readopting the 3 year old mindset and why near death experiences are blessings in disguise

Hey everyone, it's Tilly and welcome back to my YouTube channel. Now, I couldn't find my camera to film this video or the batteries or the charger or anything, but I still really wanted to film this video because this one is an important one and I had sort of a moment a couple of days ago and I was just like, you know what, I want to talk about this. So April is Limb Loss Awareness Month, which is such an incredible and awesome month dedicated to celebrating people who have a limb difference, lost their limb, or just limb different in general, whether it's congenital or whatever it is. People who are living their lives with a lack of limb somewhere. It's always a talking point for me, obviously, if you hadn't noticed. I am limb different myself. I'm missing both hands. I lost them to meningitis, and I'll link a video which I must have on this channel somewhere just talking about it in like full detail, how I lost my hands. You know, I live my life every day and I don't really feel like I need to do much much reflection. I feel like I'm very much reflected and I'm content. But even like that being said and having that mindset myself, it doesn't stop me like every time this year comes around actually reflecting, just thinking, wow. And every year it just— I just deep the fact that I wasn't supposed to be here. That's what I want to talk about in this video. If you are limb different like me and like nearly died in the exact same way, or just anybody who's had like a near-death experience of some sort, be it a disease, be it like a really close hit with a car, like anything like that, anything where you had been like literally about to lose your life but last minute pulled through. I don't know if you recall like an anniversary for that event for you or whatever, but when that comes around and you realize it's that day, it like— I can't explain it unless it's happened to you. It's just like sort of a feeling which is like, I wasn't supposed to live this day, like I was supposed to be dead. And that while being a living person is the craziest thing ever. But yeah, like I said, I never really felt like I needed sort of reflect, especially now I'm like healthy-minded. I really felt the need, and I had a couple people contact me to do like an interview or a post or whatever, or some sort of video talking about it. It's really dear to me. Obviously I've experienced that, I've come out the other end, I am a limb different person. Got plenty, so much I could say. And I knew I was gonna do this post, but I didn't really plan like what day, time, like to the T when this was gonna go up. I just knew obviously it had to be out in April. Because it's about the month. And I don't know what was going on with me, but like on like the last Tuesday I had, I was like feeling really out of it. Obviously everybody has their off days and everybody has their down days, but mine, mine literally do, honestly speaking, come about like quite rarely. Like it's not too common at all. I'll either have like a time in the day where I have like my downtime or whatever, but it never really lasts like a whole day or enough that I'm really noticing it, if you know what I mean. And I'm really lucky in that respect because a lot of people deal with that so much. But the latest Tuesday I had, I was really feeling it. I was doing my radio station day and I don't think I've ever sounded so like calm and collected on the radio. Usually I'm like screaming, "Hello, welcome to Spark, how we doing?" But I was like really quiet and I was really reserved. And like I went upstairs to plan the show and like there were people talking to me and I always like make chat with people and like I'm quite good at that, you know, like. But people were talking to me and it was like just going over my head, like I just didn't feel like I was on earth at all. Like, my head was up in the clouds. I was hearing these people, but I wasn't listening, but I was trying to listen, and it was just really strange. It just felt like I sort of like couldn't take anything in. I was just like— it was really strange. And like I said, I don't often feel like that at all. I was literally like, Mom, what is wrong with me? Like, why am I acting like this today? This is so rare for me. I don't think I've ever felt like that before. Like, I was genuinely concerned and needed to like give myself a break and like get my lamb steaks out. I didn't know if there was an illness coming on or what, but I just felt so out of it. Like, I was like dazed. It was until this, which I'm going to tell you about. So I planned my show and I finished early and I came downstairs and I was waiting to go into the actual studio room. And to be honest, I sort of wanted a distraction. I wanted something to think about because it was creeping me out the way I had so many thoughts, but also my head was so empty at the same time. And so when I'm in a situation like that, I have this like to-do list which is like not too urgent but like get this done this month sort of thing. I like to go through that It's a very good tip if you want to be productive, but I seem to procrastinate a lot. But I saw that it was Limb Loss Awareness Month, it was April, and I wanted to do a little post about that. I got on my Instagram and I found a picture