Lead with Confidence: Expert Moderation Tips for Mastermind Meetings

Welcome everyone to another episode of Mastermind Mastery. This is the podcast for you if you are wanting to create or already running peer groups.

It's what we call PACs, Peer Advisory Councils. They might be known as mastermind groups, CEO peer groups, all the same. But this is the podcast if you want to run better PACs, that you want to be better at being a moderator, you want to up your game, learn advanced techniques, hear from myself as well as guests, what works, new concepts, trends, techniques. Also learn content, things you could take back to your meetings, different ways to do different things to solve problems that we all have when we're running groups. It will increase your retention, reduce your attrition, get you more members, make you more money. This is the podcast for you. I'm Tina Corner Stolz. The host. I've been doing this since 2005. I built a territory of 10+ groups, sold for a multiple, started Ellis Council, Leader Exchange Council, in 2012. We are a licensing model. We are the leading educator in the peer advisory council space. We have the podcast. I have a licensing program with certification. I've written 2 books. So today, when you hear this episode, each and every week it's a new podcast where we dive deep into a topic for 15, 20 minutes. One week it's me doing a deep dive on all the experience and insights from not only today with our entire licensed partner community or the past, what I've learned along the way, but we also have guests that are out there doing groups today that share their insights and new concepts. So let's get started with today's episode.

