A person spends a night at a sleep clinic wired with sensors: nose and mouth monitors, a finger pulse-oximeter, and electrodes. The 45-minute setup felt cramped and uncomfortable, the finger monitor made sleeping impossible, and they woke at 5:30 AM rating the whole thing a 2 out of 10.
Chapters
Come with me as I go to a sleep test that my doctor has ordered me to do because of reasons. Here's what I think is gonna happen. I know that they put electrodes on my brain and around my chest and everything. They have warned me in no uncertain terms that I am not allowed to look at my phone, but I have a way that I think I can sneak it in because I listen to a podcast when I go to bed at night. So anyway, I am a little nervous about it, but we'll see.
Okay, so this is the room. That's going to be a fold-down bed. Apparently in a few minutes they're going to be hooking me all up to this stuff. That should be not fun at all. Some forms to fill out, and they're watching me. I just went to the bathroom.
Low-key, this place is like a discount swinger convention. There's people wandering through in like, like tattered sleep garments, myself included.
I just found out we get woken up at 5:30 in the morning. Okay, I am wired up now. That took 45 minutes. I have not even seen what I look like because there is no mirror in here, so I'll be looking at myself at the screen, on the screen, at the same time you see me. And here we go. Oh my God.
Perfect. Now I'm gonna get you just to breathe through your nose, just through your nose.
I have a thing on my finger. I have this huge thing here. I have a button to, to call them. Um, the one up the nose measures nose breathing. This one that hangs down measures mouth breathing, I think. Not a fan. Anyway, I think they're shutting out light soon.
It's like rehab. I'll see you in the morning. Good morning. It wasn't as bad as I thought, actually. The worst part was that I usually like, kind of like, like to sleep with my right hand out to my side, and I couldn't because of the little finger pulse oximeter thing. Other than that, actually, it was a fine night. The bed was pretty comfortable. I was surprised by that. 5:30 in the morning didn't come as early as I— didn't feel as bad as I thought because I often have to get up that time anyway to go pee, so I don't know. I mean, I don't recommend it if, you know, like, don't do this recreationally, but it's not bad. Also, I have like little goopy things where the— I don't know if you can see, but I don't know how to get those out. But other than that, you know, 2 out of 10, do not recommend.
