Day16 Parenting Autism Real and Raw with Siobhan Wilcox

Hey everybody. Siobhan Wilcox here, founder and creator of Autism Experts Alliance. Thank you very much and welcome to day 16 of parenting autism. Rayla Naroa. It's actually day 15 because yesterday I said it was day 15, but it was really day 14. But I'm just going with it. That's day 16. We just skipped a day somewhere in the middle. You know, it's 6:20 in the morning here, I'm in pajamas and it's a big day here at our house. We've got IEP this morning and we've been given our 20 day notice. So it's a big IEP. It's definitely find a whole new placement. And it's the triennial, so even bigger. And I've been spending yesterday looking at new schools. The day before the same or the Friday, I should say the same. And at the same time, my other son has needed assistance. And then just when everything started to feel really calm last night and we decided we'd all go for a cycle and walk the dog and have some family time, we went in the garage to get the bikes and there'd been a leak. I'm like, no, not a leak. The water tank was dripping water and had been so for many hours, I'd say since a lot of water and a constant stream. And I'm like, oh, but you know what? It was okay. It was okay. My initial thing was to help the boys know it was okay and be calm. What I've discovered is that my children really react to how I am in a situation. So if I am okay, guys, everything's okay. All we need to do is get some towels. Everything's okay. Then I found that they're okay. You know, it's like when we, we go out walking and a rattlesnake might appear ahead of us on the trail. If I go into panic and they'll panic and could be dangerous, they could be unsafe. I am not a fan of snakes, but it's happened to us twice. And I'll just go, it's okay. Just get behind me and give me the big stick. Take a few deep breaths, guys. He's big. He's. We're small, he's small, we're big. Just be calm. No sudden movements. He'll feel our stress, he'll feel our tension, he'll feel our fear. Just keep breathing. It'll move in a minute. I'll tap the stick gently to let him know there's people coming on the trail and see what he does. He'll move away. So this has been my probably greatest awareness that has helped me the most is that the energy I am in affects everything around me. It affects the people I am with, not even just my children. But if I go into a meeting and I'm all tense and I'm all flapped and I'm all like that, then everybody else in the meeting starts to take on that, and they'll start to shift their breathing. They'll start to become more agitated. Well, if I choose, and it is a choice, you know, I mean, yes, honestly, we can feel anxiety and fear and trepidation, and it can overwhelm us. But if you're neurotypical, there's a part of you that can control that. And I'm saying if you are neurotypical because obviously if you do have a high anxiety disorder or some sort of mental health issues, that can be much more challenging for you. But you have a choice in every situation, and that choice is to move forward with grace and deep breaths and positive thought patterns in your head where you have a choice to move forward with that first thought of fear, with that first thought of trepidation, taking that heart palpitation that you feel when you first see that snake on the trail and running with that heart palpitation, amplifying that and building that into something. Or you have a choice of saying to yourself, everything is perfectly fine here. We are safe. We are okay. That snake will move away in a moment. We are in control here. And gently back yourself out of the situation and use a lot of deep breaths and a lot of positive thought patterns. You know, they say animals feel our fear. I believe this to be true. Children feel our fear. And we feel each other's fear. We do. I can go into an environment and because I'm so sensitive, I will instantly know if the people in that environment are stressed or content or, you know, using their breath, using their thoughts to help them. So I just want to leave you with that thought today. You know, stuff happens, you know, overwhelm, dysregulation for our kids happens a lot usually. But if we choose to be in a different place during that, it really helps. Water tanks flood. You know, this is. I've had a lot of floodings in because I used to live in an old house and the roof decided to give away a couple of times, and you come down and the whole place is like, ah, everything's gone. You know, these things happen. It's horrible when it happens. But your choice of being in it in one way or choice of being in it in another way is your choice. It's your choice. And just leave you with a very brief story. I met an incredible lady on a training I was given one time, and she was a recovering heroin addict. And she had lost everything at one point. Her husband had died of an overdose. She had four children that had all, at one point, nearly been taken away from her due to her drug addiction. And just as she had started to try and put everything back together, her house burnt down on Christmas Eve. And the only thing they had on their backs were their clothes. Nothing else survived. No insurance, no jobs, no way of buying anything new, no way of paying for anything new on Christmas Eve. And she said to me, you know, that was my turning point. I decided at that moment then I needed to get myself together completely. I'd already decided when my husband died that I needed to pull myself back out of this, but she said that was like a cleansing. And I chose never to look back and only to move forward. And I had been at that point, she'd been two years of heroin. And she said, I'm rebuilding my life little by little, but I'm never going backwards. You look at that woman, you think most people would have gone the opposite direction. Most people would have said, I have nothing left. I'm going to just go back into drug addiction. But she chose not. It was the choice point. She chose to move forward. She chose to take a different reaction in that situation. She chose to take the higher road. And she changed her life, she changed her children's life in that moment. You know, it was very emotional working with her. She was an incredible person and she really. I've met such amazing beings through it all the work I've done with the thousands of people I've worked with. I've met such incredible people with incredible stories that move me deeply because they inspire me and they make me realize that nothing I have ever experienced is anything compared to what they've had to go through. Rings of fire, basically, you know, and it diminishes everything I've ever had to deal with in my life, makes me grateful for every moment I have here on this planet. So, my friends, take a moment, be grateful, be aware of your choices in every situation, and have a blessed and loved day. As always, you can comment like the video. Email me at siobhanautismexpertsalliance.com and visit autismexpertsalliance.com to register for our free upcoming tally series. Thank you so much. I am moving forward with grace today and breathing deeply. I hope you can, too.