Rethinking Your Priorities with Kim Kaupe

Hey, Kim. How are you today?

Good. How are you doing?

I'm good. I'm always glad when I get a chance to chat with you. And looking at your background, I feel like we couldn't be any more different because for those of you listening, Kim has this bright blue shirt on. She has a great background with, like these greens and oranges on mine. Like, I have this black wall behind me and like a Brooklyn poster and like, that's it. But somehow we still seem to make things work. So I appreciate having you in my circle.

Well, you know, sometimes I actually just posted on Instagram not too long ago that I was. I was burning sage in my office to like, clear the air because I work in client services. And I was joking that sometimes it just feels like I don't know if it's the full mood or. Or people get like a touch of the crazy. And so sometimes I have a bright office and wear bright clothing to say like, okay, we are going to have a happy day. I will force myself to have a happy day. And we are not going to let it go, go sideways. So a lot of times my bright colors are forceful in just wanting to try to surround myself in the best atmosphere as possible.

I love it. So you're focusing on being a thermostat as opposed to the thermometer. Right. So you're controlling the atmosphere, not reacting to it. I dig that. And you mentioned that you work in client services. Let's. Let's go ahead and introduce yourself. So what do you do?

So I'm Kim Kalp. I run a marketing agency. I have for 13 years, Taylor Swift's lucky number, which has been super fun and exciting and all the roller coaster peaks and valleys that you can imagine with running your own company. But we are in client services as most agencies, and we work specifically with entertainers, musicians, comedians, sports team, and we work with them to super serve their fan bases and create really awesome experiences and physical products for their fans to keep and buy and love.

Awesome. So how would you say things are going just overall these days? What are you up to? How are things going personally and professionally?

Things are busy. I think coming out of COVID a lot of us had a reset on work, on life. I know for myself, I moved from Manhattan to Austin, obviously when I just said that I worked in entertainment. You can imagine during COVID that completely imploded in the craziest way possible. You know, you start off 2020 having the best year ever. We had just got done working with Oprah on one of her massive nine city tours. So really started 2020 with this, like, big high. And then obviously everything was canceled. Every comedy show, every music festival, every sporting event, just. It all went to zero. And so the past. The past three and a half years have really been about, okay, how do we. How do we come back? And really, if we do have a blank sheet of paper, which let me tell you, when your entire business goes to zero for six months, not six weeks, six months, zero. You know, you really kind of have to dig deep and say, am I going to do this again if I have a blank piece of paper? What does that look like? Or am I going to walk away and, you know, go be a yoga instructor? You know, do I. Do I just reinvent myself and leave this whole thing behind? And that was a very real, you know, struggle at that moment as well. You know, do I even want to recommit to this? And so as part. As part of that recommitment, my business partner, Abby and I have really been tinkering the last three years with what is the balance of work versus life? What is the balance of quality versus quantity? I know you and I have talked about that sort of 10x versus 2x. What did that look like? And so I have been joking with her that it feels like lately we've been going through these peaks and valleys, almost as if you're a toddler, kind of like relearning everything. So, okay, I think we can take on a few more projects. Oh, wait, nope. Now we have too many projects. Okay, now we're, you know, just kind of really. It sounds silly, but regaining our sea legs. And that sounds silly when you think, oh, my gosh, you've been doing this for 13 years. Don't you know what you're doing already? But it does really feel like for us, a totally different company, a totally different set of work and clients and expectation in this post Covid era that. That we seem to be embarking on.

Yeah, it's crazy to think that Covid was four years ago and we're still, like, recovering from that. I know we'll never go back to normal, like, whatever that means. But your. Your journey that you just shared is very aligned with the podcast we're currently me and advancing. And as you know, one part of that is when our. Our guests talk about a challenging part that they. I'll go back. And as you know, the theme of the show would be for high performers like you to discuss a challenging part of your personal, professional life is deep and as personal as you feel like going. So I'm going to turn it over to you and listen in here. But I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to share.

