How Surrendering Your Expectations Can Change Your Life [Brian Andrés Helmick]

Hi, I'm Susan Drum, and welcome to the Enlightened Executive where your personal evolution sparks your leadership evolution. Each episode we feature groundbreaking techniques and strategies to help you get the edge in personal and leadership effectiveness. This episode is brought to you by Meritage Leadership. At Meritage, we strengthen leaders and empower teams to achieve high performance. Go to meritageleadership.com to learn more. Today we're discussing impact investing and conscious leadership. And I'm happy to introduce my guest, Brian Helmick. Brian was born in Colombia and grew up as the eternal new kid, moving every two years to places like Thailand and Venezuela. He started his career in private equity at General Atlantic and Goldman Sachs. And after earning an MBA at Stanford, Brian took the entrepreneurial plunge twice as a founder, once for a tech startup and the other for a pro sports team. Brian went on a spiritual sojourn around the world for an entire year that was full of beautiful lessons and experiences. And now he's back in San Francisco where he's undertaking impact investing and has been making angel investments focusing on four sectors. Financial inclusion, fintech, ed tech, food, ag tech, and environmental sustainability. So welcome, Brian.

Thank you.

So I can't wait to hear about your journey. And it's leaders like you I love bringing on because I want to hear who was the old Brian and what has been your journey and who are you now? But let's start first, since I talked about it, what is impact investing for our listeners who may not have heard of what that means?

Sure. So impact investing, I think is a term that a lot of people use and it can mean different things to different individuals. So I don't want to kind of put the definition out there, but I'll put how I think about it for myself. So for me, impact investing is part of kind of my belief that I do believe that we can simultaneously do well and do good. And it's looking for opportunities in companies that not only are going to provide a financial return, but also one that is both either social and or environmental as well. So think about companies that will be financially successful and provide a benefit to people and planet.

Yes. Yes. Excellent. I mean, I can't think of a better, more conscious way to think about investing and what you're doing now. Can you share a little bit about the types of companies that you have been investing in?

Yeah, happy to. So there's. You already kind of mentioned the four sectors, so I'll maybe highlight a couple examples. So, you know, one is this company called Rebellious Foods. That is a poultry alternative that's Plant based, led by this kind of wonderful woman up in Seattle. And they're really focused on saying wow, yes, there's a lot of focus on beyond meat and some of kind of the beef product alternatives but, but people consume a lot more poultry in the United States, almost twice as much than beef. So there's an opportunity there. And she's really kind of looked at how can we produce this in a way that is also there's some price parity. So it's not just saying like oh I have the rose tinted glasses of how can I have the environmental impact but also let's find a way that we can provide something that is not only healthier for people but also healthier for the environment at a price point that is equal to or even less than kind of poultry. Another company that my most recent kind of follow on investments I had invested in their seed round and then also participated in their A round is a company called Ether Ether Diamonds. And basically they're saying hey, let's take, you know, there's carbon. Carbon capture is a term that probably a lot of people have heard about of taking contamination out of the air. But now they say well what do we do with this? And so they're going to focus on carbon capture to value. And so basically they literally are taking carbon out of the air so contamination out of the air and turning it into diamonds. And so here are the ways that we can find, continue to finance ways to be able to, you know, obviously reduce contamination but provide a product that, you know, people are happy to propose to their loved ones with and things.

Of the like, I'd like to take out the carbon dioxide and produce diamonds. That sounds fantastic.

This is one of the areas that I think are really encouraging. I know sometimes in the news we hear about all the things that are going sideways but there's a lot of really wonderful kind hearted people and incredibly capable, intelligent people out there really focus on finding ways to make things better for everyone.

Yes. So what had you go this direction to focus on impact investing and be an angel investor?

