EP 52 - Stop Abandoning Yourself in 2026: 3 Patterns to Release Before the New Year!

When the countdown begins for a new year, we need to look at what to release. And that's why we're going to talk about why you need to stop abandoning yourself in 2026 and how. Let's begin. Are you ready to shine?

Come on, it's the shiny one.

You got this. Welcome to the Shiny Unsal AI Show. Hello everyone. I am Dr Shiny Unsal AI. I am super excited that we are literally in the official countdown To wrap up the year of 2025 behind, to welcome the new year with love and acceptance and abundance and gratitude, I always take the time at the end of the year to look at what I have accomplished, what I have achieved, how I have lived, how I have showed up, and what can I do even better next year. And I wanted to take this time to talk about our patterns. Because here's the thing, when we are entering a new year, it is really not what we are bringing to add on. It is more so about what we are not bringing and what we are releasing. So think about it. If you have a beautiful bottle of oil that you love so much, and still, if this oil carries a drop of poison in it. Is it still the oil that you love? Not really, because it has poison in it, right? So the most important part that becomes in our everyday life is how can we remove the poison? How can we remove the patterns that are stopping us, that are making us feel stuck, not able to move forward, stagnant? That's why I would love to talk about what the patterns are that I see a lot in my coaching education programs so that I can give you a map. So perhaps you also need that kind of a map, that kind of a mirror to look at your own life, to look at your own patterns, and then to say, okay, am I willing to release them and not take them with me to the new year? Because it's super important to become aware of our patterns. And then to have a conversation with them and to literally say, listen, I know you're trying to protect me. I know you are here for a reason, dear pattern. I appreciate that. I know you are doing the best and I have survived with you up until now. And yet for the next year and moving forward, I actually would love to do something different with you. I would love to sit down with you and to understand what was the intention behind all these automatic habits and patterns that you, you did for me so that I can just let go of you. I believe I can have a different relationship with you outside of my own mental patterns, your pattern. So can I take you outside of my being, my nervous system, and can I put you outside? If we don't have this conversation, we will never be able to outgrow them. So I have 3 patterns that I picked that I see a lot in human behaviors, in all of us, in human psychology. Number 1 is people pleasing. I am a recovering people pleaser myself, and I have been recovering for a while now. And then I know it's an ongoing process. It's a lifetime process, maybe. Because I learned it at a very young age in my childhood. So it became my conditioning. And I have all the tools with my own Neuroshine technology, with neuro-linguistic programming, positive psychology, quantum physics, metaphysics, leadership communication strategies, even like cosmology. I look at the stars and then I look at the sky mechanics and then I apply that to myself. And then I realize it, it still is there because there is a part of me that I, that I like being this person who pleases others? Are you feeling the same? If you have that, I understand. If we are trying to please others at the cost of our own self-love, our own self-worth, then we are damaging ourselves. Then it's not helping. Then it is actually doing the opposite effect. We are selling our soul, selling our sovereignty in the expectation of approval, in the expectation of doing something for something else. And then at the end of the day, we are abandoning us. That is not what life is about. Life is about becoming one within ourselves, becoming sovereign beings, co-creators of our life. And I am coming to you with full vulnerability. Obviously, I have been teaching my Neuroshine technology for so many I started my company, Academy of Neuroshine Technology, in 2011. It's going to be 15 years in January, in a month. So I started teaching NLP. I started teaching different disciplines because I always wanted to apply those teachings to myself. I needed it. I come from this wound of not being good enough, and it comes from my relationship with my father in my childhood. I just learned that as a behavior, and I thought I needed to do extra, extra to get love from others. That's a learned behavior. That was something my child brain thought, what it was the truth, because I didn't have the conscious critical thinking around it yet back then. All I wanted was love, and love was sort of conditional. I needed to do things that I didn't want to. I needed to say the things that I knew I didn't mean to, because otherwise my father would resent me and then he wouldn't talk to me for days and months. And so my, my little child self learned that behavior. In order to get love, you need to please the person. You don't have to say what you think. You don't, you don't actually put your truth out there because it hurts them and they're not happy. So if they're not happy, therefore you don't deserve to be happy. Do you see the mechanics, how it works? So if you