I think when I was kind of reflecting back on the past, you know, year or even, to be Frank, the last 13 years, I think one thing that I've really struggled with and hopefully I'm coming out the other end of, or hopefully have kind of learned a few lessons of, is really finding that balance between work and your loved one and your friends. And it's one of those things where I just feel like, you know, to be transparent, I was really bad at it and I was bad at it for a lot of reasons. I, I, I mean, I think if we, if I consider myself an armchair expert, you know, a, a faux psychologist, you know, I was an only child, highly competitive, you know, really sort of like one of one. How do I win? How do I go after it? How do I be the best? And I think all of those qualities are wonderful and lovely and I'm so thankful for them and I think that they've helped me succeed so much as an entrepreneur. However, those tendencies can also make you very, very tunnel visioned. And I was, and it was very tunnel vision on, you know, this is my work and how do I get to that next step and how do I get to that next client and that next carry and the next thing to, to the detriment of my family, you know, to the detriment of my friendship, to the detriment of the romantic relationships that I was in at the time. And I can remember very kind of specific instances, one of those visceral memories where you remember exactly where you were sitting and you remember exactly what you were wearing and you know, exactly what song was playing when this happened. And my entire family was going on a once in a lifetime trip to Africa. And it was going to be my aunts and my cousins and my grandmother and you know, everyone was going and it was this big thing and I was three years into the company and it was one of those things where I wish I could say I wrestled with it. I wish I could say that it was a hard decision, but to me it was a no brainer. Of course I'm not going to, you know, of course I'm not doing that. And you know, here we are years later. Unfortunately for me, my grandmother has passed away. You know, we never did another trip. I never joined. You know, I look back and think, you know, not to sound grim, but when people are dead, people are dead. You know, and, and there's no, there's no bringing them back. And so when I look at situations where in the beginning, yes, that was the year that I won at ages 40, under 40, but it was also the opportunity that people don't see that I missed taking one of those last trips with my grandmother and didn't take that trip. And so I think, unfortunately, you look back in hindsight and you think while I was successful on the outside and people were saying, oh my gosh, but your company's growing and you're winning these awards and how exciting. Nobody really knows what's happening on the inside and nobody really knows what you're saying no to or what you are sacrificing to get that outward accolade. And I think now maybe it's because I'm, quote, unquote older. I'm 38 now. I was, you know, 28 at the time. You know, hindsight's 20 20, you kind of look back at it and say, is that something that, you know, was a good idea or not? And I think even now as a 38 year old woman that has been married for two years and is now trying to get pregnant and trying to conceive and you know, spoiler alert, it's not as easy as your high school sex ed class once made it out to believe where, you know, a boy touches you and, you know, suddenly you're pregnant. It actually does take, take some work and some timing and some magic and some art and some science. And getting help with that journey, you know, also has me reflecting back in a 2020 hindsight. And, you know, of course you have to like, give yourself grace and I go to church and I pray and I forgive myself and all that stuff. But you do kind of think back and say, should I, should we have gotten married sooner? Should we have tried conceiving sooner? You know, did I prioritize work too much? Was work too much at the forefront and not enough about life? And of course you can't live with regrets. But it is something now that I'm, you know, cognizant of. And as I talk to people who might also be along the entrepreneurial journey, especially women, obviously men, I think Robert Dairo just had a kid and he's like 83, so I don't know if that's a good decision. More power to him. 83 seems a little old to start procreating. You know, who am I to judge for women?

Watches movies because he ain't going to be around for, for too long.

Exactly. He is not going to be around when that kid is, is hitting their 20s, that's for sure. So, you know, it is one of those things that you, you kind of think back. And I always am really stressing to entrepreneurs that you have to, have to, have to. As great as it is to be competitive and as great as it is to get those accolades and those achievements, you really, really, really have to make a conscious effort to kind of zoom out and say, what is my relationship with my family? Like, what is my relationship with my friendships? Like, what is my relationship with, at that point, a spouse, a partner, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, you know, whatever it is? And am I really prioritizing that in the best way?