I started more on the mainstream investing side and so in Wall Street, New York, everything that you can imagine with that and a lot of it came from. Because I don't come from means like my grandfather, you he only went up to fourth grade of primary school and as a child I had a big focus on money. And so not surprisingly, as soon as I could I kind of went to Wall street and even spending time in Wall Street, I remember I was working on this one deal that was Going to front page Wall Street Journal. And I remember thinking, like, gosh, what am I doing here? I'm making rich people richer and me in the process, which is nice, but. But is this really where I want to be spending my time? I believe there is a God, and God will be like, hey, did you figure out what talents I gave you? And did you use it to the best of your abilities for the greatest good? And I was like, ah, this is not. This is not where I want to be. But I was glad that I spent time there because it demystified it. It allowed me to kind of uncover and potentially remove some of the. I hate to use the word baggage, but some of the layers that I had put on myself just kind of given kind of my upbringing, and then kind of took the entrepreneurial path and then went on this tremendous amount of chaos and suffering that led to that spiritual year. And it was really putting all that together. And as I reflected on things, and I call them God whispers, but you can call them coincidences or intuition or gut feeling. The label doesn't matter. But there's a number of things that led to saying, there's something here in the world of impact investing. And as I kind of dug into it a little bit, if I were a liar, I would tell you I've been planning this all along so perfectly. Because, look, I spent time as an investor, then I spent time as an entrepreneur, then I did a spiritual year, which, like, you know, one plus one plus one equals impact investing so perfectly. But I'm not going to lie, it was only upon reflection. It's like, oh, my gosh, look how things have happened in my life that have been guiding me to this path all along, even if I was kind of unaware of it.

Yes, yes. So powerful. So you alluded to the breakdown or the suffering that happened prior to the year you took off in your spiritual journey. Can you share a little bit with us? What was happening to you then that caused you to say, I need to take a break here?

Absolutely. And if I may, I wouldn't have said it then, but I'll say it now. There were things that weren't happening to me. There were actually things that were happening for me.

Yes.

Even though they were very unpleasant. And so the pain and suffering really surrounded around three perfect storms that are happening at the same time. I was shutting down my company, which was the professional sports team, amidst lawsuits and unethical behavior and a lot of chaos, and simultaneously also going through kind of a painful divorce, as well as my dad Was really ill and getting worse every day, and we didn't know what was going on. And seemingly those three storms were kind of feeding off of each other. And it was also the very first time in my life that I had ever tried to work on something I. E. A problem, and it only got worse. I had always been like, oh, here's a problem, Let me work on it and it gets better. And in this one, the more effort I put into it, no matter how well intentioned I was, things only got worse. And it was very confusing for me. In fact, the. My mind works a lot with kind of metaphors and analogies. So if you. If you can bear with me, like, the vision that I have is of, you know, God, he or she throwing these loving boulders at me as all these kind of problems were appearing. And each time I would catch it with a big smile on my face because that was kind of one of the things that would always be fine on the outside, regardless of what was happening on the inside. And I would catch it and I would say, I've got this emphasis on the eye. I've got this. And then another huge bold. And I got this, and I got this. And I imagine God saying, like, he's stubborn and resilient, but I need Brian to learn this lesson. And then lovingly throw me another boulder and another boulder. Until there was a moment that I'm in my place right now, that I'm just a few feet away, where I was both literally and figuratively on my knees crying and saying, God, I can't do this on my own anymore. And then I have the vision of God with a huge smile saying, that's the lesson. The lesson is that you can't do this on your own. And more importantly, you don't have to. So stop trying to control everything and open your palms. Let it go. Surrender.

I think this moment of surrender is incredibly powerful because I think it's very hard. You know, we're taught to just don't give up. Keep pushing, go, go, go. And there's definitely a time and place for that. But how do you know when to surrender? How do you know when giving up which way it looks from the outside is actually to your benefit? What would you say to that?

I think that's a wonderful question that is anchored. So I speak. I speak other languages, I speak Spanish, I speak Portuguese. And the word surrender in, for example, in Spanish and Portuguese doesn't have the same giving up connotation as surrender does in English. Surrender, you think of, like, militarily I surrender.

Yes.

And so letting go and giving up are not the same thing, in my humble opinion. And so if I could elaborate a little bit, it's like it's. It's not about surrendering and saying like, I can't do anything and I'm just going to sit here. It's about surrendering expectations. It's letting go of judgment and duality and saying, like, I know what is best. This path is good and this path is bad if I'm able to let go of that duality and let go of those expectations. And this is something that I'm. That I've been kind of working on for a while. I've been trying to replace the word decide with discern. To me, decide means like, I kind of. The Brian needs to analyze, optimize, evaluate, choose. And discern is more like I need to listen. I alluded to this earlier. I need to listen to those God whispers is what the label that I put on. But it could be anything. Your gut, your female intuition, your. And if I can listen. And also I'm like, huh, what a coincidence that again, this keeps on coming up. Maybe I do need to go through that door. And once I hear those God wisps, then I use all my energy and gifts and talents and intellectual capacity and energy and motivation, enthusiasm to go down that path. But it wasn't that I needed to choose it. I just needed to listen to it. And so that's why I think sometimes people hear the word surrender and they think it is giving up. And it's like, no, listen, and then go for it, as opposed to you decide where to go.

