Tod Maffin responds to viewers convinced a hook in his merch video is sexual by explaining it's just a CPAP hose hanger for his sleep apnea. He riffs on Canadian stereotypes and jokes about an OnlyFans where he'd read human-rights legislation.
You people, honestly, I post one wholesome video about my merch store and suddenly everyone is zooming in like CSI: Nanaimo on the tiny hook by our bed and you're like, "Tod, is that, is that for—" No, it's for my CPAP mask, you perverted weirdos. My doctor prescribed me better airflow, not a safe word. Come on, if I were into that kind of thing, you think I would use a cheap-ass hook from Canadian Tire? Give me some credit. I'd have mood lighting and a themed playlist and— No, it's a literal hose hanger, okay? The only thing it restrains is my sleep apnea. If it screams anything, it screams dad bought this while picking up windshield washer fluid. I'm Canadian, how do you guys not know this? People joke about us wearing plaid pajamas to bed. I work from home. I wear them all day long. Ask our neighbors. I'm out walking the dog in flannel Canadian pajamas. But you know what, fine, let's lean in since your minds are clearly adventurous. Yes, I do wear a mask at night. Yes, there's a harness. There's tubing. Yes, there's a machine that hums softly while I sleep. I'm basically the most boring dominatrix that Canada has ever produced, and yet there are hundreds of people who took my joke seriously about starting an OnlyFans where I read Canadian human rights legislation verbatim and the money goes to charity. It is not a kink hook. It is not a pleasure pulley. It holds my CPAP hose, okay? Stop looking for symbols that aren't there. It's weird, man.
Is he using condoms for bum sex? No. Lisa, think. Yes.
Ten times Canada helped the U.S. with its wildfires, instead of whining about the smoke. 
