In a sarcastic, impassioned monologue, a Canadian commentator rebuffs an American for‑profit healthcare firm that emailed him about consulting on entering the Canadian market. He mocks the company’s request, outlines a tongue‑in‑cheek “process” that includes filing a fictitious GFY‑69 form, selling all assets, and mailing the proceeds to the Minister of Health. He then cites a recent international study linking higher privatization to increased mortality, the LifeLabs data breach affecting 15 million Canadians, and a British Columbia injunction against Telus for violating the Medicare Protection Act. He argues that private clinics would exacerbate existing problems like long waitlists and doctor shortages, serving only wealthy shareholders rather than Canadians. The speaker urges viewers to report any private intrusion to their provincial health ministries, dismisses the company’s overtures, and ends with a personal jab about his wife Jocelyn’s wall‑art gift, underscoring his contempt for the proposal.
Chapters
I got an email this week from a private American healthcare company wanting to hire me to consult with them on how to enter the Canadian market. First of all, fire your intern, okay? Did she not watch any of my videos? I hate companies like you. Private interference in our public healthcare system? I hate it almost as much as I hate airport Tim Hortons, and that is saying something. But I am Canadian, so I do feel obligated to tell you the process anyway. First, there is a government form for this. It's the GFY-69. Second, you're going to have to sell All of your company assets. Everything. Your real estate, your desks, those weird motivational posters your CEO bought during his "Crush the Quarter" phase. Now take all of your precious freedom dollars you've made from those sales and sh— mail them to the Minister of Health with a nice note asking her to invest them in our hospitals. Look, when private companies enter a public health system, bad things happen. A new international study published last month found the more privatized a country's healthcare system is, the higher the mortality rate. More money equals faster deaths. LifeLabs, a private American company, had a security breach that exposed the personal health information of nearly 15 million Canadians. Their names, their addresses, their health card numbers, some of their lab test results, and then they tried to block the public release of the investigation report because of course they did. 2 years ago, BC filed an injunction against Telus alleging it was breaking the Medicare Protection Act by charging patients for access to doctors. It's illegal under that law to charge for primary care services. Look, the biggest complaint that Canadians have about the public health system is that they can't find a doctor and waitlists are long. Letting for-profit clinics into our system will make this worse for all but the wealthiest, drawing staff and resources out of the public system. Our public health system in this country was not built for profit or even speed. It was built forever. For everyone. These companies will keep pushing, pressing into every gap in the law they can find, because their fiduciary duty is not to you or any other Canadian. It is to a small circle of wealthy American shareholders. We should never forget that. The smiling nurses in their ads does not change who they answer to. Private interference in a public healthcare system is a cancer that feeds on your complacency, So keep your eyes open. Report private intrusion to your provincial health ministry. And as for the company that emailed me, you know, maybe stay where you are. Get new offices. Start a different business, like, I don't know, a congressional wellness spa where senators relax in hot tubs full of lobbyist money. And once you get that new office, my wife Jocelyn has been working on a present for you. Some wall art, in case you ever decide to come here and try that shit again. Thank you.
