Susan Drumm explains how high-achieving leaders often run on childhood survival strategies like anticipating others' needs or over-functioning, which eventually cause burnout. She uses her own story to show how these patterns feel automatic but can be updated rather than abandoned.
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So you think it's your leadership style, the way you take control and stay calm or avoid conflict or just power through. But for most of us, that move we perfected, it doesn't start in the boardroom. It started in childhood. We call it leadership. But sometimes it's just the smartest way we figured out how to stay safe. I remember one day as a kid, Maybe I was 6 or 7, my dad came home in a mood, and he'd had a very long day and was pretty disgusted with his work. And when he walked in, he didn't even say hello. And I was watching tv, and he just came in and changed the channel without a word. And I said, hey, I was watching that. Well, he didn't say sorry. He just yelled, get out. That hit hard. Not because what he said, but because how invisible I felt. And that wasn't the first time. The rule in our house was manage Dad's energy at all costs. Read the room, keep it calm, don't ask for too much. So I learned to lead by anticipating, by managing emotions, by trying to stay one step ahead of conflict. And that became my superpower. But it also became my trap. And that's how these patterns begin. You over prepare, you over function. You go silent when things get tense. You say yes when your body's screaming no, not because you're weak, but because you learned early, this is how I survive. And the Enneagram helps us name, Name these. Type 2, Help everyone earn love. Type 9, Keep it smooth, avoid the explosion. Type 3, Win at all costs or risk being forgotten. You learned that pattern before you even knew the word leadership. It worked, but now you're the one carrying the cost. Here's the moment it clicked for me. I kept wondering, why do I feel so exhausted after a day or week full of leading my team to achieve goals? And the answer was, I wasn't just leading. I was managing the emotional weather of everyone in the room while ignoring my own. And the cost doesn't always scream burnout. It creeps in. You finish the week running on fumes. You're irritable for no reason. You wake up at 3am replaying something you didn't say. You keep performing, but there's this low hum of pressure that just never really turns off. And that's the toll of an pattern. Doing all the driving. You're getting the results, but something feels off, like you're spending more energy holding it together than actually leading. And that's not leadership. That's survival in disguise. And it just doesn't scale. So ask yourself that habit you've been praised for. You know, the one that makes you the glue, or the calm one in a storm. Or the driver. Did you choose it or did it choose you? You don't have to throw it out. You just have to stop letting it run the show and the default. Because the moment you see the pattern is the moment you get to lead on purpose, not just repeat what your nervous system learned to do decades ago. You don't need to reinvent yourself. You just need to update the playlist. And that changes everything. I'm Susan Drumm, CEO, advisor and executive coach and author of the Leaders Playlist. If you're ready to grow your leadership from the inside out, you're in the right place. Hit subscribe. Let's get started.
