4:1 Concept: The #1 Way to Deepen Relationships

Hello and welcome to Mastermind Mastery, the podcast for professionals who want to create and run successful peer advisory councils, or as we call them, PACs for short, or they're also known as peer groups or business mastermind groups. I'm your host, Tina Corner Stolz, founder of Elixir Council, where I've been in the industry running groups since 2005 and now help those like you with education, certification, and support wanting to do the same. At one time, I ran 10 groups, nearly 100 members, and sold my groups For a Good Multiple and recently released my second book, Your Seat at the Table: How to Create and Run Your Own Peer Advisory Councils, published by Forbes, and grateful to you that it's an Amazon bestseller. I invite you to join each week where we share strategies and techniques to successfully launch and become a master of running your PACs. You'll hear insights, perspectives, do's and don'ts, learn from my and my guests' mistakes, successes, and get the inside track to key takeaways. Each time we have a guest, we'll be having a bit of fun.

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Let's get going and dive into today's episode. Hello everyone, it's Tina here. We have a special event coming up in November in St. Petersburg, Florida. It's the first ever national open conference for anyone wanting to run and already running peer groups or mastermind groups. Join us for 2 days, VIP reception with the keynote speakers, and a a full day of upping your game and running groups with peers like you who are experienced or just want to get more knowledge before starting their journey and creating their first group. This conference is for you if: 1, you're already running groups and you want to be better, or you want to be the best. You want to learn from other experienced moderators and get inside tips to the latest meeting techniques. Or 2, if you're thinking about creating and running groups and want all the knowledge on how to do it right. And learn from veterans, then this conference is for you. But time's running out. There's only a few VIP tickets available and the conference has limited capacity. So as soon as we hit it, we're going to have to close registration. So join us in downtown St. Pete, November 9th through 11th. It's the best self-development gift you can give yourself. And don't you want to be the best at running groups? See you in November.

Hello everyone. Welcome to this week's episode of Mastermind Mastery. This is the podcast for you if you want to learn how to create or even run your own peer advisory councils or mastermind groups even better than what you're doing today. So today's episode, I'm excited to talk about. I'm Tina Corner Stolz, your host, and it's about building upon a concept I talked about a previous episode called the FORD concept. So if you guys, um, listen to that episode, then you know what I'm talking about. If not, I completely encourage you to go back and listen to it because the FORD concept is about how you have a framework to talk to others, so to build a deeper relationship. So the FORD being F for family, O learning about somebody's occupation, R is about recreation and understanding what their hobbies are, etc., D is their dreams—

what are their dreams.

