EP 21 - Why Positive Thinking Might Be Hurting Your Coaching Business (The Truth No One Talks About)

What if positive thinking is the reason why you are unable to grow your coaching business? As shocking as it sounds, today we are going to get real about what it truly takes to create real transformations. If you're ready, let's begin. Are you ready to shine? Come on, it's the Shiny one. You got this. Welcome to the Shiny Minds Show. I am Dr Shiny Unsal AI, the proud creator of Neuroshine technology, the founder of the Academy of Neuroshine Technology, this Shiny Minds Show, and ICF Master Certified Coach with 3,000 hours of coaching experience and more because I stopped counting after that. I'm also a licensed trainer of neurolinguistic programming, which is all about your mindset, your communication, and your behaviors. And that's how I have been teaching coaching, mindset, leadership, communication strategies, and emotional intelligence, combining powerful disciplines to teach people how to transform themselves inside out and create a life on their own terms in alignment with their truth within, in alignment with their values, with their beliefs, and how exactly they want to live. And obviously, I was my first client. And if I am able to do this coming from a small town, Turkish town, then living my dream here in the US, well, everybody can do it. And so that's why I was able to help thousands of people, certifying more than 500 coaches in more than 50 countries. And today I'm gonna talk about something a little bit controversial because obviously I named myself Shiny, representing all the positivity and the shining lights in the world. And yet I am going to bust the myth about positive thinking can solve every problem. Again, I'm aware that this conversation is going to be a bit shocking, and that's exactly why I want to talk about it, because positive thinking As long as it is done in a moderate way, in a balanced way, in a scientific way, it is actually everything that we want in life. And if it is not done in the balanced way, in the right way, in the way that is healthy, then it can be unhealthy. As we know by now, in life, everything too much is toxic. Everything a little bit, you know, too much on the spectrum is actually going to damage us versus helping us. And that's why it is super important for us to sit down and have a conversation about positive thinking. So first of all, what is positive thinking? Well, you might say when I have a problem, I actually just avoid it because I think, you know, one day it's going to just disappear, and I think positive, and it is gone. So this is what I'm talking about. This is not positive thinking. If you're not handling your problems, if you're not taking radical responsibility of your to-dos in life, of your responsibilities in life, that is not positive thinking. My shiny minds, I got news for you. That's not positive thinking. That's pure avoidance, and that is not going to help. If you are doing that in your personal life, I bet you're also doing it in your business life, professional life, because how you do one thing is how you do everything. You have your neurons and they have wired conditioned ways and synapses that they follow every time they do something. And they're gonna bring the same synapses and the same neural pathways. So they're gonna bring the personal life habits to the professional life habits because they are just one system. It's the same thing with you looking at your coaching business. If you have this toxic positive thinking to a point that makes you avoid certain tasks, that makes you just like let go, and then you, you just make yourself believe that, oh, you surrender, you just let it go. But are you really? Perhaps you are simply avoiding it and not choosing to deal with it. Perhaps that's what's going on. Perhaps there is some major business development activities that you're supposed to be doing, but because you don't know where to begin, you just avoid it. Just simply let it go, and then you just say, oh, I surrendered. That is not how it is done. You need to take action. You need to put your effort out there to the universe. Now let's bring some metaphysics into it. The universe loves action. When you take action, then there is the frequency of the action. Like, every action does have a reaction in the universe. It's one of the cosmic laws. If you're not taking action, then you are passive, and life is not something to be passive about. You're not the consequences or the results of your life. You are actually an active participant and co-creator of your life, and that's why universe is gonna reward action takers. That is that, okay? Just one example about avoidance. Let's look at Another example, another scenario. Here's another scenario. This avoidance is something that you have, right? And then we just discussed that how you do one thing is how we do everything. So this is how you approach your own tasks and your own emotions. You actually avoid your emotions as well. I mean, we're talking about the neurons just following as like the same as same neural pathway. Well, we're talking about neurons creating a set of neural pathways and synapses, and then you following those when you do everything. If you're avoiding a task, are you not going to avoid a strong emotion? You will. Perhaps you are going to have intense sadness, and because you don't want to see yourself sad, that's not your image about yourself, you're going to ignore that emotion. I've done that. I can relate, especially if you have that powerful persona that you created about yourself, about your image. There are certain things that is going to take a lot from you to accept. I get that. Been there, done that. It is hard for us to accept all parts of ourselves, all parts of our frequencies, including the shadow frequencies. I've been there and done that. I understand. I have ignored a ton of emotions in my past until I realized learning how to be okay with being sad, how to be okay with being frustrated, how to be okay with being angry. That was a game changer for me. I was like, what? I'm allowed to be sad? That's okay. What a concept, right? That's something we don't do because we are all about like positive thinking. Think positive. Oh, everything is going to be all right. It's all right. Oh, this too shall pass, right? We all hear it from the others, OPOs, minor shine perspective. If you hear it from others, OPOs, which means you are seeking approval. I'll tell you what, your emotions are seeking your approval. Your tasks are seeking your approval. Your responsibilities are seeking your approval, your actions, your decisions. No more hiding from them. There is no point of avoiding them because you're gonna have to face them at some point. If you don't, it's gonna cost you, and that is probably what is costing you right now in your business. Like, look at your business. Because we're discussing coaching business and why positive thinking might be blocking you from growing in your business. Because under the umbrella, under the name, under the COVID of positive thinking, you might be avoiding certain