Dr. Shiny Unsal teaches four practices for making people feel heard: listen without interrupting, stay on one topic, acknowledge emotions before solutions, and ask permission before giving advice. She connects these to neuroscience and shows how they calm defenses and deepen relationships.
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How to make others heard by you. It combines the power of the mind with the wisdom of your heart, and it just helps you to unlock your potential. Put your hands together for Gary Vaynerchuk! Hey everyone, welcome to my Shiny Minds Show. Hello everyone, my name is Shiny Unsal. I am the proud creator of Neuroshine Technology, ICF Master Certified Coach, ICF Accredited Coach Trainer, and a licensed trainer of Neuro Linguistic Programming. Today I want to talk to you about being heard, especially how you can make others heard by you. Why is this important? If you want to deepen your relationships, if you want to take your life to a whole new level of joy, of understanding, of ease and flow, especially with others around you, then you need to pay attention to this topic. Maybe you are doing some little things that you are unaware of, which, which, which make other people feel like they are not heard or seen or appreciated by you. Maybe they feeling insignificant around you, and maybe you're not even aware. Well, the chances are you're probably unaware. That's why I created this video, so that you can become aware and you can have some ideas about how to reverse it. And I am going to share 4 ideas and 4 specific examples for you to make others feel heard by you. If you're ready, Let's begin. Number 1: Listen without interrupting people. Listening, as I always say, listening is an underrated skill. It is so important for you to listen, at least at level 2. So in my Neuroshine technology, as I teach coaching skills and communication skills, I also talk about the skill of listening, especially what we call in the world of ICF is active listening. When you actively listen to someone, you are not in your head thinking about what you're going to eat after you are done talking, or you're not in your head calculating how much you were supposed to pay to your business tax this year, or you are not in your head thinking about what you're going to say to your boyfriend when you meet him after that meeting. You got the point. You want to be present. You want to be there. You do not want to be in your head, and you do not want to be stuck in your own agenda. You want to pay attention to the other person, and you want to listen to them actively with the pure intention to understand where they are, to understand where they are coming from. That's why you need to listen without interrupting, without integrating or inserting your point, your perspective. This is so 1980s. Okay. We live in a modern world and in this modern world, we are conscious human beings. I want you to pay attention to how you listen to people. If you are unable to listen to them without interrupting them, you might want to work on your listening skills because that is the number one way for you to make others feel heard by you. Number 2, this is something you need to stop doing if you are doing. Do not jump from one topic to another topic. This might be so annoying and this might be very frustrating. I'll give you an example. Some of you know that I have trained my mom, and she is a certified coach, and she's actually my assistant trainer in my Neuroshine technology, so she knows my content. And she also works on herself a lot, especially her listening skills. And I always tell my mom, Mom, in order for me to feel heard by you, I need you to pay attention and maintain the topic we're talking about. Right now we're talking about a specific topic, and I want you to stay focused in this specific topic because she tends to jump from that topic to another topic, and that shows me that she's listening at level 1 and she is actually lost in her head. In her own agenda. And that is something you gotta stop if you are also doing that. Communication and making feel heard is an art. It is, it is an art, and it is also a science. And the science tells you that in order for you to make other people heard, you gotta, you gotta pay attention to the mental fires, as I say in my Neuroshine technology. One mental file needs to be closed so that you can open up another one. One topic needs to be closed and you can start another topic. This is so important. If you are jumping from one topic to the other and never able to complete one conversation effectively, this is something you need to work on. Number 3, Acknowledge their emotions, needs, and desires. Okay, so far we talked about your listening skills, listening without interrupting and listening so that you can complete that conversation, that topic, so that you can move on to the other one. Right now, in the third idea, we're talking about acknowledging someone. How does it look like? When somebody is sharing what is going on with them and if you are going directly to your own solution to fix it, to your own idea to solve their problem, you are missing the point because the first thing you want to do is to acknowledge them. If they told you, oh my God, it was a rough day, this happened, you know, my, my, um, my teammates created this problem, I had to deal with all these clients' issues and all the stuff in the computer. Maybe they are sharing something like that with you, right? So you don't want to just immediately say that, oh, it's okay, you know, these things happen, you know, don't worry about it. No, that's not how you make somebody feel heard. The way for you to make somebody feel heard sounds like this: Wow, I hear you. It sounds like it was a rough day. I am glad you're okay. You know, sometimes we go through these rough times, and I've been there too. How do you feel now? Boom! You acknowledge that, you know, they had a rough day, and these things happen. You've experienced it as well, and now you care about them to ask how they feel. That is how you make somebody feel hurt, my friend. And number 4, you need to ask permission to change the topic, to offer your idea, to fix their problem, whatever you want to do. This is so important, and I get so passionate about this because we are unaware how our communication, our language, literally shapes our relationships and our emotions with each other. Person, before you say anything, is because it's their own reality, and they are free to shape their reality. They are free to decide how to move forward with that reality. This is a very high-level understanding. This is a deeper level of skill set. And that's why when you ask permission, you are basically acknowledging, hey, listen, you have the right to choose how to move forward with this topic, and I still have something to say if you care about hearing it that might benefit you. This is so high level, isn't it? That's why when you ask permission, let me also remind you, Mr. Amygdala. Mr. Amygdala is responsible for survival, remember from my other videos? So if you also integrate your knowledge of amygdala, which is survival mechanism, they are going to defend their perspective no matter what you say, no matter how you try to fix them, solve their problem, and, you know, lead them to your own solution. They're going to want to defend their perspective. This is amygdala. It's gonna happen. Regardless. But when you ask permission, amygdala is like, oh, it feels safe here. Somebody needs my permission to enter into my game. Okay, that feels safe. And then that's how you let somebody's guards down. Makes sense? When you ask permission, you are actually respecting their choice of being who they are at the highest levels, and you are also being very smart to help them let their guards down so that you can enter in. So make them feel heard. That person feels like, "Oh my God, this person is amazing. They are paying attention to what I'm saying, and they care so much about who I am that they're asking my permission to say anything." Wow, I feel important. I feel heard. See what I'm saying? So there you have it, 4 ideas for you to up your game and make others feel heard around you, my friend. So I hope you liked this video. If you did, please put a like on it and share it with your friends so that we all understand how to make each other feel heard so that we all can improve our communication skills, our leadership skills, and deepen our relationships so that we can have a higher quality of life. And of course, so that you and I can create a much better world with more love and shiny minds.
