Late Night Transparency | It’s a New Day…. Shat is Finna Change Around Here!

Good morning, good morning. How's everyone doing today? Why are the Zoomers in here? Y'all are supposed to be asleep. The Zoomers, we just got off a Zoom call for 5 hours. Y'all are supposed to— y'all asses are supposed to be What the hell? Commercial started playing in Spanish. Can you hear me? Can y'all hear me? Peaches, you supposed to be asleep too. Y'all need to take y'all asses to sleep. This is for the people that didn't get a chance to Zoom with us, okay? We just got off a 5-hour Zoom on tashaklive.com, and I, I know it's, it's more than the Zoomers because there's more people here. Y'all ass was falling asleep on the live, all in the bed and shit. You said it's staticky? Thank you so much. Thank you. Came out here looking like a Dubai bitch. Don't play with me. So thought we would do part 2. Okay, don't mind me, I bit my fucking lip yelling yesterday. I'm echoing. The live is not on the website till tomorrow. Okay, so, all righty, let me make sure I get this together right. Not too close. All right, so we good. Good morning, guys. Good morning. Um, like I said, I just got finished doing a 5-hour live with the Winos on tashaklive.com. Um, I wanted to pick up from part— I wanted to pick up on part 2. So, you know, last week we had our Latasha Transrina Kebebe moment where I told you guys it was a very, very emotional day, and then I ended up coming on sharing, uh, some emotional things about myself, about me being resentful um, about me being unforgiving. And that was a hard pill to swallow, you know, like having that self-realization that a lot of the things that have been— that I've gone through catastrophically, I have brought them on myself due to my resentment issues, deep-rooted resentment issues. And if you go back and watch Part 1. I'm gonna start labeling these. Part 1, we'll, we'll do these on Sundays, and Part 2. And I'll make sure I'm in this veil so I don't get out of character. But, um, it was a lot emotionally, and it, it didn't stop. Like, so after we had did that live and I was very transparent with y'all, so I feel like whenever you start to speak on things shit happens to on purpose because of course you talk about it and you attract it, right? But shit happens on purpose to one, test to see if you really, really, really are trying to change, or two, people just really be trying to not— like, I have people in my circle that I know personally that hate the very look of my existence. Like, the better I do, the angrier they get, the more entitled they get, the more disrespectful they get. And it happened as soon as I was done with the live. It happened, and it got very thick. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you an example. And I felt like I said, see, this is the test that I'm— this is, this is what God is trying to reveal to me about how deep my resentment goes. Because when people try to come for me and hurt me in places where it's hard to really get over that they have an excuse to be like, you see what I'm talking about? This why I don't like you, you evil. And I'm like, am I evil or are you fucking with me? Am I evil or are you fucking with me? No, I'm not beefing with Jasmine. What are you talking about? No, I'll tell you who— it ain't no beef. No. This is not about Jasmine, y'all. This is about family. Jasmine is— Jasmine not even confrontational like that. What are you talking about? So when I did my live last week, I give an example, and this is not to— and I know she's probably on this live right now, um, but my mama was hot. She was hot. That I did my live last week with y'all on Sunday and talked about those things that I talked about. So much so, she was so hot, bro. It wasn't even about her. Like, that's what I'm saying. People will— people feel like just because you come from them, they raised you, they know you, that— how can I put this— my life, my experiences, my perceptions has nothing to do with you. This is my story, and this is not a disrespectful live to my mom. I'm sure she's going to take it disrespectfully, but it's a new day in town. It's— I really don't give a damn. I'm, I'm at a place in my life where If it's not serving me, if I don't want to do something, and if I want to do something regardless, I'm going to do it. It's not about me people pleasing, because I am a people pleaser. This is what I do for a living, right? But I balance it well because I have a highly controversial platform where I speak my truth, my opinions, and y'all disagree. But I also allow you to hit me back. We were just talking about that in the Zoom. I'm not gonna block y'all for disagreeing with me. Like, we, we all grown. Your reality, your perception, that's you. Who am I to tell you, be quiet, that's not true, that's not— that's your perception. I can't let my mama go, y'all. I can't let my mama go. That's my mama, you know what I'm saying? Like, I can't. But, you know, my mom was very hot. She was very angry about that live. So much so, she texted me and was like, do I need to do an interview with a blogger to tell the truth? And I said, Mom, I woke up to that. That was the text message that I woke up to. And I said, Mom, listen. She said, you're lying. Um, I never told you that I was— I, I had sexual trauma. And I'm like, what? Okay, whatever. The live was about me, and I talked about generational curses. And I said, and I'm telling what my grandmother went through. My mom has talked about her sexual trauma. I didn't go into specifics. And then I put it back on me. But either way, my mama like my grandmama. I'm like my mama. My daughter like me. You understand? But of course, you know, people— and I say this because this is going to lead into the GoFundMe situation— people will take something that has nothing to do with them But because they have a tie to you, they make it about them. And I was very general with my mom. I would never get on, on here and tell my mom's business in detail. Like, I would never do that, right? Um, that's— and I said, listen, when she text me, it was like, I'm gonna do my interview. I said, Mom, it's a free internet. It's a new day. Shit gonna change around here. It's a free internet. If you feel you need to do an interview, I can help book it. I can get you who you want to talk to, and I'm sure there's a lot of people that would love to take you. Tell me where you want to go. Happy birthday. Tell me where you want to go. Like, we can get it done tomorrow. I was just like, I'm at a stage in my life where I am no longer living for anybody else but me. And so with that being said, I am paying attention to myself more in detail because I'm not distracted by what everybody else got going on or even how they feel. But I'm not doing anything intentionally to hurt anybody. I know where I'm coming from, and if I have offended people, I will apologize. But this phase, this, this journey in my life, this is about me. I respect my mom, I promise you. Like, have I— I've disrespected her a couple times, I ain't gonna lie. I just did recently, and that's when I— that, that right there, when I disrespected her it, it wasn't that she did anything to warrant disrespect. It was that I'm resentful. Like, I can admit that I am very resentful. So it's like— and I said, when I found myself like 43 years old and I said what I said to her, It did feel liberating, one, because it was like, damn, finally I get to speak