of me, like, that was like me today with the bionic arms and quite confident, like quite stylistic picture, do you know what I mean? In my post, I wanted to contrast that to me in hospital, me when I was like losing my hands or just coming out the other end of that. So it was like an obligatory Google search of myself, but I was looking for like baby pictures of me when I was coming out the other end of meningitis. And I picked the picture, it was a picture of me having had my hands amputated at that point and still being like really happy. Like when I look at these pictures of the past, I think there's like a couple of pictures going where I actually look like sad and like I'm dying in hospital, do you know what I mean? But the rest and the majority of the pictures I see of myself back then, I'm like, I've got the cheesiest grin. And it's like, girl, do you actually know what you're going through right now? Like you're literally dying and you're smiling like blooming Cheshire Cat. Are you alright? But anyway, that contrast just alone, looking at where I was to now, like, the growth is incredible. And there's more I could talk about this, like, this is a whole other video concept. Like, it's about actually being, like, the most mentally sound when you are a child. You are mentally sound, like, you are happy, you don't doubt anything regarding your physical appearance, your personality, anything about yourself. You don't know that you're supposed to really doubt those things until you get a little bit older and you see people ripping into themselves as well as ripping into other people. People people talking about their flaws and their insecurities and what they don't like about themselves. That's something that's like taught and learned by society as you get older. But before you're in all that— and I was only like 3 in these pictures— you don't know that. So at that point, you are honestly like truly living the most when you're a baby because you're not trapped behind all this like how it should be and worried about this, that, and other, which everybody is, you know. You can't even escape it in this day and age. Whenever I see pictures of myself when like I was a baby, before, before any of the stuff that I'd worry about today. It's actually mad how you can look back on that and admire a 3-year-old so much. And that's what I sort of found myself doing. And when I was writing this caption, like I said, there was no plan for it, like there was no script for it or anything. I really found myself just lost in it. You know when it's something that you're really passionate about, when like you just start typing without a destination in mind and it just flows. It's been a really long while since I've actually felt like that. Seeing this post and writing the caption of it, it like really did force me to reflect a little bit. I had this moment where I was like, God, we get so sucked into whatever it is that worries you in the moment, the moment which will pass so, so quick, but you put all your energy into what you're worrying about at the time. Like, it's enough to make you totally snap out of yourself. Like, it's enough to make you feel sick, make your hands shake, make you sweat. And at the end of the day, it's just a moment that'll pass. And all of a sudden, all like my worries and everything seemed so small and like irrelevant. It was mad. And I just like totally snapped myself out of it just by writing a short little caption about something that's meaningful. Like, the main takeaway I took from that caption and the main thing I got from that sort of reflection was I need to not be so like down on myself and upset if I'm like worried about something or doubting myself in anything because I was literally just looking at my younger self and I was reflecting on her and I was reflecting on me now and I was reflecting on the times in my life which have probably been like the hardest, probably around the age of like 13, 14, secretly behind closed doors. And I was just thinking, you know, now I'm really proud of myself. Like, I'm really proud of myself because I see myself taking the mindset I had when I was 3 years old. I think that's absolutely crazy that you come out the womb, you know, like absolutely nothing. You learn how to talk but that's the brain I envy, and that's the brain people envy when they get older and start to have all these feelings about themselves or their, like, environment, things around them that at the end of the day just don't matter, and they take up too much of your mind. It feels like when we get older, like, we sort of move in reverse and start to worry about those things and how we're perceived and whatever. But I feel like today, now 17 years old, I'm really starting to get back to the mindset that I had when I was 3, and that's something that I'm so proud of myself and happy to say. I'm not gonna lie, I'm still nowhere near where she was. Like, I still care too much. I still restrict myself from doing things I want to do because I'm worried about how I'll be perceived. As much as I, like, have this, like, confident persona and in my own comfort, like, I am really confident and I don't really care. Like, I do at the end of the day. And so when I was in that sort of headspace on Tuesday and I remembered that I have like overcome all these things that I'm worried about and I've made little