Dr. Shiny Unsal breaks down why people nag and complain: the need to feel heard, feeling like a failure, clashing with your values, or being mentally exhausted. She suggests pausing to ask yourself which one is driving you, then using that awareness to turn complaints into something useful.
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Why do you really nag and complain? Combines the power of the mind with the wisdom of your heart, and it just helps you to unlock your potential. Hey everyone, welcome to my Shiny Minds Show. Hello everyone, my name is Shiny Unsal. I am the proud creator of Neuroshine Technology, the Shiny Minds Show, and your Neuroshine coach. Today's topic is complaining. We're going to talk about why you complain. What are some psychological and neurological reasons you find yourself complaining and nagging and just like this energy coming out of your body, like bursting into sometimes the anger and frustration, you get me. So there are ways to understand your reasoning and there are ways to stop it and convert it into more productive activities. If you're ready, let's go. Number 1 reason you complain is because you're looking for connection. Isn't that interesting? It's human psychology and your needs. Behind every behavior, there is an intention, and those intentions, they become your needs. They are your needs because they are activating those behaviors, and there is an inner mechanism for you to be doing what you're doing. So think about your complaints. When do you usually complain? It's probably when you feel like there is too much going on, when there is something wrong in the process, that it's not supposed to be that way, or you make a mistake and you complain about yourself. Somebody else makes a mistake and then you complain about them. And some things don't go in the way that you want them to go. It just doesn't flow. There is some sort of a blockage. And that blockage may be blocking the flow of success, the flow of happiness, or your flow of values. So whatever the reason is, the number one reason you want to complain is because you want that connection. You want to be heard, seen, and appreciated. When they tell you, yeah, I know, that happens to me too, oh, isn't that frustrating? And you're like, yes, and this is exactly why. And then you start talking, and then in minute, you feel like you are understood, you're not alone. Because at the core of you, your biggest fear is to be alone. We don't want to be alone, and that's why you're looking for that connection. Second reason why you complain is because it is related to your success. How so, you might think? Well, When you do something, take an action, maybe you have a goal you want to achieve and you gave yourself a deadline and the deadline is over and you still couldn't achieve it, how do you feel? Not really close to success, correct? That's my point. You feel like you're a failure, which is a very, very negative affirmation to tell yourself. Never say that. You feel like you are not as successful. You feel like you are not there yet. You don't deserve it. You're not good enough and you're not successful. And that's why it's related to your identity, who you are and your capacities, your skills and your abilities. And that's why you start complaining because it is about you and your level of success. Third reason you complain is because of your values. Think about it. When you start complaining, after a while that conversation turns into, what's important about that? Which is your values. So either someone violates your values and that's why you're not okay with it and you start complaining, Or you violate your own values when you do something for yourself or for others, and that's why you start complaining. You're like, oh my God, I shouldn't have done that, you know, that was a so stupid behavior, why did I say that? See, why did you say that? You did something you didn't like. Why? Because your value is I am a better smarter person. I am a kinder person. So kindness is your value. You violated your own value and boom, here you are, you're complaining. Does that make sense? So at the core of your behaviors, there is an underlying psychology and complaints are also showing you a sign, giving you a message that there is growth, okay? There is a next level. And at the end of the day, I also want to remind you that sometimes you complain because you're tired, you didn't get enough sleep, and you are not functioning well. Maybe you pressured yourself too much, or maybe your, your neurons are fried because of too much information. You overloaded them. So that might be some mental functioning reasons, but psychologically, Those are the 3 reasons why you really complain. Now that you know your reasons why, I am hoping that you're gonna catch yourself when you're complaining and you're gonna stop it and you're going to ask yourself, why am I complaining? What is this really about? Ask that question to yourself. What is this really about? Then you will see if it is about your values, if it is about your identity or if it is a connection that you're seeking. So there you have it. I hope you liked this video. I hope it helps you. If it did, please put a like on it and share with your friends so that they also understand themselves much better. And of course, you want to subscribe to my channel, don't you? We are here to create shiny minds together, and when you subscribe, you also invite others to subscribe. And I would appreciate that. By the way, if you ever want to learn more about these subjects—mindset principles, linguistics and language patterns, behaviors and human psychology, positive psychology—make sure to visit my website and check out my online courses. I have a library of resources for you that I have created with my heart out. Okay, so thank you for watching this video, and remember, you and I, we are here to make this world a better place with more love and shiny minds.