are someone like that, I get you. I hear you. We are all on this boat together. We are all in this game together. And That's why I'm telling you there is a way out. There is a way out once you understand your pattern, once you become friends with it, once you understand it, once you just ask the intention behind it, once you realize, oh, it was trying to give me love. It was trying to prove me my own self-worth. But it is so old. It is just 40 years ago. So it was 40 years ago when we learned this. It was a total different game. It was a total reality. Like, that timeline has shifted already. I don't have to accept it as my truth anymore. So I can just let it go. I can release it, and so can you. So all the people pleasers in the house, I know I am not the only one. I know you are listening and you are feeling it, and you are asking if that's the case for you, if there is any part of you that is doing too much for other people's opinions, for other people's approval, for other people's emotions, if you find yourself trying to manage others' emotions, if you are too sensitive to what is going around you because you have this type of a symptom, and it's totally okay. It's, it's a learned behavior. Once you understand it, once you apply my formula for change, which is change equals awareness multiplied by willingness, you become aware of it. Okay, this was all so that I could be happy and I could feel loved, but it was all for a reason. I didn't know any better. It was looking for external approval. So now I am choosing my internal approval. Now I am not abandoning myself. Now I am not betraying myself. Now I am choosing myself. I'm going to be true to myself. I can understand that they may not like what I say. They may not approve what I say, but My job is not to make them like me. My job is to make me like me. Therefore, I am shifting the things and I am shape-shifting. I am turning things around and I'm choosing me. Okay? This is how we can release this pattern and then we can let it go and then we can stay in 2025. We can say kiss goodbye to it and we can say thank you for all these years for all the things that you have done to make me feel loved, to make me feel worthy. I really appreciate it. I know better now. I learned now. I am aware and I'm willing. I'm aware that it's an external approval mechanics that I am not choosing anymore. So I'm also willing to be disliked. I'm also willing to choose my internal self-worth my internal love, my self-love, over external like and approval. Yes, can we say that? We got this. The second pattern that I want to talk to you about that I see so much in all of us as humanity is not able to say no when your whole body is screaming no, but you find yourself saying yes, sure. Ever had one of those moments? You are definitely a no, no, no, like, please leave me alone, and still you just don't even realize how that automatically left your mouth because you just said yes. Does that ever happen? I know. So this one I'm better at. I am absolutely good at saying no. I learned it. This was a very hard process for me, especially if you are working with others that require your input, that want your attention, that want your help. Those people, they're going to want all of these things from you, right? You're needed and you're wanted. So the intention behind this pattern, if you sit with it and if you ask, you like being wanted, you like being needed, you like the attention. That's kind of like the addiction. It's still the external approval. It's still something external. Do you see? It's a common pattern. It's a common theme. Of external approvals. And so what you can do to apply my formula for change, awareness multiplied by willingness, you can become aware of it. Am I physically feeling this yes in my body? Is this a full body yes? Am I owning it? Do I feel expansion in my heart? Do I feel expansion in my being when this question comes to me, when this request comes to me, do I feel yes, a full body yes, or do I feel, uh, not really, please leave me alone, please leave me alone, but and then you still say, sure, I'll do it because you feel like you are supposed to. It's so not easy. I gotta tell you, we are surrounded by people and if we live in people. Okay, we are people. And so it is an addiction that we are surrounded by, we are programmed by, conditioned by. People are going to need other people. And yet what we are going to need to become aware of is the context around it. The first thing you need to become aware of is your body language. What is your body saying? Right? That is your nervous system speaking to you. If you are not feeling a yes from your body, then look at the conditions around it. Look at the context around it. Why would you not want to say yes to this one? Oh, because it is going to require a lot of time from you and then you're not willing to spend your time on this thing. Valid enough. That is exactly the case and that's exactly the reason why you are going to say no and you're going to say, you know what, I have my other priorities. I would have really loved to do it, yet I have my other priorities, so perhaps next time. Or you're going to say something like, you know, I am working on saying no when I don't feel like a full body yes within myself, although it is very uncomfortable. I would really appreciate your understanding in this work that I am doing for my personal