Welcome everyone to another episode of Mastermind Mastery, and I'm your host, Tina Corner Stolz. And today's episode is basically a series on moderating. So some advanced techniques when you are moderating your group, some do's and don'ts. What do you do when this happens? What do you do when that happens? And I just thought about, you know, we don't talk enough about the skills of moderating. We talk a lot about the mechanics of running your meeting, but the skills of moderating is an entirely different subject that First of all, I believe takes years, years to develop advanced level skills. And I thought, you know, I'm just going to lead a couple of episodes just about things about moderating. So here we go. So in today's episode, I'm going to talk about a couple of, um, tactics, situations, and then what do you do about it when you're moderating the meeting. And my objective is to get you really thinking about your own moderator skills. Where do you want to develop them? What areas in moderating the meeting kind of trip you up that you have difficulty with? And hopefully over time of a few episodes, I will address those. However, if you wanna make sure that I do address 'em, I encourage you to drop me a line and say, hey, can you talk about when this happens, because I will absolutely fit it in and do that. Let's get started. So these are random, but I'm going to start with one in particular. And I just got asked this the other day about when you're in the middle of doing what many of you may call a check-in, what we describe as my transition. Some of you may just strictly call it an opening, a warm-up exercise, whatever it may be. But it's when you've asked your members at the beginning of the meeting to describe, okay, like how they're doing. So a lot of people will describe and have them say a few words. Sometimes it's a ranking, um, personal health and business. There's a variety of ways to do it. But what I want to talk about today is that in that specific opening where all the members are just getting settled, you're starting your meeting And you roll into my transition, and you have asked more specifically about one or two words that describe their mindset, or maybe just one sentence in regards to how they're doing. And it really is informational from the standpoint of just a high level. You're not asking them to expand on it. It's very short and sweet. And it's a warm-up. And the warm-up, as we've talked in previous episodes, has a purpose. And I'm not going to get in that today. What I'm going to get into is what to do when somebody says something and you're like, hmm, do I need to elaborate on that, have them elaborate on it? And if so, when do I do that? That's what we're going to talk about. So when do you stop and ask? For the member to get more specific. And do you do it? Do you not do it? And particularly, we're going to talk about what if it's positive, or what if it is a more kind of challenging type of statement. So let's just start with if it is a positive statement, where I'm going to use the example— if you're going around, you're asking some of your members to give one or two words about their mindset, and someone says opportunistic. Unbelievable that they bring out these really, you know, impactful, tremendous words that are not the run-of-the-mill. And you know that there's more behind it because you can see it in their eyes, the tone of voice, about how— lack of a word— excited they are. So you have when there's positive. Now let me flip it to what do you do that if the opposite occurs and someone is saying words that are the other end of the spectrum, like, I'm stressed, I'm befuddled. I love that word. I've heard that one of our licensed partners multiple times, and I'm like, You just don't hear it that often. And so it's very specific, right? You might hear defeated. So especially if you have not heard members, a specific member, talk about those words before, then you know something is outside the normal box. So you've got one end of the spectrum is positive, one end of the spectrum is more challenging. So here you are in the middle of having your members go around and speak. As a moderator, as a moderator skill, do you— you have 3 ways to handle this. Number 1, do you ignore and move on because you're managing time in the meeting? And do you have time for everybody to explain why it is that they've said the word they, they have said? So that's number 1. Ignore. Number 2, you can stop and have everybody elaborate on their words, or one individual. Or 3, you can wait and elaborate later. Okay, so you have ignore. You either stop right then and there, have them elaborate, or you wait until everybody is gone and then you come back. Many times as a moderator, you might want to change up your meetings. And have each member, when they say what they have said, to just elaborate with one or two sentences and that's it. Not a paragraph, not a whole story or dissertation, but one or two words. So if one— somebody says opportunistic, you might ask all your members to say whatever it is that you are saying as your word. I want you to do one or two sentences. So if I did opportunistic, I might say, because three new great right-fit deals have come in for us to bid on. So that is a short and sweet while I— my mindset is opportunistic. If befuddled is my word, I might, um, elaborate by saying there are some situations within the company in the last week that I am really befuddled because they've never happened before. They seem and I just feel like something's not right. So befuddle. Okay, that could be then an option where when everybody elaborates on their word, because you chose to have them do that up front. Okay, you can do that as a change of pace. You can make it a normal situation as far as how you maneuverable part of your structure of the meeting, and you can do it that way. But I know most of you, I believe, don't. You just ask for those words, and therefore, what do you do about elaborating? The key is you can ignore it if it's just right, not gonna gain a whole lot about stopping and having somebody elaborate. So when you believe it's the opposite, which is what this whole conversation is about today, is how do you know when to stop and how do you know when to wait? And so here are a few things to consider. You're going to stop right then and there if you believe that the member is extremely distracted and they need to elaborate because you can tell it is deeply bothering them. Or they're just overjoyed, and that's distracting to the group. And you know that if you just glance over it, pass over it, everybody is going to stay fixated on it. And you really can't keep everybody's attention span until you actually have that member say more. Okay, so you have to be in tune with the reaction that it has on the entire group to know that you need to stop right then and there. So, example: Some of you may have heard this before, but an extreme example that was accurate is, is one time I had a member start out with, with saying that they