EP 12 - Why Blaming Holds You Back (And How To Break Free!) ✨

Welcome back to the Shiny Minds Show. I am Dr Shiny Unsal AI, and today we are going to talk about why blaming is holding you back and how to break free. If you're ready, let's begin. Are you ready to shine? Come on, it's the shiny one. You got this. For those of you who do not know me, first let me introduce myself a little bit so that you understand why you need to hear from me. I am the proud creator of my Neuroshine technology, which is a transformational curriculum for change and growth, your truth and living in alignment with your truth. I call it the art and science and science and spirituality of enlightenment, tapping into our light. Okay, that is Neuroshine technology. I created it and I got the approval from the International Coaching Federation. And now I get to teach coaching skills, communication strategies. And because I am also a licensed trainer of neuro-linguistic programming. I also implement NLP tools and techniques into my curriculum, and then I chunk down the art and science of coaching with my Neuroshine Technology mindset principles. It took me more than a decade to create my Neuroshine Technology, and then I combined powerful disciplines like quantum physics, metaphysics, neuroscience, heart science, even cosmology and emotional intelligence and positive psychology. I love geeking out about everything that makes us who we are and also understanding life so that we can win in life. Who wants to win? You want to win? I want to win. So that's why I studied a lot, and then I created my own curriculum, and now I get to teach my Neuroshine technology train and certify coaches and also guide them through their world-class credentialing process through the International Coaching Federation. That's what I do. And because I have also been teaching neuro-linguistic programming, leadership communication strategies, and emotional intelligence as part of faculty at UCLA, I get to bring you a ton of experience, not only from teaching and coaching, but also as an entrepreneur who have been doing this work more than 14 years now. Okay, so I certified more than 500 coaches in more than 50 countries since 2011, and the counting keeps rising up. And the caveat is that everyone who graduated from my Academy of Neuroshine Technology is a raving fan because I love my graduates, my coaching students, my coaching clients. I love them and I call them shiny minds. And that's also why you're listening or watching this episode under the Shiny Minds Show. My purpose in life is to co-create shiny minds because when we have the enlightenment in our inner mechanics, then we have our light shining through life, shining through our words, our thoughts, our actions, our entire being. That's what I call a shiny mind. A shiny mind is a beautiful cosmic galactic mind that is in love, in coherent with the cosmic heart. And that's why I am super excited and passionate about my Neuroshine technology. And then I have incredible concepts that I teach, and that is also one of my goals today. I just wanted to introduce myself a little bit in this episode because sometimes I hear people, I, that they would love to know more about me. And because I want to share the topics, I go directly to the topics. And, you know, there you are hearing more about me. So now we have this foundation. Now you get to know me, and now we have the whole topic ready, blaming, why it is holding you back, and how you can break free. Now let's talk about the definition of blaming, because that's where it all begins. So what is blaming? Blaming is literally not taking responsibility. That's it. Instead, what do we do? We assign responsibility for our problems to outside sources. Somebody else is responsible for our problems. Some external factors are creating our problems, and we are actually not the responsible party, which makes us the party who is the victim of those circumstances, the victim of those external sources. And those external sources could be anything from time, money, other people's opinions, the weather, the city, the entire industry, the world, the galaxy, the whole cosmos, like why stars are not shining, all that. Okay, so this is when blaming happens. When blaming happens, you are the victim. Think about it. When you don't take your responsibility, who has the power? Think about it. You certainly don't, do you? When you don't take responsibility, game over, you lose. My dear shiny minds, I don't want you to lose. That's why if you want to win in life, if you want to break free from the blame game, you need to take responsibility. So let's talk about the psychology behind blaming. Why do you blame? You blame because you fear failure. You blame because you fear rejection. You blame because you fear losing. You blame because you lack emotional awareness and emotional intelligence. Yep. And you blame because you have some programming, societal conditioning that you are not aware of. Okay, there are so many reasons why you blame, but Overall, if you are playing the blame game, you are the victim, my friend. You're the victim. Everybody has power over you. Everybody does something and then you are the