So in speaking with someone, it's always great to know their Ford, their family, what it is they do, what they love to do for fun and in their spare time. And then D is what are their aspirations, their dreams. And that in truly developing relationships, you really need to know everybody's Ford. So it's a framework to use, um, in order to have deep dive kind of conversations. So what I found is that in order to have effective deep dive conversations, I had to combine the Ford concept with a 4-to-1 ratio concept. So today we're gonna learn about what that is and how can this 4-to-1 concept improve and deepen relationships that increase actually the opportunity for you to understand where you can help someone and be a resource connector, how it is you can, by doing this concept, actually close more members, have deeper connection with your members. And so your takeaways today You're going to learn all of that. But this is such a simple, simple concept that people don't use. And I think it's because, number one, aside from not knowing about it, is that we are in, you know, sometimes today just a very— you're right, it's quick. Like, you want things to happen quickly. A lot of times the attention span and being able to be present is a challenge for people. And so the 4:1 concept allows you to be present, and, and you're gonna learn about how it really is impactful because people feel like they are really being listened to, which is not necessarily something that is common in today's environment, especially the business environment. So let's dive deep into what this 4:1 ratio is, this concept is. So what it is by definition is that it's 4 questions to 1 topic. It's that simple. So per topic that you're talking to someone about, you're going to, in your mind, think, I'm going to ask 4 questions. And each question builds upon the question you previously asked. So let's just do something simple. And you ask someone, how was your day? So if someone came up to me and said, Tina, how's your day going? And I go, you know, it's going great. A lot of times people leave it there, right? And they don't dive deeper in. And maybe, you know, my answer was just very superficial in a way because I said it's great. I didn't really expand on why it was great because, you know, I wasn't really sure they really wanted to know. Maybe it was just kind of this passing, how was your day? And that's just small talk. And they really didn't want to know how my day was. So but if somebody really did want to know how my day was, they might then use the 4 to 1 concept and build upon the first question, which they asked, Tina, how's your day going? And I said, well, it's great. They go, well, what's great about it? And I'm like, huh, okay, well, now I have to think about what is great about my day. And I might say, well, you know, actually, that's interesting you ask because I just had this really phenomenal call with someone I was introduced to and they have an unbelievable business they think we're going to be able to collaborate on. And then the next question, right? I'm now on my third question. I'm going to ask Tina, which is, oh, really? Well, what kind of business is that? Like, in what way do you think you might collaborate? And then I'll expand and I say, well, they— it looks like they have a type of program that can help my audience, and what I have can help their audience. So I think we're going to collaborate on two kind of concepts, learning concepts that we have. Well, that is great. So what do you— what's kind of going to be your next step then? Oh, well, we have a follow-up call, and, and, um, I think, you know, actually we're going to meet at a specific conference. I'm going to have a chance to actually meet them. Well, that's, that's really great. So what conference are you going to? And this can just keep going, right? But look at what you learned by using this 4-to-1 concept. It was a much deeper, right, conversation. You got me to open up and talk more about why I gave the answer I gave and how much you learned. So you might have learned about a conference. You might have learned about a way in which I might be— that I'm excited about collaborating with someone on. And what in turn does that tell you? It may tell you that you might be able to help me. You might be able to refer me. Or if anything, what it told me is that you actually really cared about when you asked what kind of a day I was having. So it created a deeper connection between the two of you. So the 4-to-1 concept is for every question, again, you ask follow-up questions, okay? And you can keep going on those follow-up questions until it just, you know, doesn't make sense to keep going. And, or, right, number one, it doesn't make sense to keep going because you found everything else you knew that you needed, and then you can switch topics. And sometimes the 4 levels is better if you do it maybe 3, or it could be that it might be 6 questions. But the whole point about 4 is it actually creates 3 more built upon your original question to dive deeper, and that's a pretty good average ratio to always use. Okay, so that's what 4 to 1 means, and that's kind of how you use it. And so it's diving deeper into a topic, more are what we call vertical versus horizontal questioning, right, for the deeper connections. So what's the other benefits that you get out of doing this vertical questioning? Well, there's lots of benefits. It will help you be a better resource connector. Again, that was another episode I talked about. So what's a resource connector, right? It's someone who, as you're talking to people, you're helping to connect them because of the interest that you know they have and how you can help them and how you might help them advance on what their dreams are because you know they're Ford, or what they maybe love to do because you know they're R, recreation. But by doing this type of questioning, you know, you're going to learn things that actually will uncover opportunities that otherwise wouldn't present themselves, right? So the vertical question not only gives you the opportunity to get to know someone, It also shows that you care and you're listening because you can't do the follow-up question unless you're listening to the answer they gave you, right? And so it proves that you're actually listening and you're engaged and you're being present in the conversation. And when you do that, people connect with you and have a favorable opinion of you because you're not, quote unquote, wasting their time because you are truly vested in learning more about them. Right? And that will unearth opportunities and also will unearth things that you guys have in common that otherwise maybe would have never come out. So let's do one more quick example. Another example could be is let's say someone asked, you know, oh, hey, you know, as you kind of meet people for the first time, well, tell me about basically where did you grow up? Well, I grew up on a farm in Missouri.

Oh, really?