up, you know. Two, it also showed me that I'm emotionally immature and that regardless of what went on, how I came up, I have to— when, when motherfuckers is poking the bear, bitch, knocking at the door. I ain't got to answer. I do not have to answer. Now I can sit up here all day and be like, well, she did this to me, she did that to me, she did this. It's not even about what she did, because like, my mama gonna be my mama. She, she is a character in itself. Lord Jesus. However, that moment was me and all me. Like, this is how much I am fully vested into looking deep with inside myself so that I am not doing things that I would regret, or that I would— like, I work so hard to get somewhere and then I lose it because I don't want to pay attention to myself and fix what I have going on. And what is it stemming from? Happy birthday, Chrissy. And so, you know, I perfectly own all of my flaws. Like, I don't even know, like, what most of those flaws are, but I do know I'm paying attention to myself. And I'm watching how I say things and when I say things and how I say things. And— but it's for me. It's not for anybody else. It's for me. Because people are going to project. They do it to me all the time. I wouldn't be in this— I would not be in the position that I'm in if I listened to all the projection that people gave me. Because people will project things onto you because they are not supposed to live your life. They have their own life. So they're speaking from their own experiences, their own pain, their own trauma, their own happiness, their own, um, goals and aspirations. They're never speaking for you or towards you. Just like I'm speaking right now, I'm speaking about myself. I'm telling you what I know. That's why I tell people, don't tell people your goals, don't tell them your dreams, because that life, that journey is not for them. They're not going to understand it. Very rarely will you find somebody to say, damn, that's a great idea. I make it my business consciously when people are in my presence, when they tell me what it is that they have going on, I said, that is amazing. And I go into my brain and act as if I'm in their shoes so that I can give them ideas on how to expound on that. You know, so you got to be careful. And so right now, you know, like I said, my birthday is on Tuesday. I'll be 44 years old, and my no is a no, my yes is a yes. I don't need no excuses. I don't need no explanations. My no is a no. My yes is a yes. There's no explanations, no excuses. Thank you. And so I know I'm kind of like skipping over and things like that. I know my mom— I'm wake up tomorrow to another text message. Why would you allow me? Allow? And it's like, it's not about you. This is about me, and I'm allowed to discuss me, just like you are allowed to discuss you. And if you want to discuss you, there's a whole internet. You can upload the video yourself. You can go sit down with who you want to sit down. You're going to do it anyway. This is like the third time she's like threatening to do it. I'm like, you're going to do it, so do it. I said, but you know, I'm the type of person that's like, you know, there's— there's— of course there's always two sides to a story. And if it were to happen, I'm definitely not going to respond. I'mma wait 48 hours to respond. I know that. I know that. I'm not going to respond immediately, right? Because who knows me better than my own mama, right? Who knows me better than— she made me. I'm just like her. So I'm gonna make sure that, um, I wait 48 hours, maybe even 72. Hell, I may not even respond at all because it's like, why? Who am I to question what her perceptions are and what her truth and her reality is. And we miscommunicate because we have very different— like, I'm— my mom is only 16 years older than me. Like, I wrote a comedy joke about this, like, why the fuck would I listen to a parent and you're still a child and I'm a child? I'm just saying, like, it's a very real— it's a harsh truth, but I literally wrote, I was like, why the hell would I listen to you? We the same age, we grew up together, you know? Like, I love you, I promise you, but like, I look at my grandma and my aunties and them, they were much older as mom And the guidance, because me and you was the same. You was trying to go to the club. I'm trying to— I was sitting on the car at the Safari with you. I don't know if y'all remember, if you're from Panama City Bay County, there was a club back in the day called the Safari. It was an outdoor club. They built a juvenile detention courthouse in that property now. But I would be out with my mom. I remember sitting on the car at 5 years old at like 2, 3 in the morning. While she clubbing. Her, my auntie who younger than her. So it's sort of like— hold on for a second. Listen, that's no different than— you said I'm not my mom age. My mom is only 16, maybe 16 and a half, 17 years older than me, okay? And then I was— I only lived with her 5 years of my life. I stayed with my grandmama the first 5, went with her when we were in Germany, and then I stayed the rest of the years with my, my aunt, her sister, her older sister, who was, you know, much older than her, like 12 years older than her. She already had like 5 kids by the time she was 22. So, um, Tasha, probably same generation, just about. So, but And like I said, this is not to— this is not to disrespect her or diss her, but like, I'm just so open that I'm like, I do not care about being humiliated. I do not care about being embarrassed. I don't care who doesn't like me. I, I, I— to get to a space where I can respect you, like, because, you know, I'm, I'm very thick-skinned, and that's why I don't block y'all and stuff like that. There is nothing that anybody can say in this space right now that can cause me— that's why, that's why God revealed the resentfulness to me— and that can cause me to get out of character anymore. If I'm out of character, it's because I'm intentionally out of character. I'm doing that on purpose. You know, I will always disrespect— you know, I will always respect my mom. Like I said, you know, I think every child has been disrespectful at some point to a parent, you know what I'm saying? So like, that's unrealistic to say, you know, we just— I would never do it publicly, you know what I'm saying? But like, I ain't no perfect child. But you guys gotta understand, my mom was probably the only person on this earth besides my grandmother, but my mom because I came from her, that really knows how to press my buttons, that knows every single weakness, strength, anything that can help me to self-destruct. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, child. Like, I'm like, why would you do this to me? Why would you— wait, you know what I'm saying? So like It's, it's, it's to the point where it's like, I always knew God gave me my mom for a reason. She gave me my mom so that I could deal with the world. It's lagging? What do you mean it's lagging? Let me make sure. Okay, we good. Okay, so she— like, God gave me my mom to prepare me for the very shit that I'm going through right now. At— like, for anybody to say, oh my God, you've been through that, I've been through that, I know how it feels, I know what that is. Like, I know. So there's nothing that's unfamiliar to me. So like, for When people were dragging me for the GoFundMe, I was like, ooh, to be in a space where I don't give a fuck. What if y'all— why are y'all mad about money y'all not donating? Why are you mad at what somebody else is doing in their life? Why are you mad because people are donating to me? Aren't y'all the same fuckers be like, when you gonna pay? When you gonna pay? Whole time, whole time, y'all don't even know that I've been paying and I'm still paying and I can pay and I will pay. I'm court ordered to pay. It's a court order that I initiated, you know. Remind you, I can live anywhere I want right now in the world, you know what I'm saying? I— shit. Out of US jurisdiction, who the fuck going— what you going to do about it? Ain't nobody going to run me away from nothing. I hit everything head on. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Like, I'm in a different space. Don't nothing scare me. Don't nothing bother me. Don't nothing move me off my path. When you know— somebody told me when I got to this age, there's a transformation that happens when you about to turn 44 that you, you just don't get. If you, if your shit together, like, there's such an epiphany. There is a strong sense of being, of knowing that happens to you, and you just can't explain it. Is that I don't give a damn what you got to say. I didn't get it at 40. That's why my ass was still around here cussing motherfuckers out and shit. You know what I'm saying? So it took me a little longer, but they told me it was between— like, when I hit my early 40s, they said, but before 45, I'mma feel it. Before 45, I'mma feel it. And I, I feel exactly what it is because I seek for truth. I seek for knowledge. Like, I want to know exactly what I'm getting into, what I'm going into, so that I can be better prepared for the experience and learn from it and learn how to navigate it so I can come and and talk about it, because I'm a communicator for a living. That's what I was born to do. The reason I was in the 9th grade 3 years is, one, because I was communicating, and that communication got me into fights. Bitch, I was out of school. So I never really got a chance to stay a full year in school, because I kept getting suspended. So I was in the 9th grade 3 years. But when I look back at that moment, and me spending time in the gym, talking shit, getting to know people, you know, and their experiences, And my ass just kept, you know, Tasha said this, Tasha said that. I'm in, I'm in a fight. I'm in a fight. But now that I know for sure, like, who I am, what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to do it, I'm listening purely to, you know, the, the messages that I'm getting. I don't give a fuck if we trending for 4 days on X. Who's sleepy? I'm not sleepy. I will be sleepy. I'm not sleepy. I don't give a damn if I'm trending for 4 days on X. I don't give a damn how much y'all talking— like, not y'all, but you know the haters talking shit on the— I promise you, it does not bother me. And a lot of people may say, well, if it didn't bother you, why you bring— I'm just, I'm just telling you, like, it's a new day. And we were just talking about this on, uh, our Zoom call. It's new shit sheriff in town, and rules gonna change around this shit. They finna change. You don't like it, I don't know what to tell you. I came here alone. At the end of the day, at the end of the day, I'm leaving this shit alone. And the day got to end. The day got to end. And that's where I'm at, Mo'okimu, is the peace, the sound peace that I have. And I know a lot of y'all saw that rant I did yesterday. Oh, that was intentional. That was intentional. When I set a goal up to do something, when I say I'mma do something, it's getting done. It's getting done. And I'm getting sent videos from a lot of content creators that are speaking on shit that they know nothing about. So much so, like, my— the people that work for me, they're like, they don't even know. But what are we— I'm telling people to bookmark clips Bookmark that, save that. I'mma use that. It's gonna come up. I'm gonna use that. And I'm like, I do not— I don't, I don't know when people are gonna get this, but I— the reason my platform— the reason why my platform is so controversial The reason why so many people speak on me is because I never really gave a fuck. But now I really don't give a fuck. I really don't give a fuck. I don't. Like, I'm— and that itself is like— so liberating that I've walked this path for a reason. It wasn't by mistake. Like, nothing, nothing that I've done to me was a mistake. It had to happen. Everything that has happened to me or that I've done in my life to, to, to people or to things has had to happen for me to sit here today. Like, I do not regret anything. Nothing. Nothing. When I tell you I'm being all the way transparent, nothing. So when I get people saying, oh, there's no accountability, there's no remorse. Everything had to happen because it was supposed to happen. Energies aligned, shit went down, it happened. We still here. What the fuck did we learn? What was the journey? So I know next time what the fuck to do, what not to do. I'm not going back. That's why I said 9 years, this chain in a Tasmanian Devil, you know what I'm saying? Just kind of Groundhog Day type. No, we're not revisiting that shit no more. We're not going back in time. 9 years. 9 years, bro. I'm not— I'm not trying to go back to change. I am who I am. Take it or leave it. Take the money if that's what you want. Take the money, but you will never ever take my fucking voice. I am the platform. I am the platform. I got 20 fucking thousand followers on X. I just started the X in February. Why am I trending and you got celebrities with millions of fucking followers but Tasha K with 20K? Trending. How y'all mad at— I thought y'all didn't watch me. Why I got millions of billions of impressions? I thought y'all didn't like— it's like they keep bringing it up and I don't care. But my thing is, and I know they're forever gonna bring it up and I don't give a fuck, but when the money gets paid and everything is undone, what now? Even if YouTube closed, I have my own platform. What now? And there's more platforms popping up. Shout out to Bigo. We just hit a million on Bigo. I go live on Bigo every 2 weeks. That's how popular we are. I go live on Beagle every 2 weeks. We just hit a million on Beagle. Instagram, my ass be shadowbanned every which way, every time. I don't even care no more. I don't even think Instagram know how to work this shit, to be honest with you. But the, the, the 2 most powerful platforms right now is X and YouTube. Those are the only 2 that matter. I got 20,000 on X. Millions, billions of impressions. YouTube, because people want authenticity. This is the only place where you can come and you ain't got to worry about me being no AI model. You get to see and feel real. Ain't nobody fucking with you, tricking you, none of that shit. All I'm saying is All this, oh, I'mma punish, I'mma do— there's no punishing me. I do that myself. I'm very good at doing it. But there's no punishing me. There's no taming me. There's no controlling me. There's only one God over me. I don't care who don't like the GoFundMe. It ain't for you. It ain't none of your business. They over there trying to report it. What you trying to report something for? I thought y'all wanted it paid. Oh, we don't want to pay because you, you, you won't— you want to keep that same shit going. You want to keep living in the past. You want to keep revisiting that journey because during that journey, like, you were up at