effect of it. And then boom, you react and boom, you blame. So because we fear failing, getting rejected, and losing time, losing money, losing our power, While we believe that we are protecting our ego, we are protecting our power, we are actually losing power. We are actually leaking power. You're busy defending yourself and then blaming others. But what is really going on is you're losing power because you don't make sense, especially in relationships. You know, couples or partners or friends. Something happens when two people are communicating. One of them says something, the other one gets into the resentment mode and then blames the other one for saying something wrong. And then the other one starts defending themselves and then this one goes more into resentment and then they go like, you never understand me. And then this one is like, well, you're always resenting. And then this one goes, well, You never listen to me. And then this one is like, you are being too sensitive and then too hard. And then this one, like, you follow? We go into these loops because nobody is taking responsibility. Everybody is busy blaming each other. Everybody is busy pointing fingers at each other. Like, it's you. No, it is you. Like, it's not me. It's you. No, no, no, no, no. It's never me. It's you. No, what are you talking about? Of course it's not me. It's you. Can you relate? If you are this person, stop the blame game. Like, if you want to win in life, you have to stop blaming others and you have to start taking responsibility. That's it. Let's talk about what blame is costing you. Number 1, it's costing you communication problems. It's costing you your personal power. And number 3, it's costing you your personal achievement, your personal growth. If you are busy putting the blame on other people, pointing fingers, you will never ever feel your power. You think that you are being in power, but guess what's going on? You're actually leaking power because the minute you say it's all because of you, what you're really saying from NLP presuppositions is that, well, because you said this and then your words are too powerful for me to handle, I'm going to react right now because I don't know how to respond. I don't understand the difference between reacting and responding. Therefore, I'm just going to do what I know doing because I am on autopilot. I don't know how to pause. I don't know how to analyze. That's why I'm now going to do my automated behaviors, and I'm going to react, and I'm going to defend, and I'm going to blame you. Oh, you're telling me that I did something wrong? No, let me tell you what you did wrong. Oh no, no, no, no, you did that one wrong. Like, I was totally okay. Like, this is all your fault. If this keeps going on, if nobody takes the responsibility then we are always at war. We are never at peace. And that is the number one problem in relationships, in businesses, in conversations, in personal development, in the world. I believe this is the biggest problem in the world, not only blaming, but the victim mindset. You blame because you have the victim mindset. It's costing you a better life, a higher quality life, more joyful relationships, a more successful business. If you keep on telling, oh, I don't know how to grow my business, I don't know how to do this, I'm doing everything I can, but because of this and that, I, I, I, I never can. Like some other people, yeah, they have this and they have that, but I, I can't. You see how you are victimizing yourself? You have to stop this type of language. You're victimizing yourself and you will never ever feel empowered with this type of language. So I am really hoping you understand. So when you understand the cost of blaming, when you understand the psychology of blaming, which we covered, it's all like fearing rejection, fearing failure, and societal conditioning and all that. It all comes down to lack of responsibility. Responsibility means lack of emotional intelligence, and lack of emotional intelligence means victim mindset. So at the end of the day, it all comes down to victim mindset. Okay? And there is a way out. Yes, you can actually break free. And I'm going to talk about that right now. Coming from my own Neuroshine technology, I created a very simple formula to create any change you want. If you haven't seen it or heard me talk about it from my previous videos, I'm gonna tell you again right now. The formula for change is awareness multiplied by willingness. You gotta have the awareness and the willingness, and you gotta multiply them. Okay? If you have zero awareness, which means that you have no clue that you are blaming, that's zero awareness, lack of awareness, then you will never ever progress. So you cannot expect yourself because whatever you multiply zero with, the end result is zero. Like zero awareness is zero change. Guess what? Okay, you are aware. Now you understand after watching this episode that, okay, I need to take responsibility. I'm not going to blame. I am the one. I could have done things better. That's awareness. And then you're never taking action. If you're never taking action, guess what's going on? That action is gonna have to come from