Are you running to something or running from something? Right. And have you gotten clarity on what that is that you're running to? Because what I often see is the reason we don't discern or surrender or listen is because we're trying to cover up something, trying to, you know, there's some voice inside your head that says you shouldn't be failing, you should be winning at this business. And you're not, not maybe good enough. So if you just try harder, you'll get there. And I'm not saying that's necessarily yours, but certainly with a lot of the leaders that I've worked with, that internal, like, I need to prove something here, is what gets in the way of really listening to that intuition or gut or calling to say no, what really needs to happen for a greater good than just you.

I'd agree with that.

And so what happened after that day that you were on your knees and hearing a different voice for the first time. Tell me a little bit about your journey.

Yeah, happy to. So it's amazing how what I tell people is like it wasn't a breakdown. It was a break open. And that experience broke me open to a place where now I could hear. The messages are constantly coming to us. It's just a question of whether we're like, I know what's best. And I this is the direction that I need to head. Or saying like, let me assume that I don't know. And constantly hearing what God, the universe, coincidence, whatever you want to kind of label it as is sending me. And all of a sudden things started to occur and messages started to arrive. Well, let me rephrase that. The messages that were always arriving now, I could hear them and they come in different forms. It could be a conversation and be a book suggestion. It was like. So for me, recognizing that intellectually at first, because I hadn't really kind of, not from a heart and soul and integration perspective, but I knew there was something there. In fact, it was a lyft driver on January 26, four years ago that gifted me that word surrender. And when I heard, hit me in the face in a loving way. But I was like, oh, there's something there. And I. Old Brian was. Surrender was not a word that was part of my vocabulary. I knew exactly where to go and how to do it. Always in the future. And I say future, not one year, not five years, but 20, 30 years. Everything perfectly planned. And so in order to help me break that, I came up with five rules for myself. The first rule was the plan is to never have a plan. The second rule is I had to say yes to everything that I got invited to, regardless of what it was. And even more so if I didn't want to do it. Rule three, if three separate individuals mentioned the same thing, I had to do it. Rule four, never think about the future. Never think about the past. The future never arrives. The past is already gone. Only focus on the here and now. And last but not least, no social media. And so those are my five rules that kind of like were things that, like, this is my spiritual year, that I'm going to try to follow this as a bit of a surrender experiment. You could kind of label it as and see what happens. But I'll be very honest with you, I was super scared. It was very difficult for me to do that because my entire life, from an internal ego validation perspective, I said, no, no, this is, this is what has brought Me, success is to have a plan and to be thinking about the future. And from an external validation perspective, people constantly had told me, it's so great you're strategic, that you planned for that, that you kind of anticipated that. And I was literally taking those things and throwing them out the window. And those rules were super important for the first six months. But during those six months, if you would have. Prior to me starting that spiritual year, if you would have gifted me with a magic wand and said, here, whatever you want to magically happen over this year will happen. And I consider myself to be somewhat intelligent and somewhat creative, but nothing I could have come up with would have come even closer where it really unfolded. I mean, I climbed Machu Picchu. I sat on a glacier in Alaska Italiano. I learned Italian in two weeks at a former convent of nuns in the Netherlands. I helped refugees off the coast of North Africa. I rode a bicycle from Portugal to Spain on the way to St. James or Camino Santiago, Compostela. I'm a huge fan of St Francis of Assisi, who you see up there, and who I wear around my neck all the time. And I walked from Assisi to Rome and the steps of saying. And just like. And I planned nothing in the experiences and the people and the conversations and the growth that happened during that period of time. Like, the last four years since all this kind of quote unquote, chaos happened, have been by far the most enriching years of my life by far.

What an incredible story. So what did you learn over the course of that year? And I'm particularly fascinated by saying yes to everything, because I think, to me, I'm going, God, if I said yes to everything, I would further the. I'm a type 7 in the Enneagram, which is gluttony, and I would be overwhelmed. My work is to figure out what to say no to versus what to say yes to. But tell. Tell me what you. What you learned over that course of that year that has really transformed how you look at the world and yourself.

