Dr Shiny Unsal outlines Neuro-Shine coaching principles, including a 50% speaking-time rule so coaches don't over-talk and turn sessions into friendships. She describes the "Nourish-Shine" moment when clients feel more spaciousness, and advises coaches to use powerful questions and avoid approving nods like "mm-hmm" to stay non-advising.
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We need balance, right? So anything too much is going to poison you. Like if you can just come from that, like, am I taking too much responsibility for my client right now? When you find yourself trying to solve your client's problems, you know what's going to happen? You're going to talk too much. If you talk more than 50%, that's not a coaching session. You're having a conversation with a friend. This is the patterns that I see. The defense for that is, oh, I'm just, you know, I'm fascinated by their problem. I want to help them understand. And that's like, I understand. If you are a great problem solver, then you're going to understand you have a problem of trying to solve other people's problems. So if you are a great problem solver, then you're going to solve your own problem. If you find yourself, Rianne, trying too much. No, no, no, no, no. We're not doing that, right? We are calm. We are confident and we are giving the space to them. We are offering the support, empathy. And the powerful questions. And then that's what it is. In that Nourish Shine moment, in that moment, that space, Jason, you look at the energy shift in your client. They're, they're going to step into a whole new energy field. The body is going to open up. The face is going to start smiling like they're more spacious. Spaciousness is the clue. Instead of like letting go of the pain right away in one question in the Nourish Shine moment, you can actually measure it by looking at how spacious they become. If you have more nourishing moments like that, every time you keep that pattern of more spaciousness, in the longer term, you can also measure the health benefits of coaching. You as a coach are going to represent the right environment for them. Okay? You're going to be the right environment. You're going to be a safe place to fall for them. Never ever force your clients to move on. This is exactly what we want more of in the world. Can we get an amen? Like seriously, like we want to be heard, safe, seen, understood, valued. Like, oh, 'Oh, I am supported. I can actually talk. Somebody is listening to me. Yay.' Make them feel comfortable sharing their most vulnerable situations and hold the space. And if they are ready to move forward, ask them, partner with them. Remember, I know you want to transform everybody. I get it. You see the nail, but that's not about the nail. Okay. I want to remind you, it's not yours to fix. It's them to feel. It's them to experience. And then if they choose not to move forward, if they are not ready to get the transformation, then they are not ready. That's it. What you want to do is to really partner up. Like I want to highlight this word, partner, partner. If they are crying, isn't that the last thing you want to hear? You're crying, you want to just be there and just let it all out. And then there is this coach and telling you, okay, are you ready? Now let's talk about what you're going to do about this emotion, right? Give me a break. When somebody asks you something you really don't know, instead of saying, I don't know, empower empower yourself. Say, this is something I haven't explored yet. I'll give it a thought. Okay? That's called reframing. And only if you have this kind of reframing for yourself, then you would be able to bring it to a coaching session. I don't know yet. I will figure it out. Saying I don't know is an unconscious competence as well as unconscious incompetence. It is somehow helping the brain to avoid the conflict. So that person is saying, when it becomes incompetency, then you want to bring consciousness with your powerful questions. So that consciousness, that awareness is going to enter into that space when we pause. They will be like, oh, I think I say I don't know because that's the easiest thing to come up with. Anything that is a pattern is unconscious competency, at the same time unconscious incompetency. Here's how to catch your own listening style. When When you're in a conversation with someone, when they are saying something, what is your typical response to them? The very big nuance here is not to make your mm-hmm and aha as a way of approving the client. You are non-approving, non-judging, non-advising. You see where this is gonna go? Oh my God, this is it. Thank you so much. So you know how we're gonna close it. I love my life. Keep shining until we meet again next week. Bye-bye!
If this spoke to you, it's not random. It's your truth calling you forward. Inside the Academy of Neuroshine Technology, we don't just train coaches. We transform lives. You'll learn to align mind and heart, break free from old patterns, and guide others into their own breakthroughs, all while building the coaching career you dream of. Our next cohort starts September 9th. Visit shinyunsal.com to join us and grab your free PDF to start your transformation today. Your future self will thank you.