that one point. Like, it was like a win, but now The dust has settled, and now it's like, oh no, no, no, no, no, you, you can't get out of this, you can't leave me here. The hell I won't, the hell I won't. Burn rubber. And I'm about to burn rubber, I'm about to burn fucking rubber. You either get in the car or you get the fuck out. I'm leaving this bitch, I'm not going back down that road. I don't care. And when I set my mind to do something— like, everybody said I wouldn't be sitting here at these big— like, you, you have to— there's a difference between having followers and influence. There's a huge difference between having followers and influence, and the influence is from authenticity. The fact that motherfuckers will go all day back and forth debating me and ain't never— debating about me and they never had a conversation with me. They can't understand, they can't wrap their head around me. There's so many different layers and depths to me, like, and if I were to come out and acknowledge you and talk to you, you would fucking spin. I'm telling you. That's why when I was sitting on The Morning Hustle the other day, I'm seeing the lady there— y'all gotta watch that interview if you ain't watch it— I'm seeing the lady there, she got like 5 fucking pages of notes and shit. I'm looking at this, I ain't got no— what is this? We can't have a conversation? We— I'm used to having conversations with people. What, what is all these notes? It looked like I was sitting in a deposition again. Okay, um, let me ask you something, Lauria. You know, I don't like— Lauria P— I don't like, um, scary movies. I, I despise scary movies. I can't watch them. I will not watch them. Um, they spiritually bother my spirit. I don't watch them. I feel like they teeter with the dark world. Why would you want to sit with a demon, Gloria? Do you enjoy the company of demons? Are you here to cast out the devils? Why would you want to sit with a demon? You're on my— I don't even know who you are. Hi, how are you? I hope all is well. Obviously you can't sleep at night. You're here with a demon, according to you, at 3 o'clock in the morning. Why would you want to be in the company of a demon? You see where I'm at, and I don't even give a damn. It's just your thought process. Your thought process. Why are you sitting somewhere you don't want to sit? See, I'm sitting where I want to sit, and there's nothing you can say or do to move me from this seat but remove yourself. But I don't want you to remove yourself. I love that you're here, because the fact that you're here You've opened the door for me to walk through your door. A demon is sitting in your living room, on your phone, or wherever you are, putting and transmuting, as you say, demon energy into you. Now, only demons I see is the ones up over there in the Middle East right now bombing and killing people. I ain't killed nobody, and I won't. That's, that's not my spirit. I don't even talk about death on my platform. To me, I feel like that's very demonic. It has people regrieving, going spaces mentally and spiritually that they don't need to be. And you're here living, you need to be celebrating life. Y'all, I'm not no damn— whatever, whatever you want to call me is fine. I know who I am. But all I'm saying is that, you know, a lot of people are going to be upset at me at this phase, and I don't give a damn. I don't care. I don't care. Don't give a fuck. Everybody's— oh, we're, we're, we're reporting the GoFundMe. It's still up. So is the Cash App, so is the Venmo, so is the Zelle. My viewers have been begging me to do this for years. I ain't ask— I'm the only platform out here that have never asked my viewers for anything but to like or dislike. That's it. When you come into this space, you ain't got to do nothing but be your fucking self. That's it. Just be your fucking self. But the moment I said, you know what, who am I to control somebody else? And if they want to bless me, let them bless me. I didn't put no gun to nobody. I didn't say you had to do that to be up over here. I didn't say none of that. And I appreciate that every single one of y'all that donated on day one We clocked $10K. It's moving up now. I think we like close to $15, $20 now. I ain't counted today, but every dime— we even opened up a separate account for this. Like, it's not even going into any of my business accounts. Like, we have a separate account for this under my personal name. It's not a business, um, and we're sliding it over. Whatever we make for that month will be slid over on top of the $20,000 payment that I personally make from my salary. And I thank y'all for wanting to do that for me. I thank y'all deeply from the bottom of my soul. I didn't— I didn't hear from one person that actually sits here and listens to me and, and, and emails me. Everybody says, Tasha, you should have been— did this. We want to help you. It's not like I need it, but I want it, and I appreciate it. And when I want something, I get it. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And that's all I wanted for my birthday. I said, if I— because y'all would ask me, where do we send gifts? And I was like, Lord, please, because, you know, all three— well, we got 20 seats left for the dinner, but I mean, we got a week away for that. We got a week away for that, for our DC wine and dine, the 3-course meal. Um, yes, you taking a photo? Because people was asking me, are you taking photos with me? Of course, you guys gonna have a dinner with me and my team. Yes, yes, you taking photos. We all taking pictures. What? Um, the karaoke sold out, the brunch is sold out, the dinner is almost sold out. Um, and we just added that dinner shit last week and it's almost sold out. And we added the karaoke, that's sold out. So, um, you know, I can't help it that my viewers like to spend time with me. I can't help it that my viewers sell out all my shows when I go on tour. I can't help it that my viewers love me. Despite my shortcomings, despite my flaws. And that's what they love about me, is that I'm me. And they know I would never do anything to hurt them. And if I did, I will be the first to apologize. Why y'all keep asking me about Jesus and you know I'm Buddhist? I believe in God. I don't believe personally, and I'm not telling y'all what to believe or what not to believe, but you know I don't put my, you know, post my spiritual practice on anybody else, and I definitely am not going to tell you to do that. I have a Muslim husband, I have a Christian father who's a pastor. I would never impose or overimpose what I believe onto someone else. So, and I, I would, you know, prefer that you don't do it. To me. So, um, I am a Buddhist, and I personally feel by way of my own, uh, teachings and, and knowledge that I, I don't have to go through Jesus to get to God, that I am made in his image. And when I want to talk to him, then he talks to me. He talks to me. So I believe in God, the one God that created all this that we don't know. We don't even know how I got here. We just know God did it. We like, somebody did this. This is pretty incredible, and we helped them to do it. Somebody did this. I ain't even going to sit here and be like, I ain't no non-believer. We like, what is that? How the hell and where we come from? We would go, how you know it's been 400,000 years? You wasn't here 400,000 years. The hell? That's why I be telling y'all the Bible gossip. Like, how you know that? How