why my leg hasn't bent in 3 years... | Let's Chat

Hi everyone, it's Tilly and welcome back to my YouTube channel. Today I'm going to be telling you all about the reason why I haven't been able to bend my leg in 2 years. I just felt like I needed to do a full storytime on this because obviously that's quite a big statement, and I mentioned it in a couple of videos and I don't think anybody really knew the reason why, and it's quite a long story, but I'll shorten it down as much as possible. But I just felt like it's something that needed to be said, and a lot of people ask like what's up with my leg when I'm walking and stuff because I kind of walk with a limp since I can't bend my leg at the moment. It's kind of like having like a wooden leg. So yeah, that's how I've been getting around for the past 2 years. But get cozy because this is probably gonna be a pretty long video. So as many of you may know, I had a disease called meningococcal septicemia strain B when I was 15 months old, which caused me to lose my hands. I have a full video about this, so I'll put it in a little i above, I think, is the side, so you can go watch that if you haven't seen that yet and you don't know what actually happened. But yeah, I had a disease called meningococcal septicemia strain And I can't remember if I mentioned in that video, but it's basically a disease that a lot of people do die from. But if you are one of the lucky few that do survive it, then you aren't like just through it and that's fine, like you've survived. And when you survive that disease, it's kind of like there's a lot of consequences afterwards. And I don't know if I talked about like what I've seen that really affected me as I got older. 'cause you don't start seeing things until you get older and then you'll realise, like, the effect that it did have on you and your body. So, yeah. Basically, a couple of my effects were, 'cause I survived, that when I got a bit older and I started losing my baby teeth, my adult teeth grew in already decayed. And it wasn't my fault or anything. It's just because when I was really young I got the disease, and so I had my baby teeth then and my adult teeth were like forming, so it kind of like affected that in some way. So when my baby teeth fell out and my adult teeth started growing in, we got a bit of a shock, and it used to be really painful to brush my teeth. But as I said, it was never my fault, and it was something I had to deal with. I didn't like the way they looked, obviously, and I ended up going to the dentist where I got caps on my teeth. And these were firstly just caps of the NHS. They weren't, in my opinion, I really didn't like them. They didn't seem to take much care in it, I don't think, because you could easily see where the caps were and where my decaying tooth was. Like, it wasn't hidden at all. And I always describe it as like clay. It something on your teeth like molded together because it just didn't look like a tooth. You could see whether just stuck on the, I don't know, the white stuff, whatever they use to make a tooth, um, to like cover it and just make them longer. I'm not really sure, but I really didn't like them. And yeah, I wasn't very confident with them. And then when these caps fell off, and I used to be like really insecure about it, I used to not want to go to school on those days because I didn't like the way my teeth looked. And if I did, there was this one time where my caps fell off, but it wasn't too obvious, but my tooth was kind of like round at the bottom, I guess, but it still looked like a tooth. But I still went to school that day, and I just remember not wanting to like talk and not wanting to smile. I would always like, if I was gonna smile, I'd smile like— rather than as I would usually, just because I didn't want people to notice it. But eventually they did notice it, and I really didn't like it. So yeah, that's the story of that. Sorry if I sound like a dying cat in this video. I have got a problem with my throat at the moment. It's not wanting to cooperate with me, so sorry, but I'm a bit ill. Since I didn't like those caps from the NHS that I was getting, and they didn't make me feel confident, they didn't make me feel like my teeth were okay, so I really didn't like them, and they would come off like every like twice a year, I think, which I really didn't like. So I ended up going private recently. That was really recently, that was like last year, 2019, where I basically— I was— it was my cousin's dentist that he was doing Invisalign for him and everything. And my cousin recommended him and took me to one of his appointments that they just snuck me into. And he had a look at my teeth, got a couple of pictures and then he told me that, um, basically when they were putting the caps on, they were kind of trapping the infection, decay, and stuff in there, which has obviously turned into a lot worse. So we needed to get them done as quickly as possible. And so pretty much like 2 months later, we got in and he did my caps. So now my teeth look like this, and I really like them a lot better. He could have made them like veneers, like really, really like white perfect teeth. But since I am a child and I like have all my friends and everything, I feel like it would just be very, very obvious that they were fake. So he made them like look like how a 14-year-old girl's teeth should look like, or how he thought they should look like. So they have like the little lines in, like you like scrape— sorry if I'm cringing anyone here, I'm kind of cringing myself— but you like scrape lines in them so they would look a bit more natural. Which I actually really like because, as I said, I am 14 and I don't need to be running around with some, like, pure white shining on my, like, white teeth. So I really like that. And then another one of the consequences that I found out when I got older was my mom noticed that my pelvis was a bit off when I was walking and stuff. I would walk on the side of my feet rather than, like, on the sole and flat. Um, but she knows that my pelvis was off, and this was maybe when I was, like, 11, maybe 10, 11, 12, them kind of range of years where she noticed this was kind of getting a bit worse. And so at first we went to the doctors about it and I started getting built-up soles. So I'll show you a picture of them now, but they were like, we would get them, buy some shoes from the shop and then take them to the hospital and for free they would build them up. So I wasn't like walking with discrepancy, so my back would cause problems and everything like that. And you would probably think, how the hell is she