective, not about you. Third communication mistake, giving people unsolicited advice. Oh my goodness, shininess. This one kills me. This one literally triggers my amygdala. I don't know about you, but it does trigger mine. Why? Obviously it goes all the way back to my attachment style with my parents, specifically my father. We all have these, okay? So when you look at your communication style, I want you to look at your childhood and how you would communicate with your mom and dad and maybe your sisters and brothers and your immediate family members and caregivers around you. They are all shaped when we were little, 0 to 2, 2 to 6. That's it. And so giving people unsolicited advice sounds like this: oh, you know what, the other day I just had an incredible feeling that I wasn't going to be able to finish what I'm working on. And then you come in after you hear this and you say, oh, you know what, don't worry about it, it happens. You know what you should do? The other day I read a book. Oh my God, this book is just It's so good. You should just read that book. And then I, oh, and then I, I just know a great guy who's going to be able to help you. I'll give you his number and then you can contact him and then he's just going to take care of what you need. Oh my goodness, Shyness, please stop doing this, my beautiful shiny mind. Why? Because this person did not ask for your advice. This person came to you sharing a problem openly, but this person never asked for your advice. This person never asked you to solve her problem. So this is so big. This is one of the biggest problems in the world. Seriously, I'm just going to share it right now. One of the biggest problems in the world that we all want to solve people's problems. So stop doing that. This is a huge communication mistake. What can you do instead? You can ask permission and you can ask the other person, all right, so I hear what you're saying. This sounds like it is heavy on you. What would you like to do? Do you want me to give you some ideas, some opinion, some advice? Do you want me to solve your problem? Or do you want me to just sit here and listen to you so that you can just vent it? Right? That's what you can do. Last but not least, number 4, lack of acknowledgement. When you are communicating with people, your lack of acknowledgement means that you actually are forgetting to say thank you. You are forgetting to appreciate what they mean to you. You are forgetting, or maybe not even thinking about Giving credit to people. It's so huge. Oh my goodness, shininess. Don't you have those moments when you know that you just came up with a great idea and then the other person in the room or in your team, they just take your idea and then they own it and immediately it becomes theirs? Oh, I experienced so many of those in my advertising career and that would just kill me, literally painful. So stop doing it. That's a huge communication problem and start giving people acknowledgement. It's not going to make you look bad. On the opposite, it is going to make you look awesome. You are going to give people the appreciation and when you appreciate them, they appreciate you more. So there you have it, my dear shiny mind, 4 communication mistakes. You didn't know that you were making. So I hope you liked it, and I am curious, what do you think? Please put a comment below and tell me what you think. What other communication mistakes that we are making and we are not even aware? What else are you experiencing? Put it in the comment below. Like it if you like this video and share it with your friends, and subscribe to my channel, to Shiny Mind Show, so that You and I, we can create a much better world with a lot of love and shiny lights.
Cuz she's the shiny one, shiny one, shiny one. You know she's lots of fun, lots of fun, lots of fun.
Making fun.
Cuz she's the shiny one, shiny one, shiny one. Change. And you have lots of fun, lots of fun, lots of fun. Change with fun.