you know this shit even real? How you know it's just not a simulation? Because what I see, somebody else see differently. I could be saying, hey, that's a blue chair. They gonna say it's purple. Oh, I trust in God. What brought me to Buddhism? True story. You really want to know a true story? I ain't never said this, and like I said, I'm gonna wake up. I've talked about it, but I ain't talked about what brought me to Buddhism. Trigger warning, trigger warning, trigger warning. I told you, I'm at a space now where I don't, I don't care, and I have to talk to you guys about this stuff. I was Christian at one point. I used to look at preachers and I'm like, I can do that, they're not teaching that right. I would go to church and I'd be like, why are they saying it like this? It's easy if you just put it like this. But didn't know that that was me. Um, basically this, this is my purpose, to be able to, whether it's minister, whether it's communicate to people so that they can break it down and easily get it. So I know all about that, you know. My father, my, my And I just had my own reason. But the thing that transformed my life, that made me choose Buddhism, was because I was in a really— I was in a really dark space. But I didn't know how dark it was. I just knew I was depressed. I think I want to say if Tantu was— I think she was like 5 or 6. Yep. She was like 5 or 6 years old. And my mom had called me to come help her to see about, like, help her to nurse my stepdad's, like, because he was dying of cancer. That's when all that shit went down between me and my stepsister, uh, Jock's, uh, baby mama. And, um, you know, I leave my family to go you know, down there to help my mom. And then I could— you know, I instantly knew this is tough to watch a husband die, you know, in the house. And I'm sure that— I know it took a toll on me emotionally, but I wasn't— personally, I shouldn't have been in that environment. I shouldn't have gone, but I really wanted to. You know, that's me. You ask me for help, I'm going to do it. So, um, you know, of course it's tense. Things go down between— this happened twice in, in 2 days. So Joc's baby mama's sister coming to the house. Joc's baby mama is on the phone with my mom calling her all types of bitches, hoes, whatever. The sister walk in, her and her boyfriend. And the boyfriend is holding me back while she in my mama face yelling. I picked up a chainsaw when they left and tried to chase them. I— if I would have got to them, I would have killed them. No cap. I would, I would have, I would have sliced and diced where I could. So that happened. My mom, I get back on the porch, slaps me in the heat of the argument. And I'm like, it took me to such a dark space because I was so angry in that moment that how dare, regardless of what me and my mom went through or what we've been through, how dare they disrespect her like that. I did. I said, and I— here I am trying to protect you and you're slapping me, telling me to get out your house, and I don't even know what happened, right? So, um, oh no, no, no, no, she, she slapped me hard. She slapped me hard. And, um, I got so angry in that moment. And I was just like, there's nothing I can do. Like, she does not like me. So I'm on a road trip. No, I get in the car. I pack my shit. I get in the car. I leave. And I'm on the road. And I am contemplating on the road, Right? This was years ago, guys. I'm contemplating on the road, like, the way she just disrespected me. Like, how would you be angry at me? And these people came in your house to try to whoop your ass, and then you get upset when I try to protect you, right? And so I, um, I'm in a car, I'm driving back, and I'm like, I left my family to come help her, like, And it was just so much tension, you know what I'm saying? And I remember saying, "On the road," because it was something that she used to do to me when I was a kid. And trigger warning. She claims because I used to run. I don't know. But she would take my bras, like my training bras, and tie me up hands, feet, and mouth. And lay me down and whoop me for hours while she would, like, eat dinner or watch, you know, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. My sisters would be right there, and I would just be getting whooped. Like, it could last for hours. And so I'm driving, and I'm just— I go to that thought. Yes. And then I'm driving, and I'm like, I should go turn around. And go tie her up and torture her for days until she can't take it no more. And, um, like, I went to it— like, it was the second time that I wanted to. I said, it was death upstairs. My, my stepdad is dying. His kids come in there acting a plump fool. I'm trying to pick up a chainsaw on them. And then my mom responds to me with violence. So I'm on a road going back home, crying, just upset, like— and I wanted to go. And I literally was like, I should just turn this car around and go and basically kidnap my mom. And tie her up and do what she did to me for years. Somehow I picked up YouTube. I don't know what happened in that moment. I picked up YouTube. No, no, no, no, no. I called, I called my girlfriend at the time, and I, I was crying to her, and I was telling her what she said. Tasha, you got time too. You got Your husband don't do that. Don't do that. She talked me out of it. We're not friends no more, unfortunately. But, you know, people fade away in your life. But, you know, I pray for her and her family every day because she was with me during that dark time. And she says to me, Tasha, don't do that. Try to find something on YouTube that will help take your mind off of it. I don't know. I had been doing a lot of research on Buddhism. But it wasn't. It was just kind of like, you know, when you at home at night. And I'm like, what is Buddhist? What is this? I didn't know. And I put on a— I came across the first video of Wayne Dyer. And it was like, change your life now. And I put it on. I'm like, who is this bald white man? And he's like— I put his voice on in the car. And he started speaking to me. I felt like he was talking directly to me at that moment. You ever been to church, right? And then you do something the night before, and you go to church the next day, and they're like, oh, man, like, um— like, is he talking to me? And he told me— y'all, listen. My mom was going through a dark time herself. Her husband was dying. Even when we were younger, Like, her story is her story. You know, I don't judge her for that now. I promise you. I have forgiven her. And I know I'm going to wake up to a video or text message tomorrow. She's probably watching this right now. But saying, oh, it's not true, da da da. It's fine, whatever. But I'm just telling you what made me transition to Buddhism. And I knew that's when— I said, okay, this is not by coincidence. But he was talking about Buddhist teachings and how we're in control of our life, our, our moment, our energy, our intentions. And whatever it is that's going through your mind, you have the, the— you are in control. You are the mastermind to how things come in and how they go out. And, you know, he was talking about peace. All I know is I couldn't get enough of that man. I just started listening to him. And all of his teachings would be around Buddhist teachings. And so one night, needless to say, I didn't turn around the car. I just, you know— and at that, you know what's so funny? At that point in time, I was like— Tonto was 6, so I