Well, where, where is that farm? It's literally in the middle of nowhere. Okay. In central Missouri. Oh, well, that's interesting. Well, so did you grow up on the farm your whole, your whole life? Like when you were in school? I did. And well, what did you do on the farm? Oh, well, you know, I helped my dad. I was on the tractor. I got weeds out of soybeans. You know, all that typical stuff you hear about. I did all that. Did you really? So did you love that? I bet that was a great, you know, childhood and, and for you, or, you know, was it like you didn't really want to be on the farm because there was, there not a lot of things to do? No, I loved it. It was a great childhood, etc., blah, blah, blah. So the whole thing is, as you can tell, it's just one question built upon the other, right? Where can this really be helpful when you're speaking to a potential prospect? I use this where when you have objections, okay, and where the prospect is probably maybe, you know, um, comes down to it, you're kind of trying to close them about being in your group, you think they're a great fit but they come up with an objection. This 4-to-1 concept is extremely helpful when you hear objections. It's also extremely helpful when you're trying to kind of qualify people so that you can get to the real heart of what the situation is. It's the best way I can put it. So I will use it in two examples. One, a lot of times when I speak to people and they go, what do you do? And I say, this is what I do, right? I have a licensing program. I help others be very successful in creating and running their own peer advisory councils. And then I might say back, have you ever heard of peer groups or mastermind groups? And somebody says, well, yes, I have. I never leave it there because I don't really know if they have heard of the correct definition of that. A lot of times they might think it's networking. And this is not, as you know. So I will say, well, tell me more. What do you know about them? Or how do you know? And they might say, well, you know, I've been involved in one. It's like, well, great. Well, tell me, tell me more about that. And they will say, well, it's BNI. Have you ever heard of BNI? And I will say, yes, I have, but that is not a peer group. That is a networking group. So now I got clarification. If I had stopped and not asked that next question, I would have assumed that they were correct and that they did participate in a real peer group or mastermind group, but they didn't. And so it really helps clarify somebody's answers that you don't assume, okay, that the previous answer actually was the correct one. And so one is for clarification, right? Number two, let's go to objections that I talked about. So with objections, particularly, I love the one when it comes down to price. And if somebody says, well, you know, I would love to do this, Tina, but I, I can't. I just don't have the funds right now and I can't. And I go, well, let's talk a little bit about more about that. So let's say I'm talking to a prospect named Bob and I go, Bob, so tell me more about what is it that you feel like you can't, you know, afford? And what's— what about the funds is stressful for you? And then Bob might say, well, I just don't have it in my cash flow. And I was like, okay, well, first of all, I'm glad you're doing a cash flow statement. But second, it's like, do you project, like, since you're doing a cash flow statement, kind of when you might have the funds? And Bob would say, well, actually, yes, I anticipate that in 90 days. And I go, now what's different in the business that you're going to have the funds in 90 days and you don't have them today? And then Bob might say, well, it's because I have a big contract coming in and I'm waiting. And we are just off in the timing based upon we're performing on the contract, but we're not going to get our initial payments until then. And I'll say, great. So let me ask another quick question, Bob, in regards to that. How confident are you about this contract and those payments coming? Oh, well, it's a done deal. It's just, it's just a matter of timing. Okay. So then what you're really telling me is, is that this is a matter of timing. It's not that you don't have the funds. Well, actually, I guess that's true. So now I've uncovered what the real challenge is, and now I can work with Bob on, right, opportunities to maybe figure out a way for him to start being in the group, but also work with the fact that he's not going to have funds for 90 days. So maybe we just delay partial payment. Maybe if I feel like, you know, he's absolutely the right fit member and I want him to participate sooner than later because maybe there's a special meeting coming up and it would really be advantageous for him to be in, maybe it is that we're going to be doing some type of strategic planning, you know, conversations in the meeting, and that would be good for him relative to now it's towards the end of the year and everybody's getting ready for the next year. Maybe having a social, and I want to be sure that he's involved in that. So whatever that might be. But now I can actually figure out a win-win scenario because I know what the real, the real issue is. So I would never know that if I didn't use the 4-to-1 concept. So the 4-to-1 concept can help you overcome objections and really get to the heart of it, understand and clarify that people are You know, understand what you do, but also what maybe you're asking. Show that you're present, that you care. Aid in your— you being a resource connector because of what you find out about someone. Deepening the relationship because people buy from people they love and that they like and that they respect and they think they have their best interest at heart. And one of the best things about the 4-to-1 concept is, is that What we talk about is that members need to believe that you care about their business as much or more than they do. And the 4-to-1 concept helps convey that exact sentiment, that you care about them, you care about the person in order to learn more about them, that the majority of audiences out there do not do. Okay, so this will be a big differentiator for you and giving you and something in your arsenal that is so simple but will absolutely separate you from the pack because of what it will mean when you have these kinds of conversations. So that's the 4-to-1 concept. Combine it with the FORD concept, F-O-R-D, and you have a winning conversational strategy that will help propel you to more members, and deeper relationships with your existing and your centers of influence. So that's today's topic, everyone. 4 to 1, very easy. And, um, with that, I will leave you and look forward to talking to you next week on our next episode. And until then, go make it happen.

Hey, moderators of groups, thank you so much for listening to today's podcast. To get access to today's show notes and exclusive content and resources, visit TinaCornerStolz.com/podcast or LXcounsel.com, where you can also become part of an exclusive online community, attend our academy, or get free resources, templates, checklists, and more. And you can even contact me there as well. So if this episode resonated with you and you know someone someone who can also benefit from listening, please share with them by taking a screenshot and even posting on your social media. I also love reviews and appreciate hearing from each of you, those actually doing this wonderful work. Please tune in next week for another episode of Mastermind Mastery. And I'll close by sharing something my mentor did after every learning moment. He shared a shiny pebble from his pocket with anyone he passed knowledge to and asked them to forward that pebble knowledge on. So now I encourage you to go pass on a pebble, the takeaways you learned today, to either your existing groups or fellow peers. Now go make it a great one.