EP 10 - Communication Intelligence 101 🌟

Welcome back to the Shiny Minds Show. I am Dr Shiny Unsal AI, the proud creator of Neuroshine Technology and the Shiny Minds Show. Today I have a question for you: do you ever feel like your words sometimes create more conflict than intimate true connection? Well, if so, you're going to enjoy this episode because I am going to share 4 categories of communication skills that are going to elevate your connection, your influence, and you're going to become a masterful communicator. If you're ready, let's begin. Are you ready to shine? Come on, it's the shiny one. You got this. Let's first talk about the importance of communication and why we need to become a masterful communicator to begin with. Communication is how we contact, how we do life, and how we actually exchange information among each other as human beings. So you are going to be communicating every day. That's why it's super important. And because you are doing it every single day, you have your specific neurons assigned to this project, this task of daily exchange of information. And if your neurons are not trained to do this task at a proficient level. They're going to need your help, your conscious help to insert some extra techniques, some strategies, some tools so that you feel better about yourself because you are a great communicator and people around you are also going to feel better communicating with you. Communication is a two-way street, and what you want to do is tap into that inner master communicator with me today and just like open your mind, open your heart, and start taking notes maybe. Category number 1, I am going to start talking about your listening skills. Listening skills is The must for any communicator. And if you don't understand what listening is, game over. You're not going to communicate at the level that you want to, to influence people, to influence yourself and others in your life, your loved ones, your friends, your coworkers, your team, your clients. Perhaps you want to become a speaker one day. It is a truly important skill for you to listen first to understand and to appreciate others before you even open your mouth. And here's why. According to studies, people are going to do way more than they initially desire if they are going to feel heard and appreciated. So what does that mean? It means that your active listening skill is going to go far beyond your expectations. Your lifetime skill is going to be this active listening. Why? Because you're going to become a magnet if you are able to listen to people actively. And what do I mean by active listening? Well, active listening in my Neuroshine Technology language is you actually hear what they are what they are saying and what they are not saying. The emotional story behind the words, because words sometimes are just made up in the moment. And if the neurons again are not extracting the right words, then what you really need to pay attention to is the emotions and the whole story about these words. And sometimes the best way to do it is just pause and slow down, create space, silence, and just like look into people's eyes just like this. And you need to bring your presence. We call in my, in my world, your coaching presence. If you can bring your coaching presence, that's the most ideal. And if you can also bring your loving self, the beautiful friend in you, the beautiful human in you. That's what you need. You just need to tap into the heart inside of you and just like ask yourself, like, how would I want somebody to listen to me? And then give it back to them. Well, we do have some strategies, some skills that you can learn. For example, I can teach you one of them, which is a trust building. You are actually talking But although you're talking, in the way you talk, we understand that you have the skill of active listening. Here's an example of that. Somebody's telling you, you know what, this week was too much. I feel so overwhelmed. And then you're listening to this person, and if you find yourself saying, oh, come on, you, you'll get over it. You, you've had a bunch of these weeks like this. You know how to do that. You know how to overcome that. Try looking at it from a brighter perspective. You'll be just fine. If you find yourself saying these words back to this person, guess what's going on? You're not making them heard. That's not active listening. You're not acknowledging their pain. You're not building emotional connection or trust, or you're not even offering any kind of explanation, any deepening. And you're just like, inserting your own advice. You're just telling them what to do. And this is the problem in the world. I see it everywhere in the world. And then this is a problem. This is a big problem. People are so fast-paced the way that they communicate. They forget that we are humans. They forget that we do have emotions, and every single emotion has a right to exist. And if somebody feels overwhelmed, then They do have a right to feel it that way. And you, my shiny mind, if you want to become a pro communicator, what you want to do is first you hear them. You say, I hear you. Sometimes things get messy. I get it. I have those days too. I also sometimes get overwhelmed as well. How do you get yourself out of overwhelmed? Boom, boom. This is it. You build trust, you acknowledge, you show some empathy, and then you turn back to them again because it is about them, right? So this is one skill, and I'm telling you, if you start communicating like this, which is a huge advanced coaching skill, active listening, you're gonna be a delicious communicator. All right, so this one in the pocket. Now let's talk about the second category, which is your tonality. Your tonality cannot lie. Okay? Perhaps you might try strategies and techniques in your communication, and if you're not authentic, if you're not tapping into the heart, the beautiful human in you, your tonality is going to show it. People are going to hear it and you cannot hide it. It's just as simple as that. Tonality is going to reveal how you feel and the whole vibration of your tonality is going to give a louder message to the person you're communicating with than your words, right? That's why they say actions speak louder than words because Actions are kind of frequency as well, just like tonality. And there are so many different studies about tonality being really heavily influential in the way that we communicate, because in the world that we live in today, communication goes above and beyond words. We are, you know, typing. Yes, those are words. And that's why when you type, when you text, when you email, you are more prone to having