was probably like 32 years old, maybe 30. I think like 30. Yeah. I had high blood pressure from stress. I had high blood pressure from stress, unmedicated. Could have had a stroke at any moment, right? Um, and my belly was always big. I was always skinny with a big belly. Cortisol. Cortisol. You always living in fight or flight mode from stress. Black women don't even know that that happens. A lot of times you're like, why I can't lose no belly fat? What's going on? Why, why my body— it is because you're always secreting cortisol, adrenaline. Your cortisol levels are high. I'm sure mine are high right now because I'm up late at night, you know what I'm saying? But, um, I had a good run today, so I should be fine, uh, because I go and try to run every day. But, um, I, I just got— so one day I was in a, uh, I was working at OK Cafe as a server. This probably happened maybe 2 or 3 weeks later. And there was a couple that I was waiting on. They were so nice, so happy. And I was like, wait, why y'all so happy? What the hell y'all on? They was like, oh, no, it's— we're Buddhist. And I was like, you're Buddhist? So I was like, tell me more. And then so I ended up sitting at a table with them. And they was like, you should come down to the center and, you know, just see it. And I already knew it, you know, it wasn't a coincidence. Like, you know, God put it in my, my path, right? All these years I've been devoted to a Christian church, Christianity, and I didn't get no answers. All I kept being told was to pray, pray, pray, but there was never no inner self-reflection on a lot of the things that I was going through or experiencing was because of me. Everything I was just told, oh, somebody's doing that to you, or somebody do something to you other cheat. No, it's how you respond, how you take in your perception of the world. And so when I say, when I chant Nam-myoho-renge-kyo in front of my bustodan upstairs and my Gohonzon, because the Gohonzon is like a mirror to our life, we're just asking the universe to show us things about ourselves that we may not necessarily be able to see unless we have a mirror in our lives. And so it limits the amount of mistakes and the situations that you go through because you're really deeply looking into yourself. And so I became so engulfed in it because it transit— like, with the way Wayne Dyer was speaking in that, I was just like, whoa, how could I be mad at my mom? Like, and I'm the way I'm responding regardless of what she does to me. And, and it goes hand in hand with the Bible if you really think about it. Like, it, you know, turn the other— if somebody slaps you, turn the other cheek. Don't hit them back. Practice forgiveness. Buddhism is more of you being in self-control, you, you being in control of self. And so from that moment, I never ever had another thought of doing something that can ruin my life, ruin somebody else's life, ruin my kids' life, my husband's life, this beautiful life that I live. Because I'm in a house with death. Emotions are high. I'm traumatized. And these people come in my mama house when she's going through what she's going through, and their dad is upstairs. They didn't even go see their daddy. They didn't go see their daddy. So, you know, here I am about to make a decision that could alter my life and somebody else's life because I'm emotionally deeply traumatized and immature. And that's when I started my therapy. So I was really deeply into Nichiren Buddhism. That's the same Buddhism that Tina Turner practiced. I think her life story talks about it. I didn't know about her doing that until after There's not a lot of— well, in New York, there's a lot of Buddhists that are Black, but in the South, no. The South is the Bible Belt. You ain't gonna find that. But I was really intrigued to find that my own auntie, like, who's deep in the church, like, her husband's a pastor, she said, "I practiced Buddhism for 7 years." And I was like, "You did?" This is my mama's sister. Like, we shared a bed together. I never knew she used to chant. I said, well, damn. But the practice is the way— it's not a religion. It's a practice because you practice on being self-aware, self-preserving, self-loving every day intentionally. I say mantras over myself. And every time I get on this camera, I say a mantra over myself like, I'm the greatest, most entertaining, most highest paid, most high stream, most highest view, most wealthiest, most healthiest talk show host, TV personality, and trying to YouTube business woman community. I say this to myself. I speak life into myself. I speak love into myself. I speak wealth. I speak long prosperity. I speak this to myself every time I get in. Like, I could be washing the dishes, and I'll start speaking over myself. I don't hear— like, I used to have that negative spirit that whenever I would do something good or have a good idea, there was something over here that would be like, don't do that. That's not a good idea. Whole time, it was a great idea. Whole time it was a great idea and I ignored it. Because it's like somebody's giving you— like you're getting this idea from God and you're ignoring it because that negativity is like— you would have never gotten it if it was a bad idea. You see what I'm saying? And so like, um, and so I— for me, that was very transformational in my life to say, hey, this is something that's calling me. And I remember I dove into Buddhism deep. I started teaching the groups and practicing them, practicing with them, chanting with them. And here we are today. Here we are today. Mhm. And yeah. No, I am a Nichiren— is spelled N-I-C-H-E-R-I-N-E— Nichiren Buddhist. It is the chapter Soka Gakkai, like S-O-K-A Gokkaka. G-O— damn, I can't spell right now. G-O-K-K-A. Soka Gakkai International. It's out of— their base is out of Japan. It was formed right after that nuclear bomb was dropped, the atomic bomb was dropped on Japan, and the people needed hope so that they wouldn't live with hate And so they had to teach the people how to not retaliate based on what has happened to them, for them to take control of their life. And I'm sitting here today because of that. I promise you, never had another thought of trying to unalive anybody ever. Ever. And when people start speaking about that— that's why I don't speak about that on my channel. That's why I don't speak about kids and stuff like that, because like, this is just certain energy, certain spirit that you bring forth. And I'm like, I'm not dwelling in that energy, and I don't want the people that watch me to dwell in that energy. I want them to think about life and be able to self-reflect and laugh. And laughter is just so important for life. We should be able to laugh at most things. We should be able to laugh at, you know, Um, because there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a need for laughter, especially when you go past your timeline and you seeing people just saying, you know, people will die all over some oil, some religion, because we live in a really fucked up world. Like, you don't like these people because they religious. We got extremists everywhere. Like, look at the extremists we got here in the United States. Like, What is this really about? Like, you got to really ask yourself. And do you not care about the people? Y'all just bombing cities and shit. And I just never— I'll never remind y'all of the reality, the harsh reality that we live in. I will always try my