your willingness. If you don't, then there is no action. Then no action means zero. Whatever you multiply zero with is still zero. So that's why it needs to be both, both awareness and willingness. If not, there is no change. That's it. End of the story. There is no argument for this formula. Nobody can deny it. It's undeniable. And that's how you're going to break free from your blame game. Okay? You're going to become aware. Yep. Actually, I do blame. I put the blame on other things and other circumstances and other people. I never take responsibility. It's actually on me. I need to point the fingers at me. I need to look at myself in the mirror, and then I need to own it. I need to go from blame to claim, claiming your power. The minute you do that, you're aware and you're willing, and then you're going to create the change. That's what's going to happen, and it's not going to happen overnight though. Now let me tell you a story of my own mom. My mom was somebody who was never at fault. Never. Everything was somebody else's fault. It was never hers. Anybody can relate? Do you have that mom? Okay, so if you do, then it's, it's literally everywhere, in every single household, right? We all have it. We have it. You have it. I have it sometimes. We all do the blame game. When my mom realized that she needed to take ownership and responsibility of her thoughts, actions, and words, like language, after the age of 60, it was a game changer. She not only stopped blaming, but also she started taking her power back. And because she did it after the age of 60, whenever people come to me, yeah, but I am, I'm too young, I'm too old, it's too late for me, I'm like, you want to talk to my mom? Because she can tell you her own story and how she transformed herself by just taking responsibility, by just being aware and willing. She actually created the change and she is the most inspiring story in my life. She's my biggest success story, and so can you be. It just begins with awareness and willingness. That's it. There's no need for overcomplicating things. When she understood that, oh my God, I am really not listening, when she became aware what, what listening meant, like not really staying with whatever she believes that is happening, but literally pausing there and extending and expanding that moment and then having those words sink in and then respond to the words that she's hearing. It was a complete game changer. She started listening and becoming aware and becoming willing. Oh, I wasn't listening. Oops. I know. I'm aware. And then I call those like Nourishine moments, you know, coming from Nourishine technology. When you become aware and willing and then when your, your mind and heart is coherent together, then you have that Nourishine moment of truth that you call in your language an aha moment. When you have those aha moments, then you're going to become more aware and more willing. And that's how you're going to master change. And that's how I teach change and growth in my programs at the Academy of Nourish Shine Technology. And this is exactly how you break free from anything that is holding you back, including the blame game. And if you would like us to hold the space for you where you feel safe, seen, heard, appreciated, and free to open up, free to just own your shortcomings. Just own that, you know what, I blame. You know what, I judge. You know what, I actually need to do better. If you want to experience your growth in an environment like this, let us hold the space for you. Go to my website, shinyunsal.com. You're going to see there is a free PDF download, and you want to download that PDF, and then that is where you can start learning more about how we can hold the space for you. Perhaps you can join one of our upcoming cohorts where me and my faculty that I personally trained and certified as a licensed Nourishine technology trainer and an ICF coach trainer, we hold the space for you. We actually allow you to fall and not get punished. We want to be the change we want to see in the world. We actually— I'm getting goosebumps as I say this— we actually care about your growth. We care about your encouragement and what's in your heart. And we want to co-create that magic together with you. So please like and share this video so that we can share what's in our heart. And join us if you would like to work with us again, just go to shinyunsal.com and then get that download and also leave a comment below. I want to hear from you. Where do you feel the blame game the most? What is the context around your blame game? Where do you find yourself going into the victim and finding yourself blaming others? It's so hard. I'm telling you, like, it's not easy. To become aware that you are blaming instead of taking responsibility. But once you take responsibility, once you're aware and willing, it's a game changer. And that's why I really want you to break free, and that's why I want to support you, and I want you to join us so that we can create a much better world together with more love and shiny minds. Thank you for watching this episode, and thank you also for letting my light into your neurons. Until next time, keep shining your light.