were devastated. And this was extremely unusual for that member. They rarely, um, were dramatic, lack of a better word. The majority of the time they were positive and, and uplifting and optimistic, etc. So I knew right then and there I had to stop because when they said devastating, I could tell with all the rest of the members in the group that they were like, ah, and they wanted to know why. And I knew I had to stop and said, please elaborate. So one big sign is when the rest of the members, you can tell, are on the edge of their seat and they want to know more, then you need to stop. Out of respect that they are truly interested, and then also for learning. But you're doing it so that you can move on and people don't stay fixated on it. I hope that that makes sense. Number 2, how do you know to stop when it is so extreme? You actually have to know more because it's extreme. And not only is everybody distracted, but you can tell that that member needs to say more. And if you wait, which was another option for them to elaborate, then what happens is it causes everybody's mindset to go back and forth. So the member that said, I am, you know, let's just say devastated. It's hard that if I'm a member and I'm going to go and say something for me to follow up with, what if I'm next to say that things are great because this member over here, one of my peers, just said devastated. And I think that's where we need to focus. They may need us now. And I don't think the focus should be on me because life is great. So it helps in regards to compassion, sympathy, or empathy, depending. And it shows that you're listening, but you're listening both with your eyes and your ears. You need to stop. OK? Part of stopping as a positive in your moderating process is that you know you only have kind of so much time. And the goal is that, all right, I'm going to stop at this moment. It seems significant. It seems like for the reason that we even have this, my transition, get everybody focused in the meeting, that I need this member to elaborate briefly so that we can move on, as it should be. But you know about then how much time you have left or what you need to do by having that member address it right then and there. And so what do I mean by that? Devastated. Let's go back to that. The member says, I'm devastated, and maybe it turns out that they were embezzled. That's significant. Maybe that's not what they were going to bring up as their coping, their challenge, their opportunity, their problem or idea, because they're embarrassed and they're not ready to talk about it. But it's important that the group knows where their mindset and that headset is of the member during the meeting, understandably. So the member says, I've been embezzled, I don't have details, I'm not ready to talk about it. I, you know, I'm just beside myself. I don't know what it means to the company, etc. So that can be the moment that that member needs the support of the group and the support they can give it— give that member. So it can be detrimental to them feeling like the people around them— and they do have the support, even though it means they don't have to talk about it. If you were to have waited until everybody else had gone or lack of a better word, just skipped over it. One, you would never know that. You wouldn't know that the member needs something. So you got to read their signs, right? Read the signs. So many of you may know, and I think most of you do not know, I am a Bachelor and Bachelorette fan. I love that show. It is my indulgence. In regards to TV. I find it fascinating, and I think I do because of the, of the human nature of it all. And one of the interesting parts behind The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, there's always drama, right? There's just always drama. Well, in this particular season, it's The Bachelorette that's on right now, and she's getting ready to do this activity with her, you know, one of the, the men that are there to court her. And the activity includes like heights, and she's afraid of heights. And so she's out there, they're on the edge of this ledge, and he's not being really supportive. He's not reading her. And she keeps saying over and over, he's not reading me, he's not reading me, he's not getting that I don't want to do this. And I— and because he didn't read her and he just kept pushing her, she went into tears, and then he became sympathetic. So it had to get to that level because he wasn't reading the situation. So as a moderator, you have to read the situation. You have to read when your member needs a moment to explain why they've said what they've said because it is so dramatic to them. That's when you stop and you ask them to elaborate. Okay? So in moderating, Don't get in the habit of you're just showing up and you're going to go through the actions of moderating to the agenda. A true advanced moderator moderates to the moment in the room that is unplanned and current. You can never plan your moderating to the true extent. You can plan your agenda. But you cannot plan how you moderate through it because you have to consistently and constantly read the room of your members and what their needs are. And that's what we're talking about here. It is a hard job. You should be exhausted at the end of a meeting when you're moderating, because if you're doing it right, you will be exhausted mentally. If you still have a bunch of energy and you're like, woohoo, whatever, I guarantee you did not moderate well. You facilitated a meeting, but you did not moderate. So I'm gonna ask you to do self-reflection on that, because truly moderating is hard, hard work, and it's being aware of your members' needs, everyone in the room at the same time as every statement is made. So here you have a chance on the front end that if you have to stop and get more, you at least then can plan the rest of the meeting. Because what if it is something that needs to be discussed? So for real, not that long ago, had a member said they were embezzled. They didn't have the details or whatever, but you know what, that was something that needed to be put on the table and talked about and kind of semi-processed like a COPE, because the member needed to kind of get an idea of, well, what do I do next? What do I need to do next? How do I manage my emotions? How do I manage the team? How do I manage, um, you know, my ill feelings against this particular, you know, team member that embezzled? You know, I'm in business with my brother. I have to manage that dynamic. All of this, my accountant, the whole nine yards. So it actually something they weren't wanting and didn't feel like they needed to talk about, they actually did. And that is because The moderator stopped and had them elaborate. It made all the difference in the world for that member and something extremely important to the health of the business and themselves personally. A world of difference in bonding with the rest of the group because everybody stepped up. They really, really wanted to help that member.