best to take y'all into a different thought process and a different space on how to just deal with life, even when it's not looking too good. Because at the end of the day, at the end of the day, your perception and how you look at life and how you see yourself will determine how your life is lived. Okay, so I say this to say, and like, to my mom, if you're watching this, I deeply apologize. I have not, you know, regardless of what happened between you and I coming up, like I said, is it fair that my mom pay for things that she did when she was a child? That's not fair to her. And it's not fair for me to not— just like I've changed and I'm changing every day, she can change. And I live with that. And I know it hurts her deeply that, you know, a lot of people know who I am. They know I'm her daughter. They know her. And they watch her. They watch me. And I'm sure they hear these conversations. It pisses her off. But like I told her, I said, this is my story. I cannot help that you're a part of my story. I promise you, I told her that the other day. You are a big part of my story. Yeah, but you're lying. And I'm like, lying about what? Lying about what? Is you— you're— are you saying my experiences are not— because I'm the re— I'm on the receiving end. I'm a child. I'm, I'm not in an authoritative position. You were the authority. I'm a child, so of course your experience and your perception is very different from how I'm taking this as a child. So you very well could say that I'm exaggerating or I'm not telling the whole truth because you were the authorit— you were the authorit— like, tative figure. So, you know, hold on for a second. Why would I want to utilize my Buddhism for myself to make peace with people who don't want, like Why do you think social media relationships are real? First of all, let's start there. I don't know these people. I don't know. Why, why, why do you care about what somebody else on social media say about me and what I say about them. That's, that's my experience. Like, why do I need to do that? And for what? I, I don't talk to these people. I don't know these people. Like, and like I said, I'm in a space where there is a new day and time. I don't give a damn. I can lay down and go to sleep every night knowing that I did the best I could with what I had. But why the fuck would I get myself out here to make peace with people that I don't fucking know on social media. I thought y'all got to— does it— I mean, does it bother you that I don't get along with a certain person that you like? Is that what this is? Are you projecting because you, you like this person? That maybe I should like them too. I promise you, life shouldn't be like that. Just because you like somebody and you felt like they were done wrong, baby, I don't know what to do. Pray for them. Pray for them. Pray for me too. So, so yeah, but you know, I, I, I came on here to say, you know, it is not my intention to disrespect anyone or to make people feel like I lied on them. However, my story, my experiences are very valid. And I've done a lot of therapy and a lot of research to understand why— like, I'm not going to invalidate my feelings to make you feel better. I'm not making myself uncomfortable to make you feel better. And like I told my mom is, I love you. I don't mean to hurt you. But I have a very controversial platform. And you are, you know, you were a prominent figure in my life and I'm going to be telling my story. And half the time it's not even about you. Like, I don't— I rarely even talk about you, but when I want to talk about you, I'm not going to not talk about you because I can talk about you. This is my right to talk about you, just like it's your right to talk about me. If you want to do an interview, you— and she's been wanting to do it. Like, she called a fucking— what was that white man's name? Steve Wilkos on me. I said, I'm not interviewing with you and my mama. Like, you can, you can take my mama, but I'm not coming on that stage. Whatever I need to deal with when it come to my mama, I could deal with to her or therapist. Fuck I look like, bitch? I create the stories. I'm not the story. And if I wanted the story, I'm not going to give it to your platform. I'mma bring it online. We can hash this out right here in front of the wine nose. And you know what I'mma tell my mama? You right, because she's right. That's her perception. That's her reality. She's right. You did— you know, apologize. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you felt that way. I'm not separating myself from my mom. I take breaks from her shit. Absolutely. I'm taking one from her right now. And she told me the other night, you're evil. I was like, okay, Mom, thank you. I didn't even respond. Good night. But that's how I know I'm doing well, because old Tasha would have given her energy back. But I was like, Mom, I love you regardless, but whatever you feel you need to do. And then she came back, I would never give you the satisfaction I wouldn't give you this. I said, you said you was gonna do an interview. I told you to go do an interview. Now you coming back. I wouldn't give you the satisfaction. And I was like, you need to make up your mind. What do you want to do? I love her. I love her. Everything about her. Oh my God, she get on my damn nerve. Oh my God. But Like, I think it bothers her that she cannot control me, and it's always been that way. Like, she's like, I had to put you in mental health hospitals when you was a kid because I couldn't control you. You kept fighting and getting in trouble. And I'm like, that's my personality, I'm sorry. Like, the judge say he was gonna put me in jail for me fighting, and half the time I was for my sisters and shit. But like, that's a normal part of life. Kids fight. You know, I'm still fighting to this day. Fight. Um, but yeah, so she not toxic. She just a, she just a, a young mom. Mama had 3 kids by the time she was— so she had me at 16, between 16 and 17, my, my sister at 19. And my other sister at 21. My mom had 3 kids by the time she was 21. Yeah, so, but listen, I just wanted to say thank you so much for all your support. Thank you so much, uh, for not supporting. Either way, Thank you, uh, for being here. And, um, I just, you know, just to address the GoFundMe, it's staying up, it ain't going nowhere. If you enjoyed this video, please feel free to tip me on the GoFundMe or on my Cash App to help me to pay down my judgment faster. I have a goal that I'm trying to make, uh, trying to reach 365 days So from the time I put it up, I want the balance paid in 365 days. So if I can get, uh, a minimum of $3 to $4 per person or more, that would be greatly appreciated. And I will make sure that I am doing my best to give you the best of me and the most real me ever. And I appreciate everything, um, that you guys do for me. And don't do, because even when you don't do it, you're really doing a lot. And so, uh, the GoFundMe will be below, uh, hell, I don't know what, what is the name of my GoFundMe? Shit, I don't even know the name. Just go to GoFundMe and type in Tasha K, or you can donate via my Cash App, and all of the bank records will be public. So every time we make a payment Uh, so we just made a pay— I think we're getting ready to make a payment now. So we're waiting on the, the bank account to be finalized for all of the donations or whatnot. Like, but for next month's payment, for sure, you guys, I'm gonna lay