things. So this avoidance is huge, my shiny minds. Okay, I would love you to wake up to it. I would like you to see your blind spots. And normalize sucking emotions. Sometimes life is going to suck. It's just going to be like sucking your energy out of you. It's just going to be like sucking the life out of you. It's just going to be like suck— like it's going to be like sucking. It's going to be sucky. And that's okay. If nobody has told you before, let me be the one to tell you. It's okay to feel sucky emotions at times. Boom! I hope you are free and liberated. Only when I allowed myself to experience the non-positive emotions was I free, was I liberated, and was I empowered. Oh, I gotta tell you, and that's why I'm, I'm doing this episode for you. I suffered it myself. I understand. I can relate, and that's why I'm coming to you. I'm Shiny. I am coming to you as somebody who changed her name legally to Shiny because I wanted to own my life purpose, to be the light for myself and for others. Guess what? When you put light on things, you see everything. You see the dirt, the dust, you see the damage, you see what is not quite all right, you see the wrinkles, You see the mistakes, the flops. You see everything. You see the shadows. That's what light is about. It's everything. There are all kinds of colors in the rainbow, and that's why I invite you to become your own light. Stop avoiding. Stop avoiding whatever that is making you avoid it. The more you avoid them, the more you give power to them. The more you avoid them, they overpower you because you avoiding equals you letting them take charge. They own you. Ouch, I got the goosebumps. Did you get the goosebumps too? I hope you did because this was, this was like a mic drop moment. Never ever allow anybody, any circumstances, or any tasks, or any emotions to overpower you. You're bigger than that. Have courage. Be like, all right, okay, we're going to feel sad. It's all right. Love your sadness. That is my invitation to you. Oh, you're going to need to just sit down and get frustrated to work on your business for days and months and years. It's all right. Challenge accepted. Bring it on. That needs to be the attitude. And then after that, you're going to be unstoppable. You'll be like, okay, you think that you can own me? Try, you know what I mean? I'm coming to you with so real, raw, and deeply truthful information and heart. I really want you to wake up and empower yourself. Never ever allow victimization. You're not a victim of your circumstances. You're not a victim of your positive thinking. Oh my God, Would I ever say that? Yes, I'm saying that. Never ever become the victim of your positive thinking. Because here's the other scenario. Let's say you keep on avoiding it because, you know, you're positive thinking, right? You're, you're just avoiding things. You're just not handling the emotions because they're kind of like too much. Oh, I don't want to feel sad. Oh, I want to feel this. Okay, guess what's going to happen? If you're a coach, if you're working with people one-on-one, And if you are trying to help them, guess what's gonna happen? Because I see it every day with my coaching education programs. I see all my coaching clients, my coaching student clients go through the coaching education. Whatever you do, you're gonna do the same to your clients, right? How you do one thing, how you do everything. What's gonna happen is you're gonna bring the same approach of avoidance When you work with people, and if you work with people one-on-one as a coach, when they tell you about their strong emotions, intense emotions, I bet you billions of dollars you're gonna do everything it takes to run away from that heavy emotion. You're gonna avoid it masterfully, very unconsciously, and then you're going to find a way to make them feel all right, make them feel, oh, it's okay, it's not a big deal, you'll be fine, you have these and that, and you're going to avoid, and then you're going to have them avoid, and then they will never ever get a chance to speak openly and safely and deeply about their own emotions. Because if you don't know how to process them, if you're not normalizing them, how are you going to be the container for others to process them and to help them transform them. True transformation requires rational, critical, and exceptional thinking, not only positive thinking. You need all kinds of thinking methods. Positive thinking is what you want to do at the very end, not at the beginning. That's the secret nobody tells you. Nobody is going to tell you. If you start with the positive thinking, you're going to end up avoiding things that you must not. Start with the rational thinking. Start with the critical thinking. Start with contextual thinking, which is another tool that I teach as part of my Neuroshine Technology Coaching certification. Program. And then after you go through every part of the thinking spectrum, you put the cherry on top with positive thinking. That is my Nourish Shine approach. It is important to have positive thinking, but it is not a good idea to start with positive thinking because then you will be avoiding things. Now you know why nobody talks about this. Why it is going to make you avoid things, and why you need positive thinking at the end, at the exit, at the very exit. So I hope, I really truly hope that you loved this episode, my dear Shiny Minds. If you did, just subscribe to my channel and like this video. If you really did, put a like on it. And I really would love you to share this with other people because we are really conditioned about positive thinking and not knowing what positive thinking really is. Positive thinking is all about taking our responsibility first, doing everything that we can first, and then surrendering. Like, you cannot positive think your way out of life, okay? You just need to take care of your responsibilities. You just, like, let's just be real. That is my take on positive thinking, obviously, as somebody who names herself Shiny, again. And I really hope this was something that you needed to hear today. And if this made you become a little bit more interested in co-creating true transformations as a coach, if you are interested in becoming a coach, you can go to my website, shinyunsal.com. And then grab that free PDF guide that is going to show you 3 steps to become a Neuroshine Technology Coach. And you can also go to my AI coach, Dr Shiny Unsal AI, which I'm gonna drop the link below, and ask about where to begin in your coaching career, where to start, and why you should start with us at the Academy of Neuroshine Technology. My Dr Shiny Unsal AI is gonna be super happy to give you a delicious coaching session, consulting session, guidance sessions, whatever you wanna call it. And we would love to have you. We would love to work with more purpose-driven leaders. If that is you, we are looking for you. So that's that. There you have it. Why too much positive thinking might be damaging you and your coaching business and why nobody is talking about it. Until next time, my dear shiny minds, please keep your lights shining.