They felt terrible.

They wanted to be supportive. And it wasn't just supportive on that one day. It was supportive every single week thereafter until the next meeting. And that brings your groups together in ways you can't manufacture. It's not like you created a bonding exercise. So again, in moderating, you have to look for those opportunities to capture those moments that actually escalate your group through the vulnerability stage. So that is why and what to look for that when in the very beginning of the meeting that you feel like you got to get through this part quickly is there are times when you should not get part— get through that part quickly and really listen and observe when you need to stop and have somebody elaborate on something and discern if it's right then, or if you get through everyone and then you go back and say, for example, Sally, I heard you say that you were excited. Can you just elaborate a little bit on why? What's causing that excitement? So your takeaways today are literally, I hope, in moderating, really paying attention to when you need to stop and pivot and have a member just dive a little bit more deeper into why they're saying what they're saying. And that moderating isn't about facilitating a meeting. It's its own skill set that requires more than facilitation. So with today's episode, I hope that helps. We're going to talk a lot more about moderating, and because the number one reason a member leaves is usually because you're not moderating well, because they're frustrated because you might have skipped over them when they needed to talk and they didn't feel like they could interrupt and have that opportunity. They might be frustrated because somebody else needed to. They might be frustrated because of this, because of that, because you're not moderating. You're not taking control silently of a value-packed meeting. All right, until next week's episode, thank you for today being here and listening, and for your own development, your personal development, and being the best that you can be. And drop me a note if there's any topic you would love for me to talk about or get a guest to talk about, because I'll be on it and we will do that. Because I'm sure if you have that question, so many others do. So until next week, go make it happen.

Hello listeners, and this is a quick promo because we have our national conference, Live Exchange 2024, coming up in October in St. Petersburg, Florida. One day you can attend for a mere $500 and interact with your peers, others that are running groups, network with them, find out best practices, all those challenges that you're having, get insights that can help you personally. In addition to hearing a phenomenal list of speakers, I will open up that day with some insights in regards to moderating, and it will turn it over Vern Harnish, who, if you do not know him, you know, he's the one who founded Entrepreneur Organization. He understands peer groups extremely well, and he runs Scaling Up. You will take away phenomenal information that will help you run your groups, not only to scale your own practice but to help your business owners in those groups with the content Vern is going to share. You will You will also hear on two other subjects, one about the importance of preparing your members for exiting the business, whatever that transition may be, and how do you do that. You will also hear about making change.

How do you manage change?

How do you facilitate change, which is required in today's environment? Again, content you're going to be able to take back to your groups and use yourself. And last, we're gonna end it with Horse Soldier and 12 Strong. So if you don't know that story, that is the 12 soldiers that went into Afghanistan on horseback prior to us invading Afghanistan. You will hear their story about leadership and how they have transitioned that into a phenomenally successful successful bourbon brand called Horse Soldier, and you will hear how they have scaled that business. And we will end the conference with bourbon tasting. Again, a very packed day. I encourage all of you, if you are serious about your own personal development, I will see you and I will love to meet you personally October 18th in St. Petersburg, Florida. Go to our website and you can get all the details, see the details of the agenda, and register.

Thank you everyone for listening to another episode of Mastermind Mastery.

And to get access to today's episodes, not only the show notes but any tools and resources, encourage you to— not only will you find them in the episode show notes, but also you can go to the website www.lxcouncil.com. So lx counsel.com, and you will find a plethora of articles and content and tools and resources and worksheets and things like that that can be helpful to you in creating and running successful PACs. I want to leave you with one thing that we end and teach to do in every single meeting, and that is the very last thing is to ask, what is your takeaway from today's episode? I encourage you to give that thought. Take advantage of the time you just invested in listening to the episode, and what can you do to move one step closer to the vision that you have and the goals that you're trying to achieve with your groups?

So again, take a step back.

What's your key takeaways? What can you actually act on. And I leave this with one note, and those of you that have read my book, Your Seat at the Table, you know that I ended the book with a story about my mentor.

He always, when he met people, had a pebble in his pocket that he passed to them when there was knowledge shared.

And so I ask you today to think about that pebble concept and to pass what you learned today on to someone else, which could be your members, or take it internally to yourself and act on it. So now go do something with those takeaways.