Tod MaffinCanadian Commentator, From Far and Wide · Emotional Support Canadian

Fake Me Out to the Ball Game

21 Oct 2025 · 2 min

Watch on YouTube

1:33

In this single‑speaker comedic monologue, the narrator exuberantly proclaims unwavering loyalty to a mishmash of Canadian sports teams—Toronto Blue Jays, Maple Leafs, Raptors, Canucks, Argonauts, and Roughriders—while wildly conflating terminology from baseball, basketball, hockey, football and curling. The speaker boasts about “knowing” the teams will win championships like the Super Bowl and World Series, claims personal history as a lifelong fan, and humorously misapplies sport‑specific phrases (e.g., calling a baseball hit a 3‑pointer, describing a power play as an NBA attribute). The rant is delivered with over‑the‑top enthusiasm, self‑aware band‑wagon denial, and playful self‑deprecation, ultimately celebrating Canadian sports culture through absurd, hyperbolic praise.

Chapters

Ooh! What did I tell ya? I knew we'd win the championships, we'd go to the Super Bowl. Series. World Series, whatever, I knew it. The Jays are built different, you can tell. Every time they go for the 3-pointer, I just think, "Legends." Look, I'm not a bandwagon jumper, okay? I have been a fan since the early days, back when they played in this stadium with the roof thing. I was there every Spirit, every morning, every inning, every down, every touchdown. I've said the Jays have the best offense in the— or defense, or whichever one hits the ball. I even have a favourite player. You know who I'm talking about. Just the other night, that guy hit the thing, went so far, and I said to Jocelyn, "See? That is championship material right there." And she said, "You are watching curling." But it is not just the Blue Leafs. I am proud of all the Canadian teams. The Raptors with their slam dunks and penalty kills, and the Canucks who, despite what everyone says, have got the best power play in the NBA. The Argonauts, the way they wear the helmet things. Look, I know I don't seem like a sporty guy. People always say, "Do you watch the games?" Of course I watch the games. I've seen, whoo, so many. Like the famous one where they won by all the points. What a night, I stayed up till 10. Go Jays, go! And Raptors and Leafs and whatever sport the Roughriders play. We go to the Super Bowl. I knew we'd win the championships. I have to say Super Bowl. I was trying to get earlier.