problems, communication mistakes. Why? Because there is no tonality in there. So how are you going to insert your tonality into your text or email? Well, if you're using tools like WhatsApp, you can actually send a voice note, a video note, better than that. And if you are not sending a voice note, what I'm gonna recommend you to use is emojis. You can't go wrong with inserting cute emojis. Do you agree with me? I love emojis. If you were to use emojis effectively, I promise you, you would turn those conflicts into intimate connections. That's it. Emojis for your written communication. And now let's talk about not written communication, verbal communication, and how you can actually elevate your tonality with your verbal communication. One strategy that I want to share with you is all the way from my charisma enhancement trainer's training with Dr. Richard Bandler as I was becoming a licensed trainer of neurolinguistic programming, I never forget the time that we spent the week with him and his team in Orlando. What we did was literally use our voice in different ways. Imagine there is a piano and the piano is just giving you some melody and some notes and some tempo. For you to match your words and your tonality with. Okay, that's what we did. Somebody's playing the piano and you are giving your presentation, matching your melody and tempo to the music that is playing. Isn't that cool? That's such a cool technique. So what you can do is you can literally turn on your favorite Spotify radio or your song and start talking on top of that with that rhythm, with that tempo. And now watch how you are going to start working on your tonality because you need ups and downs in your tonality. If you are just monotone, if I am only talking like this, I am going to be super boring for you. Like, even I cannot even do that because I'm so used to having my tonality go up and down when You are saying something different, so you're gonna make it different with your tonality, right? When you say fabulous, you're gonna mean it with your tonality. When you say delicious, you're gonna mean it. And sometimes you're gonna need to talk fast because, you know, some people are gonna wanna hear you talk fast, and sometimes you're gonna slow down, and that's how you're going to work. On your tonality. It's super important though, especially when you are giving a speech, when you're teaching. If you are someone like me teaching, coaching, and mindset and communication techniques all day, every day, then you really need to pay attention to your tonality. And then you need to make it fun and entertaining and different. And when you make a point, You actually just slow down and sometimes you whisper. When you whisper, you invite people in. When, when you just pull back, you invite others in. And that's how you also play with your tonality. Okay. Well, there are so many other techniques and strategies about elevating your tonality, obviously, because it also starts from self-regulation and how you regulate your tonality when you are, for frustrated and angry and all that. But for today, that's what I am sharing with you. All right, so because I have 2 more categories that I want to bring to you. So let's talk about the 3rd one, which is frequency. We talked about active listening. We talked about your tonality. Now we're going to talk about frequency. So why do I say frequency? Obviously, frequency is more than your tonality. Okay? So your tonality can come up with strategies and working on that, and you can actually take some courses on your tonality and speak from the diaphragm, tap into your heart and all that. When we are talking about frequency, we're actually talking about the way that you manage your energy within. It's more than your tonality. Now we're talking about your energy. Your energy is going to show up. The way that you communicate. If your energy is down, people are gonna feel it. If your energy is up, it's gonna show up again the way you communicate. You cannot hide it. So because you cannot hide your energy, that becomes the most important detail about your communication, if you ask my opinion, after teaching this for more than 14 years now. I can tell you that your frequency, if you really focus on what you are vibrating to the world, perhaps you're saying, "I love you," but then you're just like so angry and so aggressive that the person who is listening to you is like, "Okay, I don't want you to love me. Just chill, chill, calm down." Okay, so perhaps you need to just soften your energy. That's what I am going to invite you to soften your energy and manage your frequency. I used to teach hypnotherapy for so many years when I was doing NLP practitioner and master practitioner certificate trainings. And every time I was teaching hypnotherapy, obviously I was tapping into my own inner soft frequency, and that would be the best. You would talk like this: Imagine you are the most magical human being in the entire universe. You would just soften and you would slow down, and then you experience another part of you, another version of you who communicates differently. Give it a shot. I encourage you to soften your frequency and put a smile on it. You obviously always need to put a smile on it because your smile is the most gorgeous frequency that you can gift someone. All right. So now let's talk about number 4. Finally, we are coming to the words. Okay. So we talked about listening. We talked about tonality. We talked about frequency. And now we're going to talk about words. But I actually saved the words to the last point because honestly, although words are super important, according to the studies, words only mean 7% of what you're saying. OK, and if you're wondering what are the rest percentages, let me also share them with you. 38% is your tonality and 55% is your body language. And that's why smiling and your facial expressions are super, super important as you communicate, as you want to become a master communicator. So I already gave some examples about how you can structure your words, and then I will give more examples by starting with this fact that your words are powerful. You can make a relationship or break a relationship. With your words. You can create worlds or destroy worlds with your words, and your words make your worlds. Okay, so words are everything, and still they're 7%. Wow, think about that. That's mind-blowing, isn't it? It is because we are more than physical, tangible beings. Okay, it goes metaphysically, the way that I look at it. But in the world that we, we live in, the 3D tangible physical world, let me ask you this question. When was the last time somebody truly inspired you? Think about that. When