EP 11 - #1 Problem 🧨 In Decision Making (And How To Avoid It!)

Hello, dear Shiny Minds. Welcome back to the Shiny Minds Show with Dr Shiny. I am Dr Shiny Unsal AI. I am the proud creator of Neuroshine Technology, the Shiny Minds Show, and your Neuroshine Coach. If you didn't know, I'm also an ICF Master Certified Coach, a Distinguished Coach Educator, and I also am a licensed trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming. And today I would love to combine all my experience and my expertise in human psychology, in leadership communication strategies and emotional intelligence, and in teaching coaching and NLP for more than a decade. I'm gonna blend it all and I am going to talk about the number one problem in decision-making and of course how you can avoid it. If you're ready, let's begin. Are you ready to shine? Come on, it's the shiny one. You got this. Let's start with the importance of decision-making in your personal and professional life and why you want to improve your decision-making skills. All right. So after combining all my years of experience and my PhD in metaphysical psychology, what I can tell you is is that life happens in those moments of decisions. Actually, to give you the quote from Tony Robbins, you know, he goes, it is in the moments of decisions that you shape your destiny, right? Why so? Because think about it. What is destiny? When you chunk it down, this is another tool that we use in NLP. When you chunk it down to little components, life is actually years that we actually put together, right? When you chunk down the years, what do you get? Months. When you chunk down the months, what do you get? Weeks. So it's all about time accumulating in, in time, right? When you chunk down the weeks, what do you get? Days, and then hours, and then minutes, and then seconds, and then moments. And so that's why you actually create your life in every single moment. So in those moments, you are making decisions. Every moment you're making a decision. You're making a decision to breathe. Yep. You're making a decision to either smile or not. You're making a decision to go with that incredible coaching education program like I have or not. You're making a decision to start a new career or not. You're making a decision to call your friend or not. So every moment we are making gazillion decisions. Okay? So when you put it in that way, you understand that you are actually a decision architect. If you are the architect of your decisions and if your decisions are the architect of your life, so then we need to work on this architect who is making decisions every single moment. Okay? And that's why it is going to change the quality of your personal life and your professional life. And it is going to give you sometimes even life-altering moments in time. And that's why I also have a specific name for these amazing moments. I call them Neuroshine Moments. Why do I do that? Because your neurons are the ones who are responsible to carry information from this part to that part, from left to right, right to left, all parts of your brain, right? So let me just Show you a brain for my listeners who are not looking at the camera. I'm actually showing a brain right now in my hand. So in your brain, you have about 100 billion neurons, and those neurons carry information and they help you make decisions. And if you don't have the correct information stored in places that are easily extractable by you, then you're gonna have a problem in decision-making. And I'm gonna tell you in a moment what is that number one problem in decision-making in a moment. First, we are still talking about the importance of decision-making. And because your neurons are where you make the decision, especially in your prefrontal cortex, then It all comes down to what kind of information you are feeding your neurons with. Okay? So the information that your neurons consume are the information that they're going to give back to you, right? In those times of decision-making. If you are working with a coach, for example, if the coach is feeding your neurons incredibly yummy information that I call powerful questions. In those powerful questions, that yumminess, literally that yumminess of that question is going to create that deepening feeling for, yep, for your neurons. And they're going to fall in love with that kind of yummy information. And then they're going to like, Enjoy coming together and creating that Neuroshine moment for you. And Neuroshine moment means your neurons are actually shining with enlightenment, shining in their power, and shining with the joy, with the light within you, inside of you, like the, the cosmic light. And in that Neuroshine moment, something deep happens. You tap into another part of you, and that part of you is the part that connects your mind to your heart. And because your mind and your heart are constantly in love, as I mentioned before in one of my episodes, they're in love. Your mind and your heart, they are in love. They are lovers. Timeless lovers, my dear shiny mind, you wanna invite them, you wanna take them back in love. And that's how you do it, through feeding your neurons the yummy information. What are the yummy information? Powerful questions, questions about getting to know you better, questions about what makes you unique, questions about your values, what's important to you in life, questions about your beliefs, what do you believe and why. Questions about your truth. What is your truth? What is your ikigai, your life purpose, and why you do what you do and how you connect with life, with the universe, with the people, with the world around you. All this information is yummy information. When you have that yummy information, connects with the heart, the neurons and the neurites. The neurons are the brain cells and the neurites are the heart cells. When they combine, when they fall in love, mm, in that yumminess, in that deliciousness, you have that neuroshine moment because you know more about yourself. And that's why decision-making is absolutely amazing. And again, as I mentioned, if you work with a coach for that decision-making process, then it becomes creative. It becomes talks per walking. Especially my certified Neuroshine Technology coaches are amazing people who are trained rigorously to listen to what you're talking about and then give back the information, the yummy information for your neurons