And before I do, I want to, like, thank you for sharing that point, because what it brings up for me is a recognition that at least what I'm sharing with you is, like, this is not the path for everyone, right? This is just mine. And, like, these were the rules that I needed to break some of the behavior patterns that I had been carrying since childhood. But by no means am I putting this out there saying, like, everybody needs to follow this to get the peace. Completely the opposite. I believe that there is a path for every unique incarnation that is out there. So everybody is literally on their own perfect path. So in terms of lessons, for me that happened from my experience that I needed to learn, like a huge one. You mentioned the Enneagram. I had always tested really high as a 2, which is kind of the helper.

Yes.

But my 2 was a very unhealthy 2. In other words, like more of a rescue or savior behavior pattern. So literally, I believe, not consciously, but I can see this now upon reflection, that your problems were my problems to solve.

Yes.

And I took that as a duty, as a responsibility, and with deep, deep, deep guilt if I didn't help you. Another strong behavior pattern that I'd say came in like second place. And Rescue Sarah was like not gold medal, but platinum medal. But in second place, I didn't love myself.

Yes.

And so lacking self love combined with rescue or savior meant like I never put myself on the list, or if I did, I always put myself last on the list.

Yes.

And so they're beautiful lessons that, for example, on the self love one, like, to me, self love was like the word selfish. And to me, selfish was the worst four letter word. I know it's not a four letter word, but the worst curse word you could say is to be selfish because it was tied to the rescuer savior. Like I had to duty to solve, to help everybody else. So for me, a huge lesson was like, if I want to be so loving towards others, I need to start with loving myself. I need, in order to be selfless, I need to be first selfish. And when I do sometimes the exact same action as I used to prior to, but I do the exact same action now, I can see that the effect on others and on myself is completely different. On me, it's not depleting at all. It creates zero seeds of resentment or guilt, zero. And I see the impact on others and I'm like, wow, this person received this. I can see it in what they say and how they act in ways that it's very different than it was before. So I'll stop there. There's many other lessons, but I wanted to kind of highlight a couple examples.

I love that story. And what you highlighted are classic type 2 blind spots. Or what I love about the Enneagram is no one owns it, but it's actually a deeply spiritual tool, even though we use it in business to talk about leadership styles and how you viewed the world. But you, you were faced head on with those, those two things that gave identity to some degree. Because if I can help solve your problem, then I'm important, and I'm getting the love from you for solving your problem that I actually need to give to myself. Right. And so I can see how what you learned is you actually needed to turn inward and give yourself the acknowledgment and appreciation that you're so seeking, hungry for from others. And until you do that, your giving is never fully without a hook or a strategy in mind, even if it's to get appreciation and acknowledgement. So that is. That's an incredible story. How did you know you were done after a year? And you're, like, back in San Francisco now doing impact investing, and what was the change that people saw in you?

So I'm not done, right? I'm never done. I call it a spiritual year because at first I'd call it a sabbatical. And I think people are like, oh, that means you're, like, at, you know, partying in a visa or an undergrad club in Berlin. I was like, no, no, this is hard work. Like, I ended up traveling more than I would have anticipated. I didn't know each day what was going to unfold. But I was never. I'm never really done. I think what you're alluding to is like, how'd you know when to come back to San Francisco? And I didn't know. And this is the part of kind of letting some of these things go and just say, like, all right, I feel compelled to return here. I feel compelled to, like, you know, have this conversation with this person. I feel like. And so. And I use the word feeling compelled as opposed to. I'm deciding right as I'm. It's kind of another word of, like, I'm trying to discern constantly, like, where I need to be. And in this moment right here, right now, I'm meant to have this conversation with you. Wonderful. And so there's lots of things that I feel like I'm still kind of working on. And I remember as some of these things started to unlock for me, I remember a little fear coming in and one of the fears that I carried for a long time, ever since the childhood of arrogance. And I think you could become arrogant in any. Any. Across any dimension. Even, like, I will, you know, respect. It's like even the word enlightened I have a little resistance to because I'm very resistant. Anything that puts somebody above or in any type of pedestal. And I remember thinking, as these things started to unlock for me, I'm like, ooh, am I going to become like an arrogant, spiritual person. And now I think, like. And what I was really surprised by, in a humble, but kind of with. Filled with gratitude, was. And I'll use an analogy again. It's like, I was in kindergarten, right. To use kind of an education. And then I graduated to first grade, but when I was in kindergarten, I thought it was, like, K through 8. And when I graduated first grade, so there was some progress there, but I realized, like, oh, it's not K through 8. It's K through 12. So I moved up 1, but I realized, ooh, there's four more to go. Yes. And then when I went from first grade to the second grade, which is kind of where I think I'm at right now, I'm kind of in second grade. I was. It's not K through 12. It's actually, there's college, there's four more. So each time there's kind of step forward, I am in. Ford is not the perfect analogy either. But as there's things that are unlocked, I am always overcome by this new wave of humility about, like, how much more there is, not how much there is, like, oh, my gosh, how much more there is to go, but how much more there is for me to be able to, like, uncover for myself.

