Dealing With People Who Won’t Get To The Point ( Leadership Insight )

Welcome to this Leadership Insights episode of the Enlightened Executive, where your personal evolution sparks your leadership evolution. In this episode, we're going to help you deal with people who won't get to the point. So how often do you find yourself interrupting someone, wishing they'd get to the point, willing them to just stop talking? I get it. I really do. Time is short. Sometimes it's hard not to finish people's sentences and just move things along. I empathize completely. When a client recently confided I think the reason I'm having trouble connecting with my team is that I'm just too impatient. I just don't need all the backstory. They say I'm curt, but I can't help myself and I don't want to waste time going into it all. Do I really have to fake that I'm interested in everything they have to say? No, faking is not the way to go. It's actually counterproductive. People can detect your disinterest through subtle and subconscious clues you provide through your body language or when your eyes glaze over. It's impossible to build trust, never mind the deeper connections that you really need to lead your team. Secondly, sometimes your impatience is warranted, like that guy from IT who just keeps going on even when people start staring at the clock or flipping paperclips. People who waste your time are wasting everyone else's time as well. Now, the reasons why people ramble are many. They could be nervous. They haven't structured their thoughts in advance. They're thinking things through out loud. They're lost in the detail and can't see the big picture. Or they're just more interested in their story than anyone else is. Getting impatient with people who won't get to the point is a natural reaction. The trick is knowing what to do about it. Intervening effectively is a balancing act, so you need to steer the conversation where it needs to go and stay open to hear new information from the other person. Here are some of my suggestions. Number one Guide them to the point When a conversation turns into a monologue, make your interruption polite, respectful, and clear. Find out what they need. Are they asking for guidance? A decision from you? More money or time for a project? Get to the bottom of it faster. So you might say, tell me how I can be most helpful here. Ask for what you need from the conversation. Is it an example? Is it the summary? Some context? The so what? You might do this by saying, sorry to interrupt, but in the interest of time, can you skip to where things stand right now? I often say to clients, tell me what you need up front so I can know what I'm listening for. And this is the basic skeleton of the redirect. Politely intervene and then ask a clarifying question to get the answer with less of a detour. The exact words you use depend on the situation. For example, when a junior staff member has clearly invested a great deal of time in resolving an issue before presenting it, you might add, I appreciate all the time you've invested in this. What's needed now to make progress for your redirect to do its job, which is to spare everyone's time without destroying rapport or humiliating the person speaking to you. Tone is everything. Try not to wait till you want to strangle them, or if it's too late, take a deep breath before you cut them off. Very few of us know how to interrupt gently without damage, but a conscious practice will help you interrupt in a calm, courteous and clarifying way. When you clarify your genuine interest in helping the other person, you may buy yourself more permission to interrupt. Number two get curious. Impatience stems from thinking you already know what someone is trying to say or whether what they're saying is important to the meeting. The trouble is, sometimes or even most of the time, you're wrong. Maintaining a narrow focus span of attention is excellent for getting things done. However, it's problematic for seeing the whole picture. I suggest my clients engage in listening from deep curiosity, and that's a mindset of there's something here I need to learn. What question can I ask to get to the heart of the matter? If you aren't engaging in curiosity, your impatience can cost the organization dearly. Unreliable suppliers or lost customers or serious safety hazards. You can be certain that someone further down in the organization is better equipped than you are to spot these risks before they come to head. Before ending the conversation, you might ask, is there anything else about this situation I need to know? It might be one of the most important questions you ever ask. Put money in the bank finally, it's worth remembering that being too task oriented will cost you more than just friends. It costs you relationships, and that makes you an ineffective leader. Again, the answer lies in finding a balance. I truly believe investing in relationships in advance pays off when it comes to managing conflicts in your organization. Interrupting people is essentially a mini conflict. People tolerate, you're doing it, and if done well, might even appreciate it because you've already invested in a relationship with them. If you have, you know what matters to them. You understand their goals and care about their well being if you've already got a good working relationship, you can afford to be transactional some of the time. Knowing how to get someone to the punchline isn't just good for your blood pressure, it's good for everyone. Just remember to balance your attention. Whenever you zoom in to get to the main point, remember to also zoom out. You do this by getting curious. Curious about the real intent behind the conversation and curious about what's really going on for the person who's talking to you. Have you given that relationship some space to grow? We help leaders build stronger, more authentic working relationships. Contact us to find out how we can help you build your own high performance team. Get in touch@susandrumm.com we'd love to help you. And if you like this episode and want more leadership insights like these, please hit the subscribe button and the like button and we always appreciate our five star reviews. Let's lead the way. Hope you enjoyed today's episode and I'd like to point you to the next important step. Hit the subscribe button and the bell to get notified when we release new content. I'll see you on the next episode of the Enlightened Executive. Sa.