to fall in love with the NeuroRights and make the incredible decision in those Neuroshine moments to align you with your truth, okay? And you're gonna have a better quality of life with your friends, with your colleagues, with your clients, with the people around you, with the, with the people in, in the world, okay? You're just going to become a better human, a better version of you. Who doesn't want that, right? So that's why decision-making is your number 1, if not number 2, if not number 3. Okay, top, top 5. Okay, let's put it that way. It's one of the top 5 lifetime skills that you want to have, period. I think I made my point. So now let's move on to the number 1 problem in decision-making. Are you ready? We need drum rolls here. Okay. Here it comes. The number 1 problem in decision making is— let me see, why don't you just drop a comment below and tell me what you think? I'm super excited and I'm super curious who's going to guess it. If you guess it, I'm going to give you something special. Okay, put it in the comments below and tell me you actually guessed it before I said it. I'm gonna trust you. Okay? I'm gonna send you something special. All right? So in the comments below. So here it comes. The number 1 problem in decision-making based on studies, based on neuroscience, neuro-linguistic programming, leadership communication strategies, emotional intelligence, coaching skills, and all that. Is lack of clarity. Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know who guessed it right, but if you did, congratulations. Lack of clarity is the reason why we sometimes are not the best decision makers. So how can I say that? What are the studies behind it? Well, first of all, If you go look at the coaching studies and the surveys, you will realize that people work with coaches because they do need clarity in decision-making, and then they do have accountability. And guess what accountability, accountability is needed for? To have clarity. Yep, you guessed it right. It all comes back to clarity. And I'm gonna break it down to you in, again, in my Neuroshine technology language, and I'm gonna say, hey, what is accountability? What is clarity? Let's break it down. So clarity is knowing what's right to you in that moment for that specific time and within that specific context. Okay? That's it. Again, that clarity is valid for that moment. 1 hour later, perhaps you're going to change and you're going to have a different level of clarity. But for that moment, that's what you need and that's good enough. You know how sometimes we make decisions and then we change our mind and we go, no, I don't feel like it anymore. It doesn't make you a, a flake. Okay. It doesn't. It just shows you that things perhaps are moving too fast in your life. Perhaps there are different components and different contextual elements in that decision-making process. And because everything moves so fast, so do your decisions. Okay. And let me also share a story with you that is going to put everything into context. And this story is, I am hoping, and I am actually expecting, that is going to inspire you because it is about one of my best decisions that I've ever made in my entire life. And here's the story. The story actually begins way before, but I'm gonna start from a point in life that was a very critical moment for me. And that was back in 2010 when I finally made the decision and said, okay, you know what, after a decade, because I have been working in the corporate world in advertising and marketing industry for a decade. Yep, I'm that young. I'm that young. So from 2000 to 2010, I have had my experience. And I said, you know what, I think I'm just feeling complete with this. I have a different calling in life. I'm going to go after my dreams. There is something inside my soul that is calling me. That was my word. Calling me. Something was calling me. And then I kept saying, I know there is a bigger potential inside of me. Anybody can relate? Yep, right? I know I'm not the only one. I know my shiny mind who is listening to me, I know you're feeling that way. Perhaps you're saying, you know, I haven't really tapped into my true potential yet. I hear you. This is exactly where I started. In that moment, I kept asking myself, what is this? Why do I need to make this decision? And what is pulling me and what is pushing me? And we're gonna talk about pain and pleasure right now. So in my decision-making process, there was this pain of enough is enough. I'm not feeling fulfilled. I was super successful, by the way. I was almost like a C-level executive because I was working one-on-one with the CEO in an international travel agency, and I was a major decision maker in the marketing department of that company. I was the top marketing director, and I was traveling the world. I had my team all over the world in 7 countries. And I had all the privileges and it was, it was a great life. I got to tell you, it was, it was an amazing life. Everybody wanted to have my life except me. Except me. I was like, nah, there's something bigger. There's something better. I know I can feel way better about me and about who I am. And That's why it was a very difficult and at the same time very easy decision. It was difficult because the pain of doing the same thing over and over again and then not feeling the way that I want to feel about my life, that was painful. Okay, that was the pain part. And the pleasure part was, ooh, this is unknown. This is all infinite possibilities right now. If I just like make this decision right now to stop working for some other people but start for myself, who knows what's going to happen? Who knows what I am capable of? And that was the pleasure part, just to think about, to visualize what I could do with my life. Here's the catch though. Here's the catch. I actually moved across the globe from Istanbul to Los Angeles, California. That's the catch. And that was the, the thrilling part, the exciting part. And that was the part that was just giving me, oh my goodness, chills. And it was truly dreamy for me. I'm a Pisces, for those of you who are wondering. Yep. Double Pisces, and I knew that my dream would take me far, far, far, far. And it did, because, you know, having your dream and going after your dream, leaving something pretty awesome back, you're just leaving it behind you. Like, it's in the back, it's in the past anymore. You don't, you