What a beautiful mindset.

It's. But it's beautiful. So this is the part that, like, it's there, and we all carry it. So, like, for me, this experience has been one where, like, there's, like, two overwhelming feelings. One is this. This peace that is so indescribable that I constantly experience. I still have the full color wheel of emotions, but there's this underlying foundation of peace that I. That I hold ever so gently, and I want to be able to kind of, like, continue to nourish it. And the second overwhelming feeling is saying, like, this feeling of peace I want you to experience. I want everybody to experience, because we're all carrying it inside. I didn't need to go on this kind of, like, okay, spiritual year and travel. Like, it's. It's just a question of, like, can we remove the layers that. That have been put on or we have placed in our way during most of it, kind of during childhood or as kind of early adolescence. And can we kind of unlearn to be able to access that beautiful piece that we all have?

Absolutely. So tell us what. And I know this kind of sounds a little bit, again, elevated, but I still think that there's wisdom. Wisdom. Can you share what Often I asked, what advice would you Give others who are beginning their spiritual path, or maybe maybe currently on their knees right now, as you were, what would you like to share with the audience with regards to that?

So, quick caveat. I never give advice. Never. Who am I? And like I said, everybody's on their unique journey. But if I could share some reactions to your question, it'd be. One is I deeply believe that there's this perfect, beautiful, harmonious, interconnected synchronicity that is constantly at play for our greater good. In other words, like, everything is always working out. Always.

That's my phrase. I love doesn't mean that.

That means it's always pleasant. Right. So it's. And so there's a bunch of words that I've deleted from my vocabulary to help me get there. And that is like so anything that's dualistic. So good, bad, right? Wrong. You mentioned success, failure. All those are gone. As well as any words that would imply that so should have to, need to, supposed to. And so being able to let go of those things, all of a sudden you can say like, this is unpleasant and this is. And this is pleasant and both can give you gifts. I do think that for me, here's something super pragmatic and practical that I think may not apply to everyone, but I think there is some universality around. It is around creating space for stillness and peace and quiet to be able to hopefully listen. And I know this word is thrown around a lot today, but meditation has been huge for me. And meditation doesn't need to be hours in this weird pose. It can be just three minutes. It's just like, how can I start to create that space to be able to listen and if I'm able to do that, recognize that like we are these like super love filled beings and we're just trying to find ways to be able to unlearn some of the stuff that was super necessary for us, but we need to get to. And I mean, I don't know, I think the, if I had to kind of just say one thing is like if we want to be effective with others, because I know this is a lot about leadership and executives. The best thing that you can do to be effective with others is to go inward.

Yes.

And so if you want to do great with others, focus on your stuff and know that that stuff that I think a lot of people call issues or baggage or not, it's, it's. That creates a kind of a judgmental tone to it. They're just, they're just things. And if we can start to figure out what they are, one, identify them and two, let them go. All of a sudden we're able to access that peace, that love, and then be able to bring it to others and help them unlock their talents and gifts as well.

Well, you've just summed up the tagline for the podcast, which is your personal evolution sparks your leadership evolution.

I didn't know that, honestly, and I wholeheartedly believe it. So I'm glad it worked out. But it wasn't an intentional plug, but.

It was a beautiful, unintentional validation and more synchronicity. But you're the perfect guest to be on talking about your journey, so appreciate your story. Where can people connect with you if they'd like to do so?

So, interestingly, I haven't turned on any of my social media, so I've been like four and a half years without social media. So you can't really find me on social media other than a LinkedIn profile that I do have. So I am on LinkedIn if you want to connect with me there.

Excellent. Thank you so much for being on the show today and sharing your incredible journey and the gift that you are to the world now. So thank you.

Well, thank you for having me. And that message applies to everyone. Everyone is wonderful. Everyone has this beautiful journey.

If you like this episode, you're not going to want to miss my interview with Ben Lytle, who discusses your future life and career and how you can help accelerate wisdom you need during turbulent times. Let's lead the way. Hope you enjoyed today's episode and I'd like to point you to the next important step. Hit the subscribe button and the bell to get notified when we release new content. I'll see you on the next episode of the Enlightened Executive. Sa.