Confronting Unimaginable Loss: The Struggle of Avoiding Emotions by Staying Busy

Seven contractions, usual stuff. And they hook her up to a machine. And the doctor's like, it looks at me. I'll never forget the look on his face. He's like, this is a very serious situation. We're going to try using a different machine and see. See what happens. Try a different machine. And they're still in a heartbeat. So that's when I knew that I was going to have the worst night of my life. And I just accepted that. And it was because, not to get too graphic, but when you have a stillborn baby, like, you don't just leave and go home. You still have to deliver the baby, right? So you're not done. And to see my son come into the world with his umbilical cord wrapped around his neck, that's not something you're gonna forget anytime soon, right? I didn't really take time off for work because I just wanted to stay busy. I was running. I was just running. I always wanted to stay busy with one thing or another because I never wanted to sit still with my feelings. And that's why I was saying to you earlier, that's the wound that has, like, the most scar tissue because of the approach I took immediately afterwards.