don't take that. You already have that, and you're like, you know what, this is something that I already have. I can always come back to this, but This is back. This is not front. Like, I want to move forward. Can you relate? Anyone? So, so it was in this seesaw of pain and pleasure I made, I made that decision and it was the best decision in my life. Obviously, we are after 15 years and everything is easier for me to tell you, easier for me to break it down. But in the moment, it was also fun too. It was super exciting, especially the first 5 years. And after that, I had major, major, major struggles and financial, personal, professional, spiritual, all kinds of challenges we go through life, right? But the decision that I made kept me going. The decision I did, that I made to myself, the commitment that I made to myself, that I'm gonna chase your dream, my beautiful girl. I love you. I'm gonna do everything for you, whatever it takes. We're just not gonna stop. We are just not gonna take no as an answer. We're going all the way up and we are not gonna stop until we win. That was my mindset, everyone. Okay, for those of you who are wondering, perhaps you are living in another part of the world and you also want to move to the other part of the world. Perhaps you are wondering how I did it, and that's how I did it. I committed to myself, to my dream, to my future, and my future self was pulling me and my, my past self was pushing me. So that was the push and pull and the pain and pleasure, and this is the story that I can I can actually share with you. So now I also want to stop my story here because obviously I can go on and on and on about, about this, this story of mine. What I want to also talk about with you right now is 5 mental blocks that you don't even know that you have that are affecting you and actually causing this number 1 problem. Which is the lack of clarity in your decision-making. These mental blocks are a powerful blend of neurolinguistic programming, neuroscience, and my own Neuroshine technology. Okay, so number 1 is comparisons. You compare and then you paralyze yourself. You are unable to make decisions because you're comparing too many things to too many other things. Okay, especially if you are comparing yourself to other people who are not like you, who have different lifestyles, who have different stages of life, who are at a different level in their life. If you are comparing yourself to them, then it is not your truth, and then you are actually making a mistake. Okay, so that's number 1. Number 2, the second mental block is the deletions. You delete information, and sometimes you ignore very, very critical information. And because you ignore that critical information. And because you are unclear about that, it is going to create problems in your decision-making. Okay, so that's a mental block, and you're not even aware of that. Number 3 in your mental blocks is obviously, again, from NLP, is distortions. You actually distort information, you misinterpret information, and then you call them miscommunications and some mistakes, everything with the mis— misinterpretation, miscommunication, mistake. Okay. So those are where you actually take in information. You look at it from this way where the information was actually presented to you from another angle. Okay. So that's distortion. Number 4, again, from Neurolinguistic programming is generalizations. Generalizations are assuming that there are some patterns in that decision-making process, but they don't exist. Generalizations are some general thinking, just large thinking, and then not thinking contextually, and then putting all the information together, sticking them together. And that is another mental block that you're not even aware. And then the last one, the 5th mental block is actually the biggest of all and actually coming in all is assumptions. You make decisions on unverified beliefs, unverified information. You just make an assumption. Oh, let me actually give you the corner part of the suite when you are sharing a room with a friend of yours and assuming that they do enjoy the corner side of the suite. Perhaps they don't. Perhaps they like the other side. You're just making an assumption. And if you're making those kinds of assumptions, if you, if you're believing that you're actually making people a favor, but never communicating that, never clarifying that, never verifying that, then those are assumptions. Those are all on you because you have not verified that information. And so all of this information is in your head and your neurons carry that. And if you don't verify all these information, comparisons, delicious distortions, generalizations, and assumptions, you're making mistakes. And that's why you lack clarity. The reason why I had clarity when I made the decision to leave everything behind in Istanbul and moved across the globe to Los Angeles was because I have been thinking about this decision for a while, and I verified this with myself, with my other parts in my body, with my neurons, neurites. With my eyes, with my tongue, my mouth, my ears, my fingers. It was a whole body yes decision. Now that we talked about the 5 mental blocks, let me give you 5 incredible decision-making strategies that you're gonna adore. Are you ready? Here's number 1: full body yes moments. So those neuroshine moments that I explained at the beginning of this episode is the moments where your mind and your heart align. When they align, There is actually this effect, and then you feel it. You feel it in your body. You actually feel like there is this solar plexus chakra that you have is actually moving, and there's something physical happening in your body, and then you can actually feel it literally physically. You can feel it. That's what I'm talking about as a full body yes. Decision. Okay, watch out for those moments and then talk to your body, listen to your body, and then ask your body, my dear body, is this a full-on, full-body, hell yeah decision? Okay, that's number 1. Number 2 is clarifying powerful questions. And these questions are supposed to be non-judging, non-assuming, and obviously non-approving. Yes, to yourself. Because you are already so programmed to think with others. I call them OPOs, other people's opinions. You are so programmed to filter everything through society's opinions, other people's opinions. You are so automated about