A comedic news parody where Trump imposes tariffs on Canadian goods based on Pantone colors: 75% on aluminum, 150% on anything yellow or brown, with bizarre exemptions for hairpieces and erectile-dysfunction medication if Canada renames maple syrup to tree juice.
Sorry to interrupt, I have some breaking news. Supreme and glorious leader Chairman Trump has announced a 100% tariff on everything in Canada. Americans will be paying double for anything they need from Canada like aluminum or lumber or— I'm sorry, I'm hearing now it's been reduced to 75% for aluminum, but anything yellow will be 150%. Bananas, school buses, the sun if it ever returns. Yes? Yellow has been dropped, it is now brown. Anything and anyone brown— yes, sorry, again? We are hearing there is a new a new exemption for hairpieces, bone spur treatment, and erectile dysfunction medication, but only on condition that Canada agrees to start exporting maple syrup under the name tree juice to help cut down the number of syllables. Yes, go ahead. Okay, lumber we have to now call wood sticks from now on, and aluminum is just to be called shiny metal, and all snack food like chips must be labeled as salad. We are going to a live interview now with the ambassador to Canada, Chucklehead. I'm sorry to interrupt that, but there is another update. The tariff on brown things has been postponed for minutes while officials look into whether Canada is a country or a continent. Apparently there's some confusion. More tonight at 11:00, 11:30 in Lethbridge.
Ten times Canada helped the U.S. with its wildfires, instead of whining about the smoke. 