Tilly proud and like I have got to that level, why am I limiting myself and putting myself back there now? It really hit me and it literally just took me out of it. I think if there's one thing you should do in your life, any person, school, like it's just to make yourself proud. As long as you can say like you've made yourself you're proud of yourself and you've tried your best and whatever, like, that's all that matters. Nobody— like, everybody else's opinion goes out the window when you're sure of yourself and you're true to yourself and you know the personal journey that you've been on and the sacrifice and the effort and the reprogramming that it's taken to get there. This is what makes, like, near-death experiences such an interesting topic for me. Like, nobody wants to nearly die, it's horrible, but I did nearly die, and the shift that has on you when you remember is like absolutely wild. Even just the other day, like, I literally thought I was gonna die the other day in the car because I was in the car with my mom, we were on the motorway, and I wasn't gonna die at all, right? But there was this van who was coming out in the lane, we were like in the right lane and it was coming out into the middle, but the way it was angled, it looked like it was just gonna keep going at the right, and like I'm on the left-hand side of the car, like the time I lifted my head, I didn't see the whole maneuver, but the time I lifted my head this van, huge van, looked like it was going to come into our little Fiat and on my side as well. And in that moment, when I lifted my head up, my heart dropped and I thought I was dead. Like, I thought I was about to be hit by this van. Like, it's little things like that. And like, God knows where I was going. I was going somewhere in the car, but guaranteed I had some sort of worry about it, some sort of nerves or whatever it is. And then I thought I was about to get hit by this car. I didn't get hit by the car, and I was like, I could have just died. I could have just died right now and not made it to that thing that I'm worried about, and the world would still go on. This is what I'm trying to say. This isn't a scary thing, it's like a comforting thing, or at least I hope it is. It is for me. Just every now and again, you need to just get out of your head. And it's in situations like that where you literally can't escape it, when you feel like you're about to die, that's what you're concerned about, absolutely nothing else. And anything that you are concerned about guaranteed goes away the day after that thing's finished. And so yeah, I just like— even if you haven't had a near-death experience, because that's a very niche group of people, just reflect on the fact that anything can happen at any point. And I, I really don't mean that in a scary way, but I mean it in a way that's like, make the most out of everything. And please, for the love of God, get out of your head because you don't deserve to be stuck on there. Like, there's a quote that says, "Don't be alive and not living," and I feel like by having all those worries, you're not living your life, you're up in your head, you know? And that's something that jumps out at me in like a situation like that. But I'm just here to tell you, if you've never— if you don't have that thing to reflect on or that like surprise where it's like, wow, I actually could have lost it all, just be grateful and reflect on the stuff that you have. Also, check out my post on Limb Loss Awareness Month on Instagram if you haven't already. It's very, very meaningful for me, and I'm very lucky that like every single April every year there's this time where I get to have that whole moment again, and I reflect on it all, and I'm like, oh my God, I'm alive, and that's such a miraculous thing. And sometimes you just need that reminder that you're literally one in— I don't even want to attempt the number— like, the odds that you're alive here today, it's mad. So literally just make the most of it. And like, I think that's so easy to say, just make the most of your life, you only live once, what are the odds that you're here today? But when something like that happens and you reflect on it like that, it's like, oh no, that's legit. Like, anything can happen at any point. Live your life, get out your head, and make your younger self proud. Make baby you proud. Like, that is my only mission now in life. Like, just make yourself proud, stay true to yourself, live your life, and you've got it. Like, that's living at its finest, I'll tell you now. But yeah, I hope you enjoyed this video. Like, there really was not any plan to it at all. There wasn't like a strategy or a structure there at all. I was literally just waffling. So I'll probably have some fun trying to edit this right now. Hey, let's go, Tilly! But yeah, I really do hope you enjoyed this video. Let me know if you have had any near-death experiences because that's always an interesting story, am I right? And let me know as well, like, how you get through those down days. Like, what do you do to get yourself out of it? It could be practical, like turning on some music or whatever. It could be mental, like, or spiritual or whatever it is. Like, let me know because it's so important and I think people need to talk about it more. Thank you so much for watching. I'll see you all next time. I love you and goodbye.