that. That's why you need to ask yourself these clarifying, yummy, powerful questions. Here's how they sound like: What do I want in this moment? What is my truth? What would be the best decision right now? How would my future self act right now? What would my ideal self, the human being that I want to become, behave right now? What would be the most delicious, uplifting, and forwarding decision right now? What is the most important information for me right now? When I compare this with something very important for me, what would be the best decision right now? You're actually constantly talking to yourself and then clarifying this information within yourself. That's super powerful. You become your own coach and you'll love it. You are just going to stay with it. I know, enjoy it. So let's go to the third strategy. The third one, I'm going to give you another tool from neurolinguistic programming because I've been teaching NLP for so many years and then I have so many tools about NLP that I use in my everyday life that I cannot even imagine how to live my life without NLP tools. Sometimes I actually meet people and I realize that they have a totally different decision-making process without the NLP tools, and I'm like, let me just help here. So that's why I'm creating this episode for you. So let me help. If you have not heard about NLP tools, this is going to be super yummy. So This one is going to be called chunking down, which I already used when I was explaining what is life. Chunk it down. You're going to have years. Chunk it down, months and weeks. This is called chunking down. When the information is too big, too enormous for you to digest, then you're gonna delete it. Your brain works that way. Your brain is like, ah, I don't know which one is important, this is too much information, I'm just gonna delete it. Okay, unless, unless you help your brain to filter out what's the most important. If you tell your brain, hey, here's our values, we care about health, we care about happiness, we care about joy, We care about love. We care about oneness. And then so your brain is like, okay, all filtered out. Here is what's important to you. And then here is how I made the decision. So chunking down works this way. You need to program your mind about the process of chunking down. And that's a whole other story, but I'm just going to give it to you right now because when you are Feeding your brain with smaller, more delicious, like I said, yummy information that is like bite-size, your brain is gonna love it. Okay? And it's just gonna create magic with it. So that's the third one. Number 4 is critical thinking. Critical thinking is what I call assumption busting in my Neuroshine technology language. If you do not have the critical thinking, you're just going to take everything that everybody says and then you're never going to question it. You need to question. We live in a world, you need to question information and then you need to see if it is true for you. Don't take it as face value. Perhaps it doesn't work for you. Perhaps it doesn't even work for them. Because they don't also have the critical thinking. So you should have this assumption-busting technique that I have. Oh my God, I love this one so much. Just bust the assumptions. Is it really true? Just ask this question to yourself. Is it really true? And then number 5, my 5th strategy for your decision-making is actually gonna come from the heart science world. Okay? Did you know that There's a whole science about your heart. Yep. Mm-hmm. Your heart is so cute, so adorable. And they actually study your heart and they find out that your heart is super powerful, actually even more important than your brain, because obviously the heart sends more information to the brain than your brain sends to the heart. And because of that, and then because heart also pumps the blood, pumps also love. Your heart is super important, so you want to talk to your heart. That's my fifth strategy: talk to your heart. How are you going to talk to your heart? You're going to slow down, my shiny mind. Mhm. You're going to take a nice deep breath and then drop it. That's it. Sometimes all you need is a nice deep breath. Sometimes we complicate life, don't we? Sometimes we just need to simplify things, don't we? We really do. Just slow down. Just take a nice deep breath. Allow yourself to drop to your heart. That's my 5th strategy. So there you have it, 5 mental blocks and 5 strategies, and the number 1 problem that you're gonna avoid in decision-making with these strategies. I hope you like this video, my dear shiny minds. If you did, please put a like on it, share it with your friends, and obviously subscribe to my channel because I love talking about this type of information and then sharing my knowledge and my tools and strategies with you. And again, if you have any questions or comments, please put them in the comments below. Let's co-create this. I would love to hear from you. I really do. And I also have one departing coaching question for you so that you walk away with something even more delicious. And here is my coaching question. Which one was the best decision you have ever made in your entire life? Think about that. Take a moment and write it down. Ask yourself, why was it the best decision? What were you doing in that decision-making different than any other decision-making processes? Why was it So important for you. And in terms of your, in terms of your identity, who were you at that time? How would you describe yourself with adjectives? And what was the context around it? Those are my chunking down extra questions, but the main question is, which one was the best decision you've ever made? As you are diving deeper into this coaching question that I asked you, You also would love to go to my website, shinyunsal.com, and then download the free guide so that you can actually go deeper into your decision-making process with me. If you would like to join my upcoming cohorts, if you would like to learn more from my digital courses, download your free guide from shinyunsal.com and just improve yourself, improve your decision-making skills. All right, my dear shiny mind. So you know that we're going to make this world a much better place together. And because of that, I do need you to keep your light shining. Thank you for letting my light into your neurons. Until next time. Keep shining your light.