Canadian Insults — PART 2

Canadian insults part 2, and if you are not Canadian, you are going to think that I'm making up the last one, but I promise it's real. We start with nimrod. This is technically not ours. It became an insult when Bugs Bunny used it. In Canada though, nimrod is like the guy who tries to fix the barbecue with duct tape while it's still on. You don't hate a nimrod. You just don't let him near your power tools. Then there's jagoff. Now jagoff is not stupid. He is smug and stupid. He's the guy who tailgates you doing 130 on the 401 and then gets stuck behind a snowplow and blames you. A jagoff thinks the middle finger is a love language. And there's doofus. Doofus is old school. It's someone who, like, means well, but should not be left unsupervised with electronics or open flame or opinions. Doofus is a word you say with a sigh in Canada, like with pity. Like, ah, poor doofus tried to use the Keurig with the chocolate milk again. Numnuts is my personal favorite. It has everything. It is efficient. It is anatomical. It's just graphic enough to make a point. A numbnuts does not think before they act or speak. A numbnuts is the kind of guy who says, "I'm Canadian, I don't need a jacket," and then ends up a cautionary tale on the CBC. And now we arrive at the final insult. And I promise you, Canadians use this. I'm not making this up. Douche canoe. Pure Canadian elegance. A douche canoe brings an acoustic guitar to the campfire and then insists on playing Wonderwall. And he says things like, like, "You know, I think Trudeau had some good ideas, but—" and that's basically where you just stop listening and pass him a marshmallow skewer to chew on. That is the real joy of Canadian insults. They are layered. They don't just call you dumb, they paint a portrait of your dumbness. So which ones did I miss? And follow for part 3.

Douche Canoe. For men paddling up the stream of life, leave your scent on the world.