development. There you go. You not only spoke your truth, but you also included them and you invited them. And then by being in this way, you're also inviting them to do the same. One person doing it, inviting the other one, and the other one is doing the same thing for the other person. And then that's how we can start a ripple effect of owning our truth. Saying no is okay. Saying no to yourself is not. And we can totally do it. Yes? Choose yourself and invite others to join your process. Look at this. Zoom agrees. Yes. I love it. Wonderful. So the third pattern that I see a lot in humanity as a psychological pattern is avoidance. You know how you have some very difficult conversation that you need to have. And then you successfully put it under the carpet. You are totally fine not doing it because it is uncomfortable. That's what I'm talking about. In these moments, we are less of a dignified human because look at the mechanics behind it. I let this discomfort become bigger than my truth. Discomfort owns me because it shapes how I behave in this moment. So discomfort overpowers my truth. Therefore, discomfort wins the game. You see, that's it. That's the mechanics behind it. And that's exactly why we need to stop it. And then we need to also put it behind. We need to release it and we need to let it go and not carry it. To the upcoming year of 2026. So the pattern of avoidance is obviously another pattern that we learn in our upbringing, and it is also a very deeply rooted pattern. So I understand if you are unconsciously doing that. I'm inviting you to become aware of it. If there is no awareness, you cannot change it. Let go of all the things that you do which might fall under willingness, right? Oh, I'm doing a lot of things, but you're not doing the thing that needs to release the pattern, break the pattern. So if you're doing a lot of the things but you are not facing your avoidance, then you're not being aware. So awareness becomes zero. Whatever you multiply by zero is still going to be zero. So that's why you're not going to change your pattern. Understand, when you become aware of it, when you face your avoidance, and when you say Dear avoidance, you're not bigger than me. You're not going to overpower me. I am just gonna turn it into a conversation, which is all that is. I'm just gonna own it. I'm just gonna show up to it. I'm not gonna let it bother me because I'm bigger than that. I am more powerful than that. You know, these conflicts, these difficult conversations is part of life. So thank you for protecting me all this time and pretending and assuming that it would not be okay for me, but it is totally okay for me. I'm accepting the difficulty of this conversation and I'm totally fine with it. In these difficult conversations, as I do more of them, I actually build my muscle around it and then I become tough. And so difficult is not difficult anymore. I actually raise my level, my standard high above that, and they become no longer difficult for me. They become easy for me in time. So that's it. That's the willingness part. You literally owning it, saying it, reframing how it can change its form in your mental, emotional, and psychological, and spiritual being. Okay, so again, to wrap up, we talked about 3 patterns that we can all let go and release to the air, to the field in 2025, and we are not going to carry them with us to 2026. Number 1, people pleasing. Number 2, saying yes when we know we want to say no. And then number 3, Avoiding and putting things under the carpet when it feels difficult because we know we can do better and the old difficult becomes the new easy. We all have that. We just need to become bigger than them. That's it. And that's why I am inviting all of us to sit with our decisions, with our behaviors, with our language patterns, with our relationships. How do we show up? How did you show up? In 2025? How did you talk to yourself? Did you abandon yourself? Did you betray yourself? Did you try to please others, say yes when you wanted to say no? Did you put things under the carpet when it was difficult? Let's face it. Let's take the time. I'm getting goosebumps. Let's take the time to really have this deep conversation with different parts of us. Let's unite all parts of us because we are one. And that is my message to you. And that is the world that I want to live in, in the year of 2026. So join me. Let's make the new year the best year ever. And let's just change the world by becoming the change that we want to see in the world. So my dear Shiny Minds, you know where to find me. You can go to shinyunsal.com. And grab that PDF and to see how we can work together in 2026. Or you can go to neuroshinetechnology.com and book a call with one of us, with one of our faculty trainers, and see how we can hold your hand as your personal development partner, as your partner in shine. And we can really hold the space for you to become the change you want to see in the world. That is my wish for you, for your loved ones. If you like this video, please put a like, share it with others, and subscribe for more videos, more content just like this, so that we can show up better, more conscious, more delicious human beings in 2026. Thank you for watching. Thank you for your support in the entire year of 2025. Until next time. Keep shining your light.

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