all that out. Like, you guys gonna be able to see all the transfers, what was made, so we can get it over there so we can see it and knock it down faster. Thank you so much for the help. Everybody needs a little help, and I need some help. I had a 16-year plan to do it, but You know, I'm like, I gotta get this done fast. So, um, yeah, we gotta get this done a lot faster. So 1 year is the goal. I will be rolling out courses, mentor courses, group courses, private courses. Um, of course they will be a little bit on the pricey side, but we, we will have buy now pay later options. Um, you will be dealing with me. So although you will be logging into a course, you won't be logging into an AI version of me. It will be actually be me personally teaching the course on business and social media marketing, building yourself from nothing to something. And it will be taught by me personally. And that's how I'm going to donate my time and my knowledge in exchange for, you know, your donations so you can feel like you've given to a good cause so that I can get myself out of this hole faster, get my entire team out of this hole faster. So Um, yeah, but thank you. But my Cash App, my, um, PayPal is at TK Wino Gang. TK Wino Gang. TK Wino Gang. I don't know what the prices for the mentorship courses will be because like it's a very extensive course. It's not going to be like You know, it's not going to be like, oh, you come in there, hi, hi, hi. No, no, no, no. Your ass is going to get your brain rocked, OK? I'm not the teacher you want because I'm going to challenge you. I'm going to get into your head, OK? So matter of fact, my team just sent me over the, you know, the concept. I got to edit it a little bit, but it's a real class. And so you will log in, you will see me. And we gonna get down to business, especially if you have a business that you want to monetize on social media, um, you want to grow on social media, you want to maybe grow yourself on social media, maybe there's something you want to do, you want to transition, but all of that will be, um, offered as a part of— oh, thank you so much, um, uh, The Empress of Jesus Christ Working. All you winos can help Tasha pay that bill. Yeah, but don't, don't put it over here because YouTube takes so much of the money, so Uh, but I appreciate that. Thank you so much. But, um, that's gonna go, you know, of course. But, uh, Cash App, PayPal at TKYNOGang. And then once this is paid, I mean, I'll continue the courses or whatnot, but what I'm thinking I'm gonna do is for the— for the— because this is charity pretty much, like, what you guys are doing for me is charity, right? Um, What I'm going to do is once the judgment gets finalized and we have our party and we're, we're cleared, I am going to, uh, turn this into a way where we can use it as a way to float money to you guys. So say for instance, I don't know if you— it ha— my husband's family does it, my best friend's wife's family does it, And it's like everybody in the family puts into the pot, right? The books will be open. I don't believe in— I just believe in transparency, especially when it come to money, because money really, really fucks up a lot of relationships. And I'll be damned if I ever fuck up my relationship with y'all. So anytime y'all want to see something, everything will be open. You can look at it, see where it's going, how it's being distributed. I have no problem with that. That's why I have no problem with filing bankruptcy. And my books are open, and creditors can ask me to open my books. There it is. Nothing to hide. Can I get back to work now so we can get this money? Please, please. That's the most important, is that I get this money to pay. You got me down here at the courthouse. This ain't making me money. This ain't making you money. So can I get back on the block selling pussy, please? Please. Now But what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna find a way for you guys to donate, and whenever you guys need like rent paid, food, bills paid— maybe I get a lot of people that we help out with their college courses and stuff, or semesters, um, well, you'll be able to pull from that fund, but only if you put into it. If you do not put into that fund on a regular you don't get to pull from it. So it's sort of like you having a, uh, like an off-site savings, and you get to give back to other people as well too. So yeah, but after, after we're, uh, we're paid and caught up, uh, so again, okay, uh, Cash App, Venmo, PayPal, TKWinoGang, and then of course we got the GoFundMe. Uh, if you found this video intriguing, please tip me. I could always use a tip. I come from the industry. I loved tips. I gave you something, you know, just give me something and then we're gonna get up out of this and then you ain't got to worry about me asking no more. Okay, so I appreciate everything y'all do. I love you guys. I'll see you, uh, I will not be live tomorrow. I got a flight tomorrow. I'll be in Atlanta all week doing press, uh, I got a couple of radio shows that I'm doing. Interviews. And then DC, we'll be doing a lot of press in DC even though we're already sold out of most of the events. We got like 20 tickets left for the wine and dine. So make sure if you want to join me for a 3-course meal, talk to me and my team, get to know us, you know, have some good dinner, some lobster tails, crab cakes. You get to choose from this big salmon. Um, it's a lot. It's a nice little menu and you get a wine glass and photo and I'm trying to make it to where y'all can taste my wine. So hopefully it'll be here in time for y'all to be able to taste it, especially at the dinner. But yeah, everything is— we're on point. And you guys really, really did your big one for my birthday. So if you want to send me anything for my birthday, send it to the GoFundMe, send it to the Cash App. The Cash App ain't no charges and stuff, so we ain't got to split the money. Just don't send it here to YouTube because we don't even know if we see that shit, to be honest with y'all. I swear to God, we don't. Um, but yeah, and then of course when we make our first payment next month from the GoFundMe, uh, over to the creditors, uh, I'm going to blast it so you will see and we can help speed up the donations. And if you want to give me a real monthly recurring donation until we get it paid, that would be great too. But thank you so much to all 2,000 of y'all that was in here. I love you guys. And, uh, I'll see you. Of course I'm gonna try to go live this week. This week may be a little tough for me to go live because it's birthday week. It's birthday week. We in the paint, bro. The winos is taking over DC, okay? Um, but if I don't go live this week, I'm gonna try. I know Friday for sure I'm going live. I'm going live on Friday for sure. But, um, but the rest of the week, I don't know. I don't know because it's, it's, it's looking a little thick. My schedule is crazy. Um, but yes, I love you guys. Thank you so much. Um, and tell everybody that has made a video, made a comment, made a tweet, tell them thank you so much for the algorithm. Thank you for the push. Thank you for keeping the Winos and Tasha K very relevant. And we will see them the next time I piss they ass off. And I don't give a fuck. Cuss my ass out, not that I'mma really give a damn anyway. Now I gotta go. Bye! Get on over to Tasha K on stage to get them last 20 tickets. Gotta go die. How we end this shit? I'm so old.