walking in them? Because it's kind of like having one high heel and one flat, but it's actually a lot more comfortable for me at the time. So yeah, that used to always get me a lot of stares as well, which I really didn't like, people just staring at my shoes. And then yeah, it was quite annoying, but I used to get my shoes built up basically. And when we went to the hospital, they thought to begin with I had like scoliosis or something where my spine was curved because my pelvis being off led to my spine curving over to one side. But eventually through a couple of x-rays and stuff, they realized that it was actually my leg problems. So one of my leg's growth plates— I think it's my knee, knee, or my thigh— the growth plates there have like just stopped working in one leg. It's this one, I think. Yeah, it's this one because this is the one I had the operation on, and that stopped growing, so that one's a little bit smaller than my right leg. And so they— I had to have an operation on that to kind of sort them out a bit, make them a bit more equal, because otherwise it could lead to problems with my back in the future and the curvature of the spine would just go even worse. So I really needed to get that done, but I was on the waiting list for like a good 2 years 2 years, and then so it obviously grew quite a lot more. The built-up sole on my shoes were no longer like that, but more like that. So it got bigger over the years until eventually I went in for the operation, which, uh, wasn't very nice. I remember the day before I went in for the operation, me and my sister like ran down the street and back, like doing laps, because I was like, I don't know when I'm gonna run again. So yeah, we did that and then I wasn't allowed to eat for a certain amount of time. I went into the hospital the next day and got in all the robe and everything, like the dress thing that they make you wear in the hospital. And I went there with my mum and then I remember when I was getting the, the like to put you to sleep, the balloon. So basically I chose a flavour, I chose Fanta, I'm pretty sure. So this gas that I was inhaling or something would be like Fanta tasting until the actual medication kicked in and then it would just knock you out so you're ready for the operation. And so I remember being like wheeled into that and my leg being completely fine, like being able to bend— well, not completely fine because it was like a good 6 inches smaller than my other leg, but it was bending. All right. And then I remember going in and thinking, okay, it's fine. I'm always like a quite, uh, brave person, so I wasn't like scared. I kind of didn't want to think about it too much. I just kind of went in and was like, this is going to benefit me in the long run, so it's all right. Um, but I remember waking up when I was in recovery and I had the my prescribed painkiller at the time. I had morphine and it was like injected into me and then a tube to the thing where I could press the button and try and help the pain. But I remember waking up and it took me a while to like process it. And then you remember, you know, when you just like wake up with a shock and then remember it's like your birthday or something, except it wasn't that happy at the time. But I remember waking up and then realising oh wait, I'm here because I had an operation. And then lifting up like a blanket, sitting up, and then seeing this huge bulky cage on my thigh with like metal rods going through my bone, out the other side, all sorts, holes. And I couldn't actually see the holes in my leg because they were covered by big plasters. But I do remember seeing like the blood like clogging up the plaster, and that didn't really Help me! But I just like saw it and I was like, oh, okay, because you do get a shock. I think it was a lot of shock. It did feel like I've been like stabbed a couple of times, not gonna lie, but it was the shock of just seeing this big thing that was now my leg. My leg being 10 times heavier because it's a metal contraption on your leg, fully metal and quite big and bulky. So I just remember seeing that, be like, what is this on my leg? And so I started like screaming and crying for my mam, and then my mam came in and my mam says she just looked at us and was like, what have I done here? But I basically was hitting the morphine button maybe a bit more than I should have, but like, I just felt like nothing was helping the pain or anything like that. Nothing was happening to kind of relieve me. I ended up hitting it like 26 times and had to have it confiscated, but eventually it just knocked us out, so I was asleep and Then I woke up in our room that I was going to be in for the next 2 weeks without seeing the sunlight. So I woke up there and then I had a couple of visits from doctors and everything. My doctor who did it and different nurses were like, okay, do you want a milkshake or something? There was this one really lovely nurse who was like making me like pink milkshakes all the time, strawberry milkshakes. She was amazing. She was like, oh, so what milkshake do you want today, Tilly? She was great, everybody was really great, like the nurses and everything. But the first day, the doctor and the nurse came to me and they said, okay, do you want to try and like stand up and see how much you can do walking or anything? They did tell me that like not many people can, like people can stand up but don't push yourself to walk, and people can't usually walk, they just stand up and sit back down on the first day because I don't know, it like makes you really dizzy and sick, and that happened to me. So I stood up, and before I went into the operation, I was just like, right, no, it'll be fine, I'll just walk. I'm telling myself, yeah, it'll be great, I'm gonna prove like the doctors that I'm like, I can just do things straight away, which is really unrealistic, but that's what I thought. And I think that's what helped me through and not get so scared of the operation. But I was like, yeah, okay, let's try and stand up. So I stood up, obviously it hurt, and I like— since it's on my thigh, um, I would stand up and it would kind of feel like the metal would like tug on my skin because my skin's like being pulled down when I'm standing up by gravity, and then the pins are getting kind of tugged with it, which really hurt. I can remember that. But I stood up and then I was like, okay, this is fine, I'm gonna try and walk. And so I tried to walk. I was on a Zimmer frame at the time, like, because I can't use crutches obviously, and I really didn't like being on the Zimmer frame. But anyway, I was on the Zimmer