Yeah, it's interesting we're just now having this conversation because I've had so many similar experiences, and I'm going to try to share them as eloquently as you have. But on my end, I used to teach a workshop for the school here in New York city that paid $8,000 a week. And that was a lot of money for me back then. I mean, it still is. I mean, if I made a thousand dollars in a week, I'm happy. But I, I, I also had an uncle out here who unfortunately passed away while I was teaching that course. And I knew that if I had to take time off to go to his funeral, I would get replaced and perhaps not be able to teach that course anymore. And at the time, I was bringing like a hundred thousand dollars a year just teaching the same course over and over again and didn't have a really good foundation outside of that, so I didn't go to the funeral. And I felt horrible because when I first moved to New York City, he was my only relative here. So I would go to his house. You know, his wife was there, great experience. And like, everyone in my family was expecting me to go. They're like, what are you, what are you doing? We can't go there. You know, like, why are you not there? So there was a lot of regret there. And I just, I just learned from that. Like, hey, look, you can never be so dependent on one job or one opportunity that you can't show up for your family. Now on the other end, there was a time when a friend of mine had a wedding that I was invited to, but at the same time, I got invited to speak at south by Southwest. Sounds like that's tough. But you know what? I'm going to south by Southwest, right? So there are times that you can make sacrifices that feel uncomfortable, but you've had enough weddings. You know, no one really remembers he was there or what happens. So it's like that. That felt okay, but I'm just more aware of how I'll feel five years from now with those decisions. And that's what guides my actions. And I think another challenge that you and I experience as well, because I've suffered a lot of loss. I mean, I lost my brother a couple months ago. I lost my son. Like, you know, just the list goes on. But what happens sometimes is when your friends see you active on social media, like, oh, he must be okay now. And they try to flood you with, like, support or questions or just like, you know, going back to business as usual. And you can't do that, right? You're not ready. But on your end, you're more active than I am. So how does it feel for you when you're putting up a few posts? Just keep the lights on, right? Just to keep your business going. And then your friends think, oh, Kim's back. Let me go flutter with, like, you know, all these memes and shit. Like, how do you respond, like, when that happens? How does that feel internally? And how do you respond?

Yeah, I think for me, the way I've really come to have a relationship with social media as of the is trying to come at it as best I can from a place of authenticity. So if that means that for two or three days I do feel off and I'm not feeling super great about life or work or whatever it is, you know, I just don't post. I just say, it's just not coming. It's not coming in a natural way to me, and I don't want to force it. On days where I do feel like I have to show up and I have to post something and I have to make it, you know, whatever, motivational or positive or something like that, I will sometimes say to friends, I'm struggling with this, or I will do the post. But in the Instagram story, I am a little bit more real and raw and say, hey, you know, I had to post this thing today because I just felt like I needed to show up, but I'm still not feeling 100%. And even just that slight indication, I think is really helpful to people. And I think by now also a lot of people realize that social media is the greatest hits album. It's everything that you want people to see and you want people to interpret. And so I think hopefully a lot of us give each other grief to know that everything might not be as sunshine and rainbows, as your Instagram feed may make it appear.

Yeah. I'll say this, though. I appreciate the content you put out because you're not just the highlight reel. I mean, I remember there was at one point you. You were alluding that some of your husband's friends were just being rude to you for one reason or another, and I just applauded you. You're like, oh, there's a lot of snakes out there. It's like, well, Kim's going in right now. But I just love the fact that you were so real. Like, we all saw you have this beautiful wedding to this amazing guy, and you're there just like on. On Instagram, like, brushing your teeth, just talking about how these people are like haters and they're watching this and you're like, good, I'm glad you're watching. You should stop and stop talking shit. So, I mean, I appreciate how. The fact. The fact that you just. You were that bold and direct with people.

Yeah. I think also it's one of those things that I just realized, you know, to your point, I think anyone who has experienced loss, whether it is a family member or a friend. I had a friend who passed away, you know, two years ago. We were super, super close. She was young, you know, elementary school aged child of brain cancer, you know, something that nobody can prevent. There was no cure. She passed away. It was horrible. And I just sort of realized, you know, nothing is promised. She was the healthy, most active, you know, everything great type of person. And she just. It was bad luck, bad luck, bad timing, bad everything. And I think that was also another starting point of if you've lost anyone close to you, you realize how finite time is and how unpredictable life is, and you just start to, I don't know, you start to show up in a way that is more like, this is what it is, and either take it or leave it, because I don't have time to try to please you or try to fit into your mold of whatever it is you want me to be.

