Tod Maffin argues against a petition to ban profane flags, citing Pierre Trudeau's "fuddle-duddle" and the "Shit Harper Did" website as proof that swearing has driven Canadian politics and activism. He warns that banning offensive language sets a slippery slope toward silencing dissent, since what counts as offensive is subjective.
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Down this road, in my neighbourhood, is a street called Fuck Trudeau Lane. Okay, it's not really called that, but for the last year there's been a house that's been flying a flag with that very thing on it. And I've been in kind of an unspoken battle with those neighbours, who I think I met at Halloween and they're actually really nice. But the angrier their house gets, the more queer our house will get. I see your AI photo of Trudeau on a toilet and raise you 12 coloured floodlights on my pride flag. Checkmate, bitches. So of course I was interested to see this petition circulating this past week proposing a ban on hateful flags with swear words. A petition which I think is a terrible fucking idea. Some of this country's most entertaining political history comes from profanity. Much of it from the very Trudeaus that the flag down the street complains about. In 1971, then Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau got in hot water.
He mouthed two words, the first word of which started with F and the second period of which started with O.
Trudeau's explanation was weird.
Yes, I move my lips. In the words you've been quoted as saying? No. What were you thinking when you moved your lips? What is the nature of your thoughts, gentlemen, when you say fuddle-duddle or something like that? God, you guys.
Fast forward 40 years. His son, then an MP, gets chirpy during question period. Shh! Later, as Prime Minister, He swore again. His defense? "What is the nature of your thoughts, gentlemen, when you say you move your lips in a particular way?" "Oh!" Look, I am the most liberal, queer, godless, kale-munching, soy-latte-sipping, Marx-quoting, woketivist, pinko, commie menace to polite society you will ever meet. I believe in equality and inclusion and drag brunches. But I also believe that banning offensive language is a fast track to authoritarianism. What's offensive on a flag depends on who's reading it. Black Lives Matter offends racists. Love is love offends bigots. If we ban everything that someone finds offensive, we'll all be walking around in grey jumpsuits whispering only in compliments. And even then we'll need government approval. Look, dissent is meant to make us squirm. Free expression doesn't exist to protect our feelings, it exists to protect the right to yell when things feel broken. And sometimes that needs some fucking profanity. And look, I get it, parents, you don't want your kids seeing those flags, but let's be honest, they are hearing worse in school hallways before first period. We already have laws against actual harm, hate speech, threats, harassment. Enforce those. A swear word on a flag isn't violence, it's just a Sharpie and bad taste and too much time on your hands. Like it or not, the fact is that profanity has made a positive difference in this country. Back in 2011, a group of young comedians launched a website called Shit Harper Did, which actually got more views than Harper's actual election platform, and some analysts believe changed the election results. Or the Vancouver women whose mom's cancer diagnosis was the catalyst for creating the Fuck Cancer movement. It's raised millions. This petition is the slipperiest slope imaginable. Today it's "Fuck Carnie," tomorrow it's "Tax the rich." Once the rules are in place, they're going to be used by whoever's in charge. Do you really want to give a future Pierre Poilievre government a veto on what's offensive? Finally, and I actually think this is the most important, it makes us look like we can't handle grown-up democracy. We say we want community engagement and then the moment someone swears we call bylaw enforcement? Real democracy is messy and crude and loud. That's what makes it real. So I'm begging you. Don't sign that petition. Not because the flags are good, but because freedom is better. If we can't handle a little profanity in public, then the problem isn't the flags, The problem is us.