frame and I stood up and was trying to walk to— and I got all the way to the bathroom in my room. So they have a little ensuite obviously, and I got all the way there and then I just started feeling really, really dizzy, like I was actually gonna throw up, like I was actually gonna faint. And so I just sat on like a chair closest to me. And but no, I couldn't properly sit down for all this time. I had this operation for 6 months and I could never sit down properly because it was really high up on my leg, on my thigh. So I would kind of have to just perch on everything or lie down. So I just perched on the closest seat and I was just like, I was rolling in the back of my head like, oh my gosh, I'm gonna faint, I'm gonna faint, I'm gonna faint, I'm so dizzy right now. And I'm really thankful for my mam at that time because she could see something wasn't right, and so she sat down next to me and she, like, was starting to, like, flick water on my face and, like, blowing on me, which you would probably think that's a bit weird, but I do feel like that is what I needed at that time. I just needed, like, some air, some water, some, like, coolness on my face. And I do think if she hadn't done that, then I would have just passed out. And I'm not even exaggerating here, being dramatic, but that's how it was, that's how it felt, and I shouldn't really try to go all that way. But eventually I, like, recomposed myself and I was able to get back into the hospital bed and, yeah, eat some dinner and everything like that. But that was, like, the first time I tried to stand up. The doctor did tell me, um, when I was having the operation that it would be an adventure. You can never really tell how it's going to react with somebody else's body anybody's body could be different. So he just said it will be an adventure and you just have to make sure that you keep your knee moving. But from my point of view, when I was in the hospital bed and I had this cage so close, like, to my knee as well, it was like, took up the whole of my thigh. You'll see in the pictures. But basically, since it was so close to my knee, when I would bend my knee like the closest pin was literally about, like, 2 centimetres above my kneecap. I'm not even joking. So when I tried to bend my knee, it would kind of just pull the skin and again pull the pin down, the metal scraping against it. And so I honestly, I couldn't even see how I was supposed to bend my leg like this because further down the line, the doctor said that, like, everybody that's very, very slim that you'll do this operation without getting an infection at one point because they are just holes in your leg. And further down the line, I did get like— I think I had the infection for like 4 weeks. It was a pretty long time. And the only way I could describe that is when I kind of stood up, it just felt like a really, really bad sunburn. Like if you ever had a seriously bad sunburn where like you don't even have to touch it and it's just sting like that. I remember, like, standing up and it feeling like I've just got, like, 6 really bad sunburns that immediately hurt as soon as I stand up. Ahem. So that's how it felt. But when he was telling me, "You've got to try and keep bending your knee," even though I couldn't do this and I had the infections at the time, like, if I bent my knee and it dragged the pin down a bit more, then that will cause yet another infection because it makes the wound fresh again and all the bacteria will get in and ruin your life. So, yeah, it was really hard trying to bend my knee, and so I just kind of physically wasn't able to do it, which is kind of why I can't bend it now. But, yeah, but when I first sat back down again, the first thing I wanted to do was get the morphine out of my arm. 'cause it was still in me at this point, like right there, and just I'd have the button if I wanted to squish it at any time. But I mean, I didn't— obviously the morphine was doing something because it knocked me out eventually when I was first got out of the operation and in recovery. I just fell fast asleep, which is probably because of that. But I didn't feel like it was helping the pain at all. Maybe it was, but for me personally, I didn't feel like it. I just felt like it was a thing on the end, on like there on my arm that was really hurting and stinging. There was a needle like stuck inside my arm, like get it out. That were my kind of thoughts. So as soon as I sat down, I was like, right, can we get this out please? Can we get it out? Which hurt when it was coming out. But anyway, I was in the hospital for 2 weeks and like my friends would come and visit me with presents and everything. Everybody was giving cards and stuff like get well soon. My family would always come and like see me, and there was always somebody in the room with me, like my mum and my dad, and my sisters came. Everyone came to like show their support, which was really lovely of everyone. And my friends got me a fluffy phone case and some chocolate, which is well needed. Um, but yeah, people were being really, really supportive, and I was just kind of stuck in bed for a couple of days not being able to do anything. There were a couple of times the doctors and the nurses would come in and get me to stand up again and see what I could do. I did have to have my pins cleaned, my pins cleaned at one point where they basically, they came in to get me and they wheeled my bed into the cleaning room where basically they had you lie down and they give you gas and air and they pour alcohol into your deep, deep cuts in your leg. And I was on gas and air, but I could still feel the pain. I was like, it stings so much. If you ever even get like antibacterial gel when you've got a cut on your arm or in your hand, um, having cuts like that deep and then having alcohol poured on in, oh my gosh, it was agony. But eventually I like finished that. My pins were clean. I did have to get them cleaned like every month, I'm pretty sure. And when I had my infections as well, it was like twice every month because you have to stay on top of that. I had a couple of antibiotics, but when I was in hospital, I was really like pale, and I was just like, I'm never gonna take outside for granted again. All I wanted to do was like get outside and see the sun and like breathe in some fresh air because I've just been like locked into this room for the past 2 weeks. So eventually when I was starting to feel a bit better while in hospital, I was in the wheelchair and I had like a leg holder thing so my leg could stay out because obviously I couldn't bend it. But they— my mum and my nana, we