was that? And then what made you get inspired? What made you feel inspired? Was that the way that they talked, the words, what they said, or how they said what they said? I bet it was about the how more than the what, because we hear a lot of things all the time, but, and then some people just say things differently. And they just bring it to another perspective. And on a boom, you have a Neuroshine moment. Well, that's my language in my Neuroshine technology. So at the heart of my system, my own Neuroshine technology system, words become powerful instruments for us to connect deeply and to build emotional intimacy. And obviously support each other and make a difference for each other. Words are beyond communication. To me, words are art. Yeah, I'm going to say art. Like, it's your art. The words that you select, they become, they become your art. And let me tie it now to neuroscience. Because your neurons are using some words every single day, they are used to them. They're like, oh, these are my friends. And so watch out for the words that you use, and if they are not positive, rewire them. If you use words that are mostly blaming people for their shortcomings, for their wrongdoings, for their inefficiencies. And if you keep attacking them, if you keep violating their own right, then no wonder you're going to experience more conflicts than true connections with people. Because words can be weapons and they can destroy anything, like I mentioned. So perhaps you need to do an audit. Your language audit and then look at the quality of your words. Are you complaining mostly? What are your words about? Are you complaining? Are you blaming? Do you find yourself coming up with excuses all the time? Always the victim, always helpless, hopeless. Do you feel sometimes that life is happening to you and then you find yourself like going on and on and on about focusing about and then talking about the problem. Well, then words are going to be your primary focus, my dear shiny mind. You want to do the audit and literally take out all the negative words out of your system because words become your decisions and your decisions become habits, your habits become beliefs, your beliefs become your personality, your Personality becomes your identity, and your identity is who you are. And with who you are, you live that quality of life. Okay, so I just shared another strategy, another technique from my Neuroshine technology with you. It is what I call the cycle of life. That's how you create your own destiny, your own cycle. You are in a limbo And perhaps the way that you use your words are going to change everything drastically so that you will be able to elevate the quality of your life. And it all begins with the selection of your words. And I invite you to just pay attention to them. Okay? And now some specific examples that I want to share with you. Perhaps you are emailing someone and then you're saying them, you're telling them, oh, hey, I think this will work. And then that's, that's it. Instead of saying that, how about you say this? I am very confident that this approach is going to give us the outcome we are looking for. You actually have the same intention. But what is the difference between the first one and the second one? You're using more words, right? There's more context. So when there's more context, then you will make your point more easily. I see people sometimes, they are so stingy with their words. They're like, I'm good, I'm not good. Yeah, it's good, it's not good. Yeah, I think it's going to work, it's not going to work. Yeah, I'm going to come, I'm not going to come. Like, come on, use your vocabulary. Talk, generate words. Even AI is generating words now in our, in the day that we live in. So you definitely want to get inspired by your own words and create context for people to understand. Leaders and coaches and influencers, they use contextual language. They listen. They are aware of their tonality. They are aware of their frequency, their vibration. They use emotional connection words. They use emotionally bonding words, tonality, and frequency, and they listen. They build trust, and then that's how they influence. So having covered all these 4 angles for you to become a master communicator, my dear Shiny Mind, I have a question for you. I have my coaching question for you. What would it take for you to become a master communicator? Out of these 4 angles that I shared with you, which one do you think you need to master the most? Is it your active listening? Is it your tonality? Is it your frequency or is it the words that you use when you speak? Which ones? If it is the words, then I invite you to focus on positive language. If it is the listening, I invite you to start by acknowledging people to build trust. If it is tonality, I invite you to perhaps start singing and then playing with your voice, and so that you have a range of tonality that you can use. And if it is your frequency, I invite you to pay attention to your inner mechanics and start there. Perhaps meditation practices, perhaps you're deepening with the Source, the Universe, is going to help you get your energy, your frequency delicious. So I hope you liked this episode. If you did, please put a like on it and subscribe to my channel for more content just like this. And if you are also planning to master your communication in a safe and supporting environment with other like-minded individuals who are committed to become their most delicious versions, then I have an invitation for you. Join us in our upcoming cohorts at the Academy of Neuroshine Technology. Just invest in yourself, become a master communicator, become a certified coach, get your ICF credential, learn NLP, join our global community. We would love to have more shiny minds in our community, and I would love you to go to my website, shinyunsal.com. You will see a free PDF guide, a 3-step guide for your freedom, coaching, and changing lives. And you would love to get that PDF guide. You're gonna love it. It is packed with with them. And if you are wondering about what you want to do with your life, if you want to become a coach, if you want to make a difference, how it looks like in the real world, like, how do I do this? What I do? How, how do I train and certify coaches? What do they do? So if you have any questions like that, you can always also reach out to us. Just go to shinyunsal.com and get that free 3-step guide, and then subscribe to our channel so that you and I, we can make this world a better place with more love and shiny minds. Thank you so much for allowing my light to enter into your neurons, my dear shiny mind. Until next time, keep shining your light.