Yeah, yeah. There's a freedom that comes from experiencing this, that type of loss. Because you're now less likely to get influenced or even irritated by some of the small things in life that normally would upset you because you're like, look, I've been through a lot worse, and this, this ain't it. The one exception I will have is when your husband leaves those plates on the staircase. But, ooh, that's. Follow Kim on. On. On Instagram. You know exactly what I'm talking about. But. But outside of that, I mean, I can juxtapose pretty much any situation and say, look, this ain't the worst thing I've ever been through. And it makes you gritty, it makes you more resilient. I think the hard part is not becoming hard or calloused as a result of that. And I think you, again, you've done an amazing job of still showing me showing up as the full version of yourself, even though you have been through these challenges. So I. So I appreciate you sharing that with us.

No, thank you. And I think it's one of those things that you just. Unfortunately, also, I don't know if you've experienced this, but sometimes when I will speak to younger entrepreneurs and I tell them, you know, I did have a boyfriend that I loved very much, that we were dating for, you know, two and a half years. Like, broke up with me. Like, we lost that relationship because I was too focused on work, you know, my grandma passing away. You know, you. You try to, like, warn them. I imagine it's sort of when you tell a college kid, like, enjoy those college years. And in their head, they're just like, look at this old person, like, telling me to enjoy my life, like, go away, Boomer. And I imagine it must be that same feeling of you. You know, you're trying to impart on entrepreneurs. And by the way, these could be entrepreneurs that are in their 50s, but just that are going on the entrepreneurial journey for the first time. And you want to say, like. Like, be sure to prioritize your family or be sure to prioritize your spouse or your partner. But a lot of times, unfortunately, I think people also just have to go through it themselves. Like, they have to lose, you know, someone close to them, or they have to get on the rocks with their significant other. And you hate to see it because it's kind of like watching a car accident. You're like, oh, I see it happening, but there's no way to stop it. But I think sometimes people just need to kind of go through it as much as they can. But I will say, I think what. What I do think makes a difference is sharing these stories. And it. Even if it makes somebody think for a half second sooner, like, oh, my aunt did ask me to go on that trip. And by the way, my aunt just turned 71, which is like, you know, it's not old, but it's not young. I mean, one of the kind of the litmus tests that I jokingly give people when they're asking me, you Know, should I go on this trip or should I skip this speaking engagement for. For whatever it is, you know? Again, I say it tongue in cheek, but I'm like, is the person older than 70? And if the answer is yes, I'm kind of like, you know, maybe. Maybe reconsider that, because, you know, that person might not be around. And that's not to say, of course God will. You know, God willing, it doesn't happen, but I could get by hit by a bus tomorrow. I mean, obviously nothing is promised, but I think the older you get in life, health complication, older people maybe not being able to travel, you know, they can't come up and visit you like they could a decade before. So, again, I say it sort of tongue in cheek, but there's always a little bit of truth to. To every statement, which is like, how old is the person? And that should be a little bit of your guiding light.

Yeah, I think even having those frameworks or prompts in your mind will help you make better decisions. They're not always going to be right, but at least they'll be more considerate. So. So I appreciate that. And. And on your podcast, Coffee with Kim, you like to have people give homework to the audience, so I'm going to ask you to do the same thing. Um, so first of all, where can we learn more about you? And then second of all, what homework would you give to our audience who might be going through a tough time or maybe is hesitant to take some big opportunity in front of them?

Uh, you can follow me on Instagram and LinkedIn is where I'm the most active. On Instagram, you can just start typing in Kim Kardashian, just Kim K, I M, K A. And I'm like the one right under her. I'm Kim Kalp, which is a U, not an R for Kardashian. And I will be the Kim K with lots of clothes on, not the Kim K with little clothes on and LinkedIn. Same thing. Kim Kalp. But I think if I could give one piece of homework or advice to somebody that is going through a hard time, it would be pick one person. And it doesn't even have to be a person that's necessarily close to you. It doesn't even have to be somebody that you have met in real life. There are some times where I will share things in my Instagram DMs with people that I've never met, that I have not even shared with the people that live in Austin that I see on a weekly basis, because in a weird way. There's something safe about sharing with somebody that you maybe don't come in contact with or don't know as well. And so I would say pick one person. Maybe that's somebody super close to you. Maybe that's somebody, an Instagram friend that you've never met. But share, share what is whatever it is that you're going through. You know, I'm nervous I'm going to get fired, or I'm nervous I'm not going to have any clients next quarter, or, you know, whatever fear or worry or anxious trepidation that you're having, pick one person and share it.

Awesome. Good advice. Thanks. Kim. Great having you here.

Thank you.