escaped and they took me outside and we went to this pub where I was like, I really want like a freezing cold Diet Coke. I was actually so happy to be just outside. And then And then the waiter— there was like, there was a seat outside, but I think it was kind of just for decoration. And so my mom and my nana went in, they were like, um, can we have some Coke outside so we can sit outside because she can't walk, she's in a wheelchair and everything. And he agreed, so we just kind of sat outside. And then we went into like a shopping center just to have a look around because we just needed to be out there, I think. Just for my own health, my own, like, goodness. I needed to, like, get out of that room. But eventually I had finished at the hospital. I had done my 2 weeks there, and I was able to go home. And when I went home, it was like, how am I going to get in the car like this? Because I couldn't walk. We had the wheelchair to get in, the frame to get in, my leg didn't bend, I had a huge cage, I couldn't even sit down. So that was a challenge, trying to get in the car, but we managed to do it. And all this time I was in hospital, my dad was busy trying to make my bedroom downstairs. So we had completely converted the garage into my bedroom and then an ensuite in there too. So like, that's really important. I thank my family so much for that. They're supportive. Like, they will completely change the house just so I can be downstairs because I couldn't be upstairs, and I kind of— it was an essential, really. So yeah, I really thank my parents for having that put in place so I would be able to go home comfortably. Like, I could get to the toilet because obviously that's pretty important. And when you're in hospital, I was having to use that like bedpan thing. If you don't know what that is, you basically wee into a cardboard box It's horrible. I hated it so much, so I was so excited to get home, and then I had this full-on new room waiting for me. Obviously it would be pretty rushed to get me back home again now, but it is my bedroom now and it's completely finished and it's amazing. But I haven't really talked about what this cage on my leg was doing, but basically since my left leg had stopped growing, I had this cage on to stretch my femur, which is your thigh bone. Um, a certain amount every day to kind of catch up with that one, my other one that is still growing. And basically there were like— I'll show you another picture because it's kind of really hard to explain— but there were like screws coming, like joining these two metal bits together that were going through my bone, and there would be screws like joining them, and then kind of looks like a thermometer type thing, but basically I had to loosen a lock on it, on each lock, on each like screw to lengthen. And I had to loosen everything, there were 6, and then I had kind of a sheet where it would tell me where each screw should be at each day, like how much it should go up, how much it would stretch me. And so that's basically what I had to do every day, check the worksheet she loosened the lock and lengthened my leg. And the first couple of days I could really feel it like lengthening, which wasn't nice. Like, it would ache and then I would get groin pains and stuff. And then further down the line I couldn't really feel anything. I was just like, oh, twist that a day, that's fine. But I still couldn't walk. And then it started getting pretty bad again. There were a couple of rules I had to stick to when I was doing this lengthening. Obviously the rules, how much to turn it each day. I couldn't turn it too much, otherwise the doctor's words to me, which were very reassuring, it will feel like you're in a torture chamber. So that was really lovely to hear. So I definitely didn't go overboard. Well, I did eventually, which we'll get to. But yeah, he said if it's too much for you, then you stop. You don't do it that day. If it hurts that day, you don't do it for your own good. I could never go on the beach as well because the beach would get into the holes, because by this point the were taken off. And the only one of my sisters who would actually look at it was my younger sister Hermione. I'm pretty sure she wants to be a doctor when she's older, so it's good that she's able to look at that things and not get like weak legs and everything, because my other sisters and my dad definitely did. They were like, oh, I can't look at it, because it's like a fear of theirs, like it makes them uncomfortable, which is fair enough. It's not offending me, but I mean, it was on my leg, so I didn't mind looking at it. I thought I was, as weird as it sounds, I was quite excited to like get the plasters off to see how it looked for some reason. I don't know, right? But a fun fact, when I got the plasters off, I realized like a tiny, tiny scar next to one of the pin sites, and it wasn't like in the pin site but like next to it. So that tells me that the doctor tried to put it in the wrong place and then realized, oh yeah, that's the wrong place. So now I've got an extra tiny, tiny little scar, um, where the pin like would have went in to begin with and then been like, no, that shouldn't be there. So yeah, fun fact. But there were a couple of days where like I did lengthen and it really hurt. And I remember one time I was like literally on the couch and I was just like couldn't move because obviously sleeping is really hard when you've got a big thing on your leg. And like, I remember when my metal bits that were kind of sticking out would get kind of caught in the springs of my bed, and so I had to like lift myself up and get out of there, which wasn't nice either. But I was like recovering all this time I was in hospital and going through this operation completely, and even after the operation for a bit, I wasn't in school which is a big deal because that's like half a year of my school that I haven't been to, which was really, really, really bad. Not great. But the school were like sending homework for the first— I'm not even joking— for like the first couple of weeks, not even months, like weeks, days. And then they just kind of stopped. So I was like, all right, free day for me, you know what I mean? But Yeah, I was out of school for this full time. I was still seeing my friends and stuff, they would always come to my house. But yeah, I just, I missed out on quite a lot of school. And same when I got the operation off, my leg was really bandaged and everything, and I missed a couple of school after that. But when I got back to school, this is kind of what pushed me into doing homeschooling, I think. If you didn't