Siobhan Wilcox, founder of Autism Experts Alliance, shares a stress-management technique called memory-anchoring: recalling a calm or successful moment to shift your body chemistry when overwhelmed. She walks through using it with her anxious son and offers a free interview series for parents managing autism parenting fatigue.
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Hey, good morning, everybody. It's Siobhan Wilcox here, the founder and creator of Autism Experts Alliance. And welcome to my day seven of Parenting Autism, Real and Raw. And this is Sugar. Yeah, this is my baby girl, Sugar. Say hi, Sugar. Hello. Hello. Sometimes you'll hear Sugar in the background barking or hacking up a spurball, like yesterday. So I wanted you to meet her so you had a. Had a look at her and see what she's like. We don't know what she is. We think she may be a cockapoo, but she's adorable. And I'm gonna put her down now because she's getting like, mommy, take me off camera. So I hope you're all doing well. Again, I want to thank you so much for all the emails I'm getting and all the wonderful comments I'm getting, both on Facebook and personally to my email address. And again, if you want to leave a comment below, this video as well. So, you know, one of the things that has really. I was writing yesterday, my book, and I'm excited how it's all coming together. You know, it's really been about my journey and what all the tools and techniques I've used along the way to keep myself more centered and more balanced, feeling more aligned, and help to maintain my energy levels so that I feel like I'm thriving and not just surviving. So I'm calling it the Thrive Guide because, you know, when we are parenting children on the autism spectrum, it can be exhausting. And, you know, depending on what's going on, everybody's got different needs for their children. But, you know, sometimes we don't get a lot of sleep, sometimes we don't get a lot of personal time because, you know, we may have, like. My son had a big overwhelm last night and he was up very late, so it was almost 10 o' clock before I could actually start. Personal time for me and my husband to sit down and talk or do anything that was very late. And I couldn't stay away for much longer than 30 minutes. And then I was like, okay, I need to go to bed now, you know, so, you know, it's about getting that balance and maintaining your energy levels. And there's one of the things, the tools I was writing about yesterday in my book that I wanted to share with you today. And it's about finding a memory of something, your life, that was really successful for you. A moment that felt really good for you, or a moment where you felt really relaxed. I met a lady once who, she was on a training course with me. And she used to carry around with her, you know, that sunscreen, the coconut scented sunscreen in her briefcase because it reminded her of her favorite vacation in Hawaii. So whenever she was feeling stressed at work, she would pull out her sunscreen and close her eyes for a minute and just imagine her again back on the beach with the sun lounger, just really relaxing in the sun. And she could feel her whole body start to shift gear, decompress. She take some deeper breaths and it really, really shifted her into a different place of being. And for many of us, we have memories now. The memories are associated with different things. Sometimes they're associated with smell, sometimes it's a sound. It can be music. It can be something that was, you know, clapping where we were on stage and were very successful. It was, it could be music playing in the background. It could be the sound of waves crashing on the beach that brought us into a place of relaxation. In the same way that when we have an anxiety and a fear, usually there's a lot of information connected to that anxiety. It's usually not just the thought of it itself that triggers it. There's usually a whole story that runs with that, such as the sound, the scent, the environment, what we were wearing, what the, you know, all those different pieces click in. And in the same way that if we focus on something that creates stress for us, that we can start to actually have a real response in our body, such as an anxiety attack or a, you know, very high escalated stress response with a lot of overwhelm. In the same way, we can use good thoughts, our happy thoughts, happy thoughts. But we can anchor in thoughts that are energizing to us, successful moments in our life. You know, I often do this with my son because he has a lot of anxiety. He's got an anxiety disorder as well. He's been on the autism spectrum, which I think a lot of kids and with higher functioning autism, where they're verbal, but they also have a huge amount of anxiety. So I always remind him when he starts going to an anxiety attack around something, I bring him back to a really happy moment. I say, do you remember when you were at that class and you got, you know, you felt really successful because you won that award for the best student of the month or whatever it is. And so you can see him. Oh yeah, I remember that. And he kind of shifts gear a little bit and then he'll start escalating again and I'll just bring him back to remember. So as a parent, it's a really good tool to use. You know, if you find yourself in a place of stress a lot during the day, bring yourself to a moment in your day, sit back in a chair, close your eyes for a moment, take a few deep breaths, and just start to say, oh, yeah, there I am. I remember that I felt really successful in that moment. I felt really, I really enjoyed myself, or I was really relaxed. And just have a visceral experience of that in your body because that affects your brain chemistry. It starts to send out more endorphins into the body, serotonin into the body. It starts to reduce the stress hormones that build up in your body during the day. And so you start to become feel more relaxed. And every time you go back into a stress, if you came out of it, you don't go back into it as hard because you have extra endorphins in your body. And you can just take a few more deep breaths and bring yourself back to that moment of relaxation, back to that memory. And it's a good tool and technique to start using throughout your day. Yesterday I was really tired. I was feeling a little frustrated with something I was working on, so I just went outside. I lay down on the floor in my sitting room. I did some yoga stretches. I just started to think about a really good memory and I just started to feel that energy rush of joy coming through me. So I'd love to know how you find that technique, if you find it useful or helpful, if you need more clarity on it, please let me know. If there's anything else you want me to talk about, just comment below or email me@siobhantismexpertsalliance.com and don't forget, if you haven't already, register for our free upcoming interview series, autism expertsalliance.com completely free for you to register. There are going to be free interviews to listen to. I haven't set a date for starting that yet because I'm still lining up all the different experts. But if there's specific people you'd like to hear or subject matters you'd like me to talk to, find experts to talk about on, let me know, okay? Because this is what I'm here for. So I feel honored to have all the wonderful responses I'm getting. So keep liking the videos, keep commenting, keep emailing me, share it with other people and do let me know if I can improve them in any way to serve you more. Thank you so much. Have a blessed and wonderful day.
