EP 31 - Why Denial Is Blocking Your Growth (and What to Do About It)

Let's talk about why denial is blocking your growth and what to do about it. Are you ready to shine? Come on, it's the shiny one. You got this. Welcome to the Shiny Minds Show with Dr Shiny, where you are going to experience nourishing moments of truth to go within yourself and start to live in alignment with your truth. Today, We are going to talk about denials. What denials are, how they show up, and what they're costing you. I see them everywhere. That's why I wanted to talk about it today. Denial is where you avoid a specific truth because it's uncomfortable. You subconsciously deny it. You subconsciously avoid it. It's not a very direct conscious choice all the time, although this might also happen. From the neuroscience perspective, the amygdala in your brain is the part of you that is responsible for your survival. Your survival also includes the survival of your emotions, the survival of your comfort zone around you, the survival of your ego. So When amygdala is active scanning the environment 6,000 times a second, what are you gonna do? You are unconsciously, subconsciously going to avoid things that are uncomfortable. Why? Because your amygdala is doing that. In order for you to become aware of these subconscious patterns, this subconscious avoidance patterns that you have, you need to become aware of what you are unaware of. And that's why we need to start right there talking about denials. The way denials show up in our life can be in multiple ways. I'm gonna give you two examples how denials show up in our life. Okay, first example. This one is where, you know, you might have something that you need to work on, but it is so uncomfortable. Instead of looking in the mirror and facing that, you simply deny it. That is how amygdala play its game of survival. I am going to give two concrete practical examples about how denial shows up in our life. That way you can if you have that pattern as well. Okay, the first one is actually from my personal life. When I was in my relationship, in one of my past relationships, I would go into a place of denying whatever my boyfriend would tell me. He would tell me, you need to look at this about yourself. Because of that, this and that happened. I would never ever get there to even consider that I would show up that way. In my world, that would be a no-no because I wouldn't see myself as that person, as the person that I am hearing in that feedback. Therefore, it would be super painful for me to even consider and ask myself, Did I really do that? Did I really say that? Did I really hurt your feelings? I didn't want to become that person. I didn't want to become that woman. Therefore, I avoided it. I denied it. It cost me years. And until I finally decided to face my shadows and own whatever I was denying, like, when I really owned it, When I let go of the denial, the avoidance, I was so free. I was super free, and it actually was a level of integration in my body that I felt literally in my bones. Something shifted inside of me. I'm pretty sure you're gonna resonate, okay? This is my personal life. I had the same example in my work life. So when I was in the advertising world, I was super efficient, super productive. I was managing 8 multinational brands all at once, from Avon to BP to Gillette to Kotex, multiple brands, super productive, super efficient. And my team actually was not at my speed, was not at my level of productivity, and I would actually criticize them. I would tell them that they need to be faster, they I need to be more efficient, and it would actually hurt their feelings. And then I would receive the feedback, but I would never ever take it because to me it was about them. Like, they were not being efficient enough, they were not productive enough. For me, I was perfect, so I denied it. I avoided it again because it was super uncomfortable to even consider that I could be that person. Can you relate? If you relate, please pause and then please take the time to go ask yourself that question. Do I really do that? Is there any possibility? Is it like even slightly true? If you don't insert that consciousness, if you don't ever ask that question, you're never gonna have the chance to integrate that lower frequency within yourself and rise above that. I promise you it is going to happen, and I promise you you're going to survive. This amygdala is sometimes a little bit false, okay? When it actually protects us from dying, when there's a bear chasing us, you know, amygdala triggers the cortisol and adrenaline and all that. So it is helpful because we survive. But when it is about protecting our ego, then it is false. So I need you to invite to become conscious about that because denying it is never helping you grow. Denying it is always costing you your growth. And that's why you want to ask yourself, you want to open a window and see, is it even slightly true? So moving forward, how can you become aware of your denials and how can you avoid them? What you can do about it. First of all, I want to remind you my formula for change: change equals awareness multiplied by willingness. If you don't have awareness, what are you going to be willing to change? You don't even know what to change. So first of all, you need to have awareness. How are you denying? How are you avoiding uncomfortable truths? So in order for you to become aware, you're gonna need to do what is uncomfortable before that uncomfortable truth comes to you in a surprising way. You need to ask for it. So what am I recommending? I am recommending you to go search for feedback, literally, from your friends, from your colleagues, from your parents, from your siblings, from your immediate environment, from your loved ones. Ask for feedback. I promise you, you are going to survive. Yeah, it's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to be painful at first, when you overcome the very first moment of, oh my God, I am this imperfect person, and then I have these parts of me that I don't like hearing about. Yeah, it's gonna happen. Be prepared for that, okay? Take a nice deep breath and be prepared for that and apply the formula, okay? Now I'm aware of this. What am I willing to do about it? How am I willing to change this? You always are in charge. You always have the last word to say. Do you want to keep living with the denials? Do you want to keep avoiding what is costing you? Or do you want to change something? Or are you willing to do something about it so that you can live the life that you deserve. You can become the person you are meant to be. And when I say ask for feedback, of course we talked about asking external feedback, right? So what I am also inviting you to do is two things. When you ask for the feedback, ask also for the feedforward. What do I mean by feedforward? Something that can work for that person. So let's imagine Your mom is telling you, okay, you have been super angry lately, and that is my feedback. What is the feedforward? So perhaps if you take a 5-minute meditation time before you do some activities, perhaps you can manage your anger. So moving forward, this information can help you this way to do something about it. That's the feedforward. Not only ask for feedback, but also ask for feedforward. Their perspective on how to overcome this shadow frequency, shadow perspective, shadow behavior that you have, the pattern, right? So how can you overcome that shadow pattern of yourself? So that's what they're going to tell you. And the second thing that I want you to do is to sit down with yourself and then give yourself the feedback and the feedforward. Make a list of what you are not completely happy about your behaviors, about your patterns, about your denials, avoidances, and language patterns, thought patterns, perhaps self-talk, what you're saying to yourself inside when you are not honoring your values, when you are not speaking your truth, when you are trying to people-please and betraying yourself, there are items that you tolerate, there are things that you do, and it is all unconscious until you make a decision to become aware, sit with yourself, and ask yourself, where am I falling short of my true self? When you ask that and then make the list for yourself, and then also ask yourself, okay, what am I going to do about it? What am I willing to do about it? Awareness multiplied by willingness, then you are freely choosing to overcome your denials, to overcome your behaviors and patterns that you have been avoiding, and then you are the one who is choosing it. Nobody else. You are the one who is choosing to step up. Isn't that delicious? This is how you can become your best self. And then this is also how you can inspire others. To do the same. When you go ask for feedback and feed forward, guess what you're doing? You're inspiring others to do the same. Guess what? It is happening energetically. As you work on yourself, your inner work is also going to energetically open up new levels and new layers for others to do the same. So that is how you can overcome your denials and then grow into your more delicious self. I hope you like this video. I hope you are going to integrate all parts of you that are just not integrated yet. That's just, that's just the point of it. You are amazing. You are delicious. You may just be focusing on what is not working right now. You may just be focusing on what is painful instead of what you can do about that pain because that pain is not going to kill you. I promise you, what doesn't kill you is going to make you stronger, right? So now please share with me, what is one denial you are going to work on today? Please share it in the comments. Like this video if you resonated with it. Share it with your friends who also need to face their own denials and then become true brutally honest with themselves, because that's how we can make this world a better place. Thank you for watching, and thank you for letting my light enter into your neurons. Until next time, keep shining your light.