know, I was homeschooled, I am. But when I got back to school, the teachers were kind of like— I was like ready to learn, like, what have I missed? Let's see. And a lot of the time it would be like, oh well, we just did that for fun, so you don't really need to learn any of that now. Let's just— you can start with a new topic. And I was like, I don't know many people who go to school for fun. So I just felt like, why are you doing all these subjects for for fun? Like, why not just get the stuff done so you can leave school? I guess some people enjoy school, but really, I was just like, really? Like, just skip it? That's just my personal opinion anyway. But when I was in welfare, because my school wouldn't let me go in actual classes for a while because they were worried for my safety or something, um, the corridors can be quite like full and crowded and aggressive sometimes. So I was in welfare for a bit, just doing work on my own, which I just was really bored, to be honest. I just wanted to like go to classes, see my friends and everything. But I would basically be doing my work in welfare, um, which is where I was sat with everyone else who like weren't doing PE or something. That's where you go. And I was doing science one day with a teacher and she gave me one of the kind of assessments that they do, and a little test exam type thing. And I mean, I've never been best at science, not gonna lie, but for everything that I got wrong, oh, it's fine, we'll just skip over that, you won't need that, you won't need that, you won't need that. And I was like, what do you mean you won't need that? Like, at least tell us what— if you're telling everybody else what like this means, then why not tell me just because I don't need it? And why, if it's really not that important, then like why are you even teaching it? I mean, I don't really understand, right? Because everything I got wrong, she was just skipping over and she was like, oh well, that doesn't really matter, which I thought was kind of weird and kind of sparked my interest in homeschooling. Because obviously I'm now— I'm doing my GCSEs a year early because I'm getting everything done, um, quickly and everything important done, and I'm still having fun and meeting my friends at the same time. So yeah, I really like that a lot better. But there was a time during this operation where I got up one day from in my bedroom, and I, I got up and I was going to the bathroom and brush my teeth or something because I was going to do hydrotherapy and rehabilitation and stuff on that day. And I remember standing up and like trying to walk to my bathroom, which was in my room, wasn't very far. And I felt like something was gonna like crack in my leg. And I stood up, took 2 steps, and no joke, I felt something fully drop from like the top of my thigh to the bottom of my thigh inside of my leg. And so I was freaking out about that, obviously. Like, I couldn't walk very well until like a couple of minutes after. And that was just really scary, you know, because I didn't know what was going on my leg. I felt something drop. Like, can you imagine feeling something drop inside of your body from your leg to like from the top of your thigh to the bottom of your thigh, like next to your knee? That was scary, man. That was scaring me. So I ended up not going hydrotherapy that day, and then we went to the hospital later on because we had an appointment anyway, which was great, like very convenient. But we went to the hospital and I said, I felt someone drop in my leg, what is going on? Please sort it out. And I had an X-ray. Turns out something that the doctor has never seen before, which seems to be a recurring theme when it comes to me and my medical health. But my— to do the operation you need to break my bone and then lengthen in between and let the bone grow in between. So that's what lengthens it. But basically, my new bone that was growing in between my broken bones had broke and smashed into my broken bone that was already broken. So that's what I felt dropping in my leg and basically like I don't know, breaking my other bone. My newborn broke my new— I can't really remember. It was like my newborn broke and broke something else or something like that. But basically the doctor had never seen that before, and I had about like 4 femurs at this point. It had like been shattered into quarters. So yeah, we didn't really have a good run, but at least one thing's got to go wrong when it comes to me. At least one thing's got to be like unseen before, and I'm the first that ever happened to. Another fun fact, for my operation, my present was a cat, or two actually. It ended up being two. Um, I, I mean, my mom was like, felt bad that I was having to have this operation because of the meningitis that I survived, but it's still like annoying as type thing, getting in the way of my life. And so she was like, you know what, we'll get you a present today. And I was like, yes. And she was like, what do you want? And I was like, I want a cat, Mum. So I ended up getting a cat after a lot of persuasion. I was literally Googling like cat websites for ages, like adopting a cat and stuff, like kittens to be adopted and everything. So I was really, really excited for that. That was like another thing that got me into the operation, being like, oh well, I'm getting a kitten for this. So, you know, and I ended up getting a kitten for when I first got the operation on, but it wasn't old enough to come until like a couple of weeks later. So we got it then and I was able to pick her out. Oh, I was so excited. And she's called Sugar now. We call her Pushkin for some reason, don't ask, but she's called Pushkin but also Sugar. But she was like my absolute favorite. She got me through like the operation She was always like by my side and stuff, and she does this really weird thing where she just like gets really, really comfortable and just starts cuddling you and like sucking her tail and stuff. But she's like really, really lovable. She was cuddling me the whole time. Now she's like, 'Mum, if I'm gonna lengthen my leg, I need a cat to cuddle while I'm doing it,' you know what I mean? But I ended up getting another kitten when I got the operation off as well. And he's called Spice. So we have Sugar and Spice, and Spice is like a big lad, guys. Spice is like bulky, fluffy, like big cat thing, and they're both ragdolls. I love them so much. And yeah, now Sugar's given birth, so now I've got an extra 2 cats as well. 6 cats. So yeah, if you saw my 35 facts about me, I'll link it up here, then, then you will If you saw my 35 facts about me, I'll link it up