In this comedic Toastmasters speech, speaker Tanay spins an over‑the‑top adventure that blends Hollywood action tropes, Bollywood references, and absurd international intrigue. He claims to have been on a high‑stakes car chase with Tom Cruise, carrying India’s nuclear codes, pursued by the “tribes of Goa.” After a series of impossible stunts—door‑jumps, car flips, a scooter‑riding Food‑Panda delivery man, and a beat‑up Volkswagen driven by a cryptic old man—he ends up in a hospital where he meets Rohit Shetty, who later uses his stunt ideas for movies. The tale then jumps to a plane chase into North Korean airspace, where Angry Birds serve as defense, and the climax reveals Kim Kardashian masquerading as Kim Jong‑un. The story ends with the protagonists retrieving the nuclear codes and returning home, all delivered in a tongue‑in‑cheek, exaggerated narrative style.
Chapters
Thank you. Our next contestant is Toastmaster Tanay. The Great Guwahche is the Great Guwahche is Tanay. You know, in these Hollywood films, you'll have these scenes where the hero opens the door and jumps out of a moving car, and he lands almost perfectly. He jumps on the ground, rolls for a bit, and poses like Spider-Man. But you know, you might think that it's fiction, but it's actually true because it happened with me. You see, a few years ago, me and my friend Tom— Tom Cruise— we were on a car chase. We were in the middle of a car chase, and we were being chased by the The tribes of Goa, because we had the nuclear codes of India and we were taking it to our Army Chief in Goa. Now we were on our way and we were succeeding, but suddenly out of the blue, two cars came in front of us and we had only one solution now. Tom looked at me and said, 'Chinai, you can't jump right now. Mission impossible.' And I said, like a scared Akshay Kumar, 'Jump.' He opened the door, he jumped. He rolled and he landed like Spider-Man. I too opened the door, jumped, and landed and posed like Aunt May from Spider-Man. But somehow I survived, and I didn't know what to do now because I was lost in a jungle. But I knew the only way that I can reach my destination now is by getting to the highway. And that is when my savior arrived. I looked around and I saw a panda. Panda in a jungle doing martial arts on a scooter. It was the Food Panda delivery guy. Somehow I managed him and convinced him to drop me at the highway, and he agreed. But he dropped me there and he ran away. He said he has to deliver in less than 30 minutes. So I was stuck again at the highway, and I didn't know what to do. I was trying to ask people to drop me there. Guys, help me please. But no one did until finally My savior arrived, or so I thought. It was an old gloomy guy in a beat-up Volkswagen Beetle. He came up and he readily agreed to help me. I sat in the car and the first thing that he said was, "Chenna Swami ayyaya, thannai, Chenna Swami Muthuswamy ayyaya, thannai kaushik nennai, Chenna Swami Muthuswamy bairu gopal ayyaya." Before I could even recall the name of my grandfather, he switched to turbo mode and went on and on and on and on, and we know the drama also. He went on and on, and I think I heard more than 1,000 names and a million different syllables that day. I'm sure at some point I even heard the name Lord Rama and Lord Shiva and ancestors, but that's fine. At the end, I had only one solution. I couldn't be stuck in this. So there was just one solution: to jump out of the car again. But that was out of the picture. I couldn't jump again. I couldn't break my back. So I did the next best thing. I pulled the handbrake, the car skid, It hit the pavement, it hit the sidewalk, and launched in the air. After 7 or 8 flips, it finally crash-landed on the ground. I was unconscious. When I woke up, I opened my eyes, I found myself in a strange room, in a strange hospital, where I don't know anyone. I was trying to make sense of where I was, and then I looked to my side and I saw a guy. He looked to me and said, hey, I'm Rohit. How did you get in this accident? I explained the entire incident to him word to word, at the end of which the only thing that he said was, hmm, 7 or 8 flips, not a bad idea. What is this guy talking about? I'm— I had the most traumatic experience of my life, he's counting the flips. As it turns out, a few years later I saw him winning an award at Filmfare for best stunt. Yes, it was Rohit Shetty, and that's how he got his idea of flipping cars. From me and he didn't even give me the credit. I didn't know what to do. But just as I was speaking to Rohit, Tom rushed back into the hospital and said, bro, we gotta go right now. They've got the nuclear codes. They're in North Korea. Kim Jong-un. Okay, let's go. We had a small plane and both of us were sitting in the cockpit. We made our way into the North Korean airspace when suddenly 3 birds came out of nowhere and smashed their faces on the glass. One was red, one was blue, one was yellow. As it turns out, ladies and gentlemen, North Korea's first line of defense is Angry Birds. Yeah, it was the strangest thing, but they succeeded because one of the birds ended up hitting the engine and the plane started to crash. Tom looked at me and said, bro, we gotta jump again. I said, no, I'm not jumping, I'm done now. He looked at me and said, bro, check on your colleague. He handed me the parachute and we both jumped out of the plane. Somehow we made our way to the bottom and we reached safely. When we got there, it was like lockdown. We couldn't see a single person in North Korea except there was this one building. We walked into it and we were looking around, trying, looking for him because he had missiles. At the end of the room, we saw one guy sitting in a chair table. And with his back facing us. We went up to him, but he looked strange. We are down here. And as soon as we got there, he pointed at us, "Show us your face." He turned around, and as it turns out, it wasn't Kim Jong-un. It was Kim Kardashian all along. Yeah, Kim Kardashian was in the state of North Korea, and we were both confused. Tom was thinking about his past. What did I do wrong? But either way, we asked her, "What are you doing here?" "Oh, I'm visiting my brother Kim. No one knows about it. It's a secret. Don't tell anyone." I came here because I wanted the nuclear codes to bomb my ex-husband. What? She sent the mafia to kill that villain? We had enough of it. He grabbed the nuclear codes and we came back home. Thank you.