here, then you will know I have 6 cats. And I had 2 cats before that. I got 2 cats from operation, and then they gave birth and gave birth to like 2 more cats, and now I have 6. But that's why. And but yeah, that's, that's a little fun fact. That's what got me through my operation days. And if you're going through an operation, ask your parents to get you a cat or a puppy. Yeah, I mean, I knew my parents would never be like, oh yeah, you can get a puppy because I've already got a dog. But like, my dad's not a big fan of dogs, but he loves cats. And I know like my family comprises cats, that's why I have 6 of them. Uh, but yeah, I got a cat. But basically, I'm going to tell you the story of when I kind of hit my limits at this operation. And I was able to get an extra 7 centimeters of length in my left leg, which is really, really good. And my doctor was always like, Tilly, like, you're 14— I was 13. I was actually, I think I was like 12 because it lasted like half a year, and it was 2 years ago now, so I was 12. And she was like, I've never seen somebody like do this well so young, and 'You're really determined.' Which is— yeah, I'm really determined, and sometimes that can be good, sometimes that can go too far and really hurt myself. But yeah, he just said, like, not many people can do that, and you're like— I was basically the biggest length that anybody, any of his patients, were able to get. So I mean, that's an achievement. Not that it's a competition, but I was like Yes, type thing. But basically I went to London because I had a job to film the O2 advert. I don't know if anybody has seen it, but I did kind of a bit in the O2 advert one time, and I went to London to film that. We went to wardrobe and stuff the day we got there and then went to the hotel, which was really nice by the way. Thank you O2 for point us up in that. But when, like, we had a couple of days where we could just do whatever, and then the actual filming day for the advert— my part in the advert, it's not very long, by the way, so don't get excited— but basically there was a day where it was a really, really great day. We, like, kind of woke up, everything was great, went for a walk around London. I love London. And then we went to this restaurant that was really cool that my mom had seen online. And I told myself that I wasn't going to lengthen that day. I wasn't going to turn the screws that day because it was hurt— my leg was hurting when I got up in the morning. So that was my decision. I said, no, I'm not gonna do it. Tilly Lockey, you're not gonna do it, right? Um, but when we got to this restaurant and it was kind of late at night, we were having tea or dinner, whatever you call it, like the last meal of the day, and It was really nice, and then we were about to finish and go back to the hotel, which was quite importantly in this story, it was like about a couple, a good couple of miles away from where we were staying. We were quite a long way away from the like actual London central bit, which we went to every day. So yeah, just remember that. But I was like, I want to get as much length as possible. Obviously, maybe I'm really determined and a bit stupid, to be honest. I decided, oh no, I'm just gonna twist these screws and lengthen a bit more, even though I told myself I wasn't gonna do it that day. And I know from past experience, do not lengthen before bed because that is a nightmare. You will never be able to sleep that night. Just don't, just don't. It's actually a recipe for disaster. But my silly self decided to twist the screws one last time, and I only twisted the first screw. There's 6, as I said, but I only got to twist like the first one, and then I just felt like this shooting pain right down my leg, right down my leg, just like aching, like Tilly Lockey, my body telling me Tilly, you absolute idiot! Why did you do that? Oh my gosh, you completely just ruined your leg, type thing. And I was like, so it was really, really bad and it really hurt and it was like the worst ever. And I was crying and then we needed to get home and the weather— pathetic fallacy in that— was like raining. It was dark, it was like pouring down, I'm not joking. Really adds to the scene here. And we got off the restaurant and I couldn't— I was in a wheelchair but I couldn't even move in the wheelchair at all. I was literally just like sat like that with my leg out. I couldn't move my leg. I couldn't even like— every time, since it was so cold, every time I like shivered, my leg would really, really hurt because it moved like a tiny bit. But it like was really, really bad that I couldn't even shiver and it would just really hurt. And obviously that's something you can't help when it's really cold. So I kept shivering, I was like stop shivering, it's really hurting. But yeah, we got out and it was the kind of debate whether to get in a taxi, which I was putting off because I couldn't even move in the wheelchair, so how am I going to get into a taxi? That was just going through my mind. It was really that bad that I thought I'm not even going to be able to do that, like there's no point even trying. Or walking all the way home and the pavement wasn't even that bad. It was like the tiles were like massive squares with not even a lump in between them, but like a little cut like that big in between each tile. And I just remember every time— and I just remember every time I was pushed in my wheelchair and went over one of the tiles, which we needed to do, it would like really, really hurt. And it was like 0.1 centimeter bump. I'm not even joking, but it really, really, really hurt every single time. And I was just like, no, we can't do this, we can't do this. So eventually we ended up pulling a taxi. And what we didn't know, which would be really helpful at the time, is that, well, not much— only a certain few taxis have them. But the taxi we pulled over had a ramp, which was like my dream come true. I was thank the heavens above, we have a ramp. So that was great, but it still really hurt when getting in because like the lumps was bigger than— if a 0.01 centimetre lump can hurt us, then like a 2-inch one really can. So that like hurt when I was getting in, but once I was in, I was like, thank you so much to the taxi driver, like so grateful. I was like, oh my gosh, get me home now. But we went back to the hotel, and this was before my actual job by the way, guys. So I'm stressing like, oh my God, how am I even gonna do this like job? I'm stressing like, oh my gosh, how am I even gonna like do this job when I can't even move in the wheelchair? But we got to the hotel, got out, and then we got to our room, and my parents had literally like lift us up somehow without moving my leg or touching it at all. And like put us down and into bed. And it, like, I remember it must have been like quite— it was really hard for them because once I got in, like, I couldn't sleep at all that night. I had about honestly 5 minutes sleep. I was just kind of like twisting and turning. I was like, well, not even twisting and turning because I couldn't twist and turn, but I was kind of sat there like, I can't sleep right now. I actually can't sleep. I can't even move. Oh my gosh, what is going on? And so it was really hard for them, but they were emailing the doctor like all night, and the doctor was great and he was getting back to us, and he was giving us like prescriptions for, uh, a great painkiller. Like, I'm saying great, but like a good painkiller, like it kills pain well. Yeah, um, but he gave us a prescription for this painkiller called Cocodromal, which would really, really help. And he basically said it was like what I've been feeling, um, from what he'd heard, because obviously he he wasn't there, he couldn't see for himself. But he just said like, it'll be like my bone like cutting through my tissue or something. I'm not really sure, something like that, that I— caused me like not be able to move. So he prescribed us this cocodamol. And so the next day my dad went to the nearest pharmacy, picked it up, and yeah, I had that when I went to, um, there's this awesome place in London called the Rainforest Cafe. It's like a restaurant but a jungle, like they have gorillas and everything, just like wax figures and just cool. They're like talk, and there's like thunderclouds and everything in the restaurant. It's crazy, but it's my favorite place to go ever, so we had to go there. And then my dad gave me the cocodermol. I had it, and it was like a prob— big like tablet. It's like a fully huge tablet. I don't know how I swallowed it, to be honest, but I did. I was desperate. But then I got into the Rainforest Cafe and I was actually like falling asleep because it was so strong. I couldn't feel the pain anymore, but I was like falling asleep literally in my chair. And I was like, this is my favorite place, I want to eat my meal, but I keep falling asleep. But it was really strong and it really, really helped. And yeah, thank you for the doctor who stayed up all night literally emailing my mom, seeing what could happen. Like, that is a lot of care from the doctor, which I really respect. And so I had that and I, like, didn't have any more, I don't think. I was like, I mean, it still hurt, but it wasn't as bad and I could handle it the next couple of days and stuff. And then on the actual filming day, it still hurt, but I was able to, like, just stand up for a bit. And I remember the directors were, like, really scared. They were like, 'Oh, do you want to sit down? Do you want to sit down?' Because I had to like stand up out of my wheelchair because they knew that I was in a wheelchair, but I could do it and I agreed to do it. But they knew that and they were like, 'Oh, are you okay? Are you okay? Like, okay, we'll do this and then sit down quick before we're like— then we'll get the smoke out and everything and then we'll send you up and then like 5 seconds later you'll sit down.' And he was like really stressed about the fact that he was like scared I would fall or like hurt myself and everything, which is really like nice. And again, like, really careful of them. But I did that, and the advert came out pretty cool, so, you know, it's fine. And then I was just decided then, that is the limit, we're not lengthening again, I'm getting it off. And I ended up getting 7 centimeters, and I got the operation on, on May 7th. It was going to be May 17th, and then it turned into May 10th um, because I know somebody needed in there. I don't know, I don't know. But it got changed to May 10th, so I got the operation on May 10th. I got it off at the end of September, and I managed 7 centimeters of length. And the doctor had in mind that I would get the operation off like next May next year, or February I think it was. And obviously I did so much better and finished so many months earlier, so it was great. And I got it off and I looked down at my leg, like this big bandage, and I just lifted my leg up and like I just looked at my mum and I was like— and she was like, what? And I was like, my leg feels so light. After having a metal contraption on your leg for half a year and then getting it off and it just being a bandage and your leg back, it felt so light. I actually felt like a feather. Everything was so much lighter. Everything was so much easier. And then the doctor came, a nurse came in to see me, and she was like, okay, so Tilly, we found out that you can actually stand up and walk now. And I'd learned how to walk. I'd learned how to walk eventually with the cage on my leg, like without the frame and everything. So I would go to my doctor's appointment walking just to show my doctor like I could do it. And so I could do that. And then I just thought, like, when I'm just getting this off, it's really, really fresh. Like, my bone has just had, like, screws taken out of it. Are you sure I'm able to, like, stand up and just walk? I really didn't trust it. I was like, no way, are you joking? There's no way I can just stand up and walk just like that after everything. And she was like, oh, I'll just try. And I was so cautious. I was, like, wobbling around, like, but I was able to do it. And I just started walking with, like, my leg. And as I said, it was so much lighter, so much more comfortable. I didn't have like metal tugging down my leg the full time, so it was really great and I was so happy to get it off. And now I have 6 whole scars in my leg, on my thigh, to remember it. Yay! So I've got like, um, 2 higher ones that are bigger and then a medium and then there's like 2 tiny ones. But they're full-on like holes in my leg now, scarred over. But yeah, I get to remember the experience. But yeah, that's how it basically went. And that's when I decided enough is enough. My leg's got 7 centimeters more. My right leg's still growing. And so I was really worried that I was gonna have to get the operation again. But since I really didn't like it, I just told myself I'm 4 foot 11 now. And I've stopped growing. There's loads of people who— well, not loads of people, but there's like, it's acceptable to be 4 foot 11. Like, I see people around who are the same size as me all the time. So I was like, I don't mind being 4 foot 11, okay? Like, stop the other leg from growing, that's fine. I'm never getting that one again. But to stop that growing, you need an injection, and I was really like scared about the injection because obviously it's better than a full cage but I was just thinking, an injection like in ear groove, please. I'm not big on injections at all. I used to be until like recently where it like made me go dizzy again. And I think the main reason I didn't like it, to be honest, was because it made me feel dizzy and made me feel like how I did when I had the operation and when my mom had like blew on my face. That's what it felt like. And so now I'm like really scared of injections, but Yeah, I was gonna have to have an injection on my— in my growth plates to stop the other one from growing as well, so I wouldn't need the operation again. But I went to the doctors recently. It was kind of bittersweet, not gonna lie, because I got there and we was like checking up on my knee because I'm doing physio, intense hydro physio, to try and get my bend back because that's been really difficult. After not bending it for half a year and now like 2 years, as I mentioned, that's how it all started. And the hydro— basically the doctor said that my knee was problematic to begin with and what a small problem turned into a lot bigger and now it's like really struggling to get back to normal. So I'm trying to do that. But when I went to the doctor's, when he was checking over my leg, I asked him So I'm not getting the cage on again. So do you— we want to schedule in the injection to stop the other one from growing? And he told me, oh well, there's new things out now, or there will be out soon, so you won't need an injection. And if you do need to lengthen again, it won't be a cage. So cages and like, I don't know, like I don't know how long it'll be, a couple of months, maybe a year or so, will be a thing of the past. And it's gonna be so much easier. And we always thought when I had it on, this is something— this is like, like the stretching torture chambers that they had way back when in, I don't know what years, like early years. And it seems like it's not come with the times at all. And now he's telling me, oh yeah, there's gonna be a new thing on after you've just ruined your leg like that. And now you struggle to get back to normal again, oh well, it won't be a thing anymore. So I was a bit like, so I could have waited 2 years and my leg have been easily lengthened and be fine now, right? Okay, so I was a bit angry about that, to be honest. Obviously nobody can really like tell when new technology is going to come out and make things better, but I'm telling you now, if you're going to need that operation wait until something better comes out and then it's going to be so much easier. That's what he told me. And he said you won't need an injection, which I was buzzing about. I was like, yes, thank the Lord, like, that's great. I won't need an injection because that was something I was really, really scared about. Like, actually, I got to the point where at night I was like Googling how to grow and how does your body grow, at what time, like, what makes your body grow. And doing the exact opposite so that— I mean, it wouldn't have stopped it from growing, but like try and hold it down, which it wouldn't. But that's just what was going through my mind, right? Okay, don't judge me. But it got to the point where I was literally in bed, I was never like straightening my leg in bed, I would always have it bent in bed, like the one that does bend, um, so that it couldn't grow as much, which is like not gonna work at all. But that's That's what I did because I was really avoiding this injection, which is stupid since I've been through like the whole lengthening operation. But yeah, if you're getting that, just wait, everything will be fine. So obviously that was great, but I was just a bit like, 3 years later I wouldn't have been in this situation, you know what I mean? It's like, whatever, whatever. But yeah, that is basically the story of how my leg stopped growing and still hasn't been in 2 years. I hope you enjoyed this video. I am still working on it. I'm doing hydrotherapy, um, every Monday, and I did hydrotherapy on Tuesday as well for a bit, but I'm not doing that anymore. But I might start doing that again. I'm doing gym sessions, physio at home. I'm really pushing on with that, and I just want to add in here, a couple of months ago I went to the doctors and I've been— went to another doctor now. I'm not with the same doctor anymore because he's like a really great surgeon and he's got bigger things rather than me, my rehab— rehabilitation. So I've moved to a different doctor and I got there and he was just like, listen, Tilly, I don't know if you're gonna get back to normal. I don't think your leg will let you. I don't know if like It's just— you should just give up on physio, you should just give up on hydro, and like, at least you can walk. But I was just like, no, I'm not going to just give up on my leg because it's given up on me type thing. Like, if you think it's not going to get back to normal— I've said this before, when someone tells me I can't do something, that gives me the motivation to do it even more. So if somebody's telling me that my leg will never get back to normal again, then I'm gonna make sure it does, and I have hope that it will. So as soon as we finished that appointment, we got in the car and I was just like, you know what, it's not gonna happen. I'm gonna get it back to normal no matter what he says. And we basically put on like music, like strong, like we're talking Tom Walker type of music, like boom type of music, like the movie you like seeing and listen to in movies during like a fight scene or something that it just gets you going. That's the type of thing we were listening to, and I was just like, hell no, I'm gonna get this back to normal, and I'm gonna walk in here and like kick my leg in the air, do the splits in front of it and be like, I got it back, yes, type thing. So that's just my mindset. If somebody ever tells you like that you're not going to be able to do it, get some music on and use that, turn that into positivity and use it to motivate you and to prove that person wrong because it really helps. And I, um, I'm gonna be so smug when I go in there and I'm like just like doing lunges across the room. That is actually gonna be me because don't you tell me that I'm not gonna get something back to normal because it's gonna happen now even more. But anyway, I hope you enjoyed this video. Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe, and I'll hopefully see you all next time. Bye! Something.